01x02 - The Wheely Bird

[bunniefuu]

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, who's your
friend when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, can't
do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

♪ Once upon a summertime,
just a dream from yesterday ♪

♪ A boy and his
magic golden flute ♪

♪ Heard a boat
from off the bay ♪

♪ Come and play with me,
Jimmy come and play with me ♪

♪ And I will take you on a
trip far across the sea ♪

♪ But the boat belonged
to a kooky old witch ♪

♪ Who had in mind
the flute to snitch ♪

♪ From her Vroom
Broom in the sky ♪

♪ She watched her
plans materialize ♪

♪ She waved her wand, the
beautiful boat was gone ♪

♪ The skies grew dark,
the sea grew rough ♪

♪ And the boat sailed on and on
and on and on and on and on ♪

♪ But Pufnstuf
was watching too ♪

♪ And knew exactly what to do ♪

♪ He saw the witch's
boat att*ck ♪

♪ And as the boy
was fighting back ♪

♪ He called his rescue racer
crew as often they'd rehearsed ♪

♪ And off to save
the boy they flew ♪

- [Speaker] But who
would get there first?

♪ But now the boy
had washed ashore ♪

♪ Puff arrived to save the day ♪

♪ Which made the witch
so mad and sore ♪

♪ She shook her fist
and screamed away ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, who's your
friend when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, can't
do a little cause
he can't do enough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, who's your
friend when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, can't
do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

- [Group] Make candy, not w*r.

Make candy, not w*r.

Make candy, not w*r.

- [Speaker] Out with dentists.

- [Speaker] Candy see, work no.

- [Group] Make candy, not w*r.

- Hi Jimmy, see?

The beast's in trouble
at the candy shop.

- Make candy, not w*r?

Say, that's a great idea.

- Yeah, but down with dentists?

Why that's downright
revolutionary.

- Mr. Mayor, you
must do something.

These pickets wanna
steel my candy.

- I'll talk to 'em.

Hold it you, ants, this
is your mayor speaking.

- Hi Mayor, when did
you get back in town?

- Tell it like it is, Mayor.

- We just wanna
do our own thing.

- And what is your own thing?

- Nothin', we wanna do nothin'.

- No, no, if you do
nothin', you get nothin'.

If you want candy,
you must work for it.

No one gets anything
without working for it.

Understand?

- Oh, I don't know.
- What do you think?

- I don't know, I don't
know, I really don't know.

I don't know.
[bell rings]

- Come on, Witch's proclamation,
witch's proclamation.

- Why, now what?

[Freddy shrieks]
- Don't worry, Freddy,

maybe it has nothing
to do with us.

- Just the mention of her name

sends shivers up my spine, whoa!

[bell ringing]

- Well stop ringing
and read it already!

- Hear ye, hear ye,

let it be known to all
residents of Living Island

that Jimmy and his golden
flute are wanted by the witch,

or else.

- [Group] Or else?

- Or else! [cackling]

[broom swooshes]

- [Freddy] Jimmy, I'm scared.

- We can't wait
any longer, Jimmy,

we must get you and Freddy
off this island immediately.

- I wonder why the
witch was mad at us.

We didn't even do anything.

- Oh it's not you she
wants, Jimmy, it's me.

Oh why couldn't I have
been just a plain,

ordinary, wooden flute
like all the others?

- I'm afraid Freddy is
right, the witch wants him.

- I won't give up Freddy,
not even if it means my life.

- [Freddy] If I gave myself up,

would the witch let Jimmy go?

- No chance, Freddy,
you're my pal

and we've gotta find a way off
this island, the two of us.

- No more talk, action
is what's called for.

We must get to Dr. Blinky's
and see if he can help us.

Hurry, Jimmy, hurry.

[group chattering]

- Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Wait a minute!
[audience laughs]

[Witchiepoo cackling]

- They're going to Dr. Blinky's,
as if he can help them.

They are doomed,
doomed. [cackling]

Look, there's Freddy
Flute in the boy's pocket.

See how he glitters
and sparkles?

I must have him.

- Oh, how are you going to
get him, oh Queen of Darkness?

- With my magic wand, of
course, you peculiar pigeon.

