02x08 - Take This Job and Love It

[bunniefuu]

Great rehearsal, you guys.

Thanks. Right on!

I can't believe we're
actually gonna be performing

for the president
of the United States!

This is so cool!

Did you see that?

The new guy touched
me! Didn't anybody tell him?

Hello? Never touch the star.

Never, ever, ever!

Oh, I... gotcha.

We do that to all
the new dancers.

Hope you're not mad at me.

Try totally humiliated.

I'm so outta here.

Jeremy.

Gotcha back.

Ah. You're good.

Good enough to go
to a movie with tonight?

I'd like that.

Me, too.

I'm in the mood for a comedy

or maybe something where
taye diggs takes his shirt off.

Either one works for me.

Jeremy, this is my
bodyguard roxy.

That's right,

and it's my job to protect
Hannah Montana from danger,

all kinds of danger.

You know what I'm
saying, dancer boy?

I think you do.

Come on.

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ hot styles, every
shoe, every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're famous ♪

♪ it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ it's really you ♪

♪ but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have
thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together ♪

♪ and you know that it's
the best of both worlds ♪

So? How was the date?

Mine?

Or hers?

Free refills, taye took
his shirt off twice...

I'd give it 2 thumbs up,

but I don't wanna
let go of my bucket.

Dad, he is never
gonna ask me out again.

Oh, honey. You say
that about every boy

you and roxy date.

Do I even need to tell you

what's wrong with that sentence?

Sense of humor. Ha ha.

That's gonna help
you later in life.

Now, you are singing for
the president tomorrow.

You need to get your rest,

and I need to go home

and find my
bulletproof pantyhose.

Keeps b*ll*ts
out, keeps roxy in.

Dad, this night was a disaster.

Oh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

I bet the boy had a good time.

Dad, roxy put a
bell around his arm.

So every time he
tried to make a move,

it went, "ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding."

Exactly how many
times did the boy "ding"?

Doesn't matter, daddy.

Every time he went "ding,"

she went "don't"
and I went "dang."

Well, honey, roxy's
just doing her job.

To be honest with
you, I agree with her,

'cause when it comes to girls,

boys will say and do
just about anything.

No, no, Julie. I'm serious.

I am a professional
motocross racer.

Oh, heck, yeah.

I'm... I'm working
on my bike right now.

Oh, listen to that engine burn.

Julie? Julie?

Aw, man.

How could she not believe me?

I'm guessing you puréed
when you should've liquefied.

Of course.

Dad. Not all boys are like that.

I bet you didn't lie to girls.

Well, honey, when you
got a head of hair like this,

you don't have to.

♪ Everybody makes mistakes ♪

♪ everybody has those days ♪

♪ 1, 2, 3, 4 ♪

♪ everybody makes mistakes ♪

♪ everybody has those days ♪

♪ everybody knows what,
what I'm talking about ♪

♪ everybody gets that way ♪

I have a visual on Montana.

Repeat, I have a
visual on Montana.

Yes, I'll get her
autograph, mom.

Bring in the president.

Oh, wow. The president.

Ooh, Sushi. Lola likee.

Mr. President, Sophie,

like to introduce
you to my daughter,

Hannah Montana.

Hold, please.

And go.

Aaaaah!

And we're clear.

I can't believe I'm
meeting Hannah Montana.

I can't believe I'm
meeting america's angel.

As leader of the free world,

may I say your
concert was off the hook

and you were the b*mb.

Daddy, keep it real
or keep it quiet. Shh.

What? Just because

I live in the white hizzle

doesn't mean I got no sizzle.

Don't worry, sweetie.

All dads are embarrassing.

Yeah, but yours never
stopped a motorcade

because he saw a horsie.

Now, Sophie, horses have
owners, and owners vote.

And I got to feed him a carrot.

Oh, don't you love it when
those big, fat hairy lips

just tickle the
palm of your hand?

It's my favorite part.

Ooh. Sushi.

President likee.

Oh, oh, oh. Watch this.

The Japanese
ambassador loves this.

Roxy.

What are you doing?

Really, there's
enough for everyone.

Enough to get you sick.

Sorry, sir, but
what we have here

is a case of fish gone funky.

Excuse me?

Oh, boy.

Salmon's comin' back upstream.

Amazing.

A nose like that should
be working for the...

President of the United States.

I'm honored, sir, but
I can't leave Hannah.

Sure, you can.

What?

I mean...

You cannot pass up
an opportunity like this.

He is the...

President of the United States.

Not bad.

Up top, miss Montana.

Up top, Mr. Prez.

But, roxy,

your country needs
your keen sense of smell.

I mean, sour milk,
bad baloney...

This honker is the only thing

that can keep your
president on the job

and off the John.

I can appreciate that,

but I still don't think
that I should, you know...

Whoo, doggy.

That's a nice outfit, son.

