14x03 - Cheers To That

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

I've never been here. This is so gorgeous.

-What a beauty.
-[Kim] Oh, no big deal.

-How are you? Nice to see you.
-Good. How are you?

-Thank you for letting us come.
-[John] Of course.

Hello.

-[Jonathan] What's up? Hi.
-[Chrissy] How are you?

[Chrissy] Where's Da-Da? Go see Da-Da.

Do you guys want a drink?
Do you want anything?

-No, thank you. I'm good.
-[Chrissy] Do you want some pork stew?

Ooh. It's so good.

Kim's like, "I don't want a drink,
but I'll have a pork stew."

-[Kim] Beautiful.
-[Jen] She's a butt head.

[Jonathan scoffs]

-She likes the sugar.
-[Jen] Did you see Rihanna

-at the Met Ball?
-[Kim] I thought she looked so good.

[Jen] So dope.

-Did you have fun?
-Mm-hm.

[Chrissy] I get, like,
super high anxiety there.

I don't want to bother,
like, the big celebrities.

[Kim] Everyone thinks that.

Like, Kylie was so nervous,
she made me walk her to her table

and introduce her Donatella
and everyone else.

-A big faux-pas.
-Like, I get really socially awkward.

-It's fine. We all do it.
-[Chrissy] Hi, Dad.

My dad's designing vests,

if you want to start promoting them
on your Instagram.

-[laughter]
-[Ron] Jonathan, nice to meet you!

-Nice to meet you. Thank you.
-My dad is a big fan.

-He's been watching for many years.
-Yeah.

Who's your favorite Kardashian?

[tense music]

-Actually, you're my favorite.
-[Kim] Oh, thank you.

I thought Khloé was for a while,
but then she kind of went off.

-[Kim] Yeah.
-Dad! Okay.

Don't ask me questions
unless you want answers.

[Jen] That's amazing. I love it.

[laughter]

[theme music]

[line ringing]

-[Kendall] Hi.
-[Kourtney] Hi.

-[Kendall] What's up?
-Um...

We are having dinner tonight,
if you feel like coming.

-[car horn honking]
-Ooh.

[Kendall] Um, all right.
I'll let you know.

That's just, like, a mission for me.

Okay.

I think because Kendall travels so much

and I have three kids,
we just really don't spend time together.

We used to be really connected.

I remember always saying,
"Kendall, you're my favorite sister."

Like, all the time.

And I just think that
we've kind of lost that,

and I don't like
that her and I are not close.

No worries, just letting you know.
Keeping you in the loop.

-[Kendall] All right, then.
-[Kourtney] Bye.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Ooh.

-Hello.
-[woman] Oh, my God.

Ooh.

Oh, my God.

Don't. I never...

I... I'm so over TLC from vibes.
I just can't.

-I hate my whole closet.
-[Khloé] Are you on cr*ck?

-Can I have that when you're done, then?
-[Kourtney] Yes.

I just invited Kenny to dinner.

[Khloé] Oh, that's nice.

She said it's too much
of a mission for her.

[Khloé] Yeah, I mean,
she does live in the city.

Well, Kendall hates me, anyways.

-Kourtney, don't say that.
-Khloé.

-Kourt thinks Kendall doesn't like her.
-[Kim] Yeah.

They really just don't

-have any connection.
-They don't connect.

[Khloé] And they've never
hung out one-on-one.

Like, I think Kendall, she's 21.

Like, hanging out,
she's a little more distant

and you have to come to her a little more,
which is fine.

-[Kim] Yeah.
-[Khloé] You should say something to her.

I don't know. Maybe we just need to,
like, do something fun together.

Yes.

Amelia, Amelia.

[overlapping chatter]

It's not a ball,
but I think she likes big balls.

[Kim] Leave me alone, kiddo.
Wait. Can you get me a snack?

♪ Dum-dum-dum-dum da-da ♪

Mmm.

How do you like this gluten-free,
dairy-free life?

I can't have M&Ms.

What do I look like?

You look like a pepperoni person.

-Ooh, that's cute, P.
-[Penelope babbles]

Wait. Did you see this outfit
Khloé wore to, like, a basketball game?

[Kourtney] Yeah.

[Kim] It's, like, so many things going on.

She could dress way cooler.

No. I, like, can't.

I always cringe
when I look at Khloé in outfits.

You know what it is? She's so trendy
and I used to be that way,

but she's like that on steroids.

And then she wore this huge fur bag
with it that ruins the whole outfit.

-[Kim] I couldn't even.
-Mm-hmm.

Or, like, this outfit
with the wet hair to the side.

I liked it.

Oh, no. That's the exact outfit
I wore in Miami.

[Kim] I would give her
such better advice on this outfit.

Like, that bodysuit.

It was a vintage Saint Laurent
from a dealer in Dubai.

-It was, like, seven stylists.
-Yeah.

So it's like, if I've already learned
all the tricks of the trade,

there's no reason I shouldn't help her.

