02x01 - Me and Rico Down by the Schoolyard

[bunniefuu]

♪ Speak about it,
make some noise ♪

♪ and sing ♪

♪ hey, hey ♪

♪ make some noise ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ hey, yeah ♪

Everyone starting school
on Monday,

let me hear y'all.
Make some noise!

Oh, come on.
Wrong noise, wrong noise.

We all got to do it,
so we might as well have fun.

How about we all
jump out of bed on Monday

and say, "yeah!"
Let me hear you say it!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

No. No.

Come on, mile.

Just jump out of bed and say,

"yeah, yeah, yeah!"

What are you doing?

Looking for the snooze button.

Oh, no. You don't
want to be late

for your first day
of high school.

Don't make me get
the water bucket.

You wouldn't.

Oh, yes, he would!

Whoo!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Junior boys!

Senior boys.

Can you believe it?

Yesterday, we were girls.

Today...

We're high school girls.

Breath.

Pits.

Boogies. Zits.

You're good.

You're...

Yow! Let's move
the ol' hat down.

Hey, bro.

Uh, junior, freshman.

No bro. Gotta go.

I can't walk around
like this all day.

I look like a sock puppet.

Do you have any cover-up?

You brought beary bear?

Put him back! I don't
want anybody to see him!

Then why did you bring him?

Because it's a big day.

I'm nervous, and...

He wanted to see the school.

Yeah, ok, well, he's seen it.

Now, would you
zip him back up, please?

Fine. Not all the way...

He's afraid of the dark.

Do you realize what
would happen to your rep

if people saw you
with that bear?

I can't imagine a more
horrible first day of high school.

I can. Look at this text.

"I know your secret."

Somebody knows
I'm Hannah Montana.

Come on.

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ hot styles, every shoe,
every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're famous ♪

♪ it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ it's really you ♪

♪ but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have thought
that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together ♪

♪ and you know that it's
the best of both worlds ♪

♪ ooh, wow, wow, wow ♪

What am I going to do?

I've tried so hard
to keep the secret.

This is going to ruin
everything!

You don't know that.

So one other person knows.

That doesn't mean they're
going to tell everyone at lunch.

Oh, no.

I'm getting another text.
What's it say?

I'm going to tell
everybody at lunch.

Wow. Creepy.

What's "mwa-ah-ah"?

I think it's more like...

In 2 hours,

any chance I have at being

a normal high
school girl is over.

Yeah, tell me about it.

If people find out you're...

Annah-hay ontana-may,

you won't be able
to go to any school.

Except maybe in the south pole,

completely cut off
from civilization,

where you'll eventually
go mad. Mad, I tell you.

Mad!

You put extra sugar
in your cereal

this morning, didn't you?

Yes, and now
the room is spinning.

Hello. Hey.

Hello.

Hey, again.

Whoa! This is a hoot!

What are we doing, eh?
Who are you?

Oh, I'm Thor, the new guy,
don't ya know?

Ok. Well, we'll see you
at the 25th reunion.

Uh, where are you goin'?

Those guys said you were
the welcoming committee.

Oh, I get it. See,
those are my friends.

They're just messing with you.

Real funny, guys.

Yeah, real mature.

Make fun of the new guy

and the short one.

Hey!

Don't you worry.

We don't need
those hockey pucks.

You know, you're right.

Hey! I'll race you
to the fourth floor!

Ok!

Hey, man, we don't
have a fourth floor.

Oops!

I have got to figure out
who this is.

I didn't tell anyone.

And you didn't tell anyone.

You didn't tell anyone, did you?

Of course not.

Who else could it be?

Hey!

What up?

How's it going? Hey.
Watch out there, ok?

What did you do?

Nothing. I've just
been working out

on the old bicep, tricep...

Oliver!

Forget the muscles, meatball.

You told someone
my secret, didn't you?

Didn't you? No, I swear!

And easy on the pecs!

They pop.

Oh, no. Incoming.

"Wondering what
you can do to stop me.

I have an idea."

Who is this?

I don't know.

Oh, I got it!

All we have to do is look
for the person texting.

That narrows it down
to everybody.

I love chemistry.

It's educational...

And delicious.

Can I get you some chocolate

and Graham crackers
to go with that?

Oh, yeah, that'd be...

Totally inappropriate.

Because I shouldn't
even be doing this...

Ok, people, let's stop
foolin' around.

Now lose the marshmallow,
Stewart.

Yes, ma'am.

Ohh!

Hot... hot, hot!

Really hot.

Hi, is this seat taken?

Uh, no, go for it.

I'm Jackson.

Hi, I'm Anne.

And I'm Thor.

His new best buddy.

And I was kinda hopin'
I could sit there.

No.

Oh, I get it. You like her.

He likes you.

Look at his face.

It's redder than a cow's
udder on a cold day.