I haven't seen that much leather

since your grandma
got all gussied up

for singles bingo.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, dad. Oh, dad.

Oh, dad.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm on my way to
Julie's to tell her

I just took fourth
place in the big race.

Well, why not just
tell her you won?

Because this way I don't
even need to show her a trophy.

Always thinkin'.

See, Miley, if I take that job,

who's gonna protect
you from boys who are...

"Always thinking"?

I mean, I've had your back

ever since we met
down at wig city.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, I don't think so.

All right, this is getting
to be downright painful.

I'll be right back.

Now we cookin' with gas.

I love it.

Hey, mile.

What do you think of this one?

I'm guessing you're the daddy.

Don't worry.

I'll help him next.

That looks like aunt Pearl

when she gets back
from the beauty shop.

I know, and you've
changed my life too,

but let's face it, roxy.

This schnoz is bigger
than the both of us.

You want me to go, don't you?

No, I don't.

Yes, you do, 'cause I'm
all up in your business.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Look me in the eye
and tell me that isn't true.

Ok, fine. It is.

I'm a girl.

I have needs.

Please tell me you just said
you're a girl who has knees.

Roxy,

it's not that I want
you to go. I don't.

I just need a little space.

Oh, sure, I give
you a little space,

and something happens to you?

Uh-uh. That's not
the way roxy rolls.

Well, I'm tired of roxy
rolling all over my life.

Hey. Speaking of rolls, why
don't I heat up some sweet ones,

and then we can
get all buttered up,

and, uh, we'll sit back and
be reasonable about this.

I don't need to be reasonable.

I just need to protect
Hannah Montana.

And if I can't do
a full-out roxy,

I can't do it at all.

Well, then, maybe you shouldn't.

Well, if that's the
way you want it,

then I'm happy to oblige.

Good-bye, miss Montana.

I blame myself.

Should've offered up
my sticky buns sooner.

It's not your fault, daddy.

We'll find a bodyguard
better than roxy.

One that understands
my... Knees.

These babies right here.

So, tell us something
about yourself

and what qualifies you to be
Hannah Montana's bodyguard.

I love your music.

I love what you stand for.

Youth, innocence, and fun.

And if anybody threatens that,

I'll rip their guts out and
feed 'em to the pigeons!

I'm the bodyguard you want!

I'm the bodyguard you need!

Thank you,
mister... Annihilator.

There's a lot of bad
hombres out there looking to...

"Pump up the party."

Well, I got one
question for 'em.

You got nerve?

Well, do you, punk?

Do you?

Thank you, mister...

Mysterious stranger.

Well, that fits.

Let me make one thing
abundantly clear, Princess.

Anybody comes within
spittin' distance of you,

we're gonna have
to go for a little ride

and maybe have a
little conversation,

capisce?

And what I'm gonna say is,

bada-Bing,
bada-boom. End of story.

Forget about it.

Thank you, mister...

There's no name here.

You don't need to know my name.

Well, mile, you've seen
over 30 bodyguards.

There must be one you like.

There is.

And I kept seeing her
in everyone that came in.

You miss roxy, don't you?

Yes.

I made a mistake, dad.

I mean, sometimes she
gets on my last nerve,

but she's family.

Well, the president doesn't
leave town till tomorrow,

so you got time to go to
the hotel and talk to her.

Come on, dad. She's never gonna
come back after the things I said.

You never know
till you try, bud.

Stranger things have happened.

Got that right.

Come on, Julie. I swear.

I would've shown you the bike,

but I crashed it.

See? Here's the handlebars.

Aw, come on, girl.
Don't walk so fast.

I'm getting a thigh rash.

Rico, do a dude a favor.

Run down to the store and
get me some baby powder.

Jackson, I say
this because I care.

You're pathetic!

The first daughter was
so excited when you called.

Well, I thought
teaching america's angel

one of my songs would be a
great way to serve my country.

She's such a giver.

Sophie will be here momentarily.

Until then, you have
permission to play with the dolls.

It's a lot of fun.

I've been told.

Ok...

While I'm waiting, I think
I'm just gonna go say hi

to one of my old bodyguards.

That's a negative.

Are you sure?

That's a positive.

I have orders to keep
Hannah Montana in this room.

Orders from a 7-year-old.

Tomorrow we go to make-a-moose.

Whee.

Well, this is great.
Now we're stuck in here.

No.

Hannah's stuck in here.

Ohhh.

You don't have a clue, do you?

Not one.

Hannah, check it out.

I look just like you. Whoo-hoo.

Wow.

You look more like me than I do.

Let's learn that new song.

♪ Everybody makes mistakes ♪

♪ everybody has those days ♪

Roxy?

Roxy? Roxy?

Oh, boy.

Oh, there you are.

Well, you're early.

I am?

Well, then, why
don't I just go away

and come back, then? Toodles.