I would just ask her
if she even wants you to.

Yeah. I mean, I doubt she does.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] Hey, Kenny.

[Kendall] I didn't know
you were gonna be here.

I thought it was me... just me and Mom.

-I couldn't resist.
-Oh, of course.

My mom said
that she was having lunch with Kendall,

so I just took it upon myself
to tag along.

[Kourtney] Hopefully, it's not, like,
gonna be awkward.

-[Kourtney] How was Fashion Week?
-It was cool.

Nice to see you. Okay. Bye, guys.

Wait, so I was thinking,

now that you're 21 years old,

I think we should do a trip
to Santa Barbara.

-You could have a road trip.
-I would love a road trip.

Why don't you take my T-Bird?

[Kourtney] We'll go for two nights,
the place where me, Mom and Khloé went.

-[Kris] So fun.
-We laughed the whole time.

Like, I'm shocked
that I didn't pee on someone.

Let's go.

[Kourtney] I'm totally surprised

that Kendall is interested in going
and hanging out with me.

I just hope that we really do get,
like, our connection back.

-I'm down for sure.
-Mom, what was that?

This girl I know. Don't look.

There she is.

Mom.

[clears throat]

[upbeat music]

[Kim] Are these from that store in Aspen?

-[Khloé] No.
-I like that Missoni-ish one.

[Khloé] I'm really into, like,
baby pinks and stuff. I don't know why.

You've got to start thinking,
"Is this manly? Would Tristan like this

-or is this for a girl's dinner?"
-No. He's very into it.

[plates clinking]

Okay, so I came over here
because I have a proposition.

I think I can make your life
so much easier

and so much cooler
if I gave you a makeover.

[suspenseful music]

-Hm.
-[Kim] It's time.

It's time to just step it up.

And it's, like...

Ah.

The things I could do
to give you a makeover.

Not that you need one.

[tense music]

Okay. Um...

-No. Just, like...
-No, but what do you want to do?

...get rid of some of your sparkly boots
and gold vibe.

I actually get told I have really
good style from a lot of people.

Really?

What people?

All right, anyway.

[Khloé] So who do you want me to be?

What sister are you trying
to morph me into?

It's like you're not like
how Kendall dresses.

No. Kendall's a [bleep] gazelle.

And then you and Kylie are, like,
the sexpots of the world.

[Khloé] I don't dress like that either.

Yeah, that's why
it's gonna be a challenge.

-[Khloé] You think you're so hot.
-No, I don't.

I'm not saying yes.

I just got to get rid of some things.

Archive it, put it away. You know?

Oh, my God.

[tranquil music]

I love my look tonight.

My body.

Are you sure you don't want
that leftover lettuce?

-Lettuce?
-Lechuga.

[chuckles]

En español.

How was your night? Good?

I actually woke up to a text
with this link of Scott.

What about it?

Saying that he needs to go to rehab
and that he's in a...

downward spiral
and blah-blah-blah and blaming it on me.

It's just, I was, like,
woke up, like, in a panic, you know?

Like, just feeling like,
"Am I supposed to stand by his side?"

But, like, what are you supposed to do?

That's just the thing.
He needs to help himself.

I think people don't bother me
with any information about Scott,

unless it's to the point where they
really think that I need to know.

[Kourtney] And so...
[sighs]

I don't know. It's kind of, like,
the same scenario, like, once again.

Like, I feel helpless,
because I don't always know what to do.

Because it's been so many years of trying.

It's just stressful,
because he is my kids' father.

I just want him to be,
like, healthy and happy.

But, yeah, I don't think I need
to sacrifice my own happiness.

No. Because he's not even trying.

But what if something happens to him?

[upbeat music]

-[Khloé] Hi, Joe.
-[Joe] Good morning, ladies.

-We're early, aren't we?
-[Joe] As usual, but I'm okay with that.

[Khloé chuckles]

[Kourtney] Ooh!
There's a black bug right here.

[Khloé scoffs, chuckles]

[Kourtney] Excuse me.

Look at it.

[Khloé] Okay.

[Joe laughs]

[Khloé] I believe you.

[Kourtney] Wait, so you know...

Did I ever tell you
that I invited Kendall to Santa Barbara?

[Khloé] No.

I want you to come, because I feel, like,
what are Kendall and I gonna do alone?

Like...

Is it gonna be awkward?

-Are we not gonna have anything...
-It's your sister!

-No, I know.
-What'd you mean it's gonna be awkward?

And I'm obsessed with her.

But I'm just saying, like,
we don't hang out one-on-one.

I mean, I think it should be you two.

But, like, if you're uncomfortable,
I'll go.

But I think you two should just...

And there's alcohol involved.

-[Khloé] If it gets awkward...
-Some people get in fights.

You... What are you two gonna fight about?

-Sure we could come up with something.
-[Khloé] This isn't Jerry Springer.

You're not gonna,
like, b*at up your sister.

It's not?

