14x08 - Close To Home

[bunniefuu]

[tense music]

[hair dryer whirring]

[Kim] Jonathan will be so happy
that I'm getting my hair back in.

I'm getting the long hair put back in.

Thank God. It's gonna be life-changing.

-Life-changing, guys.
-No more MILF.

[Mario] MILF.
[laughs]

All right, I'll see you when you get here.

I'll see you in, like, 30 minutes. Bye.

Okay, bye.

[upbeat music]

Oh, my God.

-[Jonathan] Thank you, guys.
-[Mario] Hey.

Thank you, everyone,
for making it look this amazing.

-She's back.
-I'm back.

[Jonathan] I didn't even recognize you
without your PTA uniform.

This is so fantastic.
Don't you feel so much better?

Did it have to go, like, schoolteacher?

-[Jonathan] Could have stayed, like...
-It was cute. The Met was so fab.

Schoolteacher would have been
more layered.

-She did it pretty, like, blunt.
-[Jonathan] Oh, so rabbi's wife.

You know how they wear like the...
Yeah, bro.

We're brutal here
until it's back to perfect.

It's okay. A little, little situation.
We just had a mishap.

[bleep] happens.

[Kim] Guys, I am back.

Had to get the long hair again.

[theme music]

-[Kendall] Hi.
-[Khloé] Are you buying pants, Ken?

-Yeah, I want to, but I don't...
-That's the only thing I need help with.

Pick your color, pick your size.

Here. Do you want a large for your ass?
'Cause I like these ones for you.

I don't need a large for my ass,
you [bleep] ass[bleep].

-How big do you think I am?
-You have a big ass.

Just get one pair. Those ones are nice.

Oh, my God. This little jacket. Kendall.

-[Kendall] Huh?
-How cute is this little thing?

Oh! Oh, my God.

That is so cute.

[whispers]
This place makes me really happy.

So, I literally, once a week,
have a stalker.

Maybe more, like twice a week.

Someone shows up at my house
every single day.

Not even paps, like let... Like, paps,

-but then also...
-What do they do?

They just, like,
wait outside my house for me,

and my security guards don't let me leave.

They'll be like, "You shouldn't leave
'cause these people are weird."

My house was robbed
maybe eight months ago,

and I was home
with a couple of my friends.

[Kendall] Every single piece of my jewelry
was stolen.

There were, like, a lot
of sentimental things that I had that...

it sucks you can't get those things back.

I feel like we're so targeted, and people
are now breaking into our homes.

Yeah, I bet it would be smart
to just at least...

Just to be knowledgeable to know
how to protect ourselves.

I agree.

I think in the last year, the conversation
of safety has really changed in my family.

Ever since Kim's situation in Paris,
my robbery, my stalkers,

like, I think
that a lot's been happening to all of us.

[Kendall] It's just... It's a scary world.

What the hell is this?

-[clerk] It's an anti-friction powder.
-Mm-hmm.

For, like, your private area?
So you don't get...

-[clerk] Like, anti-chafing. Yeah.
-Oh.

[Kendall] That's hilarious.
That makes sense though.

I, um, did spinning for the first time,
and the next day,

I was like,
"I swear to God I have an STD."

I was like,
"I've never felt like this before."

And so, the doctor was like,

"What have you done?"
I was like, "Nothing. I don't even know."

"I haven't even had sex."
And he was like...

I said, "I just went to SoulCycle.
Can I get something from there?"

He was like, "Honey, you're just bruised.
It's not an STD, you freak."

I was just... I'd never had a bruised puss.
Who knew that could happen?

[upbeat music]

-[Kim] Where's the pups?
-[Khloé] Oh, my God, they're here?

-I forgot you got the dogs.
-Yeah.

[Kris] The little twins?
Which one is that? Is that yours?

-[Kim] That's Kourtney's. That's Honey.
-Well, Honey's eating. Sorry, Honey.

-[Kim] I mean, they just don't...
-Oh, my God!

[Kris] It's like a child.

-[Khloé] Hello! Whose is whose?
-So cute.

Or do you not know yet?

[Kim] The littler one is Kourt's.

[Khloé] Oh, my goodness!

She's, like, six weeks old
or seven weeks old,

and then mine is, like, 12 weeks old.

[Khloé] I can't handle this.
North probably...

[Kris] Do you have to brush it
every single day?

No, I haven't brushed it once.

How are the kids with them?
These are so cute!

-[Khloé] Why are you...
-[Sushi barking]

-Oh, my goodness.
-[Kris] Hey.

[Khloé] Oh, you're...
you're a little barker.

[Kim] I finally decided to cave
and get North a dog.

And I just think that, you know,
if I'm gonna do it for North,

Kourtney should do it for Penelope.

So we give Penelope and North
their dogs together

on North's birthday,
and it was the cutest thing ever.

[Kim] It was so priceless
seeing the look on their face

and how excited they were
to get these dogs.

So it just makes everything,
like, so worth it.

