04x16 - Who k*lled Brock?

[bunniefuu]

Hey. Hey, cheyenne.
I'm making chili.

It's got melted cheese, sour
cream and two sticks of butter in it.

I call it "stroke in a bowl."

No chili for me.
Van and I are dieting.

Cheyenne, the last
time you were on a diet,

You were suckin' the cookie
dough right out of the tube.

I'm serious. We are
committed to this.

Why are you on a diet
anyway? You look fantastic.

Oh, I know.

But van is all worried that he's gonna
get fat now that he's not playing football.

So he's dieting, and I'm
being forced to do it.

Well, they say those are the keys to
a good marriage... Vanity and hunger.

Oh, my gosh, it's almost 1:00.

Barbra jean will be here
any minute to get her dog.

- Would you go call it in
from the backyard?
- Oh, sure.

Broq! Broq? Oh, broq!

You know, I still think it's weird that
barbra jean named her dog after dad.

Yeah. It's so mean,
to the dog. [Chuckles]

Come on, broq! Come
on, good dog! Broq!

Hey, mom, I thought barbra jean
didn't want her dog to go outside.

She didn't. That's why I have to
get it back to room temperature.

- I don't see her out here.
- [barbra jean] yoo-hoo! I'm back.

oh, where is my precious
little baby broq?

Go and find that dang
dog. And when you find her,

Hold her over the chili
pot to warm her up. Okay.

Oh. Come on, little
broq. Time for kissing.

[Kissing]

Well, at least buy her
a glass of wine first.

Hi, reba. Thanks so
much for watching broq.

Was she any trouble? Oh.
Hardly knew she was here.

[Laughing] still don't.

Where is she? Well, I
really don't know right now.

Last time I saw her, she was
upstairs watching television.

Reba, on the broq-watching
instructions I left with you,

It explicitly states no tv.

Relax. It was pbs.
It was a dog show.

And she was fascinated
to see that some dogs...

Don't have to wear
turtlenecks. [Scoffs]

I certainly hope you didn't play fast
and loose with the rest of this stuff.

Did she do her doggy pilates?

Yes. Yes, she did. Oh, good.

Mom, you know that thing
that you wanted me to heat up,

Well, i, um, can't find it.

- Are you sure
you looked everywhere?
- Mm-hmm.

Because sometimes that
thingy likes to dig in my azaleas.

[Mouthing words]

What is goin' on? Oh, nothing.

- We're just lookin' for jake.
- Yep.

Little booger won't stay out
of the flowers. Yep. Anyway...

Where's my dog? We
really don't know for sure.

It was outside. What? [Shrieks]

Reba, that is number one
on the list in bold type!

Oh! Broq! Broq! Barbra jean...

It wanted to go outside! It
already peed on everything in here!

Are you sure you have
looked everywhere?

I think so. I mean, I
kept calling her name.

What if it's really gone?
Look, we are gonna find the dog.

Everyone just needs to
calm down. [barbra jean sobbing]

She's gone! My broq is gone!

Somebody has taken my broq!

You know, when I had to say that
a while back, I was a lot calmer.

[No audible dialogue]

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Oh, my gosh, you do? Oh, that's such a
relief! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I will be right down.
Somebody found the dog?

No. They have a six and
a half in a black pump.

I'm gonna be at the mall.

You're not goin' anywhere
until we find that dang dog.

Hey, I picked up mr. H, and
I put up all these flyers.

Hope to heaven
that dog can read.

Brock, what happened to
your ear? What? Oh, this?

I, uh... I cut myself shaving.

You shave your ear?

Hey, your body goes through
lots of changes after you turn 40.

I'm shaving in a lot of places
I never thought I'd have to.

You know, mr. H, you
should try waxing. Huh?

You don't have to do it as
often. Yeah, I did it once for fun.

- Yeah?
- Now I am hooked.

Kyra, where have you been?

Barbra jean wanted me to get a
tape of the dog to give to the police.

Why didn't you just
give them a picture?

Because it doesn't
capture her spirit.

She's only had the dog a week.
How many tapes can she have?

These are just from
yesterday. Check this out.

♪♪ [Upbeat]

♪ People, let me tell
you about my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warmhearted person
who'll love me till the end ♪

♪ People, let me tell
you about my best friend ♪

♪ he's a one-boy, cuddly toy
my up, my down my pride and joy ♪

♪ People, let me tell you
about him he's so much fun ♪

♪ Whether we're
talkin' man-to-man ♪

♪ Or whether we're
talkin' son-to-son ♪

♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah, he's my best friend ♪♪

♪♪ [vocalizing]

♪♪ [Song continues]
[no audible dialogue]

Ha. I feel sorry for the poor
sap who had to videotape all that.

