04x15 - Flowers for Van

[bunniefuu]

Come on. Give me a flush.

Give me a flush.
Give me a flush.

Give me a flush!
Give me a flush!

♪♪ [Electronic chime] [groans]

A straight. Hey, a straight.

Hey, van, elizabeth and
I have a playdate with

Her friend mindy, and we
really want you to come.

What? What? Cheyenne, can you not
stand there? You've always been bad luck.

I said, "elizabeth and I
have a playdate with her

Friend mindy, and we
really want you to come."

Sorry, I got a playdate
with the royal family.

You know what, van? We have a problem.
You have been really distant lately.

I know. I'm sorry.
♪♪ [electronic chime]

Fine, play your silly little
game. Just help me out to the car.

- I'm in the middle of a game.
- I said, "help me out
to the car!"

mrs. H, will you sit in for me?

- Well, I haven't played poker
in a long time.
- That's okay.

My screen name is "screen name."

Keep that to yourself.

[Beeps]

[Beeps] okay, okay!

I'll call. ♪♪ [Electronic chime]

No, wait! I don't have anything! I want
to take it back. How do I take it back?

Wait, whoa. Three
sevens. Leave it! Leave it!

♪♪ [Electronic chime] I win!

[Laughing]

What a rush! [Laughs]

Okay, thanks, mrs. H.
I'll take it from here.

- Okay. Mrs. H.
- Keep tapping me,
you're gonna lose that arm.

Why are all the women
in this family so mean?

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

[Cards shuffling] mom, I wanna
play on the computer.

Jake, we have a perfectly good
television over there. Use it.

Hey, reba. I heard you
caught the gambling bug.

Ah, it's just a game.

Give me your credit card.

Oh, isn't that cute?

Little chat boxes next
to the other players.

Do you have to play to
get a screen name? Mm-hmm.

Because I wanna
be "wookie lover."

[Imitating wookie roaring]

"Wookie lover"? Mm-hmm.

[Scoffs] that's the most ridiculous
screen name I've ever heard.

Well, what's yours?
"Ramblin' red rose."

[Cards shuffle]

My screen name is "lady k*ller."

Okay, elizabeth, you and
mindy can get a juice box.

Who's your boyfriend?

Jake! [Laughs] little brothers.

I'm gonna tell mom about that
magazine under your mattress.

Actually, that's a good
question. Who's this?

Oh, um, michael, this is my mom,
reba, and my step-mom, barbra jean.

Hello.

Nice to meet you. You have a
lovely daughter and granddaughter.

And you've got a
lovely something else.

You know what? I think I might have
left elizabeth's blankie at your house.

I'll come by later and grab it.

Make sure you do. I'm having
a garage sale on saturday.

Oh. [Laughs]

Okay. Um, gotta go. Okay.

Mindy, let's go, baby.

Okay, seriously, who is
that? That's mindy's dad.

[door closes] where's
mindy's mom?

Oh, they're divorced. We talked about it
for, like, hours. He even cried a little.

Yeah. He said he wasn't sure
if he'd ever find love again.

I cried a little too.

Well, where were the kids while
you two were doin' all this crying?

They were playing in the tree house. You
guys, he has the most beautiful backyard.

he made us brunch. We picnicked
on the lawn. He's so funny.

He told me this story about this
time... Okay, well, you had to be there.

[Chuckles] cheyenne, you
had a date with this man.

It was not a date.

We just... We had shrimp scampi and a glass
of chardonnay on the swing in the gazebo.

Cheyenne, honey, my
honeymoon wasn't that good.

Oh, no. And I have to go back
there to get elizabeth's blankie.

Well, fix your lipstick before you
go. And throw on a little perfume.

- What?
- Well, I'm not sayin'
she should date the man,

But there's nothin' wrong with a woman
getting a little attention from others.

Keeps the marriage fresh.

Kinda the way you freshened
my marriage with brock?

Cheyenne, you have to talk to
michael and tell him the truth.

Tell him you're a married
woman, and you don't

Feel comfortable being
alone with a single man.

- He'll understand.
- Yeah. That's probably best.

- Remember, be firm.
- Oh, I've been doing squats.

♪♪ [Electronic chime] yes,
three eights! Winner!

Mr. H, that's, like,
four hands in a row.

How'd you get so
good at playing poker?

When barbra jean and I were
separated, I had a lot of time to think.

And that bothered me, so I
started playing poker online.

Nothing huge. Just, you know, fun stuff
to pass the time, keep me out of my head.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I don't like it in
my head either.

