01x06 - Eric Visits Again

[bunniefuu]

♪ have a happy, happy ♪

♪ happy, happy hanukkah ♪

♪ happy hanukkah ♪

I didn't know
all those people
were jewish.

Can we be serious?
Adam sandler is
performing on campus

in front of us
in, like, 28 minutes.

It's...

Hee hee!
I wonder if he's
nice, though,

'cause I went up
to richard dreyfuss

in a carpet store,
and I was, like,

"are you
richard dreyfuss?"

And he was, like,
"no," and it so was.

Oh, yeah. What about bob?
Is so awesome.

Charles barkley
gave me the finger at
a basketball game once.

Heh heh heh!

Eric and I love sandler.

I have got to call him.

He is gonna be
so psyched for me.

Hello?

Help me!

Hal!
Hey! Hello!

How the hell are you?

How's it going, students?

Are we ready
for a little
sandler action? Huh?

Absolutely.

Wait, you're coming?

Yeah, lloyd invited me.

What?

He called.
We got talking.

It turns out your dad's
a big sandman fan.

I'm the biggest.

Oh, since when?

Since I got divorced

and had time
to watch cable
all night.

Hey hey!

It's gonna be so great, man!

All the guys together again!

Yes!
All right.

Lloyd won't stop
talking to my dad.

So?
Your dad's cool.

Everyone's
dad is cool
but your own.

Ok, like, my dad, right,

he's a big, fat moron,

you guys would love him.

It's embarrassing when
you're his kid, you know?

Waaah!
Are you kidding?

No, I'm serious.

Do you remember what we did
on our first date, baby?

Yeah...

We rented happy gilmore,
huh, didn't we?

Yes.

You're my happy gilmore,
huh, baby?

You're my happy gilmore.

I'm your big daddy.

You're...Eric.

I got a snake, man.
That was
so good!

It was slithering
this way and that...

oh, my god,
that was awesome! Oh!

So, guys, did the unec
concert committee

put on an acceptable
program this evening?

Awesome.
It was so good.

Did you get
to meet him?

Uh, yes.

Oh, my god, is he cool?

He was to me.

No, but seriously,
you can find out
for yourself

when he shows up
on our floor tonight.

I invited him.
He accepted.

No, no, wait.

Perry, if you are
lying to me now,

I will... I'll shake you
prison-style, ok?

Oh, ron, I'm trembling.

Oh, wait, no, I'm not,

because he's coming.

Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!

This is gonna be so great.

Now we're
gonna have some
real fun, huh?

Yep, we are.

Just... ok, just
don't bother him.

Don't bug him
when he comes,
'cause if you bug him,

he gets uncomfortable.

And if he gets uncomfortable,
then he leaves,

and we don't want him to leave.

We want him to think that,

"this is the kind of place
where I can hang out,

and these are
the kind of people
I can be friends with."

Right, right.

You know, so don't do things
that friends wouldn't do.

Don't quote him
from his movies.

We don't want
to do that.
Right.

It's like sketching
a picasso painting
and giving it to picasso.

It would be like, "hey!"
Don't do that stuff.

What's the big deal?

I mean, he's just a person.

You'd think
the queen
was coming.

The queen is just an old lady.

Sandler is like a god, ok?

You know, whatever, whatever!

I have to go study.
This is stupid.

Studying over sandlerizing.

What are you...
You know, she's nuts.

Oh, my god.

I have a test tomorrow
worth 80% of my mark.
I don't care, you know.

Sandler's coming.
Sandler's coming!

I'm really tired.

Can't we
just go back
to the hotel?

I think we should go.

Perry set it up, you know.

We should
be around
normal people.

This is gonna be healthy.

Well, I'm starving.

Do you think there'll
be any food there?

I don't know.
Maybe you can
order a pizza

or something if there isn't.

I don't have a number.

What am I, the pizza guy?

I know every number
everywhere we go?

Sorry. All right,
are you gonna cry
right now?

Heh heh!
Jeez.

No, I'm just hungry, all right?

Why didn't you eat backstage?

They had that huge deli tray.

Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't know.

