01x01 - Prototype

[bunniefuu]

Yep. That's
the one I want.

I grew 7 inches senior year.

Like, I don't know
how tall you are
or whatever.

But, like,
man, everything
from here up...

It's all new.


people meet their
spouses at college.

That means my future wife

could be, like,
seated right
beside me.

You and a girl.

Yeah, exac...
yeah, why not?

Exactly, because,
because, these girls
at college,

they don't know me.
They don't know
who I am.

Yeah. They don't know
that you threw up
on the bus in fifth grade.

Exactly.

That you had to have
your finger reattached

after that wood shop...

The point is, I'm tall
and handsome, and...

And I've gained weight,

and I've, like, finally
got a fashion sense.

Man, it's like
the beginning
of a whole new era.

A new era?
You're the same guy.

What, you think
you're cool 'cause
you grew like a freak

and got a haircut?

I'm the same guy.

Yeah.

Well, uh, I'm the same guy.

Well, that's
really interesting.

That's really interesting.

I guess old steve

would have
had no trouble
doing this.

Dude! What the hell
are you doing?

I would have taken that!

Oh, god.
What did I do?

Hey, nice fancy haircut.

You should join
those backstreet boys.

Watch out, ladies!

I don't look
like a backstreet boy.

Listen, you're
going to college, right?

You gonna work for me?

Right, yes.

You gonna work?
Yes, I'll work.

Say it again.

I'm gonna work.
I like your hair.

Thanks.

Not really.
I'm just saying that
because I'm your father.

I think
we're gonna be
on the same floor.

It'll be fun.

Go!

Aw, honey, please.
Come here.

Mom, will you just
wake up grandma
and leave already?!

I'm feeling a bit of anxiety.

I mean,
it's not that big
of a deal, but...

no, no.
That's why you need
a resident advisor.

Ok? It, uh, you know...

Actually, you, you remind me

of a girl we had last year.

You know,
same problems,
everything.

Its...Weird.

But she's doing good?

I think she's
much happier now,
where she is.

Oh, my god!
Is this her?!

Who are you?

I'm your roommate
lizzie! Ha ha ha!

Hi! Oh, my god.
This is gonna
be so much fun.

I have bigger
speakers.
I have more
wattage.

I have bigger
speakers.
I have more
wattage!

Wattage
is what matters.
It's the wattage.

Amps are completely
meaningless now.
It's wattage.

Hey. How's
it going?

Hey, hey!
Hey!

Hey, you live here?

Uh, yep.
I think so.

I told you.
I told you.
I know.
Ok. Ok.

I told you.
I know,
I know.

Um...I'm steven.

Steven!
Steven!

Yeah.
That's
us both.

Ok.
All right.

Um...What are
you guys playing?
What's the game?

We can't tell you,
because then we couldn't
play it anymore.

Oh, ok. Wait,
I got one.

How...How tall
would you say you are?

Right now?
What do you think?

Uh...6...

One.

One! Gah!

Steven, you're k*lling me.

Thank you, steven.

You are terrible at this.

Hey, how's it going?

Hi, mate.

I was just lying here.

You can have the bed
by the window
if you want.

Oh, no, this one,
this one's cool.

You know, it's, um,
by the corkboard.

I'm lloyd.

Steven.
Hello, steven.

You're from...

England.
Right, right, yeah.

I've been there once
on this jewish
teen tour.

Shalom, europe.

I don't know.

What's your major?

Oh, I'm, like,
undeclared
for the time being.

You know,
it's just checking
stuff out, kind of.

I'm in the theater department.

I guess I'll unpack.

Uh, I wouldn't
unpack just yet,
if I were you.

Not until after the party.

You don't want people
messing with your stuff.

Oh, yeah, right.
Which party is that?

Our party.

Did they not tell you?
We're throwing a party
tonight.

Oh.

This entire campus is heaving

with beautiful women
that don't know
anyone yet.

We want them to know us.
Hence, the party.

"Hence, the party."
That's so cool.

All right, mate.
I'm gonna go run up
some girls on campus.

Well, actually,
if you want, I can
help you with that,

'cause, um, like,
I'm really good
at that kind of stuff.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. It's, like,
my specialty.

All right. Good.
Yeah, you should
do that.

Um...I like
your shirt.

Oh, yeah?
Thanks. It's new.

Yeah. You should
probably put your
jacket back on, though.

It's gonna get cold outside.

Lloyd! Hey!

It's kind of scary,
living away from
home, huh?

I know.
Isn't it great?