[Kris] What did the girls do
when they saw them?

North was like, "Mom, can I keep her?"

And I go, "Yeah, it's your birthday.
It's a doggy for you."

-So, every night, she sleeps with the dog.
-[Sushi barking]

Kim, yours really makes a lot of noise.

[Kim] Like, this is the color I wanted.

I always kept showing her pictures
going, I need... I want this,

like, brown color, and I wanted it
to look like a little bear.

But when we got them, mine was sick,

so mine slept the entire time
and was so chill.

Everyone's like, "The smaller one's
way more rambunctious."

And I was like,
"Oh, I need the calm one." You know?

So they tricked you,
is what you're saying.

The dogs tricked me,
and now ours will be the barker.

But, like, when you have kids
and they want something so badly,

I just was like,
"I've got to do it for her."

Yeah. That's how you are
when you're a mom.

She loves this dog. Like...

Ah, don't swallow the necklace.
At least you have good taste.

-[barking]
-[Kris] Oh.

[Kim] No. Come on.
[shushes]

Her face is so cute though.

-[Kim] But come on. Come on.
-[barking continues]

[Kim] You look like me
before I lasered off my baby hairs.

[Kris] Hey, Mom.
Come up and see the place.

Come on in to your new house.

Oh, my goodness.

[MJ] Oh, my gosh.

-Oh, my goodness, it's gorgeous.
-This is beautiful.

I'm so excited because I was able
to buy my mom a home this year.

[woman] Is there any more words
than "Oh, my gosh"?

[Kris]
That's the fireplace that you wanted.

I've been trying to convince my mom
to move up here

for as long as I can remember.
It's been decades.

And I think I felt like I just needed
to take action and surprise her.

[MJ] "Welcome to your new home.
We love you, Kendall and Kylie."

-[Kris] Aw.
-That's so sweet.

Those are
some really sweet granddaughters.

-[MJ] I have some good ones.
-[woman] They sure are.

-Wow.
-[woman chuckles]

I can't get over those chairs,
how beautiful they are.

And the fireplace.
[gasps]

They said you can make it
be different colors,

and I said, "Oh, no.
We'll take the blue, please."

But there's a button you can do
like a reddish for the holidays.

I spent a lot of time thinking about
how I would accessorize my mom's place.

And so everything kind of had,
you know, a rhyme and a reason.

We could either do, like, a black
or, like, a dark brown.

Yeah, that looks cool.

I just want it to be the perfect place
that she loves.

[Kris] A smooth transition.

The perfect place so she feels at home.

Well, we have to have
a little, um, glass of champagne.

-[MJ] Oh, please.
-[bottle cork pops]

-[screams]
-[laughter]

I... All right, ladies.
Congratulations, Mom, on your new place.

-Thank you so much.
-Cheers to a wonderful life

-in your new house, Mom.
-[MJ] Thank you so much.

I feel like a queen.

[upbeat music]

[Sushi barking]

[Kim] Did you see that email
for the contour line?

[Stephanie] Yeah.

I'm just reading
that everyone loves the formula.

-Yeah.
-So I feel like that's, like,

the most important thing.

But the majority of people
don't like the sponge end,

-but they like the kabuki end.
-Yeah.

Can we just make a kabuki brush
and take the sponge off?

[Stephanie] Totally.

[barking continues]

[cheeky comical music]

Didn't you have the dog
up in your room though?

I did, but I moved her down here
because she was so noisy,

and at night, I just...

I mean, Kanye is like,
"Dude, what are we gonna do?"

And everyone
that has dogs and puppies is like,

-"You have to just let him bark it out."
-[Stephanie] Yeah.

But it just makes no sense.
Kourtney's does not bark,

does not make a peep.
I'm exhausted from my sleepless nights.

I am being so attentive to Sushi.

I'm, like, going above and beyond
what I ever thought I would do,

and she's just being so yappy, so loud.

And Kourtney's dog is quiet as a mouse,
does not make a peep,

literally sits there
like a stuffed animal.

Honey is so cute. Your mom bought me
a dog for my birthday.

[Reign] That's our dog.

[Kim] It's wild how in one day,
they fully tricked me and had

complete opposite personalities.

I just, like, of course, this is my luck.

[Sushi barking]

[Kim] I want to go swap.

Dog swap.

[barking continues]

I mean, they look a lot alike.
But how're you gonna do that?

You're just gonna, like,
swing over there and just steal her dog,

and just put yours in its place?

I don't know.

I mean, if the dogs aren't together,
no one would ever know

which is which. Like, no one knows.

-I can't tell the difference.
-[Kim] No one would ever know.

[pensive music]

What if I brought the other one here,
and then it was so yappy,

-and it was just, like, me?
-Mm.

That would be so sad for me.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

Oh, this baby elephant
fell into this pool,

and these two big elephants
went to save it.

[Khloé] Oh, the daddy's, like, running.

-That is so cute.
-[Kendall] Oh, my God. That's so cute.