I think you even
sat in it a few times.

If you would've just told me,

then I wouldn't
be hungry right now.

What's the matter with you?

It's time for
my 4:00 feeding.

Then maybe
you can burp me
afterwards.

Hee hee hee!

Ok, fine.
I'll order a pizza, ok?

Just like I always do.

You've got
a tough job,
you know that?

Hee hee hee!
Ha ha!

Oh, he didn't like that one.

I'm kind of nervous.

The elevator doors are opening.

Hey, what's up?

Oh, waiting awkwardly, I see.

I'm just hanging out
with my friends alan
and adam sandler.

How are you guys?

Hi.
Thank you.

All right. Are we
gonna hang out
in the hallway?

Or...Is that
what we're doing?

No, of course not.

C-come in.

Welcome to the fourth floor.

Hey, I'll give you 5 bucks
for a slice of your pizza.

It's my last one.

You got anything else?

We might have half
of a hot pocket left.
You want that?

Nah, nah.

Hey, you know the number
to the pizza place?

Yeah.

Do you have any food?

You're not gonna
k*ll me, are you?

No. Why would
you say that?

Hey, I just want you
to know that I...

I really get you.

Oh, yeah? Thanks.
I get you.

That's cool.
I get you.

So, what do
you guys do for fun?

Do you go to class?
I know that.

Ha ha! They hardly
ever go to class.

They mostly
sit around and party.

Oh, yeah? What are
you, a senior?

Oh, no.
No, it's,
uh, my dad.

Really?

And you guys
went to the show
together?

I sure did.

That's a cool dad,
to bring you
to a concert

with cursing and all that.

Adam sandler,
I just...
I just want...

I just want you to know...

Uh, that, um,
I'm a really
big fan.

Thank you.

Yeah, especially
billy madison.

Oh, yeah?

That was, like,
that was, like,
punk rock.

Ha ha! I guess so.

But like,
everything after
that, though,

I... I just
didn't like.

You know what I mean?

Heh heh heh.

Heh.

What's your name?

It's marshall.

Hey, uh,
you should ask
marshall to leave.

That guy should go.

I can totally
hear you guys
from over here.

Marshall...
Go.

I... I can...

Get the hell out of here, man.

Get out of here!
Marshall!

Nice meeting you.

Get out of here.
Go, go, go, go, please.

Stupid.
I'm sorry
about that.

That's all right.

Do you live in this dorm?

Uh, no.

I'm adam sandler's assistant.

He's out in the hall, you know.

Heh heh.
This is awesome.

Thanks.

Hey, is david spade,
is he like that?

Is he like that?

Is he like what?

You know,
is he like that?

He's... yeah, I think
he's a good guy.

Oh, thought so.

Ok.

Is it cool
that you could play
maybe the hanukkah song?

Get out
of here!
Get out of here!

I thought you left.

That's all right.
That's all right.

Nah, I don't
want to play
the hanukkah song.

Didn't I just play it,
like, a half-hour ago?

It would be weird
to do it again.

I... I don't
know him.

I got an idea.
I got a song
that I wrote.

Really?
I just wrote it,

and nobody's heard it, and...

That's funny.
That's really funny.

Would you like
to hear it?
I'd love to.

All right, hal!

Steven, he wants to hear it.

I am honored.

It's about steven's mom...

That's nice.
My ex-wife.

- Oh, no.
- Sorry.

Ok, here we go.

♪ You thought
you were so cool ♪

♪ treatin' me like a fool ♪

♪ but I'm more than a tool ♪

♪ baby, I'm a man ♪

I'm the guy who...
I have to run
his whole schedule,

have to take care
of his dog.
He got a dog.

He doesn't even
know how to
take care of a dog.

I gotta do that.

At home, I set
everything up
for him...

his vcr, his tvs, everything.

I gotta do it.

He doesn't
know how to get
the video on.

He can't do anything.

He can't do anything.

It's insane.

Basically, anything
simple, I do.

So, it's weird, you know.

'Cause I act in his movies,

and then I gotta
pick up his dog's...

Poop.