Oh, no, no, no. I know
how in demand you are.

I hear you're the finest dog
whisperer on the west coast.

Dog whisperer?

Poor Humphrey.

He won't eat,

and he's sadder
than the vice president

when he heard I
passed my physical.

Can you help him, please?

I'd love to, but I just
got an emergency call.

Bashful beagle on Beverly Hills.

So sad.

Toodles.

Please, you're my last hope.

And I'm not asking
as the president,

I'm asking as a loving dog owner

who can get you a ride
on air force one. Whoo.

Yes, Mr. President.

I guess I'll just...
Whisper to the dog.

Where's roxy?

What's that?

Please.

Let me do my job. I don't
tell you how to run the country.

Point made. Carry on.

Uh-huh.

Yes. Oh. Oh, yes.

I'll tell him.

Ok.

He's sick of his dog food.

Kibble, kibble, kibble.

Boring.

You're amazing.

Can I get room service?

This is the...

President of the United States.

Yes, I'll hold.

And so will you.

Well, look at that. There it is.

Looks delicious.

And we're back
to toodles. See ya.

No, no. Wait a second.

He's still not eating.

Ok, ok.

Mmm. Humphrey.

All your favorites.

Boiled liver.

Mmm.

Ox tongue stew. Yeah.

Cat brains fricasse.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I think he knows you're faking.

You have got to be kidding me.

I'd do it myself, but I just
had my teeth whitened

and I can't afford a meat stain.

I better get a medal outta this.

Mmm.

Got some good liver.

♪ Nobody's perfect ♪

♪ no, nobody's perfect ♪

Are you sure you're
Hannah Montana?

Well, of course I am.

Why would you ask a
silly question like that?

Oh, I don't know.

Because you stink on ice.

Well, what do you expect?

I didn't bring my lights,
I didn't bring my band...

Yeah, you didn't
bring your talent either.

I just want the Hannah
Montana I saw on stage.

So do I, kid. So do I.

Come on. Eat, puppy, eat.

I'm begging you.

Why don't you try the brains?

If I had any, I wouldn't
be here right now.

Mr. President, the
dog whisperer is here.

Thank you, agent obvious.

Well, that's who's out...

Aw, sweet nibblets.

Ruh-roh.

Mr. President, I don't
know what's going on here,

but I have to tell you...

Oh, wait. Wait, wait.

Humphrey has
something he wants to say.

Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

What's that, Humphrey?

The reason you
haven't been eating is...

Is because you miss
somebody terribly?

Well, why don't you
just tell that person?

Oh, you have, but...

But they wouldn't answer your
phone calls, I... I mean listen to you.

Hold on.

I think I know
what's going on here.

You do? You do?

Of course.

My Humphrey-mumphrey misses me.

I've been so busy,

I've been ignoring
you, haven't I, boy?

Now, hold on, Mr. President.

Maybe it wasn't your fault.

Maybe Humphrey
was being disobedient,

stubborn, and a little bratty.

Oh, yeah?

Well, Humphrey says he
was just trying to be a dog.

And sometimes dogs
need to be let off their leash.

Ahh.

But what if that dog runs off

and gets itself into
all kinds of trouble?

Ohh.

Well, you gotta trust

that you've trained it well
enough to know right from wrong,

and you have.

What's that, buddy?

He said he loves you.

He knows that you love him, too.

I do, I do.

And we're going to be
spending a lot more time together,

starting now. Come on, buddy.

I saw a French poodle in the
lobby and she's quite the hottie.

Come on.

Come on.

I do love you, roxy.

And I love you.

That's why I wanna protect you.

I know.

But, maybe...

Maybe I do it a little
too much sometimes?

Roxy, I don't want
you out of my life,

I just want you
in a smidge less.

And I know that's not the
way roxy rolls, but maybe...

Child, you ate dog food for me.

Maybe I can bend
a little for you.

So you're not going to come
on dates with me anymore?

No, I'm saying you
just won't see me.

I can live with that.

So can I.

Oh, but what I can't live
with is that doggy breath.

Whoo! Stinky!

But you still cute.

Hey, daddy. Look who's back.

Course I'm back.

The president and his
daughter are wonderful people,

but they're not family.

I was there 2 days,
not a single hug.

Let me just take
care of that right now.

Oh, it's good to have you back.

I'm not done. 2 whole
days, Robbie ray.

Uh, Miley, why are you
dressed up like Lola?

Oh, right. We had to switch
back at the hotel, and...

Oh, no.

Lilly.

Now, we're going to do this

until we get it right.

Now, one more time,

from the top.

But I...

what's that, everyone?

Encore, encore.

More, more.

You heard them.

Now, 5, 6, 7, 8.

♪ Everybody makes mistakes ♪

♪ everybody has those days ♪

I'm having one right now.

At least you get to go home.