I love animals.

[Khloé hums]

So, have you ever sh*t a g*n before?

No... Oh, yeah, I have.
We went to a range a while ago,

with, like, Scott and stuff.

Do you know what kind of g*n you like?

No.

You have to go and hold them
and test them,

and see what feels the most comfortable
in your hand, and, like, your grip.

[Khloé] There's a little bit of kickback
to certain g*ns,

so it just depends
what you're comfortable with.

Hi, guys.

[Khloé] Hey, girl.

What a lively bunch. We all put on
one of these bodysuits and get naked?

We were actually looking up, um...
[chuckles]

We were looking up different g*ns.

I'm just trying to play
with different photos.

-Looking up what?
-Different g*ns.

[Kim] Why?

'Cause Kendall and I were talking earlier

and, um, she just feels,
like, really unsafe.

Like, she says
she has, literally, a different stalker

outside of her house every few days,
and like,

she's a single girl who lives alone,
and she just wants a way...

Like, someone's already broken
into her home, and what if she was there?

Well, that's what you have security for.

But I want to know, like,
about these things,

so I could be knowledgeable of it,
and know how to, either protect myself,

or how to handle a g*n.

Not to bring anything up,
but in your situation.

Say that g*n,
you were able to get access to it,

-would you know what to do?
-I would not sh**t these...

It was three against one,
or, you know, six or seven.

You know, they... I didn't know about...

There's no way
I was gonna get out of there.

I'm not, like, Lara Croft.

I couldn't have gotten away
to go get the g*n.

I'm saying, if the g*n fell or slipped
and you happened to...

I'm just saying, in any circumstance,

don't you just want to know
how to use something?

I'm not comfortable with it.
I wouldn't want my kids around it.

I wouldn't want, like, sleepovers
going on here with the kids here,

and I know there's a g*n.

[tense music]

I... I personally don't feel comfortable
with that.

I just... I don't.

I personally am not a fan of owning g*ns

and having g*ns in the home,

especially with everything we've learned.

[Lucy] I'm the mother of Jordan Davis,

the young man who was sh*t
and k*lled in Jacksonville.

All over the country, he's deemed
the "loud music" case.

My mom, Dawn, was the principal
that was k*lled

in the Sandy Hook school sh**ting.

[woman]
I lost a close friend to g*n v*olence

when, um, I was in high school.

g*n v*olence is just ravaging
our community.

Owning g*ns just has never been my thing,

and I think with kids in the house,
I just don't think that,

you know, it's something
that I'm comfortable with.

[upbeat music]

[Kris] MJ!

-I have a present for you.
-Oh, I love presents.

-Do you want me to open it for you?
-Well, yeah.

-Okay. It's big and it's heavy.
-Oh, it's so pretty.

-And you're gonna love it.
-What is it?

-Dig in.
-I can't wait.

Oh, my goodness.
[gasps]

Oh, a motor.

No. It's a blender.

A blender?

-Yeah.
-A giant blender.

I bought Mary Jo this gorgeous Mixmaster.

Beautiful, stunning, chic.
The prize in every kitchen.

-This is a cool thing.
-In this house, that has no purpose.

[Kris] It makes you look
like a professional chef.

Oh, I love your idea of a gift,
but it really should be something that...

[Kris] Okay, look.

I think a Mixmaster is kind of
the hero product in every kitchen.

I mean, it's such a great piece.

I'm not sure what's going on.
She doesn't appreciate my vision.

[Kris] It's a little cluttered here.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

-Maybe in front of the plug.
-You can't move my stuff.

-Yes, I can. Look at me.
-No, no. No.

-[Kris] Right there. This'll go there.
-[MJ] Okay. Well, now I need a ladder

-to get that down.
-No, you don't.

You don't need to use a pitcher every day.

-I do, every single day...
-And this can go like that.

-...I use a pitcher.
-This should maybe go...

-Are you listening?
-[Kris] Uh-uh.

-This we really don't need here.
-[MJ gasps]

-No, no, no.
-This can go in the pantry.

No, you can't take that away.

Mom, it's too much crap.

-Put that down there.
-[MJ] This is my tea.

-Put it down there.
-[MJ] No, it has to be here.

What? What do you like about this thing?

[Kris] It's so cool.

-You think that's cool?
-It's iconic.

It's been around since the dawn of time.

-[Kris] Longer than you.
-Bruce Springsteen is iconic.

That's not iconic.

-[MJ laughs]
-Well, that can't sing.

[upbeat music]

[Sushi barking]

[Kim] Sushi.

Okay, so I was kind of joking
about this whole plan,

but the more I, like,
say it out loud and talk it through,

the more it sounds like a genius idea.

[Kim] And I'm gonna accidentally get
the wrong dog and see if anyone notices.

[Kim] Kourt?

[dogs barking]

[Kourtney] Yeah? I'm in the office.

[Kim] How was our doggy play date?
I came to pick up the dog.