Ha ha ha!
Heh heh heh!

I don't know, though.

I just think
I gotta do
something else.

I think I gotta
move on, you know?

I'm sure you'll find something.

I mean, it's great that
you haven't been sucked

into this whole
hollywood fantasy myth.

And you should quit.

Life's too short.

Carpe diem.

Thanks.

Sandler would never
say anything
like that.

He would've asked me
if I was gonna cry
or something.

Hee hee!
Heh heh!

I'll bet if you could
run his life,

you could pretty much
do anything.

Yeah, I could.

Thanks.

You're really smart.

Heh heh...

And hot.

You're perfect.

Really?
Yeah.

♪ Dumpin' me's a crime ♪

♪ you're runnin' out of time ♪

♪ you're way past your prime ♪

♪ you'll never find a man ♪

♪ you're gonna hit a snag ♪

♪ and it's gonna be a drag ♪

♪ some things already sag ♪

♪ uh uh uh aah ♪

♪ uh uh uh aah ♪

♪ no, you'll never find a man ♪

aah!

Ha ha ha!

What do you think?

I was thinking about going now.

So, uh, do you
want to come with me?

Sure!
Ok. See you guys.

See you later!

Come again.
Nice
meeting you.

Thanks
for everything,
perry.

That was terrible!

Steven, what the hell was that?

Adam sandler was here
for, like, 10 minutes.

I know!
Stop yelling at me.

This is not my fault.

Yeah?
Yes.

It was my dad, ok?

Like, seriously,
how would you feel
if your dad came in here

and started playing a song
about your mom's sagging?

What the hell was that?
Why did he do that?

Come on, guys.

It was a funny song.

You know, I thought
it was hysterical.

You know what?
You really shouldn't
be talking right now.

Yeah, marshall.

"Oh, look at me.
I have a guitar.

I'm embarrassing
everybody."

I told you.
What did I say?

I said, you go to them,
you're a fan.

You let them
come to you,
you're a friend.

And then you insult his movies,

which are funny.
You're just an idiot!

No, he came to me, ron.

You're just an idiot.

For the love of pete...

You're a freakin' idiot!

Hey, you know what?

Just because adam sandler

is having sexual
intercourse
with lizzie

doesn't give you the right

to take it all out
on me, all right?

First of all, adam sandler
is not having sex with lizzie.

Yeah, he is.
Of course
he is.

Oh, please.
Steven, ok, he's
adam sandler.

Why would you
become adam sandler?

So you could
not have sex
with lizzie?

What do you think
they're doing,

playing, uh, playing
spoons over there?

Please, be quiet.

Everything ok there, ron?

Oh, marshall,
you know what?
I'm sorry.

I apologize.
It's not your fault.

It's his fault!
Lloyd, it's your fault.

What? Come on.
I thought it was great.

You know, your dad's
going through a hard time.

He was having fun.
He was expressing himself.

It was cathartic.

You're cathartic, you idiot.

You know what, steven?

You should really learn
to appreciate your father.

At least you have your parents.

My parents are
in another continent.

Please, stop inviting
my dad over.

Well, maybe I'll
stop inviting you
to hang out with me and hal.

How does that sound,
little baby?

Wow. How will I ever live?

Good night, everybody.

Good night, hal.

Your song was great.

See you, hal.
Drive safely.

Take care.
Thanks for coming.

Hey.

Where were you?

Oh, uh,
with adam...Sandler

at his hotel.

What happened?

Nothing! Uh, we, uh,
we watched a movie.

Uh, erin brokovich.

Uh, it was very good.

Uh, it's based on a true story.

It's...Good.

What...
what happened here?

Nothing.

Uh, we just talked,
and then he fell asleep,

and I couldn't wake him up.

Oh.

Where... where's adam?

Oh, early flight.

Hello.

Hey,
is loughran there?

Yeah, hold on.

Ok.

Hey.

Hello.

Hey, sorry, man.
You missed the plane.

We're in portland already.

Oh, yeah? Well, you have
a great time up there.

Ok, we will.
Are you coming?

Hey, sandman, you're not
the only special person
in my life, ok?