I...I've never
lived with
anybody before.

But if we stick together...

Oh. Sorry.

Hello?

Hey, it's eric.

Hi, baby.

I'm pulling out
of the parking lot
right now,

and I'm starting
to cry a little bit.

Oh, baby...

I just want you to know
how much I love you,
baby. That's it.

Oh, I love you, too.

I can't wait till
I can make love
to you again.

Eric, my roommate's here.

I know, but if I can't
say those things to you,
I'll die.

Oh, sweetie...
I'm fine, don't
worry about me.

It's your time to have fun.

I'll call you
in, like, 15 minutes.

Ok.

That was embarrassing.

That was really, really...

that was embarrassing.
You guys...

I think she might come.

Uh, excuse me...

Um, we're, like,
having a party
tonight.

Do you, like, want to come?

Oh, I'm a senior.

Oh, that's cool.

No, sweetie.
That means I'm not
coming to your party.

Wow.

That sucked.

Do you, uh, wanna come
to the party tonight?

It's gonna be awesome.

Hi, uh, I heard
about your party.

And if you have not
already slotted
the position,

I would like to dj.

You..Are you good at it?

Oh, man, I spin...
and you have
never heard it...

it's like, straight
east coast thug hip-hop...

And brit pop.

I've got jesus, yes, I do.

I've got jesus, how 'bout you?

You know what I mean?

Um...

What does that,
what does that
sound like?

♪ You goin' down
when I pump my GL*CK ♪

♪ like a time card in a clock ♪

♪ make your heart stop,
I'm colder than
an otter pop ♪

♪ there's no sunshine
in a castle on a sunday ♪

♪ I'm a carnivore,
you're my prey ♪

oh, my god.
Somebody help me!

Oh, god!

We're having a party.
Fourth floor. Party.

Hey, man,
that sounds great.
Yeah, I'll be there.

Um, I'll bring
some of my
fraternity brothers.

That's great.
All right, man.

Cool.
I'll
see you then.

Steve, you're
supposed to ask
ugly guys.

Hot girls,
ugly guys.
Ok? Ugly.

Well, um...
he's gonna take
all our women.

He's gonna take
all of our women.

Hey, having a party.
You gonna come?
You gonna come?

I want all of you to come.

Ok.

You know what this is?

It's a...Scrunchie?

That's right.
It's a scrunchie.

But it's also a signal.

When I'm in the room
with a lady,

I'll put this on the doorknob.

That means do not disturb.

Ok, cool, cool.

It's, like, when I'm
in the room with a lady,

put it on the doorknob,
that means, do not disturb.

That's right.

Is that really gonna happen?

'Course it's gonna happen.

Hey, how's it hangin'?

Good.

We're throwing a party tonight.

I don't know...
Do you want to come?

Yeah! Totally.
Where is it gonna be?

Uh, it's actually,
um, right here.

It...It's here?

Yeah.

So, you're inviting me

to a floor party
on my own floor.

Yeah, I guess you could
put it that way.

So, I wouldn't
have been able
to go otherwise?

No, I mean, uh...

Has anyone
invited you yet?

Just kidding.
I'll be there.

Thank you for inviting me.

♪ Tonight we got the mike on ♪

♪ crude with more luck
than horseshoe ♪

♪ while we fuse
together like rudy ♪

♪ 'cause we move
with 10 ton thrusters ♪

♪ the cosmopolitan cosmonaut ♪

♪ have been
denied again
like aneurysms ♪

♪ musical mannerisms are
parallel to cannibalism... ♪

so, I guess we
live on the same floor.

If you live on this floor.

I don't know where you live.

I...

♪ Inebriating,
leave you gaping open ♪

♪ nothing's safe in oakland ♪

♪ it's potent,
and m*rder is the slogan... ♪

I'm glad you came.
Are you having
a good time?

Yeah. Are you?

Yeah. I get
a little bit
shy at parties.

Whole communication thing.

It's difficult
for me to understand
your language.

Oh?

Really?

I'm joking.

You want to see my room?

Yeah.

So I said,
"mountain dew?
Mountain don't!"

I'm just kidding.

Uh, steven...

Uh...Guess
who I found

looking for his little boy?

Hey, party man!

Didn't
I just see you
at breakfast?

Hey. Do you know
how to do laundry?

Could you do me a favor?

Could you hold my hand?

Yeah. Sure, sure, sure.

It's just...
I'm having
a panic attack.

And it usually
goes away if I hold
somebody's hand

and I tell them
I'm having
a panic attack.

