04x01 - The Accidental Role Model

[bunniefuu]

[reba] now, previously on reba.

- What did you call me?
- Reba.

see, now that we're
renters, I don't think

it's right for me to
be calling you mrs. H.

oh, and I'm cuttin' down on my carbs,
so keep that in mind. Okay, "rebe"?

Barbra jean said she
saw you in bed with dad.

What?

Hey, barbra jean.

I think we should talk.

See? Bye.

Yeah, I think so too.

But could you give me
a minute with reba first?

You want me to leave?

Okay, I'll leave.

But make it a good
minute, brock.

Make sure that at the end of
that minute, you've figured out...

Whatever it is you
need to figure out,

Because I can't
keep living like this.

Brock, go after her.

She thinks that you
think you made a mistake...

By leaving me and marrying
her and everything.

Go tell her she was wrong.
I don't think I can do that.

And why the heck not? Because...

I do think I made a mistake.

What? I said, I do
think I made a mistake.

[Chuckles] oh, boy.

Yeah.

How long have you felt this way?

I don't know. I'm
not sure what I feel.

You're not sure?
Well, do you feel this?

Ow! What'd you hit me for?

Y-you say marrying barbra jean
was a mistake, and you're not sure?

How can I figure out how I feel if I
can't talk about it? Well, I don't know.

But you can't go
around blurtin' stuff out

And then decide whether
or not you believe it.

That's how you got in
trouble with our wedding vows.

Don't you wanna know why I think
I might have made a mistake? No.

What if I told you you're one
of the reasons? You know what?

I couldn't care less
what your reasons are,

Because whatever your
reasons are, they come from you.

You know what?

I do care, and you knew I would.

You're despicable, brock.
You go around talkin'

About how much more
sensitive you've become,

And everything you
do causes chaos.

This is just another
example, how your selfishness

Is tearin' everybody
else's lives apart.

So you wanna hear?

Are you listenin' to me?

I do and I don't wanna hear.
How much more clear can I be?

Okay, I've changed my mind. I'm not
gonna let you two decide my life...

While I'm sittin' in the living
room drainin' the hard-candy bowl.

It's okay, barbra jean.
We're done. No, we're not.

- Yes, we are.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

You guys don't get to make the
choice. I do. And I've decided I'm leavin'.

No, no, no. I'm leavin'. I am.

I am. Rock, paper, scissors.

Barbra jean, I'm not gonna...
One, two, three, sh**t.

[Sinister laugh]

Rock beats air. I win.

You didn't win. I wasn't
playing. Well, let's play now.

Okay, paper covers rock. Bye.

Reba, you get back
here! You cheated!

What are you lookin'
at, old lady? Huh?

Just walk your dog, okay?

Reba!

I'm not sure why I
married either one of 'em.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

I don't get it. So I
called your mom "reba."

What is the big deal? Why
did she have to get so mad?

I mean, sure, it's not the
greatest name in the world, but...

I mean, it's better than,
say, mabel or floyd.

Floyd? Floyd's a
man's name, honey.

Oh, yeah? Tell that
to my aunt floyd.

- Hey, maybe I could use
her middle name.
- It's nell.

Nell?

Nell. yeah.

Nelly. Old neller. [Grunts]

What?

We were trying to have a private
conversation. We're trying to figure out...

Something important here, kyra,
if you don't mind. Yeah, thanks.

The answer's "once." You only have
to lather, rinse and repeat once.

Why do you always
have to cause trouble?

I know. I'm sorry. It's a
real character flaw.

Yes, it is.

And I wish you'd told me that
three bottles of shampoo ago.

I guess I'm just a little
upset about, you know,

Barbra jean finding mom
and dad in bed together.

What?

- No way.
- That's what
barbra jean says.

Kyra, do not kid
about this, okay?

Don't try and get us to overreact
so you make us look stupid.

Honey... Honey, kyra does
not have that power over us.

Only we can make
ourselves look stupid.

mom. Hey, you're back.

yeah. How's, uh, mr. H?

"H" as in mr. "H-h-h-hot."

So, what... What happened? I
don't want to talk about it.

Come on. Let's go in.

hey, ma. So, uh, you were over
talking to, uh... To barbra jean?

How... How... How... How is she?

How is she? [cheyenne] mm-hmm.

How is she?

She's married to
brock. Figure it out.

You know, we were
just wondering, nell...

- What did you call me?
- I know. It's not workin'
for me either.