Now we're going to see the
real magic around here.

- Please, be careful how
you wave that wand around.

- Well, I'm all warmed up,
here goes a practice try.

Hey, I think I'll
make that table float.

Watch, Orson.
[expl*si*n blasts]

[light clanks]
[Orson groans]

Hm, can't understand
what went wrong.

I've just got to call
in a wand repair man.

- Oh, oh, my head, it feels
like it's going to pop.

Oh, why me?

Oh why does everything
happen to me?

- Hey Witchiepoo look,

the flute is climbing
out of the boy's pocket!

- Hey, let me see!

[gasps] He is climbing
out of Jimmy's pocket.

How delicious.

Now I know I'll get him.

Oh joy! [cackles]

- I just gotta get myself up
to the witch to save Jimmy,

I just gotta, I just gotta.

- He's entering my forest!

I've got him, I've got him,
I've got the golden flute!

[energetic joyful music]
[group humming]

- Oh, stop it, please,
all my dances are taken.

Stop it, you're making
me lose my feathers.

- Who cares, I'll
find you new ones.

Come on, Seymour,
let's swing it.

[Witchiepoo humming]
[energetic joyful music]

He's mine, all mine!

[cheery upbeat music]

♪ How lucky I am,
how lucky I am ♪

♪ To have someone like you ♪

♪ Someone I know is
gonna be my friend ♪

♪ From the beginning
right to the end ♪

♪ How lucky, lucky, lucky I am ♪

♪ In this whole
world of people ♪

♪ Who can't get
along with people ♪

♪ I picked myself a people
and what have I got ♪

♪ A jackpot ♪

♪ How lucky I am,
how lucky I am ♪

♪ No matter what we do ♪

♪ When we're together,
all far or far ♪

♪ Always together
inside the heart ♪

♪ Oh yes, I quite agree ♪

♪ There's no one luckier
than you and me ♪

♪ And Freddy makes three ♪

[playful music]

- He's gone, Freddy's gone!

- Oh fudge, maybe he
fell out of your pocket.

- If he did, he
would've called me.

Freddy!

Freddy!

- Let's go back and look
for him, hurry, quick.

- Excuse me Mr. Tree,
have you seen Freddy?

Have you seen Freddy?

Excuse me, ma'am,
have you seen Freddy?

[playful music]

[dramatic foreboding music]

- Well look whose here,
a worm with holes in it.

- I'm not a worm, I'm a flute!

- Okay, so you're a wormy flute.

[group laughs]

- Who ever heard
of a talking flute?

It's a trick.
What do you think, Horace?

- I think that I shall never see

a tree that is as
mean as me. [growls]

- You're a nut.

- Of course, I'm a nut tree.

[group laughs]

- [laughing] Oh, I've got
the little dickens now.

[machine whirring]
[ringing]

Calling all evil trees, calling
all evil trees, come in.

This is your gorgeous leader.

- Evil trees to gorgeous
leader, we read you.

What is your command?

- I want that flute, grab him.

- [Freddy] Oh no
no, let me go, oh!

- Nice work, Elroy.

- Mission accomplished,
oh gorgeous leader.

- Well done, trees.

Take two squirrels out
of petty cash. [cackles]

Now bring him to the castle.

That is all.
- Roger.

- Witchiepoo-
- Over and out.

- We've searched
everywhere, just everywhere.

- But there's no sign of Freddy.

- Who?

- Freddy, Freddy Flute.

- Who?
- Freddy!

- I know that, I'm an owl,
that's the way owls think.

I'm sorry, Jimmy, but I'm
afraid there's only one answer,

the witch has got him.

- Well what are we gonna do?

- Think, Dr. Blinky, think.

- I'm thinking, I'm
thinking. [muttering]

- Shh, let's have a little
less noise, we're thinking too.

- Say Doc, why don't you use
that crazy thing you built?

- You mean my wheelie bird?

- Right, why don't you use it
like they do in Charlie Book?

- Waxy means my story, called
"The Trojan Horse," page 37.

- Hey, I remember that story,

all the good guys hid
in a wooden horse.

- Correct, and when the wooden
horse got inside the castle,

they all came out and
captured the enemy.