Eighty bucks is 80 bucks.

I just don't understand
it. How did the dog get out?

Are you sure one of you
guys didn't leave the gate open?

No way. Maybe it found a
hole underneath the fence.

Or a hawk swooped
down and took her away.

Oh, man, that'd be
awesome to see.

Well, I mean... I mean,
terrible for barbra jean.

But awesome to see.

You know, I feel bad
for barbra jean and all,

But to be honest, I kinda
hated that little dog.

Barbra jean, are you
okay? Yeah, where were ya?

While you guys are all runnin'
around with your heads cut off,

I did something productive.

I went to see a psychic.

Well, did she know what
happened to the dog?

- Oh, she knew.
- So tell us. What'd she say?

Well, one person in this room
already knows what she said.

Wait a minute. Who's
the psychic, her or us?

She told me that
someone in my family,

Somebody that I
trust, k*lled my dog!

No fair! There's no
one to the left of me.

[Mouths words]

Barbra jean, nobody in this
family would hurt your dog.

No matter what
madame wack job said.

Her name is jackie
the all seeing.

Well, with a last
name like that,

You practically have to
become a psychic, you know?

You know what I think?
I think you did it, reba.

i think you're the one
jackie the all seeing saw.

I didn't do anything.
I loved that dog.

- Oh, yeah, right.
- What?

Mom, you always complained
about four-legged broq.

When she brought her over here, you
hid and pretended like you weren't home.

why, reba? Were you jealous
of my relationship with that dog?

Is that why you didn't
take good care of her?

If anybody didn't take
good care of her, it was you!

- Dressing her up
like a canine elton john!
- Oh! Shame!

She was a dog, barbra jean.
She wanted to go outside.

Outside, reba? Oh, good
lord, she's not an animal!

All right! [Sighs]

Here's what happened.

I know over at your house
they have different rules,

But over here at my house,
little doggies go on the floor.

There you go.

You hardly have any
legs. How'd you do that?

Okay, come on. There you go.

All righty then. Come on.

- Go on, dog. Be a dog.
- [barking]

Yeah, I read the list. What
are you gonna do, tell on me?

She did tell on you...
Through jackie the all seeing.

Barbra jean, I'm not the first
person to put a dog out in the yard.

[Scoffs] oh, good lord, reba, there
are k*ller hawks everywhere.

That's what I said.

That'd be awesome to see.

I just did not want her
up there on my counter.

And she wouldn't have been if you didn't
treat her like she could walk on water.

Walk on water? Yeah.

Reba, what is "dog" spelled
backwards? [Mouths words]

Look, it doesn't matter how
barbra jean treated the dog.

You shouldn't have put
her out in the backyard.

yeah, mom. You went against
barbra jean's instructions.

Her printed, laminated,
color-coded instructions.

I tried to tell her. [van] god!

- It spells "god."
- Yes!

- [Mouths word]
- [mouths word]

Clearly, you didn't like the dog, or else
you wouldn't have put it out in the yard.

I guess since you're the
expert on not liking dogs, brock.

You're the one who said you
hated the dog! [Gasps] broq hater!

- No, barbra jean. I didn't say that.
- Yes, you did.

You're always telling me
how much you hate the dog.

Oh, yeah? Since when do
you listen to what I say?

Look, sure,

I didn't like sharing my
toothbrush with the dog, but...

But that doesn't mean
I did anything to it.

I mean, how could i? I
wasn't even in the yard.

Yeah, you were.

- I saw you.
- [Gasps]

See? It's not me. Brock's
at fault. It's a natural law.

The sun sets in the
west, and brock's at fault.

You hated the dog! You
lied about being in the yard.

And come to think of it, you
had something in your hand.

Something that looked like
a sack... A dog-nappin' sack!

It wasn't a dog-napping
sack! It was a pillowcase!

[Gasps]

Oh, reba, I'm so
scared. Hold me.

No. Okay.

Okay, okay.

Fine. I was in the yard.

But I wasn't there to hurt the dog.
I was there to make friends with it.

By stuffing her in a pillowcase?

This is why we
don't have friends.

The vet said that I should
get her used to my scent.

So i... I sprayed some of
my cologne on a pillowcase,

And I brought it over
here for her to smell.

It was going fine, at first.

Good girl. Hey, listen.

I'm not such a bad guy.

I'm a good guy.
Yeah. Smell that.

That's obsession for men.

It's a pleasant, manly scent.

Come here. Come here. You see?