Well, of course you don't.
You're a guy. We're simple.

We are thinking
one of three things:

I want a sandwich; I want a woman; I
want a woman who can make me a sandwich.

Why don't women
know we're simple?

I mean, cheyenne always
wants me to listen.

That's fine. If I got a
magazine or something.

but it's just... I don't know.

We've been kinda
strained lately.

And I'm just feelin'...

Well, i... I don't really
like talking about

The way I feel, 'cause
it makes me feel, uh...

Well, I don't
wanna talk about it!

Yeah, exactly.
That's how men are.

You know, we don't like a lot of
the yick-yack and the blah, blah, blah.

Oh, don't forget
the... [Babbling]

The only way for a man to be happy is to
get really good at pretending to listen.

Yeah, but cheyenne always
knows when I'm pretending.

Well, then you have to practice
what I call "half-listening."

That's when you listen for a key
word that you can repeat back...

As proof that you
were paying attention.

You know, you are really
good at this relationship stuff.

You can tell you've
been married twice.

[Beeps]

And when a woman starts talking,

You just nod your
head and say, "mm-hmm."

Sometimes I'll throw in, "cool."

Cool.

Yeah, but listen, that's only for
the really skilled half-listener.

Because, inevitably, she's
gonna say something like,

"My cat got run over by a car
today." And you'll say, "cool."

What happens then?
You buy her flowers.

Mr. H, this is awesome. You know what?
I'm gonna buy cheyenne some flowers.

Daisies. Those are her favorite.

Hey, listen. Have them write something
really chick-like on the card, okay?

Lay it on as thick as you can.

the more ridiculous it sounds to
you, the more she's gonna like it.

Mr. H, you're savin' me here.

You are an awesome
father-in-law.

Yeah, I know.

You know, it's great to have
someone to teach this stuff to.

Okay. ♪♪ [Electronic chime]

Whoa. Dang. This red
rose is really good.

"Hey, red rose, take it easy.

You're scoopin' up my
money like an ex-wife."

I just love a man who gives
me his money. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, check it out. He's a hoot.

And his screen name
is "golden god." [Scoffs]

Look. Look at that. "If you look
half as good as you play poker,

You should be a model." [Scoffs]

He's probably married
to some pathetic sad sack.

Oh, look at that. Hey.

Oh. Did you tell him?

Yeah. He got really quiet.

Guys don't really take it that well when
they know they're not gonna see me anymore.

What exactly did you say to him?

Well, I didn't want to hurt his feelings,
so I told him that I really liked him,

But I wasn't sure elizabeth
was enjoying her playdates.

That makes it sound like you like
him, but you don't want the kids around.

Oh, no, no, no, mom. I was very
clear about the way I said it.

My body language was, "it's over." I
mean, seriously, I had my arms folded.

Cheyenne, that's not clear.

- Folding your arms could mean,
"I'm cold. Hold me."
- Mom.

It could also mean,
"what up, dawg?"

[doorbell rings]

Hello. Got a delivery
for cheyenne montgomery.

That's me. [reba] thanks.

Who would send me flowers?

Oh, gee, I don't know.

Maybe somebody who has a
huge crush on you, like michael.

Oh, no, it couldn't be him.

You folded your arms.

Maybe it's not
him. It could be van.

"You are the air I breathe
and the beats of my heart.

I live to listen to your words."

Sounds like van.

Oh, that's not van. This is michael.
Oh, that is just so forward.

Makes me so mad,

I just wanna put on some
lipstick and go over there!

I mean, flowers? Yeah.

He sends me flowers? You guys, if
van sees these, he is gonna freak.

How did this michael guy
know that you like daisies?

I might have told him that
daisies were my favorite flower.

Oh. You told him
your favorite flower?

cheyenne, that is like
emotional third base.

Well, it's obvious that this
guy is not gonna just go away.

Oh, what did I do? I
didn't mean to lead him on.

Why did god curse me with subtle
beauty and a bubbly personality?

I know. Okay, are you
ready to listen to me now?

You need to call michael
and tell him straight up...

That you are a married woman
and he cannot contact you anymore.

or better yet, send him
flowers with a nasty note.

What?

I once had a gentleman caller who
kept sending me flowers against my will.

So I sent him flowers back
with a nasty note, and it worked.

I never saw him again.

I mean, sometimes I sensed my
photograph was being taken.

But I never saw him again.

Barbra jean, that's not
gonna work. Oh, yes, it will.

This michael guy clearly
speaks the language of the flora.