[Kourtney] Good. They're just barking.

-[barking continues]
-That's good.

Yeah.

I'm looking at summer houses
for my travels.

[comical music]

[barking continues]

All right, I have to run to a meeting.
I'm just gonna grab the dog.

[Kourtney] Okay.

[Kim] All right.

See ya.

[dogs barking]

[Kim] Come here, Honey.

[Sushi barking]

[whispers]
She's gonna know if you don't stop.

[barking continues]

[upbeat music]

[Sushi barking]

-Hey.
-[Kourtney] Hey.

-Want a donut?
-[Scott] Okay.

[barking continues]

[Scott] What is this?

-[Kourtney] Just eat it. Don't break it.
-Ew!

-Is it, like, a dog donut?
-It's soap.

-It's soap.
-[Scott] It's disgusting.

[Sushi barking]

[Kourtney] Why do you bark so much?
Stop it!

[Scott] This dog's a pain in the ass.
Like, I've never seen it act like this.

Mm, I think she peed.

[Scott] Ew.

[Sushi barking]

[Reign] I don't like her.

[Kourtney] You don't like Honey?

No. It's North's!

[tense comical music]

[Scott] I don't think this is your dog.

Kim just picked up the dog
from a playdate.

Okay, so she took the wrong dog then.

[Kourtney]
Yeah. Our dog does not make that noise.

[Sushi barking]

-[Scott] The other dog is darker, no?
-[Kourtney] Yeah, this one looks lighter

-and fluffier and bigger.
-[Scott] A little fluffier and bigger.

[Kourtney]
And ours does not lay like that.

I was gonna say,
the laying is a little weird.

[Sushi barking]

[Kourtney]
These dogs do look very, very similar,

but Reign is noticing
that this is not even our dog.

And I don't care
if Kim's dog never stops barking,

but it is not gonna be staying overnight
at my house.

[Scott] Call Kim and get our dog back.

[line ringing]

[operator] I'm sorry,
but the person you called

-has a voicemail box that is...
-She was just here.

There's no way she's not answering.

Yeah, she's probably not answering
'cause she stole a damn dog,

and she's on the run.
You don't just go taking somebody's dog.

-[Sushi barking]
-[Kourtney] Sushi!

[upbeat music]

-[Kris] Hello.
-Oh, hello. How are you?

-[Kris] Good. You look pretty.
-Welcome to my new nest.

Oh, wow. Look at what you've done
with the place.

-Added a little touch of yellow.
-A little touch of yellow here and there.

-You just have a lot going on.
-[MJ] Yeah, isn't that nice?

All in one, like, the patterns and the...
It's a little crazy.

-Well, I love it.
-It's just a little cluttered over there.

-Oh, yeah.
-But, like, I spend a lot of time

picking things out and putting them
in special places, so...

Mom, where's the blue Mixmaster
I gave you?

[tense music]

Oh, uh, well, it was kind of in the way.

Where's the Mixmaster? I gave that to you.

-[MJ] It's in the bathroom.
-[Kris] Where?

Straight ahead. Just keep going
straight ahead. There it is.

[Kris] Mom, you can't put the Mixmaster
in the bathroom.

[MJ chuckles]

-It fits perfect.
-[Kris] This is ridiculous.

-You got to have it out.
-[MJ] Why? I'd rather have flowers.

-'Cause it's so cute.
-[MJ] No, no, no.

-That's an eyesore.
-[Kris] No, it's not.

[laughs]
This is an eyesore.

You didn't want me
to be cluttered, remember?

Well, cluttered
is all that little goofy stuff you have.

-[Kris] Once in a while...
-Like the sugar and a creamer is goofy?

Put it in the cupboard.
There's just a lot of crap there.

No. I use it.

I'm an extremely organized person,

and when stuff becomes a little scattered,

I get really anxious. But this is wild.

I feel like the whole feng shui
of this condo is completely tilting,

and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Wait. Did you change to that piece of art?

It's so pretty with the yellow.

I mean, I think with all the blue
and white, we have to have yellow.

[MJ] In fact, I might paint another bunny.

-[Kris] Mom, you didn't paint that bunny.
-[MJ] I could.

Okay, you're gonna try and copy
one of the most famous bunny artists

-in the world?
-No, I copied Van Gogh in the bathroom,

-in the blue room.
-[Kris] Oh, my God.

-So I go famous.
-Okay. Don't mess with MJ.

-[Kris] You go famous or go home.
-[chuckles]

[upbeat music]

[phone ringing]

[Kim] Hello?

[Kourtney]
Hi. I think you took the wrong dog.

No, I didn't. What are you talking about?

This dog keeps barking,
and, like, it's lighter, it's bigger.

It's not Honey. I think you took Honey.

-No, I didn't.
-Okay.

[laughs nervously]

You did. This is not Honey.
Trust me, I know.

Honey does not make a peep.
This dog won't stop barking.

Reign is a pet detective,
and he can tell, and he's two.

