02x23 - Location, Location, Location

[bunniefuu]

Okay, bug, you got
two choices. [Bug buzzing]

Either you fly outta here,
or you go out on a tissue.

Hold on. Let me get the door.

Spread the word out there, reba's
house is off-limits to all pests.

We're back!

San antonio was muy bien.

But I missed you.
Did you miss me?

Ooh!

You could say I
c-counted every minute,

Every precious minute. Oh.

Hey. Carl and ann say hi.

His dental practice
is going crazy.

Did you know, according
to smile magazine,

San antonio is the root
canal capital of the world?

Sorry, we don't get smile
magazine. We just get frown.

It's such an
interesting city. Mm.

We went to the alamo. I asked
them if they had a rental car.

Oh.

Kyra did that joke
once. She was four.

I love san antonio. Remember,
we were gonna move there once.

Yeah, well...

Wait a minute. Are you
two thinking about moving?

Now, reba, don't get upset.

Oh! [Whooping]

Well, I'm just
excited for you guys.

See, carl's looking
to take on a partner,

and I just... oh, god bless him!

i always did like carl.
Oh, yeah, good, good man.

Well, we even met with a realtor
and saw a few houses. Uh-huh.

It'll be so great to get out of
our condo into a big fancy home.

One with one of those
shiny refrigerators.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
easy, barbra jean.

Remember the words we weren't gonna
use when we talked about buying a house...

Big, fancy, shiny?

Hey, I'm flat broke. But if you're
asking me to sell everything I own...

And give you the
money, consider it done.

But I just hate the idea
of leaving you, buddy.

[Laughs]

No, buddy.

If you think we have
fun together now,

Just imagine how wild it'd be if we
only see each other once a year.

[Quietly] yes!

You know, it is a
fantastic opportunity.

But, well, there's the kids.

- Oh.
- I don't know.

The idea of being four hours away
from them just doesn't feel right.

Yeah, I understand.

But barbra jean could still
move down to san antonio.

Hey, you're back.

- [brock] we'll talk about this later.
- how was your trip?

You mean our trip? You
mean the one to san antonio?

I almost forgot we went
because it was so unremarkable.

I like your hair like that.

The trip was great,
sweetheart. Thanks for asking.

Good-bye. Ooh!

Dear, sweet, reba.

Seein' stars, seein' stars.

Oh!

- [door closes]
- so, how was school today?

Interesting. Uh,
I got this letter.

Ooh, a letter from school.

I used to have to sit down when
cheyenne would bring me one of these.

Oh, my gosh! Isn't it hilarious?

Because I got a 4.0
in social studies,

I was invited to the
summer semester in england.

It's not hilarious,
it's wonderful!

And it's because you're such a
good student, and you like tea.

Oh, and you'd get
school credit for it too.

Yeah, it would have been nice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What do
you mean it would have been nice?

Don't you wanna
go? Mom, come on.

You've got five people
and a baby in this house.

I don't think you've got an
extra 2,000 bucks lying around.

Van eats that much
every month in chips.

But, hey, two thousand isn't so
much. I mean, it's barely a thousand.

Plus another thousand.

Oh, reba, I got to the car,
and I just missed you so much.

Kyra, hand me that
flyswatter over there.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

[Clacking]

Thanks for letting
me sell lemonade, mom.

Oh, sure, jake. How'd it go?

[Coins clattering]
good. What's this?

I want it to go for kyra's trip.

Oh, jake, you sweet little boy.

Oh!

You know how much it would mean to
kyra to get to go on this trip, don't you?

No. I just know if she
goes, she won't be here.

I know. I mean, I
couldn't believe her.

- She was, like, totally rude.
- I know.

And I'm, like, "you're
being totally rude."

I know. And she was, like, "I'm
not being rude. You're being rude."

And did you see me when
she said that? I'm, like,

"Oh, yeah, we're the
ones being rude."

and did you see
me? I'm like, "oh!"

She's all, "whoa, whoa, whoa."

And I'm like...
I'm like... [Scoffs]

It's a good thing you
let him do the talkin'.

Mom, the university's making
me take classes this summer.

I bet I know why.
'Cause they're rude.

No, they say if I don't
take classes this summer,

I'm not gonna have enough
credits to be a full-time student.

- You took all your courses,
didn't you?
- Yeah, of course I did.

And I finished most of 'em.

- Most?
- Mrs. H,

- She had american literature
at 8:30 in the morning.
- [Cheyenne] yeah.

You can't study american
literature that early.

They should have called it
early american literature.

So you've been dropping classes?

Do you have any idea how
much those classes cost?

Yeah, I do... Now. I mean, I guess I
just... I didn't think about it then.

So is it okay if I take
classes this summer?

Sure. It's fine with me.

Why don't you see if they have a class
on keeping your head out of your butt?

