01x14 - The Story of a Divorce

[bunniefuu]

What's this? "Harris
county courthouse."

Oh. That must be my copy
of the final divorce papers.

Congratulations.

No offense, hon, but
gettin' rid of brock...

Is like gettin' rid of a wart.

Twenty years of
buildin' a life together,

And it all ends with an envelope
stuck to a coupon for popeyes chicken.

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine. It's not like
this came out of left field.

Hey, you don't always
have to be the tough gal.

Even gettin' a wart
removed is painful.

Listen, let me take
you to the spa.

Nothin' helps you forget a cheatin'
sack of dirt like a good mud pack.

I'm fine. I was worried
about the kids.

But I've been preparin'
'em for this day so long,

That, when I finally told
'em the divorce was official,

They were relieved. Really?

Yeah. Relieved we didn't
have to talk about it anymore.

And so am i.

This little paper lets me get
on with my life, and I'm ready.

Hallelujah! Time
to find you a man.

Oh, I'm not ready for that.

You just don't rush out
the day your divorce is final.

I did, all three times.

I don't know. I
never saw myself...

As one of those
desperate divorcées...

Goin' to bars,
dressin' too young,

Droolin' on every man that
walks by. Hey, watch it. Watch it.

- Hey, mom.
- Hey.

- Dad bought me new shoes.
- Pretty.

I got slime. [Farting sound]

Speakin' of slime,
hello, lori ann.

Brock, we were just
talking about you...

And other unsightly blemishes.

So, shoes, slime... Feeling
guilty, ex-husband?

You got your papers.

Yes, I got my papers. Now
where are my new shoes?

Reba, are you okay?

Why does everyone
keep askin' me that?

- What's not to be okay about?
- Because now
you're truly, truly alone.

Reba, I just want you to know...

That, if you need us, we are
here for you. [Mouthing words]

Let's go. Yeah.

Okay. now I'm ready
to move on. [door closes]

♪♪ [country]

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands and
the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Okay. We will find you someone.

I have two megabytes of men.

"Married. Married. Dead.

g*y. g*y. g*y."

Three of 'em are g*y?

No, just the one, but
he came out in a big way.

What's goin' on? I am
finding your mother a date.

Ooh, I can help. A lot
of old guys hit on me.

Should you be a part
of this conversation?

Why can't we talk like
two mature adults?

You know, I'm a
married woman now,

Practically a high
school graduate.

So you're okay with me dating?

I want you to be happy. I envy you
gettin' back into the dating world.

I miss it.

Okay, here's one.

Dermatologist...
Tall, real hair.

I don't wanna date
a dermatologist.

Okay. How about jason stevens?

Pilot... Looks
great in a uniform.

It's a chance to join
the mile-high club.

I'm already a member.

Go, mom!

Okay. Okay, you just pick a
name and a profession you want.

It's not that easy.
I'm out of practice.

Do you realize the
last time I was on a date,

Before brock, was
with parker reynolds?

- I have him right here.
- my parker reynolds?

- Who's he?
- He is the man your mother
dumped to marry your father.

Oh, this is the
double-date story.

Yeah. I was with parker, and
your father was with lori ann.

Must we discuss all
our past sins? [Laughs]

Parker was the president
of your father's fraternity.

He was on the tennis
team, the dean's list...

Had a butt like a pair
of honeydew melons.

He and your mother were the
perfect overachiever couple.

Just like me and van.

I didn't know he'd
moved back to houston.

Oh, yeah. He is a big
muckety-muck oil executive.

And by "muckety-muck,"
I mean loaded.

Give him a call.
Oh, no. I couldn't.

Why not? He sounds great.
Why'd you break up with him?

You know, I don't even remember.

I just liked your father
better for some reason...

I also don't remember.

It's ringing.

Lori ann, we were in college.
He won't remember me.

Hello? Parker, do
you remember reba?

He does.

You know what mom's doing?
Getting dressed for her date.

I know. She told
me... Over and over.

You know what that means.
We're getting a new daddy.

We are?

See, when moms get
married the second time,

All the kids get adopted, and
everyone has to change their last names.

Nuh-uh.

And you'll have to share your
room with the new children.

New children?

You know, the ones that mom
and new dad will love more than us.

okay, here she
comes... One hot mama.

- Van, what do you think?
- About what?

Oh, men don't notice clothes.

Then why did we spend the
last three hours doin' this?

All right, kids. Bye-bye. Call me
on the cell phone if you need me.

Bye, mom. Bye.

What, isn't he picking you up?

No. I thought I'd meet
him at the restaurant.

Well, if you're gonna be dating,

I really think your friends
should pick you up at the house...

So we get to meet them
beforehand. Mm-hmm.

What are you gonna do...
Cut off my allowance?

[van] and don't
stay out too late.