He said, "This is Northie's dog."

[upbeat music]

Ugh! Okay, whatever. I...

I'm not coming back that way,
so can we just swap tomorrow?

No. I will have someone come
and swap the dogs.

You can handle it for one night, it's...
She's fine.

Kourtney figured it out,
like, really fast,

but I'm still hopeful that maybe
Penelope will bond with Sushi,

and that she won't want to give her back,
but I don't know if that's gonna happen.

-[Kourtney] So you did this on purpose?
-No, I didn't, honestly.

-No, honestly.
-[laughs]

-Okay.
-[Kim] Okay.

-Bye.
-[Kim] Bye.

[Honey barks]

[upbeat music]

[distant g*n f*ring]

It's, like, such a real place.

-[Kendall] Super real.
-[Khloé] Yeah.

-[Taran] Hi. How are you?
-[Kendall] Hi. How are you?

-Hi. I'm Taran.
-[Kendall] Kendall.

-Nice to meet you.
-[Khloé] Hi. I'm Khloé.

[Taran] So you guys,
what's your guys' thoughts

on why you want to do this?

[Khloé] We want to learn
how to be comfortable with a g*n.

Kendall's been robbed before,
and we just want to protect ourselves.

I know Kim is so against us getting g*ns,

but for Kendall and I, it's something
that we feel like we need to do

in order for us to sleep better at night.
And I think Kim will respect it more

if she sees later how much work
and effort and responsibility

we put into this.

[Taran] So, let me show you
some of the main things.

I think it's great that you guys
want to know how to handle this stuff

because, you know,
even if you're totally not into g*ns,

you hate g*ns,
you're at some party and someone's,

"I found my dad's g*n. Cool, dude."

It's like, "Well, it's empty."
You take the mag out.

It's not empty.

[Taran] The way these g*ns work is,
take the mag out, it will fire right now.

So, there could still be one
in the chamber of the g*n.

And you can save a life.
A lot of people have been k*lled

from not knowing
there's still one in the chamber.

So, we get past that part,
I want to show you, like,

the proper grip and stance.
As long as you got as much skin

on the g*n as possible,
you're controlling the g*n.

-It's not controlling you.
-Like that?

Yeah. That's perfect. All right,
now shove the mag in the bottom.

Good, it's in.
Now hit that lever straight down.

We're gonna sh**t
this rubber dummy guy right here.

Good, have that forward,
upper-body, aggressive stance.

Go ahead and sh**t a sh*t.

-[startled grunt]
-[Taran] Good. Did you see where it hit?

Good. Just keep sh**ting.

[b*llet clangs]

I can't believe Khloé, like, jumps
into this and is so comfortable.

Good. Good.

I've obviously been
to a sh**ting range before,

but it's literally scaring me so bad,
I'm hiding behind the wall.

[upbeat music]

[Taran] Go ahead.

-Perfect.
-Whoo!

-Awesome.
-[woman] Good job.

[applause]

-[woman] There we go.
-Oh, my God, are you okay?

-I'm not gonna be that good.
-[Khloé] It's okay.

-[Taran] You'll do great.
-[Khloé] Yeah, you're so good.

-You get, like, adrenaline, Kendall.
-[Kendall] Okay.

You'll do great.
Okay, let's get your grip down.

Lean more into it now. And we're gonna
sh**t right here on this guy.

Watch the green dot and squeeze.

-[Kendall screams]
-[Taran] That was not a big deal, right?

Lean more into it.
On the balls of your feet.

Don't let the g*n push you around.

Do it again.

-[clangs]
-[Taran] Good. Aim a little bit lower.

-You did so good.
-[Kendall] I'm sweating.

-I haven't hit anything, have I?
-[Khloé] Kendall.

-[Taran] You hit everything.
-You hit him, all those black dots.

[Kendall] Oh.

I'm super happy that Kendall and I
went to the g*n range,

and I feel truly educated
on holding a g*n, how to load a g*n.

I'm proud that we did that.

-[Khloé] This was so fun, weirdly.
-Thank you.

-[Taran] Hope you had fun.
-[Khloé] Thank you, guys!

I'm happy I feel comfortable around a g*n.

-[Khloé] How educational was that?
-It was so educational.

Babe.

-[barking]
-[chuckles]

Short hair, don't care. Red lip.

[Kourtney] Kim?

Where is my dog?

This is not funny anymore.

How did you even know I was home?

-[Kim] Freak.
-I have my sources.

Who? My assistant?

Can't tell.

-Never reveal the source. Give me my dog.
-[playful music]

[Kourtney] Like, why don't you want me
to get the dog back?

[Sushi barking]

All your dog does is bark all day.

I know. Yours is so much more calm.

It's not funny. Honestly.

[laughter]

I swear, she likes me better now.
She's, like, adjusted.

Look how calm she is.
You're not getting her back.

[laughter]

It's not funny. This is not your dog.
Do you even like dogs?

-Who found them?
-You hate dogs.