I totally don't mind going
to Santa Barbara with you,

but you cannot use me as your crutch,

-your support system.
-I thought you were there as my crutch.

Yes. I'm your sister. You can lean on me.
But Kendall's your sister, too.

Like, I feel like
this is more in your head.

So if I go, you have to still be outgoing
and, like, try to bond with her.

You got it.

Oh.
[clicks tongue]

-Wait, stay like that.
-[Khloé] Ow! No.

-Stay like that.
-[Khloé] For what reason?

-[Kourtney] 'Cause I got to snap you.
-I don't believe you.

-[Khloé] Oh, my legs are so sore.
-[Kourtney] Go to one side.

-[laughs]
-My God! My ass looks so big!

[Khloé] I know when I gain weight,

my camel toe comes back
and my ass gets bigger.

-[Kourtney] Really?
-[Khloé] The front and the back.

My puss and my ass.

Oh. Good times.

[upbeat music]

[Kim] It's just not my week.

I just need a spray tan.

Why can't you do a Gisele color
for the summer?

It's just so hard to get it
that in-between.

You could do it.
You have the best people in the world.

I just need to get my eyebrows done.

I need to do so many things.

You look great.
You look like a doll in person.

It's, like, the perfect time
for us to go and sneak over there.

-Khloé's gone...
-Khloé...

She's gonna take one of her hats off
and smack us to death.

-Hence, why we're wearing camo.
-I understand.

She is going to Santa Barbara,
and I always joke that I should style her.

-Right. No, I know.
-Or, like, dress her.

I just want to, like, pack a bag for her,
so when she gets there, it'll be my bag.

-Right. You just want Khloé to look good.
-And then she has her choice.

Totally.

So, for Santa Barbara,
I am gonna go to Khloé's house,

totally pack for her everything
that I would use from her closet,

and I'll just send that bag instead.

-And take out her packed bag?
-[Kim] Yeah.

So do you think she's gonna be mad?

And have you told her?

-Is she, like, offended?
-No. Don't tell her.

-No, but is she offended, is the question.
-We'll see.

We'll see after this switcheroo.

[hip-hop music]

[Jonathan] Are you sure she's not home?

Well, I brought my food,

'cause I cannot be breaking
into people's houses without eating.

[door opens]

I think the operation's
gonna be called "No Options."

-[Kim] No Ops?
-[Jonathan] Operation No Ops.

[Kim] I am so starving.

-I need to make a protein shake.
-No, no. I am famished.

[Jonathan] If I didn't bring this food,
Operation No Ops would be no happening.

[Kim] These bananas are so old.

This is the first robbery
where the burglars eat.

[Kim] Can you not say robbery, please?

Oh, boy. Look at that beauty.

Be a mess.

She usually would not even let us sit
at her table if she was here.

[Jonathan sighs]

Oh, my God, I'm soaking wet.

These chairs are drenching. Holy crap.

-[Kim] So am I.
-[Jonathan] Why are they wet?

-[Kim] They just had them shampooed.
-I'm, like, soaked, not even wet.

Okay, it doesn't look like it.

All right, let's get
Operation Get Khloé [bleep] on Point.

I can't believe this.
Where's the garbage here?

-[Kim] Just leave it.
-[Jonathan] Okay.

Are you ready?

[Jonathan] Oh, my God.
It looks like My Super Sweet 16.

Oh, my God.

What the hell are these? Holy crap.

This is like five animals in one.

A zebra, a snake, a pelican.

Cheesy as [bleep].

[camera whirring]

I think I can just help Khloé have,
like, more simple style,

'cause her body really is the accessory.

Is that Kanye's phrase?

No. I'm just saying, like, for me,
I'm so curvy that if I try to, like,

put other things on it,
I look like a... a joke.

[Kim] She needs, like, a jacket.

-[Kim] It's cold.
-Right. So can you pick one?

-Like, a black one or something?
-I really, honestly,

-can't pick one of these.
-[Jonathan] What about...

[Kim] Don't even think about it.

Like, literally,
you're... you're offending me.

[Jonathan] All right, like,
pick out the shoes then. Come on.

[Kim] I don't need you,
like, breathing up my ass.

Things are, like, living in this closet.
Look at this. This thing's moving.

-Should I be chic?
-Yes.

Okay, okay. Hold on. This is a look.

This, open...

with this.

And just a simple bodysuit.

[Jonathan] That's beautiful,
for a funeral.

-It's pitch black.
-[Kim] We got to...

They don't wear like this
in Santa Barbara.

-'Cause it's a happy city.
-We got to be chic. We got to be chic.

[Jonathan] Okay, let's go.

-Hold on.
-[camera whirs]

Don't rush me.

You're not, like, a real stylist. Come on.

[Kim] Yes, I am, actually.

[upbeat music]

[camera shutter clicking]

[Kim] I think she can wear
the blazer to dinner.

-[Jonathan] All right, let's get packing.
-[Kim] Okay. Hold on.

[Kim] She's not gonna want
to wine taste in all white.