You know, I don't think they do, or my
counselor would have told me about it.

What I mean is, mom, I
need to borrow the money.

Sorry, kiddo. Any cash I can
find is going towards kyra's trip.

Now, your dad came
up with half of it,

And I'm just one lemonade sale
away from coming up with my half.

But then I won't be
a full-time student.

I got news for you,
bubbles, you're not.

Mom, we're gonna
lose our day care.

- What are you talking about?
- If I'm not
a full-time student...

Elizabeth loses her spot
at the day-care center.

and we might not get her
back in for a couple of years.

That's what the rude lady
told us. And then she's all, "duh!"

And I'm, like, "hey"...

Mom, if we can't use the day-care
center, I can't go to college at all.

[Sighs] why do these things always
come up when I'm out of money?

Why am I always out of money?

Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah, but look. What I'm saying is
if my card is already at my credit limit,

Then the obvious
answer is to raise my limit.

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I am
making more money now. I got a raise.

One million dollars
a year. [Dial tone]

Hello? [knocking]

Reba, I gotta talk to you fast.

Okay, me first, me first.
All right. Make it snappy.

Okay, I need a favor,
and it's a really big favor,

One that would seem more natural
if we were still married or I had a g*n.

But I need you to lend
me my half for kyra's trip.

Oh, reba. Oh, come on,
brock. I'll pay you back.

I'll pay you back with interest.

Okay, maybe I won't
pay you back with

Interest, but I'll pay
you back with gratitude.

Something came up at cheyenne's
school that I have to deal with.

Reba, you know I'd help if I could,
but this is a really bad time for me.

And not my usual bad time where
I'm just pretending it's a bad time.

I am tapped out.

Yeah, tapped out like when you
pay 50 bucks for a game of golf.

Fifty? You know
where I can play for 50?

We put a down
payment on a house.

[Gasps] you did it! You're
buying a house in san antonio?

Well, not exactly.

- Well, where is it then?
- [Beeps]

Twenty-six seconds door to door.

We kinda bought the
house around the corner.

Hey, neighbor.

You gonna trim those
hedges out front or what?

No! What happened
to san antonio?

You were supposed to buy
the house in san antonio!

Four hours away, not 28 seconds.

Twenty-six.

And that's in
heels. [Smacks lips]

San antonio would
have been great.

And I would have doubled my
income, but I couldn't leave my kids.

Oh, reba, this is so exciting.

You and me, working
together in our community.

You know what we should do first?
Organize a neighborhood watch group.

Why? It's too late for that now.

Honey, aren't we lucky to
live right around the corner...

- From a stand-up comedian?
- Oh, yeah.

you are gonna emcee
the block party, shecky.

[Laughs]

Barbra jean, honey,
uh, listen. Yeah.

I've gotta talk to reba about something
else. Could you go on back to the house?

Oh, sure. You know, I bet I can
beat my record of 26 seconds...

If you let me hop your fence
in the backyard. Oh, honey.

I don't think our
realtor needs to see that.

Spoilsport. Yeah.

Oh, hey, reba, you wanna
hear something really wild?

If I stand on my toilet
in my upstairs bathroom,

I can see right into your
bedroom window. [Screams]

Kids, we're movin'.

Leave your stuff.
Just get in the car!

Van, registration is today.
We have to go in there. Come on.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's take
the baby with us, so she can't hit us.

Van, why are you being so nervous? She
already said she would give us the money.

Yeah, I know. Just I have a feeling
it's coming with a big lecture.

And sometimes when your
mother is giving us a big lecture,

And she wants to emphasize a point,
she likes to give me one of these.

Come on. [Groans]

Uh, hey, mom. Hey.

Whatcha doin'?

Mom, today's the day that I have to
register, you know, for those classes.

- It's on the table.
- This is really,
really great of you.

- Uh-huh.
- Okay, so, um,

I guess that we'll
go to registration.

Thank you.

Thanks, mrs. H. You
know what's funny?

We thought you were
gonna give us a big lecture.

What?

Van! What?

No. No, nothing. Nothing. No.

- Sit down. - [Whimpers] my bad.

A lecture?

Why would I give you a lecture?

I mean, if I gave you a lecture and you
didn't like it, you'd just drop it, right?

Oh, good one.

I mean... I mean, bad one.

I mean, shut up, van.

Mom, I swear, we feel
really terrible about this.

There isn't anything
that you're gonna say to

Us that we haven't
already said to each other.

It's also nothing that I haven't
told you 10 times over the last year.

What I'm waiting for,
cheyenne, is for you to listen.

What I'm waiting for
is you two to get it!

It's not like I'm trying to screw
up my life on purpose, mom.

Here's the thing, child. People don't
have to try to screw up their lives.

Screwing up is easy. Some
people have a gift for it.

