11x05 - You Need to Watch Your Jokes, Guy

[bunniefuu]

previously on "the amazing race,"



flew to the southern most
part of the country.

???

after winning three legs in a row,

rob and amber's confidence

was at an all-time high.

i'm not peaking.

i'm not close to my prime.

their confidence turned to
confusion during the detour.

i don't get it.

amber, what happened there?

why did you lie?

and even a last-ditch lie
appeared futile when charla and

mirna passed them.

and led to one of the most

memorable finishes in
"mazing race" history.

???

???

???

you can do it!

rob and amber's winning
streak is finally over.

you have been
removed from the race.

seven teams remain.

who will be eliminated next.

this is argentina.

located on the famed island.

???

it is the southern most city in

the world and the last stop
before anartica.

this is ????

the fourth pit stop in
race around the world.

teams arrived here at the end of

the last leg for a
mandatory rest period.

how will rob and amber's

elimination affect
the rest of the racers?

???

???

???

they're such amazing
competitors.

the other teams were very

happy that we were the ones to

beat rob and amber.

???

???

???

they will depart at 12:02 a.m.

travel by taxi ???

teams must use an ???

???

to get there,they must travel by

taxi to the base of
marshall mountain,

ride a chair lift and
hike half a mile.

let's go.

???

we respect every team that's in

this race because the race is

not necessarily the sign for

someone who is incredibly

athletic to win or somebody

incredibly smart to win.

we see everyone who
is here as contenders.

??? the avalanche beacon to
search for your clue.

we're going to get colder.

???

??? he believes he is
the best ateverything.

it is a little annoying.

he's cocky, but i don't care

because we're in second place.

???

it is so cold.

travel by taxi to
marshall glacier.

the race has evolved,
there is more of ahead game
than in the last race ???

the psychological
stuff is different.

there's more strategy.

marshall glacier.

you have $72?

$72.

we're trying to be a
kinder, gentler guidos.

i hope that they think that ???

i hope they think that we're ???

???

travel by taxi to
marshall glacier.

???

???

???

we can't afford to be the ???

it is time to stop worrying
what other teams think.

???

??? avalanche beacon.

search the area for your buried clue.

we're going to be cold.

let's do it.

following our intuition is key.

when you second guess that

you're saying, god, universe,

i'm not trusting you.

all right.

going to a glacier, baby.

all the way to the
edge of the earth.

search the area for
your buried clue.

it's cold over here.

i can't wait to see how
cold the glaciers are.

???

somehow char la and
i pull through it.

???

??? ??? pull through it.

it doesn't matter how much pain

we're in or ???

we're going to be an icicle
before this day is over.

we'll be a pops cal ???

someone can suck us.

???

???

???

???

???

what time do you open?



crap.

everyone is back together again.

the ski lift.

see if it is open.

????

let's go back to the hotel.

back to the hotel it is, man.

???

???

everybody's catching up.

you guys sleep here?

we got up a little
bit earlier.

you're number one.
that's cool with us.

look at you.
you have it on everything.

i'm just looking at your hats.

is your underwear tagged teamed ??

you don't want to
see our underwear.

we have paper.so...

we have thongs.

sometimes they give you wedgeys.

gracias.

i think we're good.

ok.

we thought that guidos
would be here first and they are

they're annoying.

stand in front so
they can't go any place.

you can't block my car.

that's so rude.

they'll probably die on
wait up in the chair lift.

whoo.

ok.

???

is there anything in it?

there's a shovel.

beacon.

we have to get to¡± the glacier first.

???

got it.

good times.

here we are.

come out here and start to use

the avalanche beaker.



thank you.

???

heading that way.

we can jog.



we're getting further away.

ok.

i've never been to any
glaciers in my life.



we're gettin' closer.

???

i'm having some breath issues.

slow and steady.



four, three, two.
ok.



where's 1.o?

got it.

the teams must travel --

???

they will have to use a travel

agency, ??? because travelers can't

book international flights
from the airport.

since the flights are limited,

teams have been provided with

tickets for the last flight to

maputo scheduled to arrive at


find an earlier flight.

