01x02 - Sue City

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Santo Bugito". Aired: September 16, 1995 – August 17, 1996.*
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The show primarily deals with slice of life stories, but often with a strange insect twist.
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01x02 - Sue City

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

I

B

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

I hate arine food food oh I'm glad you

mentioned that that's such a very

interesting subject for example this

female of the order diptera oh yes

commonly known as the mosquito lives by

sucking blood from other

creatures she inserts this needle like

appendage into the prey get lost Mr icy

hands I'm

busy there's a sucker hatched every

minute and that sucker is

me

buzz buzz off boys I'm running the show

around here now and I've got my own

backup Johnny she bu in the town like a

swarm Locus get ready for her courtroom

Hocus

Pocus cuz she's the

law yeah yeah she's the

long PES so dollar Lotter Moola she'll

cut loose her legal

hula she's the

WR yeah yeah

she's what are those bugs doing those

mosos Locos they have been eating the

same donut all

[Music]

day there's definitely something wrong

with those

boys doggy there's only one thing I like

better than slurping these puppies

[Music]

down yep and that's harking them back up

[Music]

hit me clam I'm a going

long I got it I got it down here hey

come to

Daddy hey down here

[Music]

buddy Bert Ralph

relax common I'm you know okay how many

fingers do you see

budy

four he's going to be fine just fine I

car I will you too be more careful

please yeah you could you know hurt

yourself running into me like that you

know what I'm saying

here allow me sir it looks like I've

buzzed into town just in time Emma skito

insect at law

peso dollar loot or Mo she'll cut looser

legal

hul cuz she's the

law yeah yeah she's the

lawah a

loyer what's a lawyer I'm glad you

asked the law is your

[Music]

friend Jack was B bad to Jill so Jill

got a lawyer to punish him and get

money Jack was bad Jill was

[Music]

rich like the law lawyers are your

friends too they do stuff for you and

then you get

rich rich rich don't think call

today well tie me up and call me doie

could y'all do that for us you know make

us rich and all I most certainly can sir

just sign here here here and

here huddle

up you know being rich would be a good

thing it'd be a real good

thing we could live in a big mansion

like cousin Jeb's double wide trailer

and ever bug liked him because of it

even though he had that thing growing on

his feeding tube that was the same color

as our couch out back

H why we talking about couches again

couldn't tell you buddy all I know is

that we are getting rich yeah yeah

getting

rich Okie M doie sign us up for easy

stet boys I want you to think twice

about this I can tell you working with a

lawyer is very serious business well

thanks for the concern Carmen but relax

you worry too much yeah you worry too

much

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

congratulations you are about to become

two very wealthy insects but remember I

take half of whatever you make as my pay

and of course I do take an upfront

fee

dang here sweetie this will help you get

your strength back

ow two

yeah my clients and I will see you in

court what this is you know a joke

right let's see sheded grasshopper

skin I don't

know I know genuine cocoon skin oh

oh see ah you are a bug of taste and

distinction my wife thinks

[Music]

so bad news Paco uh a a mosquito is

making Ralph go to court court this is

terrible horrible

Unthinkable what exactly is Court anyway

court is where we settle serious

arguments between adults ailia are you

sure you got that straight Ralph and

some bug going to court here in Santo

bito Crush My Heart and Hope to become

bird food why we haven't opened the Old

Courthouse since baby Clen accidentally

swallowed that traveling sales bug I'll

have to get my judge's robes follow

me

cartton TR are you sure you don't want

my help I you know can take care of

myself you know but

[Music]

thanks hey Ralphie are you getting rich

today too I you know don't think so BT

oh too bad little buddy cuz Le is ain't

we

CL huh yep getting rich today

[Music]

all stand for the honorable Judge moth

me

[Music]

I court is now in

[Music]

session morning folks now then what

seems to be the problem we're here to

get

rich your honor here to and forth with I

charge that the aforementioned Beetle

here and to after referred to as Ralph

the ladybug did willfully and with

malice of forethought defame destroy and

deprive my clients with aggravated

neglect endangerment Reckless abandon

and first-degree malicious

Mischief um come again if Ralph had not

walked directly into my poor client's

path this horrible accident would never

have happened your honor the entire

accident is his fault he is guilty

guilty

[Music]

guilty

I my life it's you know not my fault

that those two always play with their

food do

[Music]