Oh, and mom? Start slow.

Yeah. Better safe than
sorry. [Laughing] yeah.

Don't get carried
away and end up like me.

[Sighs]

- would you like to order?
- oh, no. I'm waitin'
for someone.

It's a date. My first date.

Oh, I've had a date before.
I have three children.

[Laughs] must have
been some date.

- There she is.
- Parker reynolds.

I'd have recognized
you anywhere.

[Laughing]

You haven't changed one bit.

Oh, I don't believe
that, but, hey, I'll take it.

Come on. Sit down. Okay. Thanks.

Wow. You look
great. Ah, new pants.

Oh.

I hope this place is okay. I remember
how much you used to like italian food.

- I still do.
- Good.

So. What have you been
up to for the past 20 years?

Oh, nothin' much.

Marriage, three
kids, a divorce. You?

Same, except no
marriage or kids.

A few serious relationships, but I guess
I'm still waiting for that special someone.

Well, I just recently
found out I am too.

Are you ready to order? Sure. The
lady will start with a caesar salad,

No anchovies, and
then, for her entrée,

she'll have linguine and
clams, easy on the cream...

And what on earth am I doing?

Your tastes have probably
changed after all these years.

Nope. I still like the same
things I liked back then.

Same for me. Thank you.

You know, I was nervous I wouldn't
know what to say or do tonight,

But it's great havin' a first date
with a guy you've already dated.

You should see me on a
second date. Oh, wait. You have.

[Laughing] so, let me
guess. For dessert,

We're gonna head on down to the
dairy queen and split a dilly bar?

Please, we're adults now.

Oh. We each get
our own dilly bar.

[Laughing]

Oh, I had a great
time tonight, parker.

I haven't laughed like this since,
oh, I don't know when. [Laughing]

Well, I'm so glad I
decided to come.

I almost didn't,
you know? Really?

Yeah. Once bitten, twice
shy. Oh, I didn't bite you.

Did i? You broke my
heart 20 years ago.

I wasn't sure I wanted
to risk that again.

I'm sorry, parker.

Did you ever wonder what...
What would have happened...

If we'd... Stayed together?

Yes, I have. Me too.

More often than
I'd like to admit.

Oops. I guess I just
did admit it. [Laughing]

Why did I ever let you go? You
never gave me a good reason.

For the life of me,

I can't remember the reason.

♪♪ [romantic sound track]

♪♪ [winds down, freezes]
[reba] now I remember.

Lousy kisser.

So you kissed him and
felt absolutely nothing?

It was like kissing your
brother or like kissing you.

- I could take offense
to that.
- Oh, you know what I mean.

When those lips touched mine,

It all came back in
one boring flash.

[Sighs] we dated for five
months in college. I liked him.

He was everything
I was lookin' for.

But there was just
never any... Sparks.

- But with brock?
- Wildfires.

Parker is such a great guy.

Why can't there be any sparks?

Parker reynolds. Delete.

Oh, is that a turtleneck
you're wearing?

Hickey check.

Things didn't go that
well with parker last night.

Lousy lover? No.
Kisser. Lousy kisser.

Oh, been there.

Oh, how sweet of
you. Are those for me?

They were on the front
porch. They're for mrs. H.

It's so boring being married.

"Had a wonderful time.

Counting the hours until
we meet again. Parker."

Flowers? Turtleneck? Uh-huh!

Someone got some
action last night! Whoo!

- There was no "action."
- Oh, yeah. Been there.

Now you'll be able to move on to
somethin' a little more hard-core...

Like a dermatologist.

First, I have to
break the heart...

Of the sweetest man
in the world... Again.

I know. Just date him
for a couple of months,

Get a few free dinners
out of it and then dump him.

You are definitely
half your dad.

- Hey.
- Speaking of.

We're takin' jake
and kyra to lunch.

She called and
asked for more shoes.

I think we're makin'
real progress.

I'll go get 'em.

Reba.

What beautiful flowers.

Are they from someone special?

I don't believe my flowers
are any of your business.

So they're not from a man.

- Who says they're not?
- [Gasps] you do have a man!

Praise jesus!

Thank you for lifting
this burden off of me.

- It was with parker reynolds.
- Who's he?

Reba's lover. Oh.

How is old parker?

Rich, successful, charming...
Pretty much a perfect 10.

Did I leave anything out, reba?

Nothin' you need to
mention right now.

So, uh, you seein' him again?

As a matter of fact, I am.

Well, good for you,
reba. Good for me?

Yeah. You deserve another


Bye. Bye.

Bye.

She's seeing new
dad again. She is?

It's okay if you don't like him.
He'll probably just give you away.

[door closes] okay, cheyenne,

What do you wear to dump a guy?

Oh, what you've got on is fine.

Reba. I sure wish you would
have let me pick you up.