???

we're team number one.

???

there is something over there.

??? it's that way.

where's our beacon?

did we miss it?

we missed it at the base?

top of the tier left.

???

that's what we get for not
reading our clue.

???

???

did you get your gear?

yeah.

we didn't.

that's so dumb.

they're really not that smart.

i know.

my nose is frozen.

yeah, me too.



we're getting closer.

ok.

we're further away.

we lost it again.

where's the arrow pointing?

i'm walking?

there's tons of
them around here.

???



three, two.

right here.

this hole where i'm at.

six.

i think that we
have the same one.

right here.

got it.

crap.

?? to the city maputo.

???

we passed three teams.

yeah

???

is that africa?

yep.

my father is from nigeria.

???

going back to the motherland.

i think that we
did good, joey.

we're upped no obligations to
???
arrive at the site.

we need to check
out other flights.

???

let's do it.

stupid mistake.

yeah.







two, 1.9.



why am i getting
a double signal?

because there are two.

can i do that for a while?

no.

???

in cuban culture, we're

yelling at eep other, one of us

will take turns getting cranky.

??? if it is not beeping,
not to touch any buttons.

???

???

dig right here.

right here.

???

what city is that?

???

???

???

???

that's 38 meters.

???
maybe it works better for me

it's right here.

got it.

got it.

come on.

let's get down there.

they found one over there.

we have to walk in this direction.

i see no numbers here.

can i have that here?

i think that i lost
the signal.

no signal.

we went too far.

???

?? straight ahead.

???



??? it escaped here.

we found it.

mozambique.

we're going to africa.

hop out and check.

??? travel avenlgt

we want to get to maputo

faster than 3:00 a.m.

i have to check the system.

can you come back in
one hour and a half?

so why don't you pick one.

???

i do not want to be
the last person out of here.

???

???

??? here.

why can't we find it?
keep going.

???

?? good girl.

woo!

go to the city of maputo.

i can't concentrate on
anybody else but us.

i think that we'll be good.

they're still up there.

so annoying.

??? do whatever you want.

we got this in
the bag, let's do it.

moputo, mozambique.

this is cool.

this is frustrating.

??? super frustrating.

??? this suction.

i'm starting to
lose my patience.

baby, don't get frustrated.

we're not stupid people.

???

we have to arrive in maputo

before 3:00 p.m.

what is the first flight?

i made the reservation
with rumbo sur.

you can go to rumbaco.

oh, man this is good.

get stronger.

right here.

get closer to the ground.

start digging.

there it is.

finally.

fly to city of
maputo,mozambique.

we found out ??? that if you get

caught in an avalanche.

never come to
oswald to get out.

??? will take us
to a travel agency.

we need to get
to maputo,mozambique.

i don't know if it is my system or what,

there are no flights to maputo.

we have to get there
as fast as possible.

ok. ???

we already have this. ???

ok.

gracias.

what do you know.

there's charla and mirna.

be sure that we can do it

before these people after.

just try to keep your ears open.

and here if you can see
what flight they're getting on.

hello.

hey, guys.

will talk to him.

i'm glad that you
guys caught up to us.

danny and oswald ??? race with

character, honor.

they speak spanish.

???
they're with us.

see if there's something better.

we have to be there
as soon as possible.

everyone's in this one.

and the answer is?



that's better than 3:00
in the afternoon.

whoo!



see you at the airport.

see you at the airport.



i'll check availability for you.

from buenos aires to maputo,
arriving 9:40 am.

all of you are gonna
be on the same plane.

???

thank you.

what do you have for us

arriving at maputo at 9:40.

that's very good.

book it.

it's booked.

come on, joe.

???

???

oh, my god.
look at this.

they're all over here.

wow.

let's go relax
for a little while.

this is heaven.

???
there's nothing
like a quick shower.

it is like a fresh shower.

i smell like a french whore.

?? doesn't matter to me.

traveling, ??? all teams are

making their way
to maputo,mozambique.

once they land they will find a

choose marked car with a driver.

they must make their way more

than 45 miles to the training

field where they will
find their next clue.

we're here.

come on.

let's go.
we have to find some cars.

come on.

ok.here we are.