I know.

Yeah, I got another
special person...

a very special person...
and her name is rachel.

Rachel?
Which one's rachel?

She's the one
with the bigger boobs.

Oh, ok.

What are you gonna do?

You gonna
stay up there
and be special?

Yes, I'm in love with her.

What, are you gonna
relive billy madison?

No, real funny.
Real funny, ok?

Ok.
Mr. Jokeman.

Yeah, ok.
Yeah.

Hey, I'll get you
a t-shirt

at the trailblazers
game, all right?

Ok. Yeah, that's good.

All right.
Size "extra goofy."

Yeah.

Aah! He drives me nuts!

What's...The story?

Uh, I don't know.

Where would one
get a student I.D. Card?

We don't have
to get up for
a while, do we?

Aw, yeah.

Sure you don't want to come
to your dad's house with me?

Hmm? Yeah, I'm sure.

I'm... I'm very sure.

All right.
See you later.

See you later.

Say hi to hal for me.

Oh, hey.
What's up?

You know what's up.

What?

Cut the crap, ok?

Just, what was he like?

Tell me everything.

All right, ron.
Let's not go there, ok?

I have a boyfriend.

Adam and I just
watched a movie,

runaway bride,
and then we ordered pizza,

barbecued chicken pizza.

Oh, that's crazy.

I've never even heard of that.

Now, I gotta go to class,
if you don't mind.

I gotta rent
runaway bride.

I guarantee you

that professor hasn't
had sex in 10 years.

Yeah, but
you didn't have
to tell him that.

He was picking on me.

That's because you said
that the bicycle thief
sucked

and that predator
was the best movie
ever made.

I was just saying
what everyone else
was thinking.

Hey, rach, I read
your paper last night,

and I thought
it was very persuasive.

I really liked it a lot.

Oh, thanks.

Save it for class, picard.

What?
Stop it.

Keep it in your pants,
pervert, ok?
She's a student.

What's your story, man?

What's my story?
I'm her boyfriend,
you freak.

Oh my god. Wait!
Ok?
Ok.

You got a problem
with that, sinéad?
Huh, mr. Clean?

Stop it!
Hey, hey!
I got a laptop!

Boom!

Ha ha ha!

He's wet!

He's wet because of me!

Heh heh heh!

Where are you going?

Ha ha ha ha!

Aw, you getting your hair wet?

Oh!
Ha ha ha!

Are you
doing ok, hal?

That, uh, song
you wrote about
steven's mum

was kind of rough.

I'm totally fine.

I've decided to have fun.

That's what I've decided to do.

Check this out.

This is the best
of the whole bunch.

And this is how
I'm having fun...
watching this.

Look at...
Do you believe that?

Look, he's got the tape.

He's wrapping up
the phone booth.

So the guy cannot
get out of the phone booth.

He's trap... different guy...

He's doing it to all these
different people...

How many times
have you watched
this, hal?

Well, I watched it...

This is the third time
I've seen it today.

That video you showed me there,

america's funniest
home videos uncensored
is great,

and thank you
for introducing
me to tom green.

That was also
pretty special
stuff.

Do you think that it
would be a good idea

if we got out
into the real world
for a little while?

I got an idea.

I got a great idea.

We can do this.

We... heh heh heh.

No. How...

No, we can't do this.

Look, if it's
this much fun to watch it,

can you imagine
what it's like
to actually do it?

No. Hal,
you've gone crazy.

Come on, baby!
Come on!

All right.
You're with me,
right?

I'm gonna get the tape.

Are you doing ok?

Uh, yeah.

Your dad's going
through a pretty
hard time, huh?

Yeah. Yeah.

Um, so, did you have
fun with adam?

Nothing happened.

We watched pelican brief

and ate shrimp c*ck.

That's it?

Mm-hmm.

That does my heart good,
you know?

'Cause like, all these gossips
are saying horrible things,

but I knew
you wouldn't, you know.

So, was
the pelican brief good?

Yeah.

Morgan freeman was really good.

Yeah, he's...

Whoa!
Hey, what are you...