This is taking so long.

Okay. I literally can't take this anymore.

I think she'll really appreciate this.

But, like, wouldn't you be pissed
if someone took your bag

and put whatever their style was
that they want you to have?

Whatever's gonna happen,
I won't be there to have to deal.

[chuckles]

That's funny?

-There you have it.
-[Jonathan] I think we're good.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] So, guys, how are you two feeling?

I haven't been to Santa Barbara
in so long.

-When? Like, since Kim's wedding?
-[Kendall] Yeah.

-Honestly, I think so.
-That's amazing.

[phone dinging]

[phone whooshing]

So, I feel like this trip,
we should all be very present.

-Okay?
-[Kendall] I'm always down for present.

-I agree.
-I feel like

-I cannot tell you...
-[phone dinging continuously]

-...when the three of us...
-I'm turning my phone down.

-...have gone on a road trip.
-We never have.

-If we ever have. Right.
-Why would we have?

Okay. With that attitude,
you're not getting anywhere.

-But I'm saying, why would we have?
-Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

So this is what I would love to suggest.

Let's just enjoy. Let's have a nice time.

-Let's try to be as present as possible.
-[Kourtney] Yes!

Is the weather supposed to be nice?

Yeah, but it's always cool
in Santa Barbara,

'cause it's by the water.

Who's this girl with Scott?

I don't know who she is,
but she's not really concerning to me.

I'm actually just concerned, though,
about, like, his health.

Uh, why? What's happening?

I just, like, keep hearing
that he's, like, out of control.

And people have called me, like,

"He's not gonna make it to his birthday
if he keeps going like this."

Last week, I was out interviewing people
for our tenth anniversary special,

so I was in full prosthetics
and I got a phone call from a good friend.

[friend] Hi, Kourt.
Scott just told me to get out.

I told him I can't go, and he said,

"You're the only one
that's always there for me."

Yeah.

I feel like he feels like I give him
more attention when he's [bleep] up.

So I'm just, like, not gonna call him.

[Kourtney] I'm trying to break
the cycle of always being there.

I just feel like I need to change it up
and see if that makes any difference.

[horn honks]

Whoa. You think I'm a bad driver?

Are you... This is me?

Driving? These people...
What do you want me to do?

[chuckles]

[squeaks]

[upbeat music]

[Kendall] So pretty.

-[Kourtney] I know.
-Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.

-[man] Good afternoon, ladies. Welcome.
-[Kendall] Hi.

-[manager] Hello, Kendall. Welcome.
-Hi. How are you?

We're so thrilled to have you
with us at Bacara.

[Kendall] Yeah.

[Khloé] What a great view!

-[Kourtney] Honey, I'm home!
-Oh, my God! It's beautiful!

Oh, my gosh, how cute, all these snacks!

[Khloé] You guys,
we could have breakfast up here.

This is so gorgeous.

[Kourtney] Who's in here, Khloé?

-Whoever wants.
-This is your bag.

-No, that's not.
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

[Khloé] I'm so confused.

You guys, I have a really big suitcase.

[Khloé] No, I don't think this is mine.

This is not the suitcase I packed.

[tense music]

[Khloé] I mean,
this wasn't even in my bag.

Kourt! Come here!

[upbeat music]

Do you know why this is...
Did you know about this?

[Khloé] Why are you making that ugly face?
It's not cute.

[Kourtney laughs]

I only knew a tiny, tiny, tiny bit.

-But I'm so excited. What is happening?
-No.

[Khloé] I'm not wearing this.

[Kourtney] Kendall?

Look, Jonathan
and Kim fully repacked a bag

for Khloé with their own outfits
that they want her to wear.

-Wait, what?
-I was like, whose suit...

That's why I was like,
"Whose suitcase is this?"

I don't know if I'm necessarily annoyed
that Kim and Jonathan did this,

I'm super surprised.

Like, she's so sneaky.

That's so mean. You're so mean.

-[Kim] What?
-Like, you're just so mean.

-[Kourtney] They're trying to help you.
-[Kim] You don't think that was helpful?

I know, literally, we were just talking
about how you have terrible outfits.

-I didn't know we were so fancy.
-[Kendall] You said...

I don't think I have terrible taste.

-Apparently, you guys do.
-No, we don't.

I was literally like,
"Where is my roller bag?"

I was like,
"What the [bleep] is happening?"

-[Kim] Did you see the photos?
-I'm looking at...

Did they say like, "This is for dinner.

-This is for wine tasting."
-[Khloé] Yes, I'm just...

I'm just going through them!

[Kourtney] Oh, my gosh, this is cute.
Day or dinner.

[Kim] I tried to give you
very Kim-esque outfits.

They're... No, these are literally, I'm...
I'm shopping at the Yeezy store, for sure.

[Kim] I mean,
I picked stuff all from your closet.

So I know that it'll all fit you,
'cause it's already been tailored.

I've been wanting to do this.

You have no idea
the comedy that went in there.