Am I sitting here with the dog?

It's Penelope's. It's not yours.

Penelope has no idea.

-[Kourtney] Yes, she does.
-She has no idea.

-[Kourtney] She loves her dog.
-Look at how cute she is.

"Don't take me. Don't."

-[Honey barking]
-[laughing]

[Kourtney] Okay, give her to me.

It's not funny.

[Kourtney] Yeah, and your poor dog's
locked up in a cage.

Khloé would die if we had a...

[screams]

-I got you, Honey-buns, watch.
-[playful music]

Honey-buns.
[smooching]

[Kim] Hi, good old Sush.

Uh, that's my cage.

Freak.

[sighs]
I mean, whatever.

I guess she can have her dog back,

and I will just have to deal
with Sushi's barking forever, I guess.

Sushi, you bark one time...

and we're going to have a problem.

-Okay?
-[Sushi barks]

[upbeat music]

[phone ringing]

-[Kourtney] Hi, MJ.
-[MJ] Hi. How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

I haven't talked to you in so long.
It's been a while.

I know.
Did you know that we got little dogs?

-You got a dog?
-[Kourtney] Honey bunny.

Oh, yes, I did know that. So adorable!

[Kourtney] Yeah, she's sitting on my lap.

So, Mom came over the other day
and brought me a Mixmaster

she insisted I put on the counter.

And I told her, I said,
"Well, I don't use them,

but you can put it there if you want."

And she said, "Well, you have to get rid
of all the stuff here.

Too cluttered."
[chuckles]

Ugh! I hate when she does that.

I just want to make it my home, you know?

It makes sense to me.

Yeah. Makes sense to me.

[Kourtney] It's your place.

You should be able to do
whatever you want.

My mom is really controlling

with how she thinks a house should be.

And I understand where MJ is coming from,

because my mom has done this
to me my whole life.

But, like, MJ moved her entire life
from San Diego to be near us,

and she just wants, like,
her own bowl on the kitchen counter.

I just don't think it's a big deal.

[MJ] I'm just gonna bite the b*llet.

And keep the mixer on the counter
and clean up your mess?

-And clean up my mess.
-[both chuckle]

Maybe she's repaying me
for when she was a little girl.

-Yeah.
-[MJ chuckles]

I'm gonna make her clean up her mess.

[MJ chuckles]

-All right. Bye. Love you.
-Love you.

[Kourtney] Bye.

Okay, Honey, let's get a selfie.

[upbeat music]

[Khloé] Hello? Where are you guys?

[Kendall] We're here.

This hair is giving me life.
I, like, literally told Khloé

her poofy hair was driving me insane.

[Kendall] I like when she has poofy hair.
I think it works on her.

-No, like, the short, poofy, out to here?
-[Khloé] Yes. Kendall said she loves it.

Stop trying to change Kendall's mind.

You said I looked like a secretary,
is what you said.

And I look like a sexy secretary,
that I will [bleep]

your man on the desk secretary.

-That's my girl.
-Yeah.

[Khloé chuckles]

Um, we just have something
we want to talk to you about.

[tense music]

-Oh, God. What?
-Kendall and I both know

how to properly use a g*n now.

[upbeat music]

Wait, so you guys actually took a course?

-Like, a g*n course, and, like, trained?
-[Kendall] Mm-hmm.

We, like, if there was a g*n
here on the table,

we would know how to use it,
how to unload it,

how to lo... like, we just...
It's not something scary anymore.

[Khloé] But we got on a conference call
with Everytown.

We basically just talked to them
about, like, where their stance is

and are they against people

if they're going through
the proper channels

and being responsible and owning g*ns
and how they feel about that.

They said they're not...
They're all for the Second Amendment.

They're not against people owning g*ns.

They also told us
the risks in having a g*n.

[Taylor] Having a g*n in the home
makes it five times more likely,

uh, that a woman will be k*lled,
even when that's her own g*n.

Nearly 500 children, 17 and under,
die by su1c1de with a g*n every year.

And an access to unsecured firearms
in the home is a big part of that.

It was just, like,
a lot of numbers and scary,

and a little, you know,
overwhelming and dark to think about.

-[Kim] Yeah.
-And we have come to the conclusion

-that we just don't know if we...
-[Kendall] Want 'em in our own homes.

[Khloé] Yeah. And mass sh**ting
after mass sh**ting

after mass sh**ting is happening,
and it's so terrifying and so depressing.

And I think the answer
is not to add more g*ns into the world.

And I know we're only two people,
you and I, but, I mean,

anything makes a difference at this point.

After our phone call with Everytown

and us actually going
to the sh**ting range

and just realizing that,

no matter what, no matter how informed
or how much practice we've had,

accidents could happen. They're accidents.

And I know that we don't even want
that possibility to be around us.

So I would rather avoid all of this
and leave the g*ns

to our security team.

It's, like, really good
just to be responsible

and to know all the risks and, like,
how to protect yourself, for sure.