Nice going, staff,
thanks everybody!

- [Group] You're
welcome, Dr. Blinky.

- Let's go, hurry, hurry!

[pattering footsteps]
[audience laughs]

- I've gotta come over
and read you some night.

- Any time, Mayor.

- Is that the whirlybird?
- In person. [laughs]

Come on, I'll show you
what it looks like.

It's the most fabulous
invention you ever saw.

Wait 'til you see how it works.

[door creaks]

- Cling and Clang, what
are you doin' in there?

Come out this instant.

- It's all right, I
let them play in there.

- I sure hope they
didn't break anything.

- Oh no, they're nice boys.

Say, they can go along and
help with the peddling.

- Good idea, we need
all the help we can get

once we get inside
the witch's castle.

- We've gotta rescue Freddy.

You boys wanna rescue Freddy?

Do you wanna volunteer?

You do?
Good, they just volunteered.

- Let's go, Pufnstuf,
thanks a lot, Dr. Blinky.

- Goodbye, bon voyage,
and happy witch hunting.

Good luck, oh!

All set, start peddling.

[audience laughs]

All right, go birdy, charge!

[house gearing up to sneeze]

- Oh, oh no no, oh no.

[house gearing up to sneeze]

[house sneezes]
[whistle shrieks]

- We're off!

- Just watch where you're going.

Remember, you don't have
a bird driving license.

- Bye!

Oh what a wonderful sneeze.

Thanks for helping.

For that, I owe you one
house call. [laughs]

[playful music]
[audience laughing]

- Hey fellas, look at that.

- What is it?

- It's a bird on wheels.

- It's a wheelie bird.
What do you think?

- I think that I shall never see

a wheelie bird as
pretty as me. [laughs]

- Oh shut up.

[playful carefree music]

- [gasps] My word, what
a beautiful bird, oh.

- What do we do now?

- I don't know, just
sit and wait, I guess.

[door clattering]

- Orson's coming.

- Shh, maybe we can get him
to lead us into the castle.

And you two be quiet,
and I mean quiet.

- Hi there, Sugar, my
you're a pretty vulture.

Oh oh oh.

- Oh boy, he's getting
friendly, what do we do?

- Shh, we'll have to
go along with him.

[Pufnstuf giggles]

- [laughs] Say, gorgeous,
I've got a great idea.

Would you like to
come into the castle

and see my dominoes? [laughs]

[Pufnstuf giggling]
[Orson laughing]

Oh you little devil,

or would you prefer a
hot game of tiddlywinks?

Oh, I'm with you, how
about a little kissypoo?

- [Pufnstuf] Oh. [giggles]

Oh. [giggles]

- Oh goodness, you
delectable creature.

Oh, I love you, you
are mine forever.

- You're good, he's
falling in love with us.

- That's his problem.

If we're gonna save Freddy,
we've gotta get into the castle.

- Come on, let's go inside
where it's cozy and warm.

- [Pufnstuf] Oh. [giggles]

[Orson laughing]
[Pufnstuf giggling]

- What, he's taking us
into the witch's castle.

- Oh, isn't she scrumptious?

- We're in.

- Now, how do we get
rid of our boyfriend?

- I've got an idea.

- Well here we are, my dumpling.

How about another
little kissypoo?

[playful music]
Oh!

What a kisser, what a kisser!

Oh, oh, [muttering]

[door creaks]
[playful music]

[quiet foreboding music]
- Shh!

Shh!
[quiet foreboding music]

You go to the left,
I'll go to the right.

Cling and Clang, you
go straight ahead.

We must find Freddy.

Scatter.

- Now boys, boys, stop that.

Cut it out, be brave.
Courage, courage, let's go.

Come on.

[Orson muttering]
[machine clatters]

- [grunting] Why, what happened?

Where am I?

Oh my goodness, oh, oh my
darling, my angel, speak to me!

Say something, oh my love,

my love, I've
kissed her to death.

[gentle otherworldly music]
[witch murmuring]

- Oh. [laughs]

[witch murmuring]
[gentle otherworldly music]

Oh, you're gorgeous, beautiful!

[shrieks] Look,
diamond freckles.

And you're mine, all mine.