???

it doesn't open yet.

we have to way

i guess we can hang
out for a little while.

???

let's play with them.

pass them.

yeah.

go faster.

we're like making
g*n of the guidos.

it is nothing specifically
hat they're doing
they're so annoying.

??? faster, faster.

it's ok.

??? don't freak out.

???
this is good.

you need to watch
your speed,guy.

we weren't speeding.

what was funny, we
weren't going to pass you.

???

you need to watch your jokes. guy

this is it.

what is going on?

come on.

ok.

so now everything's fine.

i don't care.

you guys are being
freaks about everything.

???

our driver went to pass you guys.

i said don't pass him.

don't pass him.

i said to don't pass.

don't talk to him.

peace, peace, peace.

freaks, freaks, freaks.

???

??? they're totally nuts.

you and i will not allow

negativity to come in our way.

we will stay positive.

weirdos.

we have to follow
the marked path.

keep your eyes peeled.

i don't want to get into
arguments with anybody.

???

???

???

should we run?

yeah.

???

there's a box.

open it.

who smells a rat?

you.

???? in this roadblock,

a person must get up close and person

with a rat.

in this country, once overrun by

guerrilla warfare, trained rats

??? saved lives on a daily basis by

locating leftover land mines.

now team members must guide a

???

???

once it signals that it found

something, ???

??? it is found,

the team will receive
their next clue.

that is a huge damn rat.

i will do it.

i think that you should do it.

i'll do it.

ok.

???

choose trainer with his rat.

joseph.

joe.

what is the rat's name.
what is his name?

nelson.

cool.

let's go.

good luck.
charla, can you do it.

hey, nelson.

oh, gross.

we hung a rope across the

training area who are zontly ???

???

???

???

???

each time he would cross the path,

i would have to pull him along.

if he didn't do the signal,
keep moving him along.

take one step over.

okay. go to the other way.

this is quite interesting.

he's gonna start diggin'.

and that's where we
indicate there's a mine.

come here, nelson.

come on, baby.

???

i did it because danny
doesn't like rats.

??? they were huge

that is not normal.

i will set you free after
and i'll take you to a nice lab,

where they'll apply make-up to you.

???

when i saw rats,

it was in the military,

in bunkers, and i hated them.

when i was in the
military, i became afraid rats.

??? changed my opinion.

the rat was friendly and

i wasn't afraid of it all the ???

what is its name?

yeah. the name is tupac.

tupac, find me a mine.

you can do it, charla. ???

ok.help me out, mr. ratty.

it is just like a cat.

i know.

good job.

i think that mine is confused.

it is all about
eating breakfast right now

come here, nelson.

he's sniffing.

he's digging a hole.

he's uncovered something.

???

that weed is sticking up --

???

they're leaving.

good job, nelson.

thank you vep.

travel by car ???

teams must take their cars

and driver 50
miles back to maputo.

???

this building is designed by a

renowned french engineer ??? is

where teams will
find their next clue.

??? thank you very much.

nelson was a good rat.

when we retire maybe we can come
here and get jobs as rat trainers.

guido's a little bigger than him.

???

right here?

right here?

i think that we found a mine.

i think that we found it.

he's digging like crazy right here.

i'm calling for a search here.

i can hear it.

is he scratching here?

you dirty rat.

let's check it.
have my man check it.

he's got it.

yes, that's it. that's it.

thank you.

i found a flag.

oh, gosh.

there it is.

thank you, sir.

we got it.

thank you.
we're doing good.

travel by car to maputo. ???

thank you very much.

search for your next clue.

let's go.

we're second out.

ok.we're going to --

maputo.
who is that?

it looks like the guidos have

left and danny and oswald.

come on, xena.
you gotta find this mine real quick.

i gotta get outta here.

come on, buddy,
all of your friends found it.

we're waiting for twinkle

toes to find it.

come on.

search for it, baby.

search for it.

i think that zena found it. ???

???

oh, no.
another team found it already.

he's digging.

let's get a ???

???

???

???