It was really exciting.

Oh, good. I don't like everything
to be so simple.

-[Kim] Okay, enjoy, enjoy.
-Thank you. Bye.

What do you think, Kourt?

[Kourtney] I look much better.

[Khloé] Do you like my dress?

Oh, mi amor. I love it so much.

I love Kim, and I appreciate her
wanting to, like, style me,

but, like, styling means you're going to,
like, get me a new style.

[Khloé] She just went in my closet
and, like, put it together... This is hard?

[Kourtney] Yeah, but you wouldn't
have brought that here, I will say.

No, I wouldn't have brought this here.

You would have worn
workout clothes, and you...

Half the clothes in your closet,
you never, ever wear.

So she's making you wear
the... the dope clothes in your closet.

-Work.
-Work. Work.

-Can we leave now?
-[Khloé] You guys ready for din?

[Kourtney] Yep.

You look very cute, Kendall.

[Khloé] Do you think Kim
is really buying me clothes?

-Maybe.
-[Khloé] I wish.

If that's the case, I would've let Kim
style me a long time ago

if she was buying me clothes.

But Kim is kind of, like, a hater,

so, like, I don't know
if she's really styling me to look good

unless it's out of my own clothes.

-[Khloé] Do you know what I mean?
-She wants you to step up her level,

-but then she doesn't want you...
-[Kendall] Kourt's been on...

-[Khloé] Kourt is on...
-[overlapping chatter]

Did you, like, take something?

-No.
-[overlapping chatter]

[Khloé] I feel like
she's definitely got something.

-[Kendall] There's a bug.
-[Khloé] Okay, keep walking, kids.

[Kourtney] I just had a vision
of me tumbling down all the stairs.

[laughing]
Wait. Wait for me. Wait, wait.

-[Khloé] What did they give Kourtney?
-[Kendall] Seriously.

Okay, I'll be the one,
since you guys are not feeling my vibe.

I'm gonna ask if they have any
gluten-free bread, 'cause I'm starving.

Like, you can't cheat
every once in a while?

-[Kourtney] No, I do.
-Oh.

-[server] Hi. Welcome to Angel Oak.
-Hi.

I'm gonna get the gnocchi,
but is it possible to just do no lobster?

-Sure, I'll see what we can figure out.
-[Kendall] Thank you.

[Khloé] And, then,
can I get your lettuce wedge?

And then, I'll have the mac and cheese,
as well.

-[Khloé] Okay, thanks.
-[phone chimes]

[background chatter]

[tense music]

[phone chimes]

-Kourt, who are you texting?
-Simon.

[phone chimes]

Kourt seems really distracted at dinner,

and I can tell that everything going on
with Scott is really affecting her.

But Kourt, Kendall and I are here
in Santa Barbara for one night to bond,

but I feel like Kourt kind of has
to just put her foot down

and put her phone down and say, you know,
this is gonna be her family time.

[tense music]

Let me tell you,
we are a wild group of girls.

[phone keys clacking]

[Kendall] I'm realizing
that Kourtney's on her phone a lot.

But I'm definitely pretty sensitive
towards the fact that

anyone would be dealing with something
with a relationship or whatever,

'cause I've definitely had my moments.

So I can kind of understand.

[phone keys clacking]

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] So what's going on
with everything?

With, like, Scott.
I keep seeing all these things online.

I mean, we're not talking,
which normally we talk.

Like, he said himself, when he's bad,

that's when you pay him
the most attention.

-Mm-hmm.
-So I think a lot of it,

he does to get attention from you.

Right and I just haven't been writing him,
because I'm trying to, like...

-Set a different pattern and you should.
-Yeah, the pattern.

This cycle is not beneficial to anybody,

-but especially, and I don't even know...
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

-[Khloé] Listen. I'm not the parent.
-No.

I don't want the kids
to see him like this.

[tense music]

We've been in the same pattern,

even though we're not together
for ten years, plus.

And if there was something
I could do to help Scott, you know,

help his situation or his addiction,
I would do it in a heartbeat.

But I've learned that it's beyond
my control and I've accepted that.

Like, there's consequences

and they need
to be accountable and responsible.

'Cause they do affect you
at the end of the day, and your kids.

[Khloé] I mean, it's tough love.

[phone rings]

-Hi.
-[Khloé] What are you doing?

[Kim] Feeling so [bleep].

I don't even know what to do.

-Why? You're sick?
-Mm-hmm.

-I'm so sorry, Keeks.
-I know. It's so annoying.

I just got sick. How's Santa Barbara?

I'm a little annoyed
that all of Scott's friends

and his every human being is bothering
Kourt about that he's spiraling.

And people involving her when I really
don't think it has to do with her anymore.

I mean, it sucks, 'cause she's just like,

she's gonna always be involved with him,
'cause he's, like, the father of her kids.

But, like, she can't just,
like, move on, when she should.

Like, they're broken up.

Like, you know, and she can't, like,
be dealing with this forever, you know?