I want to meet those
kids someday. [Uneasy laugh]

Parker, parker, parker.

I sure had a great
time the other night.

I did too. Thank you for the
flowers. They were beautiful.

Well, you know what
yellow roses stand for.

- Texas?
- Loyalty.

Now that you're a divorced woman,
you could have any man you want.

But you chose me. You
know what that means?

Texas?

[Laughs] [chuckles]

Reba, reba, reba.

Parker, parker, parker.

I am so glad you're
back in my life.

We fit together like
a... Like a plug in a socket.

Oh, god! I didn't... I
didn't mean... [Laughing]

That's okay. [Laughing]

Oh, you sure do make me laugh.

- Parker, can we try
a little experiment?
- Sure.

[Exhales]

Okay.

- Better make that "to go."
- "To go"? Are we leaving?

Parker, I really enjoyed
seeing you again, but...

But?

- You're a really nice guy, but...
- Oh, no.

Two "buts" and a "nice
guy." This can't be good.

I'm sorry. This is just
not gonna work out.

Not gonna work out? Five seconds
ago, you couldn't keep your lips off me.

Parker, you don't wanna
get tied down to me.

I'm a mother of three. I'm
gonna be a grandmother soon.

- It's because I'm short,
isn't it?
- What?

So I'm shorter than you are. I
can wear lifts. You can stoop.

Or wear heels, damn it, and I'll
just work on my self-confidence.

Parker, it doesn't have
anything to do with your height.

- It doesn't? Then what is it? Tell me.
- It's nothing.

It isn't nothing. It's
something. Is it my hair? No.

'Cause I keep
ordering for you? No.

You did this to me 20 years ago.
I have a right to know. Tell me.

All right. It's
your kissing. Ow.

I'd rather be short.

Parker.

I'm sorry, but there's
just not any... Sparks.

Sparks? Hey, no fair. You didn't
tell me we were goin' for sparks.

I didn't even have
time to warm up.

I didn't even get
to use my hands.

- [Sighs]
- nothing?

[Mouthing words] [sighs]

I felt it.

Call me.

When is my new dad moving in?

- What are you talkin' about?
- That man you're going
to marry after coffee.

Well, first of all,
you already have a dad.

And second of all, I'm
not gonna marry anyone...

For a long time.

So I won't have to change
my name to parker junior?

Of course not.

Where'd you ever
get an idea like... Kyra!

hold it.

Honey, why don't you go on
upstairs. I wanna talk to your sister.

Uh, thanks, mom, but I'm
all talked out right now.

I'll make you think all
talked out. Sit down.

Why have you been
torturing jake?

It's my job, and I take
it very seriously.

"Parker junior"? You gotta
admit that's pretty good.

Kyra, where's all
this comin' from?

Are you upset about the
divorce? What's to be upset about?

We've been hearing
about it forever.

Well, you gotta admit it's
a little scary. Not for me.

I thought I had all
this figured out,

And then the
divorce papers came.

I was so afraid of
being single again...

That I tried to go back to
somebody I dated 20 years ago.

Do you like him?
Yeah, as a friend.

But I can't go back. We
all have to go forward,

Even if it is a little scary.

Honey, are you afraid I'm gonna marry
someone and forget about you kids?

Of course not.

I know the divorce has
been hard on you too.

[Crying] no, it hasn't.

Oh, honey. [Sighs]

You don't always have
to be the tough gal.

Gee, I wonder where
you got that from.

You know, you're
so smart and mature,

Sometimes I forget
you're only 12.

Twelve and a half.

Twelve and a half.

All right. I've made a list
of men I've already kissed...

Guaranteed to get
your mojo workin'.

I've got mojo?

- Hey.
- Oh, don't you have
rotting teeth to fix?

No, but there's a mouth
I'd sure like to work on.

Hey, dad. Hey. Hey, coach.

Hey, mom. Van and I are gonna go
out to dinner with dad and barbra jean.

Okay. I hear he's feeling
guilty and buying shoes.

Hi. [Simpering]

So, how's your new beau?

We've decided to stay friends.

He dumped you already?

For your information,
reba dumped him.

You're such a good friend.

- Come on, everybody. Let's go eat.
- No comment from you?

No.

I gotta give you credit, brock.

You've handled my
first date very well.

Well, you know, I'm
sorry it didn't work out.

Parker's a real nice guy.

[Loud kissing noise]

Wait a minute! Who told you?

You did... 20 Years ago
when you broke up with him.

It was all about the sparks,
or, should I say, the lack thereof.

I'm sure you're disappointed.

Believe it or not, reba,

I really do hope you find
someone that makes you happy.

[Sputtering]

Don't get me wrong.
I'll be jealous as hell.

But that's my cross to bear.

[barbra jean, calling]
brock. We're waiting.

That's your cross calling now.