That's, like, super important.
But it's, I think, really important

to like, leave it up to the professionals.
That's why we have all the security.

It's just really sad
that this is what we have to think about.

[upbeat music]

[Sushi barking]

[Stephanie] Are these the vitamins
you were talking about?

Here, I started a pile for you.
This is Women's Super-Foods.

Beauty. Sleep. Flawless Complexion.

-I'm gonna eat the whole bottle.
-These taste like gummy bears.

[Stephanie] You think that they work,
even though they're in gummy form?

-[Kim] I sure hope so.
-[barking continues]

What happened here? This is your dog.

[Kim] I know. I took the other one back.
Reign noticed.

Stop. How?
[chuckles]

-Yeah. He's like, "This is Northie's dog."
-[Stephanie] Oh, my God.

-[Sushi barks]
-Oh, stop.

[Stephanie] But it's, like,
the sweetest bark.

Yeah, but you hear it in the morning,
let me tell you.

I rolled over at 6:00 a.m. and I was like,
"Someone put the dog out."

[Stephanie laughs]

I don't know what to do.

You know that guy who's the Dog Whisperer?
You should call him.

-Cesar Millan?
-[Stephanie] Yes.

Sushi is back with us,
and she is not any quieter.

So I'm gonna have to seek
professional help

because I know
how much Sushi means to North.

There's got to be something he can do.

[Kim] I am desperate at this point.

I mean, I literally kidnapped a dog.

-[Kim] So...
-Yeah, that's really dark.

-[Sushi barks]
-Oh.

-[Kim] Sush.
-[North] Her real name is Diamond.

-[Kim] It is?
-[North] Yeah.

[Kim] I thought it was Sushi.

[Kourtney] What are you doing, Mom?

I'm trying to place all these plants
up on the hillside,

because we just started planting them.
If I get you your own shovel,

would you want to come out here
and garden with me?

And I'll get you a hat
that's as cute as this one.

-No.
-Huh? What?

-You don't want to learn how to garden?
-I don't blame you.

-[Kris] With Lovey?
-So, I spoke to MJ the other day.

-[Kris] Yeah.
-[Kourtney] I know how it is.

Like, we like to get things in order
and make them a certain way.

And, like, you decorated her whole place,
and it's amazing what you did.

But I feel like you won't even let her,
you know, move,

like, a bowl to the... an inch to the right.

It's just that I wanted to declutter
what she cluttered it with.

And I feel like it would give her
more of a Zen,

-peaceful feeling, and she could relax.
-[Kourtney] Mm-hmm.

I get dizzy walking in her kitchen,
and it was so pretty.

Mom, you're saying
that it's too cluttered,

but then you're adding clutter.

Like, you just want the things
that you think are cool,

and she wants the things
that she thinks are cool.

She didn't even want the Mixmaster
that I got for her,

which is, like, such a chic staple
in every kitchen.

But it's not about, like, you,
it's her place.

[upbeat music]

-[MJ] Who is it?
-[Kris] Hello.

-[MJ] Well, hello.
-Well, today is your lucky day.

-Why?
-[Kris] Well...

-What's happening?
-I came to pick up the Mixmaster.

[MJ] Oh, really?

Yes, I am not gonna t*rture you
or make you suffer

for one more day, missy.
Kourtney told me that you talked to her.

-Yes.
-[Kris] Yeah.

Listen, I spent a lot of time
decorating this,

and so I think I just got
a little excited and territorial...

-[MJ] Possessive.
-...about it.

-[MJ] I know.
-But you need to make this your home

and feel comfortable and happy,
and have things

-the way that you want them.
-[MJ] That I want it?

-Yeah. It's your home.
-I kind of do.

And I get that, so I apologize
for getting a little too excited

-about where you should put your stuff.
-Aw.

But I'm gonna take your little friend,
and I'll find a home for her.

Aw. It was such a nice gesture, but...

-[Kris] Yeah.
-I'm just not the baker I used to be.

I really wanted
to make everything perfect,

but Kourtney's probably right.

So I'm going to back off
and, as they say, grin and bear it,

and just let her have her clutter
wherever she wants it.

If you don't want a little chicness
in your kitchen,

then I will take this chicness
somewhere else.

Well, I got another little tchotchke.

I got this, I thought,
"Kris might not let me have this."

I got this little guy, isn't that cute?

[Kris] All right,
you really are losing control.

-The H word.
-[MJ] The H word?

-[whispers] Hoarder. You're a hoarder.
-Hoarder.

Mm. Thought you were gonna say
something else.

No, you're not a ho, Mom, not anymore.

[upbeat music]

-[Sushi barking]
-[knocking on door]

[Kim] Sushi.

-How are you?
-[Kim] I am so excited to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Pleasure.

-Kim, nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

Cesar Millan, nice to meet you.

-This is your Pomeranian?
-This is Sushi.

[Cesar] Great name. Hi.

Guess who this is. He's the Dog Whisperer.