Right.

She should enjoy this time,

and I think she will regret it
if she doesn't.

Well, I'll go over there and talk to him.

I think he needs that.

-Yeah.
-Thanks, Keeks.

-Hope you feel better.
-[Kim] All right, I love you. Have fun.

-Love you too.
-Bye.

[sniffles]

[upbeat music]

[Kim] Scott.

Scott.

[sniffles]

-[Scott] What are you doing?
-[Kim] I came to check on you.

-Why are your boobs out?
-They're not. What are you talking about?

I'm wearing a wife-beater.

[sniffles]

-I'm sick and annoyed.
-You can see like everything in the world,

plus more.

Would you be more comfortable
if I put this on?

[Scott] Kind of. I'm just wondering,

are you guys gonna all have
your boobs out for the rest of your lives?

Like, 90 years old,
at your funerals, tits out.

So, what is going on?

With?

With... Everyone's, like,
calling Kourtney, worried about you.

Oh.

Well, I just wanted to,
like, come over here,

so that she could enjoy
her bonding trip with Kendall.

So, what's the problem?

I mean, I just feel like she's just trying
to enjoy, like, a weekend with Kendall.

I totally get that. Terrible.

I just feel like we're always here
to, like, support you,

but I don't think,
like, everyone has to call her.

I just want to, like, come over
and be, like, "Okay, he's fine."

I get it. People call her
for like anything and everything.

[Scott] Some is really realistically
and true.

I mean, we all know
that I have times where, like,

I definitely am out of control.

But you can tell Kourtney
to have a good weekend.

Rest assured I'm fine.

Okay.

[tense music]

[line ringing]

-[Kourtney] Hi.
-Hi.

-So I just went over to Scott's, and, um,...
-Mm-hmm.

...it's all good.

I would just tell everyone
to stop calling you

and bothering you and worrying you.

Like, it's not your problem anymore.

[Kourtney] I mean,
it's not, but it is, like,

forever, at the same time, you know?

But, like, at the same time,
you have to enjoy

a bonding trip with your sisters
in Santa Barbara.

It's for one or two nights.
Like, he needs to chill.

Yeah.

-Like, it can't always be like this, so...
-Be free.

Well, thank you for doing that.

Of course.

-Feel better.
-Okay. Love you. Have fun.

Okay. Thanks for doing that. Love you.

Bye. Love you.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé laughing]
Oh... [bleep]

[laughter]

[Khloé] I think I might have
given you something.

Should we go see if Kendall's sleeping?

[Kourtney] I mean,
I think Kim's right about Scott.

I feel much more okay about it.

[Kourtney] And I just feel like
I need to let go and have fun.

[Khloé] She's still asleep.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney] So good.

[Khloé] She's such
a pretty sleeping person.

-Is there anything we can do to Kendall?
-[Khloé laughing]

Can we cover her with baby powder?

What if we put a blueberry...

[Khloé] Up her ass.

-[laughter]
-[Kourtney] What would she...

[silent laughter]

[Khloé] Kourtney,
take a [bleep] blueberry and do it.

I want to see if anyone's tweeting us.

[Kourtney] "Does anyone have any good
prank ideas to do to a sleeping person?"

-"Let them rest. Leave Kendall alone."
-[Khloé laughs]

[Kourtney] "Put a few squares..."
[laughing]

-This one's good. This one's good.
-[Khloé chuckles]

"Put a few squares of chocolate
in their bum cr*ck so it melts,

and when they wake up...
[squeals]

...they think they've pooped themselves."

I think that's the winner.

She's just gonna think
she went to the bathroom in her pants.

[wheezing laughter]

She's gonna think she was so drunk.

-Let me tell you, Twitter is really...
-We ask...

It's a great tool.
It's almost better than Google,

because they give you,
like, in real time responses.

And they're really crafty.

-[Khloé] It's just a little.
-She'll just have a little [bleep] stain.

[Khloé] A little shart.
[laughs]

At the sleepover, whoever...
Yeah, whoever falls asleep...

-You're [bleep].
-...you're asking for it.

[laughs]

[tense music]

[Khloé whispers]
Oh, shh, shh.

She rolled over.

She's on her back.

[Kendrall mumbling]

-What? What's on my face?
-[Kourtney and Khloé laughing]

[Kendall] What?

[laughter continues]

-[Khloé] What's on you?
-[Kendall] What is it?

[Khloé] We wanted you to shart yourself.

[Kourtney and Khloé laughing]

Did you look it up or something?

[Khloé] We tweeted, "What can we do
to a sleeping person?" And everyone...

[Kourtney] Everyone said
to put chocolate in their butt cr*ck.

[Khloé] We wanted to see if you
would tell us...

-[laughter]
-...if you [bleep] yourself.

[Khloé and Kourtney laughing]

-[Kendall] You guys are, like, 12.
-[Khloé] If only you knew.

[laughing continues]

-[Khloé] Let's let her sleep.
-Okay.