???

now's not the
time to clean yourself.

all right.

thank you, sir.
appreciate it.

they're leaving.

i can't believe this.

thank you very much.

travel by car ???

so now we have to
go back to maputo.

thank you.

damn, charla.

good job.

that's a ways way.

come on, baby.

we're second to last.

it's ok.

find the flag.

what is the problem?
???

i wonder what the problem is.

??? they already all left.

we're the last teefment we might

be here for a long time.

???

we might ???
be here for a long time.

it says maputo.

there are two different ways.

yes, i think that we can
get to the city center faster.

??? there's two ways to maputo.

we're ???
we have to go to maputo.

so we have to go left.

come on, baby.

can you do it charla.

hopefully she will find it soon.

???

right there.

???

thank you.
search for your next clue.

we have to go back to maputo.

we've been in worse situations

before and we managed to make up

time and still stay in the race.

there's a sign.
both say maputo.

go left. left is fine.

eric, go left.

okay, they just took a left.

did they?

let's follow them.

the statue straight ahead.

there it is.

very nice.

detour. ???

in this detour, teams have to

choose between two ways of

making a live in maputo.

the choice, pamper or porter.

in pamper, you make a ???

this store, once here,

they will choose a nail polish

kit and have to convince people

to pay them to narnte nails.

which in maputo is a job usually

done by men.

teams must earn
??? about $1 u.s.

dollar to receive their clue.

in porter, teams make their way ???

once here, they will use

their hands to fill 10 large 45

pound bags with coal and sew it

shut and ??? then carry it to a

specified address where the
owner will hand them
the next clue.

???

two guys painting nails --

that will be weird.

???

we have to get directions.

this could be it.

???

pamper.



people don't want to
paint nails or a lot of money.

we're going to do the charcoal.

this is crazy.

you take your
chances coming out here.

we're going nowhere fast.

we have no idea where we are.

we're lost.

pull over on the
side of the road or something.

stop.

i think he wants to
get directions here.

???

hey, sir.

maputo?

???

??? it is straight.

good. that's what i thought.

he just wants to
find it if this is maputo.

they're all here.

they don't know if
we're in the city of maputo.

follow?

ok.

i think that we should do our

own thing since no one knows anything.

let's go.

we lost them.

good, good, good.

maputo.

yeah, keep going.

just go. just go.

i have no idea where it is.

we should just go straight.

i don't know what he is doing.

thank goodness for the gentleman.

???
what is that, a monument.

wait right here.
wait right here.

come on, charla.

???

pamper or porter.

let's go get manicures.

it's closer.

we need to go here. ???

can you show us?

just show us one minute, please.

okay.
he's a god send.

???

??

???

you're in truck, we follow.

you go, we follow.

is it here?

yeah, inside.

we have to
find a marked stall.

help us find.

okay.

that's it. ???

park it here.

here it is. ???

can we give you a manicure
for a little bit of money.

???
we'll put manly colors.

????
your wife will be so happy.

thank you.

la, la, la, everybody.
manicure.

it is a new style for the man.

ok.10 bags.

we have to fill it up to there.

???

you can sew better than me.

???

thank you, kids.

he can hold the bag open, but he

can't help you put it in.

????
you're going to complain

about your hands getting dirty?

no, not dirty. ???

manicure.
anybody manicure.

??? i have red.

??? yes, yes.

ok.you do the other hand.

ok. ???

??? you can scoop it
in with a piece of charcoal.

it works great.

??? this is up.

that's good?
ok.

we have one good one here.

today's world aids day.

this is really, really emotional.

my ex-nelson was h.i.v. positive

and eventually died of aids.

i have to tell you,
he was a beautiful person.

nelson will always be with me.

???

good for them.

people have already been here.

detour.

you want to do this one?
yes.

porter.

ok.

this could be it.

there's guidos.

danny and ozzy.

they're here,so hurry.

i wish i was painting nails now

my manicurist will
be angry with me now.

get another customer.

one manicure, like hollywood.

i will do a good job for you.

excellente.

look how pretty you became.

thank you so much.

i don't know
how much we're getting.

thank you, my friend.