Ok. Ok.

I got...I got
to get out of here.

Uh, no, no.
It's ok, it's ok.

Um, I'll distract you.

Um...
I'm studying music.

What's your major?

I don't know yet.
I haven't decided.

You haven't picked
a major yet?!

God, what are you
trying to do to me?

Nothing. I'm trying
to distract you.

Uh...Um, maybe
the r.A. Can help.

No. No. No.
Uh, lucien. Lucien.

Hey, come here.

Hey, I, you know,
I see nothing.

I mean, do you guys
see a party? 'Cause
I don't. I... really.

Sorry, I didn't
see a scrunchie.

That's
'cause we're
just talking.

I love this song.

Great. Yeah.
Me, too.

Let's go listen to it.

♪ Good god ♪

♪ we gonna rock on to ♪

♪ electric avenue ♪

well, now I know
what all that college
tuition money...

dad. Please, stop.

What's going on?

Steven, I don't
want you to be overly
concerned about this,

but your mother
is considering
the idea...

Of getting a divorce.

What is that, huh?
It's ridiculous.

I don't think
it's that unusual.

It's a floor party
and it was the first
night. And I...

I don't think
it's that unusual.

No, I agree.
But I think...

I don't think
it's unfair for me
to feel...

Weird about it.
Feel threatened.

If I went to a party
with alicia
from color copy,

you wouldn't feel threatened?

If, all of a sudden,
I'm going out to a party,

you're not gonna
feel threatened?

Well, you know,
I mean, this is college,

and, I mean, this is my...

you think I...
oh-h*...

What? You
went through...

you think I don't
know what college
is like?

All of a sudden,
oh, you're the expert
on college.

I tried to go
to college 4 times.

Eric!

What happened?

I don't know.
She says she's miserable.

She doesn't want to have sex.

Uh, she feels dead inside,

life is passing
her by. I don't know.

I don't want
to talk about this.

Dad, we're
in the middle
of a party, ok?

This is my first
day at school...

steven, I've given
my entire life to you.

So, if I need
to talk to you,
you're gonna listen.

I'm sorry.

So...

Why do you think
mom feels dead inside?

I don't know.

Um...Um,
has she said why

she doesn't want
to have sex with you?

You know what, you're right.

This is not the time.

I don't want
to ruin your first
night, so, uh...

I'm gonna go crash
at uncle bill's.

Ok, good stuff.

I just wanted
to let you know that's
where I'm gonna be,

in case you want
to get in touch,
all right?
Cool, thanks.

We'll talk about this tomorrow.

Right. Yeah.

All right?
So have fun
at the party.

Thank you.
Have fun
at uncle bill's.

All right, I will.

Cool.

Bye.

Hey, mr. Karp.
Where you going?

You should party with us, huh?

Oh, no.
I gotta go.

Oh, your wife
get mad if you
come home late?

Where's the keg?

Yeah.
That's right.

I bet you could
drink a ton
of beer, huh?

I could. Today.

You got to watch out,
hal. Come on.

Here it comes, baby!

Bring it, h-b*mb.

Ohh!

You asked for it,
hal. I feel terrible.

Darn it!

You asked for it.
That's right.

I know you're feeling alone,

and I know
that you're
feeling nervous.

I just got here!
I'm not... I'm...

you know what?
Maybe we should
break up.

Maybe we didn't
think hard enough
about that.

Maybe we should...

maybe we should.
Maybe we should.

I mean, we talked
about splitting up

till the summer anyway,

maybe we should just
go through with it.

Now you want to break up?

But you're, you just...

now you want
to break up?

You get to college one day,

you're at college for one hour,

and all of a sudden
you want to break up?

You were the one who just...

how did...?
You know what?

Hey, hey, listen.

No, wait. Hey.

How does this idea sound?!

Now, now, I know
that you're
scared. Ok.

You know, being away
from mom and dad
and all that.

But, hey. I've been
here 6 years

and I'm still scared.

All right? Now, I...

I actually
wrote a poem
about my job.

Ok? And I really,
really think

that this would really help you

in your situation
right now. Ok?

If you enter my room
full of tears,

my hope is that
you will leave
with a smile.

Ok.

If you enter my room
glowing with love,

my hope is to share
in your warmth.

Ok, so when you're feeling low,

just knock
on my door
and say, "hello!"

You know?

See...I-I-it's
working.

And it's a little bit better.

And I'm really glad
that you're able
to laugh about this.

Have you seen rachel?