not Order in the Court

M lawyer can you prove that Ralph is

guilty civil code 823 section 83

incumbent insects traveling in existing

traffic clearly and always have the

right of way over all merging bugs your

honor whereas the party of the first

part Bears recumbent responsibility Visa

the intellectual insufficiency of the

party of the second party ifo facto

habus Corpus your honor is aware of the

statutory precedence in this case United

insect versus arachnet fly swatter be

rolling stone I submit your honor that

prudent jurisprudence demands we charge

the innocent with lawful liability for

the irresponsibility of the

reprehensible thank you little phly

we'll see if she's right about

that I've got every law listed right

here oh yes yes indeed laws are the

rules that we all agreed to live by the

very Foundation of civilization as we

know it law from the Latin origin Lex me

pardon me but we're trying to have a

court case here oh yes my apologies how

rude of me oh I'm

sorry freedom of speech right to a fair

trial no molting without a license oh no

that's not good what what I'm afraid the

mosquito is Right according to the law

he Ralph is responsible to take care of

Bert's injury by giving him a large cash

settlement that's right lots of

money I'm sorry Ralph but the court has

to rule in favor of Bert

Barfly

2,999 three you know

thousand I still can't believe how the

mosquito Twisted the law round to Bert's

advantage mean neither ooh there's a lot

of chopping money I could buy a new hat

some shoes oh Miguel could quit his job

I could buy that new Compass my eyes on

art supplies and new Pottery whe and and

buck shell

polish yes here you go sir yeeha thank

you little Philly doggy clim take a

gander at all this pleas Rich Partner

rich and handsome just one final fee

gentlemen

ow

two I hope you're you know

happy well I'll be what's eating him

clam don't know bird want to go spend

some money buddy 10 for

[Music]

bird I'm next next step aside bugs bugs

please please one at a time don't worry

I can help each and every one of you you

all I need is proof that something bad

happened to you and I can make any of

you richer than you ever

imagined don't you look at me like that

one of my P ones you never return my

binoculars hey hey hey he stepped in my

fungus Gard last

week and we thought our parenting days

were over

[Music]

am I going to suck this town dry or

[Music]

what she bues into town like a STM get

ready for her courtroom hus

Pocus cuz she's the law yeah yeah she's

the

[Music]

law she'll suck you in and grab on to

your rights and use the law to start her

courtroom

fights cuz she's the law yeah yeah she's

the

[Music]

law giving to the

greedy small child bug or big bandito

you better watch out little

Santo cuz she's the law yeah yeah she's

the law get rich off your neighbor bugs

with no risk all in the name what we

call

Justice cuz she's the law yeah yeah

she's the law

[Music]

the not to

[Music]

[Music]

Beed cuz she's the law yeah yeah she's

the law

[Music]

oh why are we so tired like a tuckered

out no you have given away too much of

your blood to the mosquito you must eat

to rebuild your strength

okay now what do I do

well miss mosquito think tricked all of

us and she's the only one getting rich

around

here B and I tell you but do you listen

no

here oh she just keeps taking fee after

fee after fee after Fe

[Music]

after Carmen you you and Paco have to

help us kick that sneaky mosquito out of

town y I am sorry but you had your

chance you made your egg sack and now

you can sleep in

it please

please we are begging of J just look at

them my desert flower they are begging

you they need you all right every bug

listen up

we must beat the mosquito at her own

game with the law oh I'll beat her with

the law all right me too I mean we have

to be clever to get rid of her you see

yes can we keep her cookies well well

well plotting against an honest citizen

like me I might just have to file a

class action lawsuit against Carmen and

Paco to protect my rights just toss her

into a bug zapper yeah to the bug

zapper

tomorrow yes tomorrow's

good time for the Restless locals

[Applause]

plan black Sparkle caring did you pay

the light

bill what they they att*cked me I'll sue

you for all your worth everything by

this time tomorrow I'll own this

place that does

[Music]

it to can play your game no I studied

love myself at the University of St

anthonies I accept your

challenge and that your honor is when

Carmen and Paco att*cked me and broke my

wings

I'll never ever fly

[Music]

again bra I want to spend her some

money I know she's a lion Clen but it's

so

sad can I have that later sure money

we'll take a 10-minute recess so I can

consult the law are you ready mamore

with you m

[Music]

always I can't tell them my decision if

they're not

[Music]

here do not take another step a terrible

accident trust me you do not want to

look did you say accident first to

flying stag beetles had in midair

Collision then they crashed into a

school bug which fell off a bridge and

into the

[Applause]

lake you have never seen so many eggings

spilled

everywhere Santa Mariposa Lake in the

desert then the school bug landed on top

of a water little family oh yeah

I God I so many squashed insectos they

are stacked up like

[Music]

toras

[Music]

Soo but what where's the

accident

accident nothing accidental here

your honor it would appear our accuser's

wings are not broken after all I believe

it is against the law to lie in a court

of law no ah here it is code 88 section

VL you're right she lied in court that's

called perjury I had perjury once it

itch for weeks up behind my left wing

would you scratch touch it for me buddy

I ain't touching your dang

perjury it says here that your case

against Carmen and Paco must be dropped

and now the entire town can sue you for

a

change but she lied too Carmen lied and

so did Paco uh uhuh but civil code 27

section 92 I was not in court when I

told my little story see

ah me tricked by the old 279 T Ploy and

I didn't see it

[Music]

coming that mosquito was a fake

along saw her way was

wrz she's

not she's not so they packed up her bags

and sent her away cuz the LA is for

helping not for

hey she's

[Music]

not she's not the so they packed up her

bags and told her to go something for

nothing is

stupid cuz she's

not she's not all

[Music]

[Applause]

woo just a little speck on the map it's

a cozy place not a sticky fly trap it's

the

nicest

place could ever be found Santo bito

is kind of

oh

[Music]
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