???

pamper or porter.

i think that we should paint nails.

???

this is not
the way that we want to go.

???

???

we have to go the other way.

i can't talk to people like this.

i have to get to that park.

which way?

straight.

gracias.

hollywood nails.

ok.

one more.

you want manicure?

yes, yes,yes.

wait, wait, you have to pay me.

pay me, please.

gracias.

can you tell me
how much we have.

we need 30.

thirty,you have got already.

we have enough.

ok,come on.

do we have enough money?

yes.

yes!
whoo!

thank you!

travel --

???

???

teams must travel to fortalaza.

???

???

this is the
pit stop for the race.

the last team to check in here

will be eliminated.

let's go.

come on, come on.

???

i can't believe
the men do manicures.

what is that thing they call,

the men who get manicures,

metrosexual.

i'm glad that they have

metrosexuals
everywhere in the world.

okay, mercado janet.

???

???

let's do it.

we have to fill 10 of these.

time to get dirty.

??? we have six completed.

start sewing.

oh, my gosh. this is hard.

i got it.

where did you put you yours?

???

this is disgusting.

they've done a lot.

we have to hurry.

there's one.

are we here?

wahoo!

yes!

we made it.

welcome to maputo, mozambique.

thank you.

nice manicure.

very good.

what a beautiful manicure.

charla, mirna.

yes?

you're team number 1.

oh, god!

oh,god!

i have good news for you.

???

you will be staying at the grand

aruba resort.

and as part of your stay, you

will get a massage on the beach,

dinner with champagne, and go on

a snorkle tour of the largest

shipwreck in the caribbean.

wow.

and as i understand it,

this is your first
first on "the amazing race?"

yes!

??? because someone is a little

shorter, ??? it doesn't matter.

we work hard
and we're a damn good team.

and if coming in first let's people

have a little more respect for us,

that's a wonderful
thing to accomplish.

it's about time.

detour.

pamper or porter?

it would be harder to
convince people to paint nails.

we're last in line.

pamper or porter.

???
???

i don't know.
???

getting the local people to let me

paint their fingernails
would be difficult.

does that look like a market?

stop.
pull over.

it's over here.

???

choose 1 of these.
thank you.

can we paint your nails?

??? you're right in my spot.

i'm sorry, baby.

there's plenty for everybody.

???
??? you fill.

???

this is dirty as hell.

can we paint
your fingernails, sweetie?

do you have any money?

no.

i will do one
because you're so pretty.

during the task, one little girl came out

she didn't have money, but she had

tiny fingernails,
so i participated them for free.

four, six, eight,
we need two more.

???

how many you got?

one, two, three, four.

oh, my god.

i think that painting nails
would have been a better idea.

can i paint
your finger mails?

i love our beauty salon ???

very pretty.

that looks great on you

???

all right.
here's our money.

thirty-three.

yes.
whoo!

thank you.

travel by car
to the next pit stop.

whooo!

that was so much
more fun than doing coal.

mercado is here.
???

hey, guys.

you guys just got here?

how long have you been here?

not as long as
the guys sewing up.

???

???
where are you going?

???

i don't see the coal.

where is mercado.

you took us to the wrong market.

???

can we paint your nails?

????

you are team number two.

yes!

pretty in pink in mozambique.

i love it.

finish this, please.

this is the last one.

we dupet the gunch idos.

we're younger, faster, we
will always beat them.

???

oswald and daniel
are ahead of us.

we have to deliver it.

???

???

we need someone
to guide thruss.

do you though where this is?

???

yeah, i know.
do you know this?
will you come with us?

come on.

??? they went up the street.

look where they're going.

see up there?

?? we have to catch
up to the other teams.

we have to hurry up.

oh,this is not easy.

you ok, bill?
just get me there.

put it on your head.

thank you.

i thinks that where they're
doing the toenails.

??? we're there.

why don't we paint nails.

ok.
fine.

get somebody.

can we polish your nails?

who wants their thails painted.

please.

this is a problem.

they're not going to ???

???

???

???
???

???

rua 1-282.

not easy.

no, no.
never mind.

they don't know.

this is not going to work.
i'telling you.

we could try five more minutes.