Kendall, you're safe.

[Khloé] What do you want to say
to the camera

-before I sign off?
-"Me and Khloé... up to no good."

[upbeat music]

Hey, Kendall.

[Kendall] Okay, let's go, guys.

Hi. Welcome.

Hi.

[sommelier] We'll commence
with a Firestone cab... Whoa.

Have you do the honors.
There we go. For you.

-Still processing what just happened.
-Khloé, I've never seen you ever, ever...

-What?
-...wear a blazer.

[Khloé] Kimberly decided to give me.
Thank you.

You actually look really cute.

[Kourtney] This is a cute
wine tasting outfit.

Yeah, but... Which is fine.
I mean, she had heels, I think.

But it's crazy,
the extent that she goes to...

-style me.
-[sommelier] Are you all right?

Kourt's compliments, she can shove
up her ass, I don't really care.

I look like a [bleep] like,
secretary at a winery.

[Khloé] It's just not me.

It's not my jam, this outfit.

-[Kourtney] There's one long, black hair...
-Ow!

[laughs]

Hold on, hold on.

No, you're not pulling it
with your finger.

-I have tweezers in the car.
-Let me just see.

No.

[Kourtney] All right, let's get on
our bikes and hit the road.

[Kendall] Let's do this.

[upbeat music]

This is so cute.

[Khloé laughs]

-Oh, my God.
-Are you okay?

[Kendall] I just ate [bleep].
[laughs]

-Oh, my God.
-[Khloé] Are you okay?

-[Kendall] I fully, like, skidded...
-Oh, my God. Where?

-Right here.
-Right here?

-Oh, my God.
-How on earth did that happen?

Don't go on those rocks.

I don't know if, like,
electric bike riding and alcohol is smart.

I mean, Kendall's fall
definitely made the day.

I mean, it's only good
'cause she didn't get hurt,

but her being so tall
and, like, statuesque

and with this lavender, like, fur jacket.

Like she couldn't have been in a more
obnoxious outfit to fall off the bike in.

-Word.
-Word.

[upbeat music]

Oh, I love these.

So this one's gonna be a little bit more
indicative of a French-style Chardonnay

as opposed to California.

I swear, I've never gotten
this drunk this quickly off of wine.

[Khloé] Are you drunk already?

You guys are drinking all the glasses,
I'm drinking sips.

How many glasses
is the three test... tastings together?

-Ten.
-What... No.

-I'm saying how many glasses...
-Ten glasses.

[sommelier 2] There's probably
about two ounces in each glass.

[Kourtney] But how many ounces is that?

-[Khloé] They're not making any sense.
-[Kourtney] I just wanna know.

We tried three testers.
Is that like one glass?

I'm crying.

-I'm so happy Kourtney is on my level.
-[sommelier 2] We're not...

Okay.

'Cause I was starting to get scared
with, like, 14 ounces. Whatever.

[shrieks]
Kendall. Oh, my God. Are you okay?

[laughter]

You both are wasted and I'm not.

-Yeah, why aren't you?
-I don't know.

I'm so not on your level,
but I'm willing to take one for the team.

You guys are having the best time

and I love watching you guys
having so much fun.

Okay.

[laughter]

Hold on.
I need to drink the rest of your red wine.

No! Just half, half.

I'll do the rest. So unfair...
Oh, Khloé's is left. No, I...

-Yes, drink it.
-[Kendall] Okay, fine.

What do you think,
you're gonna get a disease?

[laughter]

[squeaky, indistinct chatter]

[upbeat music]

I mean, this is the longest
car ride of my [bleep] life,

and why are we at 84 degrees?

-[Kourtney] I'm sweating...
-[Kendall] I have to pee so bad.

...like a sausage. And I have to pee.

-Okay. We keep saying five minutes...
-Here, there's a porta-potty right there.

-Do you want to go?
-Not really.

-[Kourtney] What's that place?
-[Khloé] Thrift store.

Oh, it's... I'll go in.

I want you to know, though, Khlo,
I'm not buying you anything.

Vintage shopping was not my thing.
You guys were my thing.

-But we did it all.
-Yeah.

Now, I know you and I call each other, uh,
Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger,

but you and Kendall really are.

[Khloé in Australian accent]
Kourtney and Kendall

in their natural habitat of shopping.

Oh, there they are.

Oh, Kourtney
in the natural habitat of shopping.

[upbeat music]

[in natural accent]
You guys were so drunk, but it's so cute.

Oh, good times, Santa Barbara, good times.

Welcome to the spa at Bacara.

-[Kourtney] Are we putting mud on?
-[attendant] Yes.

Once you put it on, you want it on there
for about 20 minutes.

Putting in there like swimwear.

-[Kourtney] What does that even mean?
-I don't even know.

Swimwear, when you walk,
it goes up your butt.

[Kourtney] Yeah, baby.

[laughter]

[Kourtney] Khloé, you're not doing this?

[Kendall] Yeah, what are you doing? Lame.