'Course they're
pretty much always red,

what with all the
yankin', don't ya know.

Ugh...

Maybe you 2 should sit together,

and I'll sit... Anyplace else.

Uh, but, I have marshmallows.

You know, since she doesn't seem

to be interested in you,

you mind if, uh...

If I take a sh*t? Huh?

Huh?

Eh?

I bet they want something, like,

money or concert tickets.

If it was me,

I'd take your jewelry.

And your wardrobe.

And your shoes...

Oh, yeah, your shoes.

Turn around,

I'll give you one of
my shoes right now.

Sorry, I'm just trying

to get into the mind
of a criminal.

If you can understand them,

you can catch them.

And then what, Sherlock?

As long as they know my secret,

I'll have to do
whatever they want.

What kind of monster
would t*rture me like this?

Morning.

Let's welcome a special
young man to our class.

He skipped a couple of grades,

so he's a little younger.

And a lot smarter.

This is rico.

Hiya, toots, get my messages?

Don't worry, Mrs. Espinoza,

we'll take good care
of the new kid.

Ok.

All right, short stack,

how'd you find out?

Simple, you were careless,

and I had a camera phone.

Give me that phone or
you'll never make it to 4 feet.

Feel free
to pat me down, kitten,

but it's safe...

In my locker.

Step aside, squirt,

and let the locker
doctor operate.

Oh, yeah.

Wow, that's a really big
Jersey for such a little...

I didn't say that was my locker.

Hey, fresh-meat.

What are you doing
crammed inside my locker?

I'm not crammed insid...

My mom's a cop!

Ok, rico, you know my secret.

What's it gonna take
to shut you up?

You... as my girlfriend.

Say what?

Don't flatter yourself,
doll face.

This is strictly business.

I need some hall cred
in this place.

And you can help me get it.

Oh, so all he's lookin'
for is a little arm candy.

That...

And someone to reach
the top shelf of my locker.

Oh, you can totally do that.

Uh, you can totally shut up.

Of course, if you'd rather
I sent the picture

to everyone at school...

Miley, you have
to do what he says.

It's either that,
or your secret's out.

So far, high school stinks.

Yeah...

I remember
how I met my... woman.

I'd just come out of the ocean.

My skin was shining like...

Like...

What was it shining like,
love monkey?

A new penny in the
piggy bank of my heart.

What can I say?

She's crazy in love.

Cheese me.

Enough! Sorry.

I just got so lost in your eyes.

Your beady little eyes!

Secrets...

Right, please, forgive me.

Now go get daddy
a moist towelette.

And make it hot...

Like my Latin blood.

Of course, my little matador.

You know, bud,

you can always be home schooled.

No, daddy,

I want to go to school
like a normal kid.

What was I thinking?

Whoa, there you are.

I've got great news.

Unless it involves
a time machine

and rico's parents
never meeting...

I don't want to know.

Fine, then I won't tell you

that Oliver found rico's locker.

Great, that means we have
to go find rico's...

And, I'm gonna stop
talking now and follow you.

That would be nice.

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ my kids are all gone... ♪

♪ So I'm writin' this song ♪

♪ you'll think it's so sad ♪

♪ but you are so wrong ♪

♪ 'cause I can pick my nose
and nobody's there ♪

♪ I can dance around
in my underwear ♪

♪ aw, yeah ♪

I am never coming home
for lunch again.

Good, 'cause this is
my Robbie ray time.

Look, I didn't
plan on comin' home,

I just couldn't take it anymore.

Take what? Ok.

Some hick
from mooville, Minnesota,

decided that I'm
his new best buddy,

and now he won't leave me alone.

If I have to hear that
stupid accent one more time,

I'm gonna b*at
myself unconscious

with a "frozen trout,
don't ya know."

I seem to remember another new
kid that talked funny a few years ago,

they called him a hick, too.

Let's see, what was his name?

Packson?

Sackson?

Howdy, everybody, I'm Jackson.

I didn't know
there was a rodeo in town.

There's a rodeo in town?

Yee-doggies!

He was talkin'
about your get up.

Oh, you like it?

Well, then check this out.

Back home in Tennessee
that's what we call blang.

It's bling.

That's what I said, blang!

What a loser.

Ride 'em, cowboy.

Crackson... Shellackson...

Enough, dad,

I already had the flashback.

What I'm sayin', son,

if you think about
what happened to you,

you might wanna
cut this boy some slack.

But why is this my problem?

I mean, nobody
ever cut me a break.

If I had to tough it out,
then so can he.

And that's exactly
what I'm gonna tell him.

I know, but I was just
thinkin' if you would just...

Good day.

Son, I...

I said, "good day," daddy.

♪ Now Jackson is gone ♪

♪ and I am so happy ♪

♪ I think I'll
just head upstairs ♪

♪ and take me a nappy ♪

Good night, Malibu!