- Now that you've got me,
will you let Jimmy go home?

[Witchiepoo cackling]

- No, why should I?

I didn't become a witch by
being Charlie Nice Guy. [laughs]

- Look, Chiefy, look,
strangers in the castle,

strangers in the castle!

- It's the boy, trying
to rescue the flute!

But they're fooling
with the wrong witch.

Guards, guards!

- [Freddy] Oh no,
why did he do it?

- Lock the drawbridge,
lock the doors!

Seymour, go get them and
bring them back here.

I've got them all,
I've hit the jackpot!

[audience laughs]
[gentle dramatic music]

[playful music]
[audience laughs]

[gentle dramatic music]
[audience laughing]

- I gotcha!
Hey, come back!

- They'll never get
you back, never.

Just to make sure, I'm
going to hypnotize you.

- No, I won't let
you, I won't let you!

- Sleep!

Now repeat after
me, shout "Jimmy."

- Jimmy.

- Where's Pufnstuf?

- [Freddy] Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!

- Freddy's in there.

We'll have to go
inside without Puff.

When I say three, we'll
break the door down.

One,

two,

three.
- Hold it.

Wait a minute, I didn't
do anything to you fellas.

- [Freddy] Help
me, Jimmy, help me!

- You're just another one
of the witch's tricks.

Let's go, boys.

[playful music]
- No, no, no!

- Freddy?

Freddy?

- Is this what
you're looking for?

- Freddy, what are
you doing to him?

- Stop, know my
wrath, know my rage,

you are now trapped in a cage!

[expl*si*n blasts]

I've got you, now you're
in my power, all of you.

Oh, this has got to make me
witch of the year. [laughs]

[witch singing joyfully]
- Let us out!

What did we ever do to you?
Let us out, please.

- Witch, what happened?

I'm gone for 10 minutes
and you rent out my cage.

[Witchiepoo cackles]

- [mutters] You silly sparrow,

I not only have the flute
but I captured the boy too.

- Imagine, fooling
around with love.

- Hold it, hold it, I'll
take care of you later,

you cockamamie Casanova.

Where is your fair weathered
friend, Pufnstuf, eh?

He can't help you now.

Orson, Seymour, take
them to the dungeon!

- No, please wait, Miss Witch.

- How dare you call
me by my first name!

How dare you, take them away!

[playful music]
What happened, my wand?

It's gone!

- Oh no it isn't, Witchiepoo,
it's right up here.

- You can't do this to me!

My magic is gone
without my wand.

I'll report you to
the witch's union!

That's my wand give it back.

- Stop, I order you to stop!

- Don't point that thing
at me, it's loaded!

- Nice work, Pufnstuf.

- Come on out, Jimmy,
I've got it covered.

[expl*si*n blasts]

[lock clanking]

- Puff, she's
escaping with Freddy!

- Stop, stop!

Okay, you're asking for it.
[expl*si*n blasts]

- [Together] Look at
what you did, you moron,

you split me in two.

- [Pufnstuf] Would you
like to try for four?

- You all right, Freddy?
- What, where am I?

What happened?

- Well tell you later.

Let's go, Cling
and Clang, hurry.

- [Together] Look
at me, look at me,

what am I supposed to do?

- I've got an idea, just pull
yourself together. [laughs]

- [Together] I'm two witches,

that means you've got
twice as much trouble.

- Yeah, twice as much trouble.

- [Together] I'll get
him, I'll get him.

[chaos ensues]
[group chattering]

- Come on, boys, hurry,
let's get outta here, hurry!

[group chattering]
[dramatic music]

♪ How lucky I am, how lucky
I am, no matter what we do ♪

♪ When we're together,
all far or far ♪

♪ Always together
inside your heart ♪

♪ Oh yes, I quite agree ♪

♪ There's no one luckier
than you and me ♪

♪ And Freddy makes three ♪

[cheerful upbeat music]

♪ I've got, you've
got, everybody's got ♪

♪ Someone who cares, by
the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Where do you go when
things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, well
he can't do a little ♪

♪ 'Cause he can't do enough ♪

- See you next week!

- I sure hope so.
[audience applauds]

[playful cheery music]