03x13 - Armed and Dangerous

[bunniefuu]

Hey!
What are you doing?

Looking for my phone.

Perhaps you haven't heard,
I'm bionic now.

Put that down and be...

Gentle!

Look, I know
that bionic arm is fun,

but you can't just use it
whenever you want.

Oh, but it's okay when you
need a pickle jar opened?

That was an emergency.

You can't have a tuna sandwich

without a nice Kosher dill.

Having that arm
is a huge responsibility,

which I thought
you could handle.

We finally got the government
on our side.

Do you know what would happen

if they found out
there was a fourth bionic kid?

It'd be an even number.

I imagine they'd be happy.

Or they would take you away
and lock me up.

And I can't go back to prison.

There was a farewell party,

I gave a speech
and it'd just be awkward.

Okay, I get it.

I'll only use my arm
when it's absolutely necessary.

Good.

[ Fly buzzing ]

You know, technically
that was the fly's fault.

ANNOUNCER: The world's
first bionic super humans,

they're stronger than us,
faster, smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?

[ Students chattering ]

[ clears throat ]

Students of Mission Creek,

please welcome your bionic
super humans!

[ Cheers and applause ]

And our trusty
little mascot Chase.

Now that I'm in charge
of the bionic team,

I'm gonna be taking them
to a whole new level.

Believe me, you're going to be
seeing a lot more of us.

Wow, this is amazing.

It's like we're celebrities.

We are.

And this is just the beginning.

I can't believe
that people are so shallow,

they only like us
because we're bionic.

This is awesome!

There you go.

One autographed
forehead for Pam.

Hey, Janelle.

Hi, Leo.

Oh, hey, Adam!

Can you help me
with my science fair project?

Probably not,
but I'll give it a sh*t.

My project is about you.

Him?

Why him?

Because his bionics
are the most impressive.

Can you tell me how they work?

Uh, yeah, I have a bionic chip
in the back of my neck

that lets me do stuff,
uh, bionically.

I was kind of hoping for a more
detailed explanation.

I was, too.

[ School bell ringing ]

You know, I'm more
of a visual explainer,

so maybe we can
meet up after school

and I can use my eyes
to blow stuff up.

Awesome.
Cool.

I'm gonna show you something,

but you have to promise
not to tell anyone.

A calculator watch?

No, not that.

I have bionics!

You?

Really?

Yes, me.

I have a bionic arm.

Behold!

Ha!

Okay. It probably
just needs to warm up.

Okay.

Ha!

Dah!

That's adorable, Leo.

I'd love to stick around,

but I have to
super speed off to class.

Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

No, don't get up.
I got it.

What's so funny?

Oh, nothing.

Agent Graham said the most
amazing piece of technology

in the whole lab is your hair.

Ha-ha. Hysterical.

You're 15 minutes late
for training.

Actually, their training's
been put on hold

until further notice.

Didn't you read the memo?

Oh, that's right.

You're not on the memo list.

They need their training
to maintain their bionics,

not to mention their missions...

Yes, but right now
the most important mission

is getting our faces out there.

That's why we're going on
an international press tour.

Wait, no training
and we get to travel?

Oh, can we go to Paris?

Only after we go to London.

Yes!

Look, I know we kind of
got off on the wrong foot

with the whole
"me arresting you" thing.

Hey, just tell me
we're going to Des Moines

and all is forgiven.

Then I guess
we're going to Des Moines.

Yes! I love being
owned by the government.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Guys, this is completely
irresponsible.

Mr. Davenport, we've been
training our whole lives.

Don't we deserve
just a little bit of fun?

I think you do.

I also think you deserve
a little thanks

for all you've done for mankind.

Don't you agree,
Mr. Davenport?

Yes, of course, I do.

But, Chase, tell him
how important training is.

Well, Mr. Davenport
does have a point.

I can show you where they keep
Einstein's brain.

Training schmaning.

Go pack your gear.

Wheels up to New York
in 15 minutes.

Ah, New York.

The Des Moines of the East.

This is insane.

You're not qualified
to lead them.

You don't even understand

how their bionic
infrastructure works.

And I really don't care.

How many times
do I have to tell you

to stay out of my way?

Fine, I get it.

You're in charge.

But I'm not gonna stop being
involved in their lives.