I'm sorry.
Are you all right?

I'm sorry.
Uh, you know, um...

I'm just...

I'm, like, really
excited to be here.

Really?

Yeah, you know,
I'm just, I'm like,
just so happy.

You know? Um...

We're finally
on our own now.
You know? It's, uh...

It's a whole new era.

Yeah. I...I know
what you mean.

No one can
control us,
or...Or...

Tell us what to do!

Isn't it great?

It's amazing!

Yabba dabba doo!

Hey.

I'm in the dating pool
now, man. I'm available.

I'm out there.
I'm looking
for a hot young chick.

Yes, I am.
You're what
is desirable.

Suzie zeta-jones.
Yes.

Catherine zeta's...

Sister.
Sister.

The younger one.
The much younger one.

Yes! Yes!
That's right,
man.

From now on,
we have total freedom.

And now is the time
in our lives

when we are supposed
to be experiencing
everything.

Exactly, exactly.
Like, I can,
like, uh...

Stay up till 11 now.

And I could pierce
anything I want.

Yeah, um, and, uh...

I can watch as much
tv as I want to.

You know, and eat
candy all day.

You know what we should do?

What?

We should have sex.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. For fun.

Yeah. For fun.
Right. Ok.

Do you have a condom?

I have 8 condoms.

Ah...

Look at that.
That's not that big.

No, it's like
the same size
as mine.

I have the gut
of an 18-year-old.

I have
the gut of
a 48-year-old.

Man...

It's pathetic.
What is she
complaining about?

All right.
It's not the size
of the gut, hal.

It's what the gut represents.

The poor woman's
done with raising
her children.

She wants to live a little bit.

The problem...
what this
is about, is...

That the women,
they don't
appreciate you.

That is the real problem.

Oh, I'm so sorry
that I worked
and supported you

for 20 years!

I should have
been, um, learning
to salsa dance

so you wouldn't
feel dead inside!

Yeah.

Why didn't you
take her salsa dancing?

'Cause he works for a living!

That's right, man!

Have you not been listening?

I'm bringing home
the bacon, ok? Ok?

I understand that.

But why didn't you
take her salsa dancing?

Because I don't want to!

Well, I'm sure
she didn't want
to cook you dinner

every night
for the last 20 years

and sacrifice her life
to raise your child,

but she still did it,
didn't she, hal?

Oh, man.

That makes sense.

What do you mean,
that makes sense?

Hey, whoa, whoa.

Are you saying I'm wrong?

No! You're not
wrong, hal.

You're just...
Maybe...

Less than right.

Oh, crap!

Yeah.

Hal...

It's never too late
to make a new beginning.

Go call her.

Never.

♪ I got a room
at the top of the world ♪

♪ tonight ♪

♪ I got a room at the top
of the world tonight ♪

♪ I got a room
at the top of the world ♪

♪ tonight, and I ain't ♪

♪ comin' ♪

♪ down ♪

♪ no ♪

♪ I ain't ♪

♪ comin'... ♪

there's a scrunchie
on the door.

And I'm not in there.

Wow.

Captioned by the national
captioning institute
... Www.Ncicap.Org...

with steven?

That skinny guy?

I have a boyfriend.

Lizzie, I totally
misjudged you.

Am I a bad person?

No!

No. Oh, my god.

- Hey!
- Hal!

Hey, ron!

How's
it going?

Ok.

Have
a good one.

Why did you do that?

Do what?

I'm sorry about last night.

Oh, no, uh, don't worry.

It was, ahem, just fine.

I love your friends.

Oh, yeah,
they're great.
A lot of fun.

Good morning, lizzie.

Hi.

Hey, who's that?

It's, uh, my future girlfriend.

Whoa! Man,
you got this place
wired already.

Yeah, tell me
something
I don't know.

♪ I'm gonna bust it like,
college girls,
in the place to be ♪

♪ this ain't high school,
don't you see? ♪

♪ we're gonna make
drinks and punch ♪

♪ no fakin' the funk ♪

♪ I'm gonna get you
on the top of my bunk ♪

♪ this is my man... ♪

ron.

♪ Aiight, ron.
Takin' suckers out ♪

♪ like members of a gong ♪

♪ strong, like
an east coast mafia don ♪

that rhymed
very well. Uh...

♪ This party,
goin' till tomorrow ♪

♪ no sorrow, droppin'
like a...Sparrow ♪

you...That's good.

So, like, 8:00?
Uh, yeah.

So, I'll get there
at like, 7, set up?

Yeah.