???

how much?



it's too much.

how much will you pay?



we'll do you too.



and you'll pay us 10.

ok.

this is horrible.

???

???

they're going this way.

there's danny and ozzie.
???

just follow them.

this is the
right street,bill.

ok.

now we're looking for number 47.

quickly, terry.

quickly.

ok.

you your turn.

come sit.

same color?
???

it might be sloppy.
but you'll forgive us

???
thank you.

they paid us thirty meticais.

there we are.

thank you very much.

thank you.

are we the last team to check

in, maybe eliminated.

???

this is 47.

come here.

oh, my gosh.
knock on the door.

excuse me.

charcoal.

charcoal delivery.

very good.
thank you.

here we go, bill.

we got it.

travel by car ???

the last team to
check in may be eliminated.

let's go.

???

i don't know where the girls are.

hurry up.

i'm hurrying.
???

???

let's go.
???

how the hell
did we get so far behind?

???

they already delivered it.

we know it
is around here somewhere.

i don't know.

do i look look rambo?

you look like a soggy racoon.

???

do you know where this is?

no.

you have to hurry up.

i'm hurrying.

last one.

oh, my god.

got it.
we're done.

we have to figure
out where we're going.

can you help us?

let's go, boys.

hold on.

i have a coal
thing on my back.

i can't run.
???

there's danielle behind us.

they went on down the ???

???

are they going the right --

???

???



knock on the door.

hello.
thank you.

travel by car to the next pit stop.

???

let's run.

do you think that
we should go this way?

i don't see the numbers.

???

they're on their way back.

the kids took them right there.

they got the kids.

sh**t.

at this point we have
no idea which way to go.

watch your step, honey.

this thing is heavy.

at this point we have
no idea where to go.

they're on their way back.

the kids took them there.

they got the kids.

this way.

???

???

come on. ???

here it is.
???

casa 47.

thank you.

do you have the clue?

thank you.

travel by car to
the next pit stop.

ok. come on.

let's run.

here. the fort.

???

oh, my gosh!

teri and ian,
you are team number three.

i don't believe it.

i don't believe it.

you drive.
we take our car.

you drive out here.

don't get my dirty, danny.

do you want to
stop and change or shower?

???

please hurry.
very fast

? ?

where is the street map?

so we have to
get up there quickly.

follow him.

we followed the cab.

what is he doing?
this might be it.

??? this is not the fort.

here's phil.

i'm hucking you.

???

good afternoon.

oswald and danny,
you're team number four.

???

i'm surprised
you went for the coal.

but, hey, that's me.

we came to win.
???

wah, wah, wah.

where is it?

still follow him.

i don't think that
he knows where we're going.

it's ok.
???

go, go, hurry.

i hope that we're not out.

that's my only thing.

follow him.
where is he going?

this might be it.

please, hurry.

we can pass some people here.

we have to be
ready to run like crazy.

that's it.

there is a fort.

there's people.

hurry.

right there.
stop, stop, stop.

we have to beat them.

run, run, run, danielle, run.

damn it, danielle.

welcome to maputo, mozambique.

thank you.

joe and bill,
you're team number five.

eric and danielle,
you're team number six.

you're still in the race.

thank you very much.

eric and danielle are

competing in a foot
ace with olympic athletes.

i think that
we should have beat them.

they remind me like
old women past their prime.

she got beat
by a couple of queens.

???

???

welcome to maputo, mozambique.

???

uchenna and joyce,
you're the last team to arrive.

are you kidding?

i'm pleased to tell you,

however --

i love when you say that.

this is a nonelimination leg

you're still in the race.

there is bad news.

you are marked for elimination,

you have to arrive at the next

pit stop first, if you're not

first, you will incur a



have to wait on the other side

of the mat for other teams to

check in before you.

???

the threat of elimination
rides on our shoulders.

i don't like to
be in this position.

we need to rock 'n' roll.

we'd need to keep our attention

right and stay
forward and never let up.

???



so we're going to work like hell

in the next race.

we certainly can
make miracles happen.

we did on the last race.