Oh, don't worry.

There's still plenty
for you to do.

We'll call you
our Mission Specialist.

Mission Specialist?

That's like being an intern.

I mean, Leo is our
Mission Specialist.

Then you can be his assistant.

And since
he's not here right now,

you have the honor of
going on a smoothie run.

Seriously?

I'm a world renowned scientist

and you're gonna send me
on a smoothie run?

You're right.

That was inappropriate.

You better clear it
with your supervisor Leo.

Douglas, something's wrong
with my bionics.

They're not working.

I know.
I turned them off.

You what?

Turn them back on
or you will lead a sad

pickle-free existence.

When I implanted your bionics,

I installed a remote
deactivation feature

so I can make sure
you don't get into any trouble.

But I promised you
I wouldn't use them.

You didn't trust me.

Did you use them?

Don't you change the subject!

Look, I didn't take them away.

I just deactivated them.

Think of it as bionic
training wheels.

I will take them off
when you have proven

you can responsibly ride
your bionic...

arm bike.

That was more painful
than the accident

that destroyed my arm.

Bottom line, from now on
I control your bionics.

Bottom line?

Oh, no, you don't.

Oh, hey, Mr. Davenport.

[ Clears throat ]

What happened to you?

Where have you been?
I've been calling for hours.

I didn't even notice you called.

We've been
too busy flying around

the country
doing meet and greets.

Yeah, we kissed a ton of babies.

Their heads are delicious.

Here it is.

Seventeen missed calls
and a text message

with a mission alert.

Well, how can
we help you yesterday?

I had to go by myself.

Oh, that's terrible.

You should've called us.

Ah, good news, team.

This weekend we're off to Paris.

All right.

Enough with the press tour.

They have important work to do.

Because of you they missed
a mission and people got hurt.

Well, that's unfortunate,

but they have
other priorities right now.

Oh, so getting your faces
in front of the camera is

more important
than saving lives.

We didn't say that.

It's just

things have changed.

Well, I'm glad we had


so you could do the weather
for AM San Diego.

That's tomorrow.

You know what?

I'm really disappointed
in you guys.

All our hard work

and all you care about is
being famous.

Mr. Davenport...

You know what?
Save it.

I thought
you guys were heroes...

but I guess I was wrong.

Wow.

Are we really doing
AM San Diego tomorrow?

Wow, we really messed up.

I know.

We got so caught up
in our own hype

that we completely
lost sight of who we are.

I can't stop tasting
baby shampoo.

There's my bionic team.

Agent Graham, we need to talk.

We're done
with your press tour. Okay?

We're going back to training
and focusing on missions.

Excuse me?

Mr. Davenport was right.

People need us.

Well, unfortunately,
he's not the boss anymore.

I am.

Why are you still
so caught up in this?

You already got your promotion.

At first, it was about
the promotion,

but now
that the world loves you,

there is no limit
to how far I can take this.

Well, we're done
with your dog and pony show.

Well, hold on.

Nobody said anything
about dogs and ponies.

Look, I don't have time
for this.

The White House
called this morning.

The President is making
a special trip to meet you.

Wait, the President
is coming here?

Today?

Yes.

And if you don't show him

that things are
running smoothly,

I will make sure you end up

in a warehouse sitting in cages

like the circus freaks you are.

Any questions?

Yes.

Will there be dogs and/or ponies
at said warehouse?

Hey, Janelle.
Need any help?

Sure, can you put this
over there for me?

I can think of a few places
I'd like to put this.

But why do you need
a fake bionic man

when you have the real thing
standing right in front of you?

This again?

Leo, I'm really busy.

I don't have time to talk

about your make-believe
bionic arm.

Okay.

Well, I've got something
that'll make you believe.

Did you just...

sh**t a laser sphere
out of my hand?

Yes, yes, I did.

Wow!

You really are bionic.

I told you.

Hey, check it out, rapid fire.

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

Janelle, look out!

[ Bell ringing ]

Are you okay?

Do I look okay?

Well, you look fine now.

It's the next few minutes
I'm worried about.

I don't care
if the President is coming.

I don't want any part of it.

Yeah, well, you were demoted
so you don't have a say.

He's here.

Everyone in position.

Mr. President,
welcome to the home

of the world's first
bionic superhumans.