Now, if we only knew what
his favorite flower was.

Oh, it's a tie between birds
of paradise and azaleas.

Is there anything you
two didn't talk about?

just write, "stay out of my
life, or I will call the police.

Enjoy these birds of paradise."

Cheyenne, talk to michael.

And this time, don't
use body language.

It was your body that
got you into this mess!

I see. I'm gonna take
these flowers...

And throw 'em in the
trash before van sees 'em.

Do it my way, cheyenne.
I am not wrong.

- I think she's wrong.
- So wrong. Send flowers.

Okay.

Someone just took my picture.

I speak seven languages,

And I'm a crack shot
with a crossbow.

How about you?

Some say I remind them of an
american-looking antonio banderas.

Especially when I
dance the flamenco.

My hair is the color
of the morning sun.

Hence the name, golden god.

[knocking]

Mr. H. Mr. H.

Mr. H! What?

We have a problem. I found the
daisies I sent cheyenne in the trash.

In the trash? If you'd told
me she was that mad at you,

We could have gone with
roses from the get-go.

Mr. H, maybe I should just
start paying attention to my wife.

You don't wanna go there, son.

Look, just order the flowers,
and we'll go from there.

- All right, got it.
- Oh, and, uh,
leave those flowers here.

- Why?
- I don't know. Something about
barbra jean feeling neglected,

And blah, blah, blah and...
Anyway, I'm in trouble.

[doorbell rings]

Hi. I'm michael. Hey, michael.

Those aren't roses. No,
they're birds of paradise.

[van] yeah. Flowers are flowers.

Just give me the
pigeons of paradise.

I would really like to give these
flowers to cheyenne myself.

Hey, michael, buddy, listen, I really
appreciate the enthusiasm for the job,

But I'm gonna tip ya
a buck either way.

So why don't you just
give me the flowers,

And I'll make sure
cheyenne gets them.

They're not for cheyenne. They're
from cheyenne. Cheyenne got me flowers?

Mmm, not exactly. Well, who else
would she get 'em for? I'm her husband.

Here you go.

[Singsong] he forgot his dollar.

Van, I don't think those
flowers are for you.

Well, I think someone's
a little jealous.

I'll just put these here so
lonely people can enjoy 'em too.

Well, let's just see
what she has to say.

Van, don't read the card.
It's bad luck to read the note.

"I had a nice time with you,

And I'm very sorry, but I
can never see you again."

Three years of marriage and a
child together, and that's a "nice time"?

There's been a mistake.

Yeah, I think there
has been a mistake.

- And here's cheyenne
to explain it.
- Explain what?

Uh, remember those flowers
that you sent earlier?

Well, they were, um, returned.

and van thinks that
the note is for him.

and since I'm the only one
who's not gettin' flowers today,

I'm gonna go have some wine.

Well, I'm waiting.

Okay, van, those flowers... They weren't
for you. They were for another man.

What? no, no.

See, mindy's daddy,
michael, and I had what

I thought was a totally
innocent playdate.

Only, later, I realized
that he thought...

It was a little less play
and a little more date.

- I'll k*ll him.
- No, no! Van, no! Stop! Van.

It didn't mean anything. Oh,
yeah? It didn't mean anything, huh?

Well, this lovely arrangement
of pigeons of paradise...

Means somethin'!

For a dollar extra, you
could have had a balloon.

You know what, van? Maybe
it did mean something, okay?

Maybe, I was a little more
lonely than I thought.

And... And it was nice to have
someone who actually listens to me.

Oh.

"Oh"?

See, iou, and you say, "oh."

I need you to talk to me, van.

Oh. Van!

I'm sorry.

I'm just not good at it.

Can you try, please?

'S been a hard couple of months.

I been... I been
feeling kinda empty.

Then talk to me okay.

Cheyenne,

I feel...

Empty.

Baby.

What else? What else?

Well, I want a sandwich.

I'm kinda hungry.
[doorbell rings]

I'll get that.

Flowers for cheyenne
montgomery. How you doin'?

You stay away from my
wife, pal, or you'll be sorry.

Yeah, you better run.

Van, it says you sent these.

Okay, golden god,

I'm going to call it a night.

You wanna play again tomorrow?

No can do, red rose.

Why not? Got a flamenco lesson?

No. You've taken all my money.

But I had a lot of fun.

Likewise.

Since we won't be
doin' this anymore,

Should we tell each
other our real names?

Why not?

I live in houston,

And my name is brock.

I also live in houston,

And my name is kevin.

acme! [Coughing]