You see? I'm not a bad guy.
Give me some sugar. [Growling]

[Barks] oh! [Groaning]

my ear! You monster.

So you didn't cut
yourself shaving?

Of course not. I'm not old
enough to shave in my ears.

Well, it wouldn't k*ll you to
go up the nostrils a little bit.

- It made you angry, didn't it?
- Angry enough to k*ll?

Look, I'll admit I wasn't happy.

But when I left the
yard, the dog was fine.

Doesn't look good, mr. H.

You know what they
do to dog K*llers in jail?

Especially pretty ones like you?

Or pretty ones like you.

Well, when I say
it, it's not creepy.

You just admitted you
were in the yard too.

- Who?
- [All] you!

Wh-what?

His heart beat faster, but his brain
continued to run at the same speed.

- Van?
- I-i-i wasn't in the yard.

- I was in the garage.
- No, you weren't.

[Laughing, mouthing words]

- Huh? How do you know?
- Because I was in the garage,

Waiting for you to come work out
with me, but you never showed up.

Maybe he didn't need a workout.

Maybe he'd already broken a sweat...
By digging a teeny, tiny, little grave.

- [Gasps]
- I didn't go near that dog.

You know, come to think of it,
you never did go near that dog.

Whenever we came
over, you left the room!

Well, that may have
more to do with you.

Admit it. You hated
my little precious!

I didn't hate the dog!

[Sighs]

- I was scared of it.
- What?

I was in the yard,
whistling, happy.

And then I heard it.

♪♪ [Whistling] [broq growling]

♪♪ [Whistling] [broq barks]

[Growling]

Nice doggy. Nice.

- [yelping]
- [barking]

- [Whimpering]
- [barking continues]

[Barking]

[Yelps]

I can't believe you were
afraid of that little bitty dog.

You didn't see the
rage in her eyes!

You're not afraid of dogs. Mary has a
german shepherd, and you love that dog.

Cheyenne, I'm not
afraid of big dogs.

I'm afraid of little ones.

When I was a little kid, my
parents let me watch cujo on tv,

But it was on a
nine-inch screen!

The dog looked so small!

If they had just bought
me a normal-size television,

I would not be
living with this curse.

[Barks] [shrieks]

Not funny!

Okay. So if it's not me,
it's not brock, it's not van...

And again, I say not
me... Then who can it be?

All I know is when I was
enjoying my time in the tree house,

I saw the dog run
into the garage.

Didn't cheyenne just say
she was in the garage?

She did. [van] mm-hmm.

Cheyenne just said
she was in the garage.

I'm gonna ask you one time. Did
you do something to my dog? No.

I'm gonna ask you two times. No!

Three times!
That's my limit! No!

All right! Cheyenne, just tell
us why you were in the garage.

I told you, I was in there
to work out with van...

As a part of our
new healthy lifestyle.

Untrue! After I scampered
down the tree house...

And ran up to the bedroom
and locked the door,

I saw your workout
clothes on the bed.

And just last week, I
saw you chasing the dog.

Because she took my cookies.
She always took my cookies.

Your cookies?

But wait a minute.
That would mean that...

Oh, my dog!

Okay.

I wasn't in the
garage to work out.

I was there to do
a very bad thing.

Where are my cookies? You!

i warned you before,
you little mutt.

Get your paws off my cookies.
That's it, you filthy little mutt.

[Muffled] there. These are
my cookies, you little mutt.

You ate the cookies
off the garage floor?

Oh, cheyenne! Oh!

Did the diet make you hungry?
Hungry enough to eat a small dog?

Shut up, kyra. Look,
van, I hate this stupid diet.

It's not my fault you think you're gonna
get fat 'cause you're not playing football.

Hey, I am sensitive
about this issue.

Look, the dog was fine
when I left the garage.

I-i finished the cookies, did


Well, then, there's only
one person left. Kyra!

All right. I admit it.

It was me. And what
happened was this.

Now eternal life will be mine!

[thunderclap]
[sinister laughing]

Very funny, kyra.

Although if you had done it, I
wouldn't have had to cook dinner.

- Oh!
- Well, it doesn't look like
it was any of us, barbra jean.

Well, you can all make
excuses till kingdom come.

All I know is that somebody
did something to my dog.

Jake, honey, are you okay?

I think you guys
better come outside.

- Why? What is it, bud?
- It's the dog.

- Oh, my gosh, what happened?
- It's kind of gross.

Oh, god! Barbra jean, calm down.

Jake, tell us. What
happened to the dog?

I think he k*lled a hawk.

[Gasps] broq's alive!

Awesome!

acme! [Coughing]