It's an honor to meet you,
Mr. President.

I'm Chase...

Good tidings, my lordship.

You must be Adam.

And you must be disappointed.

I'm Bree.

Very nice to meet you.

I just wanted to thank you
for all the lives you've saved.

It was our honor, sir.

Okay, team, it's time to show

our Commander-in-Chief
how your bionics work.

Bree, you're up.

Absolutely, Agent Graham.

This is my super speed.

Whoa!

What's the matter with you?

I don't know.

I guess I've spent
so much time being a celebrity

instead of training
that I can't control my bionics.

Bree, would you stop
messing around?

The President is
standing right there.

I know the President is
standing right there.

Ahh.

[ Clears throat ]

Sorry about that, sir.

Mr. President,

how about I demonstrate
my molecular kinesis?

Sure.

Oopsie.

Graham, what is going on?

It's fine.

Everything's fine.

Adam, why don't you show
the President that thing

you do with your breath?

Oh.

Not that.

The big force thing.

Oh. You mean this?

Okay, that's enough.

Okay, that's enough!

His bionic breath must be stuck.

Davenport, do something!

Oh, look who finally
needs my help.

Don't worry, Mr. President.

I'm sure one of these buttons
will take care of everything.

No, no, no!

[ Screaming ]

Uh-oh.

PRESIDENT:
Get me out of here!

Nice going, Graham.

That's one way to get
noticed by your boss.

Smoothie?

[ Alarm ringing ]

Don't worry, Janelle.

I'll save you.

That's why I'm worried.

Cover your face.

You can stop spraying.

The fire is out.

I know, I was trying
to extinguish your rage.

You know, someday
we're gonna look back on this.

And I'll still be angry.

What just happened?

I'm sorry.

I just want you to like me
as much as you like Adam.

Leo, I like you
more than I like him,

which is strange because
you're always trying to k*ll me.

Yeah.

It's not funny yet.

I'm gonna go hose off.

Hey!

You swiped my remote!

Uh-oh.

Did you do this?

See, this is why
I can't trust you

with your bionics.

I'm sorry, I had to use them.

When Janelle
kept talking about Adam

I got jealous, so...

Oh, I get it.

This was all about a girl.

You were afraid
you were gonna lose her.

Oh, I've been there.

You have?

Not really.

Ladies love me.

So I guess
you're going to turn off

my bionics permanently now.

Tell you what,

as soon as
you clean up this mess,

I'll start training you

on how to use
your bionics properly.

Really?

Yeah.

I can't expect you to know
how to drive a car

when your bionic arm bike
still has the kickstand on.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, one more thing.

Would you please?

I haven't eaten all day.

So, uh, Mr. President,

anything else you'd like to see?

Yes.

Your qualifications
for this job.

Call Washington,

have them send a replacement
for this clown immediately.

What? No.

Mr. President,
we have a replacement.

Him.

The smoothie guy?

He is not the smoothie guy.

He's our father
and our real leader.

Agent Graham
doesn't care about our missions

or helping people.

He just wants
to make money off of us.

Is this true?

Sir, with all due respect,

we can't let a civilian control

the world's most
powerful weapons.

Weapons?

They're not weapons.

They're his children.

You're done, Graham.

Get him out of here.

But, Mr. President...

Wait.

I just want you to know,

we'll always have Des Moines.

Mr. Davenport,

the government owes you
an apology.

We had no right to come
between you and your family.

And, Mr. President,
we owe you an apology, too.

Our bionics
didn't really glitch.

We just had to expose Graham

and show you that
he wasn't qualified to lead us.

I figured something was up.

I've seen the footage
of your abilities.

They're quite impressive.

Listen, if you can
keep me briefed,

I see no reason

why you shouldn't
resume control here.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Yeah.

Oh, before I leave,
I need to do one more thing.

Bam!

Bionic selfie.

It's for my daughter.

Okay, Leo, this is
the expert training target.

You'll be lucky
to even make contact.

Triple bulls-eye?

You were saying?

Wow.

Good job.

A few more weeks

I just might feel
comfortable enough

to take off
your training wheels.

A few weeks?

You have to be cautious.

You never know
when you'll accidentally

lose control again.

You're right, Douglas.
Yeah.

An accident can happen
at any moment.

Ah!

Oops.