- Did you need somethin'?
- Mom, kyra told us
about you and dad.

[Imitates bedsprings squeaking]

Ow.

All right, all right, all
right. Stop it, both of you.

That did not happen. And I can't believe
you would think anything could happen.

Why not? It's dad going through
his whole mid-life crisis, part two.

Between him wanting to be a
pro golfer and going to therapy...

And hanging around
you all the time, mom,

Things have gotten a little
weird around here lately.

- That doesn't mean anything's
going on between us.
- Good.

Right. What?

Yeah. You and dad getting back
together would be horrible.

In fact, I think it's the worst
thing that could possibly happen.

I'm neutral.

Look, mom, I did want you guys
to get back together originally,

But once you got over it,
you were so much happier.

and now there's barbra jean,
who I've actually grown to like.

Again, I'm neutral.

Mom, you may think this is just
about you and dad, but it's not. Okay?

It would change
things for all of us.

i don't want everything
to fall apart again.

We may be from a broken home,
but at least it is still intact.

- Where are you going?
- To clear things up
with your father.

[door closes]

Man, she cannot stay
away from mr. H-h-h-hot.

Hey, brock, we need to talk.

Actually, I'm a little busy
being selfish and causing chaos.

Okay, fine. I deserved that.

Yeah, no kidding. You know, I was trying
to tell you something important today.

Well, maybe I'm not ready
to hear something important.

Maybe I'm not ready to hear you
say that your marriage was a mistake...

Or that you still
have feelings for me.

I didn't say that... [Shouts]

I said I don't wanna hear it.

Look, I got a nice
life going, brock.

Everything used to be crazy...
One fiasco after the other.

And I don't want
to go back to that.

You're goin' through
a lot right now.

You're what my grandma used to
call "a little teched in the head."

[Laughing]

Ha, ha. I've been diagnosed
as depressed, you know.

Oh, well, just because you're depressed
don't mean you can't have a sense of humor.

Are you done?
All right, all right.

All I'm sayin' is, before you
go blurtin' out anything else,

Just remember that barbra
jean loves you with all her heart.

There's no accounting
for taste, but she does.

Yeah, well, I love
her too, reba. I'm just...

I'm goin' through
something. But don't worry.

When barbra jean gets back, we'll
sit down. We'll have a nice long talk.

Good. Now I'm sure in a
day or two everything

Will be the same
between you and her.

Lucky for you, the
simple are forgiving.

Hey, jake, whatcha doin'?

Playing a video
game and watching tv.

I'm multitasking.

Well, look. Since you're
here, let me ask you somethin'.

Do you think things have been a
little messed up around here lately?

It's not my fault. Van did it.

- Did what?
- Made a big mess in my room
and didn't clean it up.

Stupid van.

But that's it? Nothing with
barbra jean and your dad?

You mean mr. H-h-h-hot?

Go clean your room.

- Hey, reba.
- Hey.

I just came over to let
you know I'm at peace.

Good. What's that like?

I feel like I just walked
through a portal...

And left all my cares and
concerns on the other side.

Hmm. Well, be sure and
pick 'em up on your way out.

I don't want a lot of cares and
concerns in my front yard. [Laughs]

[Chuckles] oh, you. Yeah.

[Sighs]

Well, you're really in a good
mood. I guess you talked to brock.

- Not yet.
- I think you should.

- I don't need to.
- You might.

- I'm kicking him out.
- [Laughing]

Oh, you. [Laughing]

- I'm serious.
- I know. I'm just
laughin' at my life.

So, you're really gonna
kick brock out? Oh, yeah.

Bye-bye, blondie.

I hate to sound judgmental,
but you know that's crazy.

[Scoffs] no, reba.

Spending last summer
learning portuguese,

Because it was going to be the universal
language of the future was crazy.

Trying to train bees to eat
hamburger out of my hand was crazy.

Kickin' brock out
is a smart move.

um movimento esperto.

Barbra jean, I don't get it. This
doesn't sound like somethin' you'd do.

I know. Reba, I
had a revelation.

I was driving around...

Lonely and feeling
sorry for myself...

When I went by this church.

And it hit me.

I wasn't alone in this world.

Yeah, I know. You're not.

So I asked myself, "w.w.r.d.?"
What would reba do?

No, no, no, no, no, barbra jean.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

- That's a bad question.
- Oh, reba. No, it's not.