So guess what we're gonna try
to teach Sushi to do today.

-No.
-Not bark.

[Kim] She bites a lot.

Like, I can't even walk, like,
she just, like, att*cks my feet.

And for my sanity,
all I wanted was, like, a really...

-Calm dog.
-...calm dog.

I'm sure
that's what everyone wants, right?

Yeah, well, that has to do with structure.

[Sushi barking]

[comical music]

He's gonna teach us.

Yeah, I'm gonna show you a little bit,

-just very basic stuff.
-Show us a little bit.

I am so excited to meet Cesar.

He obviously knows what he's doing,

and I'm so excited for him
to just meet our dog,

and see, you know,
tricks and tips that we can learn

to really help train Sushi.

I have to show you this.
I'll put on these shoes,

and you'll see what she does to me.
I get it, they're fur.

[Cesar] Mm-hmm. Mm.

[Kim] Like, I literally,
they're my most comfy slippers,

so if I have to get rid of them,
I will, but it's...

[Sushi barking, growling]

-[Kim] Okay, come on.
-Oh, that's bad.

[Sushi barking]

That's... that's too far. Yeah, that's...

-Look, Northie.
-That eventually can be bad.

[Kim] There you go.

[Cesar] You just rewarded it.
Yeah, this is pretty bad.

It's chasing right now, see?
It looks cute in the beginning,

but, eventually, it's painful,
so we have to make sure

that she does this,
or he does the same thing,

but to something that is more his own,
like toys, but that's not a toy.

[North] I gave my dog the dog toy, and...

Oh, she likes it.

[growling]

[Cesar] She likes it,
but she's guarding it.

So, one thing is retrieving,
meaning they bring it to you.

When they go grab it
and they take it away,

what they're saying, "This is mine."

So if you go get it,
that's when the growl begins.

Yeah, she's not, like,
a "fetch" kind of dog, so...

-[Cesar] You have to trigger that.
-Yeah.

In some breeds, it's natural. Labradors.

In other breeds,
you have to trigger bringing things back.

Can you go get my phone, Sushi?

-Can I kind of teach her that?
-[Cesar chuckles] Kind of.

[Kim laughs]

[Cesar] And then we can work on that.

What you have done is,
she's getting a reward for chasing it.

So she's not understanding
to leave the shoe alone.

So before you actually wear them,
teach them to leave them alone.

Shh.

-There.
-Wow, she's not interested.

-You want to try it? Yeah.
-[Kim] Sure.

-[Kim] So...
-[Cesar clicks tongue]

[Cesar] There you go. Shh.

So it's learning now with the... Shh.

With the shoes on. If she's not doing it,
we don't use the sound.

Shh.

-Right there.
-Shh!

Don't move away, she has to move. Shh.

[Cesar] There you go.

Ooh, that was a good one.

-There you go. You get it?
-Mm-hmm.

What you're gonna see,
by her having more rules

and boundaries, she's gonna calm down.

[Sushi barking]

[Cesar] You need to work on
the proper way to drain energy.

Right now,
the energy is all over the place,

so your house becomes
like Chuck E. Cheese.

I think even just going on walks

-with the kids...
-Oh, totally.

-...would be, like, key.
-Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna put a leash

-so you can see the shift.
-[Kim] Okay.

-[Sushi barking]
-Okay, so right now, this is, uh,

she is going through a very playful state.

So watch how a foreign object
changes the state of mind.

Sushi bushi.

All right, so what we're looking for
is... is for her...

that once she wears this object,
for the mind to calm down.

[Cesar] As soon as she settles, we take
the leash off, and the lesson stops.

-[Sushi barks, whimpers]
-Shh.

[Cesar] There you go.
That's what I was looking for.

Always release them
when they're in a calm state.

-[Kim] Okay.
-[Cesar] So what did you learn today, Kim?

I definitely learned to be,
like, more... Hey!

-There you go.
-No. More of, like, the authority,

instead of just running along with it
and letting her bite it,

and just giving her my shoe.
She's like a kid.

You really do have to spend the time,
like, going out on the walks.

[Sushi barks]

It's really exciting to know
that Sushi's, you know,

issues are fixable,
and she's just a part of the family now,

so we just... we got to work on it.

Dogs can eat chicken.

That's one of their favorites.

[Kim] You know what she just doesn't eat?
Sushi doesn't eat sushi.

-Isn't that silly?
-[Cesar chuckles]

-[Sushi barks]
-[Kim] Shh!

[Kim] On the next episode...

Top secret,
my surrogate passed all of her tests.

We'll just try one embryo.

[Kim] You know, it's only
a 60 percent chance that it'll take.

-That's so scary.
-[Kim] Yeah.

I see you online going out every night.
Who were you with?

[Khloé] She won't even say his name.

Like, let's say his name now.

She doesn't say anything about it.

You're not [bleep] saying the name,
that's so [bleep] stupid.

So say the [bleep] name,
but shut the [bleep] up.