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪

♪ ah, ah, ah, ohh ♪

Oliver, how'd you find it?

Cunning, determination, and...

And it was the only locker

with a foot stool
in front of it.

Would it have k*lled you
to let me have this one?

Guys, please,

sometime before rico and I
honeymoon in hobbit town?

Ok, step aside, ladies,
the doctor is in.

What's with all the plants?

And that waterfall.

It's like a rainforest in there.

Who cares, can you
see the phone?

Yeah, it's right
next to that... monkey!

Hey, Max, have you seen Thor?

Yeah, he's in there.

I told him California girls

love guys who can
churn their own butter.

Hey, butter, butter,

butter, hey, butter,
butter, hey, butter,

butter, butter, churn!

Hey, butter, butter,
hey, butter, butter,

hey, butter, butter, churn!

Hey, butter, butter, hey!

Oh, man. I know,

this kid's dorkier than
that light up cowboy

from freshman year, remember?

Ha ha... Oh, wait,

that was you.

Hey, butter, butter, churn!

Hey, butter, butter...

Show's over, knock it off.

Oh, I can't, little buddy,

I'm in the zone!
Hey, butter, but...

Not you. You,

and you, and you!

All of you guys.

Just cut the dude a break.

It doesn't make you cool
to make fun of somebody,

it just makes you all jerks.

All Thor wants to do
is make some friends.

And butter!

You're not helping.

Now,

if you hockey pucks'll
excuse us,

me and my new best buddy
have some butter to churn.

Okey dokey, artichokey!

Hey, butter, butter, butter,

hey, butter, butter, butter,

hey, butter, butter, churn!

Whoa, slow down there, buddy,

you don't want to hit the air...

Bubble.

Sweet niblets.

I got butter in all my
nooks and crannies.

Ok.

I'll stall rico.

Oliver, make friends
with the monkey.

And exactly how do I do that?

Oh, just be yourself,

he'll think you're family.

High school's made you hard.

Coconut!

What kind of comeback
is "coconut?"

Rico!

Hi.

Honey, where ya goin'?

I gotta grab some books
out of my locker.

But save the "honey" thing
for later.

Daddy likey.

You can't leave me.

You can cut the act,
string bean...

Nobody's watching.

It's not an act.

Look, rico, I know I said

I couldn't stand you,

but the truth is, deep down...

Way, way deep down...

I've always thought
you were a h...

A h-h...

A hunk.

Really?

Um, may I be hit by
lightning if I'm lying.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

Who wants to trade a silly
little phone for a nice banana?

Why would he want
a stupid banana?

You know, he's got a snow cone
machine and a mini-fridge, and...

Aah!

Help me!

This feels so right.

And yet...

Something haunts me.

How could I be sure
your love is true?

You're on my lap, aren't ya?

Perhaps you could
prove your love with a kiss.

Ok.

Who do you want me to kiss?

Ok, fine, I'll do it.

Let me just... Ready myself.

You know, this may... this
will take some time.

Get your stinkin' paws off me,

you darn dirty ape!

Yaah!

Use your muscles.

They're in my book bag.

Hello! My lips are chappin',

let's get smackin'.

Mm...

We got it! We got the phone!

Kiss the chicken, bub.

You're little
blackmail scheme is over.

I think not.

Come here, chuckleheads.

This is the real phone.

Now, you're gonna
plant one right here,

or I'll press send
and everybody will know

your precious little secret.

Miley, just close your eyes,

it'll be over
before you know it.

No, it won't. It'll never end.

He's gonna hold this over me

for the rest of my life.

Passion and brains, I repeat...

Ok, listen here, rinky-dink.

Go ahead, send the picture,

but, if you think
it's gonna impress anybody

at this school, you're wrong.

Sure, they'll know my secret,

but they'll also know what
a pathetic loser you are.

So... press send, nothing
can be much worse than this.

Here, you win.

Really?

Yeah, it's just that I've always

been the youngest in my class,

and the smallest,

and I just... Once,
I wanted to fit in...

To be cool.

Ohh...

You smell like wet monkey.

To get a girl
like you to kiss me,

well, that'd be
the coolest thing ever.

Rico, hold on.

You know,

if you'd been this real
with me from the beginning,

things might've been different.

You mean you would've kissed me?

I'm not talkin'
major lip-lock, but...

A little cheek action, sure.

When you treat people nice,

rico, they're gonna
treat you nice back.

As a matter of fact,

come here, handsome.

'Cause you know
I can't resist ya.

Yes!

He sh**t, he scores!

He's toast!

You better run, pal!

Ohh, I've never seen her so mad.

Wait till you see what rico
thought was her big secret.

♪ Ooh ♪

Help, monkey, help!

How's it goin'?

Can I get a little more syrup?