You're the woman brock
respects most in this

World, next to
jennifer garner of alias.

No. No, no.

No. But, barbra jean, I
would not kick brock out.

And if I were in your position,

I would march right over there,
apologize and make up to my husband.

Oh, no, you
wouldn't. Yes, I would.

No, you wouldn't. [Chuckling]

Maybe.

Reba, you would kick brock out
until he gets his head on straight.

And then maybe, just
maybe, you'd take him back.

Yeah, but I've got anger issues.

Look, reba, I love my husband,
and I don't wanna lose him.

But I'm not gonna settle
for "he might want me."

I'm not gonna take whatever he decides
to give me. I deserve better than that.

Yeah, you do, barbra jean.

Thank you.

See? I do know you.

I'm in your head.

You know what you're
gonna do next, don't you?

Ask you to leave
so I can go lie down?

Nope. You're
gonna give me a hug.

No. No. Yeah. Come on.

[Groans] come on.

- okay. Okay.
- it was then they realized...

- That neither one of them
needed a man.
- Oh!

You guys, guess what.

I'm kicking brock
out. Barbra jean!

Well, they're gonna
find out eventually.

Yeah, but they shouldn't
know before brock does.

See?

I knew you'd say that.

She's not really kicking
him out, is she? I don't know.

She could. I mean, you know
how the old saying goes.

"If you love
something, set it free."

Or cr*pple it so
it can't get away.

Knock, knock!

Hey, kyra, you're
doing the dishes.

Hey, van, you're bothering me.

No, it's just...
You're doing a chore.

I never thought of you
as the type that helps.

So, you're doing this
whole "cleany-uppy

Thingy" 'cause of all
the tension around here?

No, I just want to soak in this detergent
so my hands will be youthful again.

Oh, kyra. Sweet,
sweet, vulnerable kyra.

- Clean dishes won't
keep daddy at home.
- Nope.

What is wrong with you...
Specific to this moment?

Are you sayin' there's
no tension here? Barbra

Jean didn't just come
back and kick dad out?

What? Yeah. She was
just over at reba nell's.

She was screaming
and throwing stuff,

Swearing she was gonna
set him free or cr*pple him.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah. It was pretty dramatic.

Well, I haven't seen barbra
jean in a couple hours.

- Do you think
that's a good sign?
- I don't know. Maybe it is.

Maybe she just needed
time to think about it.

She'll come back when she feels
better, and dad will never find out.

- Find out what?
- Dad!

Van, cheyenne. So what
happened? Did she do it?

- Did she do what?
- [Gasps] brock!

- [Laughs]
- something is
obviously going on,

But they won't
tell me what it is.

- Brock, I don't think I should
be the one to tell you.
- 'Cause it's big, man.

It is big.

Reba, if it's big...

And it involves
who I think it might,

You know, a little advance
warning might help me to prepare.

[Chuckles]

Oh, boy.

Reba, please?

Okay, fine. I'll tell you.

But one of these days,
I'm gonna get remarried.

I'm gonna stick you
in these situations.

[Chuckling] okay.

Reba.

Barbra jean came over
earlier, and she said...

She's gonna ask you to leave.

What? Yeah.

Why would she say that?
That doesn't sound like her.

That... That sounds like you.

I know it! I can't help
it! She's in my head!

All right, let's just
hold on a second here.

I mean, did you ever stop and think that
maybe she was just trying to impress you?

Maybe this is just
the kick in the pants

That we need to start
addressing our issues.

There you go.

Barbra jean just needs to know that
I still wanna work on our marriage.

Everything else will take
care of itself from there.

Dad, barbra jean's at home.
She said she wants to see you.

She does?

Oh, well, that's
great. You know what?

This... This silliness has
gone on long enough.

Did y'all get all that? Yep.

And you know what?
I think dad's right.

He's gonna go over there and talk
to her, and everything's gonna be okay.

Yeah, I mean, who wouldn't
want to be married to mr. H?

Oh, yeah. My bad.

[Mouths words]

[knocking]

Well? It was great.

Yeah. Yeah, we sat down,
had a long heart-to-heart,

And then she kicked me out.

Well, you're a strong
man. You'll get through this.

You did with me.

I'm sorry. You okay?

Well, I will be. Come on in.

I'll get a couple of
beers. Thanks, reba.

They're for me.

You can't drink. You're gonna
have to drive to a cheap motel.

I still don't know why I
married either one of 'em.

acme! [Coughing]