-[Khloé] You know what?
-[Kourtney] What?

I did this intentionally
to let you guys bond.

[Khloé] 'Cause you guys now have
to sit for 20 minutes, solo, together.

You guys good?

-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Kendall and Kourt have been having
a blast in Santa Barbara,

but I still feel like they have to get
to the root of the problem,

and figure out why are they so awkward
around one another?

[Kendall] I'm so happy we did this.

-I'm, like, enjoying myself.
-You are?

[Kendall] Yeah.

I'm so glad you said that,

because I feel like
I always think you hate me.

Why?
[laughs]

'Cause you go out of town,
and I never talk to you when you're gone.

Like, everyone will be like,
"Oh, I talked to Kendall, I did this..."

But you also, like, takes two to tango.

Like, you come to the city,
and like, don't call me,

to, like, come and hang out.

-True.
-[Kendall] So...

[Kourtney] Yeah,
I need to just call you more.

[Kourtney] There's no reason
why Kendall would hate me.

I just feel like some of it
is just my imagination,

but now, we really connected,
and it's strengthened our relationship.

When I'm in town,
you're gonna be my first phone call.

Holding you to that, girl.

I think Kourt and I
have an amazing relationship.

Except for when she doesn't want
to hang out with me.

[Kendall] One time, we were at church.

She came up to me,
she was like, "How are you?"

As if, like, I didn't know you.

And I was like, "Oh, my God,
I have, like, two seats next to me,

why don't you and your friend
come sit with us?"

She goes, "No."

[laughs]

It was so awkward.
We have awkward moments together,

-but I think it's 'cause...
-Yeah.

-...we love each other too much.
-It is.

-What are you doing this weekend?
-I have no plans.

-Let's hang out.
-[Kourtney] You got it.

What if, like, you stay in it,
like, 21 minutes,

and it doesn't come off anymore?

[Kourtney] Oh, my gosh. I would die.

Got to make sure it's really on my butt.

[Kendall] This is insane.

[inaudible]

[Kourtney] Hi.

[upbeat music]

[Kendall] Okay, I think I'm done.

[upbeat music]

-Are you wearing your bathing suit?
-[Kourtney] No.

-How did you get in?
-[Kourtney] I just snuck in.

Like a slithering snake.

[Kendall] Is Scott going to Cannes?

[Kourtney] I don't know.

But I'm not telling him
that I'm going, so that...

-[Kendall] He doesn't, like...
-...book it, yeah, just because.

-Remember last year?
-[Kourtney] Yes.

I remember texting you, being like,
"Yeah, he was all good.

Like, nothing weird, nothing crazy."

-And that night, like, after I left to go...
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

-...all those crazy photos came out.
-[Kourtney] Yeah.

[exhales]

[Kourtney] Ken, if it's nice tomorrow,
we should lay out at my pool.

[Kendall] Yeah, I'm down.

[upbeat music]

[Kim] So how was Santa Barbara?

It was so good, but how funny is this?

So we're in our rooms
and, like, I saw this camo bag.

So I was like, "Is this... did...
This is Kim's bag."

That's what I thought. I was like [bleep]!

My assistants must've put
the wrong suitcase in my car.

[Khloé] When I opened the bag,
I see a picture of you and Jonathan.

And I'm like, "This bitch."
I was like, "These little ass[bleep]."

I'm looking at the Polaroids. And I'm
like, "She thinks I dress like [bleep]."

But then it was, no,
also, actually, I needed it,

and you packed me like
a great Céline dress, and this nice stuff,

so I was actually like, "Okay, well, look,
this came in handy. Okay."

It was so cute.

[Khloé] I was very Kim K.

You're welcome to come over
and pack for me anytime.

-[Kim] I'm welcome in your closet?
-[Khloé] Yeah.

Because you did such a good job,
I want you to now style me, literally.

[Kim] I love you,
but it's super overwhelming.

Just too much going on.

-Sherlock, I'm hiring you as my stylist.
-I don't have time.

I'm not running around and doing all that.
That's like, those days are over.

So you don't take the position?

No. I don't take the position. I resign.

[Khloé laughs]

-I don't understand.
-I resign already.

[Khloé] You've been begging for the job.

I finally say "Let's go,"
and you resign before you even start?

-You always want what you can't have.
-[laughs]

That... that's the moral.

[Khloé] I feel like, tit for tat, so now,
I get to style you for dinner one day.

-No. My reputation's on the line.
-Now, if your bags ever get switched...

Mm-hmm.

-[Kim] On the next episode...
-Hey, Kourt.

-[Younes] Hi.
-Hi, Younes.

[Younes] Nice to see you.

I haven't seen Kourt
with another guy in like ten years.

It's just intense.

If you're gonna be in Cannes
with, like, another guy, like, have fun.

Scott's threatening me now.

He's like,
"Your little friend is gonna get b*at up."

It's not a good look for Scott.
This is not gonna end well.

[Scott] It got just, like,
way too out of hand.