The hard part is
trying not to screw up.

Not to screw up. Got it.

Sit down.

You asked me a while
ago what I was doing.

I was making macaroni and
cheese. Do you know why?

Because it's kyra's
favorite meal.

And today I have to tell her that
she's not gonna get to go to england.

something she
wants and deserves.

And I'm trying to make up for it
by making her macaroni and cheese.

It's not fair!

[Yells]

I'm sorry, mom. I really am.

You still love me, right?

I will always love
you, cheyenne.

[Clenched teeth] no matter what.

I'm afraid I'm making a big mistake
by bailing you out all the time.

Maybe it'd be best if I just
let you fall on your butt.

And if it wasn't for
elizabeth, I swear I would.

Oh, mrs. H, we are gonna
be more responsible. Okay?

We-we're gonna be adults
from now on, starting today.

You'll see.

Mom has the keys.

We'll walk.

♪ I'm not a baby child
and I look fresh dipped ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm all that
and a bag of chips ♪♪

Mom, hi.

I was just listening
to something.

yeah, I heard. And you, young
lady, have a very good voice.

Yeah, right. You can tell you
don't know anything about music.

Well, it's about an hour before
dinner, so I brought you some pinwheels.

They're your favorites, right?

Yeah, they are. Great.

Wait. Dinner's in an hour, yet
you're letting me have cookies?

Right. Before dinner?

Don't tell mom.
Here, have a pinwheel.

Yeah. [Chuckles]

Mmm, these are good. I can
see why they're your favorites.

Mm-hmm.

From now on, they're
officially my favorite too.

I'm nuts about these things.

I'm not gonna be
able to go, am i?

No.

Look, kyra... Mom. Mom.

Thank you. Thank you.

Look, sweetie, I'm sorry. I
know you're very disappointed.

Yeah, I am, but I knew the money
wasn't gonna come together.

See? It pays to be a pessimist.

But thanks for trying, mom.

[Chuckles]

Boy, it'd be nice if this
could stop right here.

What do you mean?

Honey, the money
did come together.

Then why can't I go?

I had to give the money to
cheyenne for summer session.

She dropped so many classes, she
was gonna lose elizabeth's day care.

[Scoffs] I made
macaroni and cheese.

Oh, come on,
sweetie. Let it out.

I know you're mad.
Don't keep mad inside.

I mean, you gotta let
it out. It's like a sneeze.

No, I'm not mad. It's
okay, mom, I get it.

I know I always give
cheyenne a hard time.

You know, because it's so easy.

But I sort of feel
bad for her, you know?

She had this great life going, and now
there's a really tough road ahead of her.

But it's not fair to you.

It's life. And whoever
said life was fair, right?

Oh, honey.

No, life isn't fair.

Things that shouldn't
come up, come up.

And people who deserve
to get things, don't get 'em.

And people who shouldn't
buy houses, buy 'em.

You know what else? Most of the kids
going on that trip are geeks anyway.

[Quietly] oh, boy.

[barbra jean] reba!

hey! I can see you
from this bathroom too.

Well... Oh! [Grunts]

Hey there, homeowner.

I don't believe I heard a knock.

What? Are you kiddin'?

You pop into my house
uninvited anytime you want,

And you have the
nerve to say that to me?

I was jokin'.

So was i.

This place is cool, dad.

Yeah, well, it'll look a lot better
once we get all our furniture in.

You're gonna have
furniture? What a waste.

[Chuckles] hey, reba.

Thanks for stopping by. Yeah.

Yeah, but, uh, no
housewarming gift?

Oh, wait a minute.
Here you go. [Clattering]

Oh, matches?

Yeah, and they told me it's best to
keep them in a big old pile of oily rags.

You just can't turn it
off, can you, phyllis diller?

[Laughing]

So, how'd it go with kyra?

Well, it was actually
kind of sweet.

I crushed her dream of going to
england, then I coughed up a cookie.

I guess some mothers just have
a special way of doing things.

Yeah. You know, kyra and I were
having a rough time there for a while.

I think we turned a corner. I really
think it's gonna be different now.

- Good.
- Fancy house, dad.

- Oh, you like it?
- Barbra jean just around
the corner from mom?

I love it. Oh.

I know. Isn't it wonderful?

So, reba, you want me to
give you the five-cent tour?

- Do I get
the special headphones?
- No, I just talk.

Can I get the
special headphones?

Oh, you are gonna be
so jealous of my house.

Come on.

Look how clean my windows are.

Hey, honey, I'm sorry
about your trip.

It's just the way things are.

You know, your mom told me that
you handled the news really well.

She is so proud
of you, and so am i.

Thanks.

I'll find a way to make
this up to you, kyra. I swear.

Actually, I already
thought of a way.

I wanna move in with
you and barbra jean.

acme! [Coughing]