Did you...
you hear anything?

Ron, can you
just do something
about loughran?

Get him to leave, please.

No.

Ok? No.

I don't...
I don't want
him to leave.

If he's here,

sandler, he could come back.

If he leaves,
sandler's never coming
back, and I'll never...

I'll never get to talk to him.

Look, please, I am begging you.

He threw my sexual ethics
professor in a fountain.

I hate you.
You know that?

Fine.
I hate you, though.

Boom boom!
Yeah, that's it.
You're dead.

Ha ha ha!

So, you, uh,
you liking it here?

Yeah, it's cool.
I love it. Ha ha ha!

Yeah, see, I thought
it was nice, too, at first,

but now I just hate it.

I think it sucks.

Can't wait to get out of here.

Oh.

Uh, hello?

Yo, diddly-ding-dang

ding-dang doong-doong

Uh, who's this?

Hey, it's sandler.

Hey, is loughran there?
Is he all right?

Adam, uh, sandler?

Yeah. Who's this?

Uh, you probably
don't remember me.

Ronnie?

It sounds like ron, am I right?

The chunky guy
with the glasses?

Yeah, uh, yeah, that's me.

How's it going, pal?

Oh, I'm good.
Ok.

Ok, one second.

All right.

It's adam...For you.

Hello.

What's going on?

I am the king!
I am the king!
I am the king!

Do you know my name?
Do you know it?

I don't care, because
adam sandler knows it.

Man, he knows it.

I'm the chunky guy
with glasses, right here!

Why aren't
you coming home?

I'm not coming back.
I'm in love.

Ok, I just wanna make sure now.

Does this girl even
like you back
at all?

What are you talking about?
Of course she does.

Or is it like
the receptionist thing
at the sony lot?

No, she likes me back.

That's good. Ok.

Well, enjoy your life
together, and, uh,

just call us sometime.
Tell us how
you're doing.

Ok, yeah.

Ok? I'll be here.
Me and covert
are hanging out.

What are you guys doing?

Hey, we got tivo.

What?

We got tivo at the house.

It knows what you like
and tapes it for you,
you know?

Aw, you're an idiot.

I told you to get that,
like, months ago.

I know, I know.

You did the right thing.
It's unbelievable.

Anyways, we're gonna
watch the basketball
game right now.

Call us,
though...
Is it good?

Yeah, yeah.
Covert's doing
the instant replay:

"Iverson,
iverson, iverson."

Uh...Uh...

Should I come home?

If you want, you know.

We can, uh,
we'll have a pizza
or something.

I don't have to call this time?

What, to get the pizza?

All right, I'll call.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Ok, uh, you call this time,

and next time, I'll call.

All right.
That sounds good to me.

All right. We miss you.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Rachel?

Yeah?

Um...

I think you'd better
sit down for this.

So, uh,

what did you end up
doing with my dad?

Just hung out.
It was great.

Awesome, awesome.

Hey, good for you.

I'm sorry I didn't
ask you if it was ok

if I invited hal
to the concert.

Hey, um...

I'm sorry I called
you cathartic.

It's ok.

I think hal's having
a really rough time
at the moment.

He really misses
your mum, you know?

Maybe we should
let him hang out
with us some more.

Here comes lloyd.

Here comes lloyd!
Steve, look at this.

Why are you
filming me?
Ohh! God!

Stop filming!

You want trouble?
You ask for trouble?

Hal's the king.

I am the greatest!
I am the king! Yes!

Come here.
Come here!

Get in there!
Get in there!

Oww!

Don't get me riled up!

When I get riled up,

I'll kick everybody's a*s!

Don't! Get away!

Yello?

Eric...
What's wrong, baby?

I had sex with adam sandler.

Are you serious?

Yes, and I am so sorry.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

That's awesome!

Hoo hoo hoo!

You're...
You're not mad?

Of course I'm not mad.

If I had the opportunity
to have sex

with melissa joan hart,
I'd do it.

Aw, my girl, how cool is this?

You are so sweet.

Hey, was his hotel room big?

Heh heh, uh,
it was huge, actually.