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01x05 - My First Battalion

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Saga of Tanya the Evil". Aired: January 6, 2017 – March 31, 2017.*
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The series focuses on a salaryman whose reincarnation as the titular character living in an alternate version of World w*r I leaves her to be trapped in an endless cycle of reincarnation.

01x05 - My First Battalion

Post by bunniefuu »

V: Second Lieutenant Viktoriya Serebryakov,

V: reporting in as your assistantas per Strategic HQ orders.

T: You're my assistant?

V: Yes.

V: It seems I was assigned this post becauseI already knew you, and we're both women.

T: Gee, the brass sure is beingawfully considerate.

T: Belated congratulations on your promotion,Second Lieutenant.

V: Thank you!

V: I'll get to work right away, then!

T: Don't bother. This isn't somethingtwo people can handle.

V: Don't worry.

V: I've already spoken with Garrison Command.

V: They'll send dozens of unoccupied MPs and other personnel.

T: What?

V: I wanted to contribute to clearingthe organization work as fast as possible.

T: Having an assistant who's too talentedis also a problem.

T: I should have left her on the Rhine Front!

Gu: First Lieutenant Aisha Schubert, reporting in.

Gu: First Lieutenant Klein Balhelm, likewise.

Gu: Good to see you.

Gu: I am Colonel Gregorio von Turner, head ofthe Mage Battalion Organization Committee.

Gu: You are to head toth Air Squadron Command at once.

Gu: But we were told to gather at this garrison by today.

Gu: There's been a change of plans.

Gi: Th-There has?

Gu: Also, should you raise any alarm bellsregarding your handling of classified info,

Gu: you will be punished and returned to your original unit at once.

Gu: Keep that in mind.

Gu: Yes, sir!

Gu: Failure

V: Are you sure?

T: Don't ask me.

T: Those who fail to notice the plainly obviousdeserve to be returned to their units.

V: But that's the fourteenth pair.

T: Jeez...

T: I was sure at least four of them would pass.

V: Actually, Strategic HQ just sent a demand that we speed up the selection.

Title: Episode My First Battalion

Gu: So the creation of the mage battalionis nothing but propaganda?

Gu: And I'm supposed to shut up and leave?

Gu: Sorry.

Gu: I'm glad to see you're so ambitious.

Gu: If there's another opportunity, please volunteer.

Gu: I understand.

Gu: Excuse me.

T: It's an illusion created by a normal optical spell,

T: and the voice is a magical synthetic.

Gu: I can see why you keep failing people.

T: A mage should be able to see through this easily.

T: But out of thirty-nine sets,

T: thirty-three have been deceived and sent back to their home units.

T: Only twelve people have passed.

T: That's only enough for a company.

Gu: You'll have to lowerthe standards for passing.

T: Then I'll need time for reeducationand to devise an acceptable new standard.

Gu: How long, exactly?

T: A month.

Gu: Only a month?

Gu: Training a new soldier takes two years.

Z: I don't care.

Z: Reeducate them, even if you have to get a little rough.

T: Roger.

V: Don't tell me...

Imperial Army Zugspitsche Training Grounds

Gu: An enemy attack?

Gu: What happened?

Gu: I-It's so cold...

V: I figured this would happen.

T: There's your wake-up call!

T: No need for thanks!

T: I got word that the a*tillery unitrunning exercises in this area

T: had old shells they needed to dispose of.

T: Let's give them a chance for some fun.

T: Also, I'm very sorry to say this,

T: but they don't have much a*mo stored for the exercise...

T: They'll run dry in about thirty-six hours, maximum.

Gu: Th-Thirty-six hours?

T: Let's begin!

T: Time to start defensive training!

Gu: R-Retreat!

Gu: Hurry!

Gu: Move your hands!

Gu: We should be able to block training shells with magic—

T: That's strange.

T: I guess they screwed something up, 'cause real shells are mixed in there.

V: Did...

V: Did you have to go that far?!

Gu: They're coming!

Gu: Concentrate!

Gu: Get down...

Gu: Dodge...

Gu: It's over.

V: I hope so...

T: Those thirty-six hours just flew by, huh?

T: Knowing you're all warriors,you haven't had enough fun yet, right?

T: And so,

T: it's time for you to move to the next point.

T: You have forty-eight hours.

T: No defensive spells or flight magic.

T: If I detect any magic, I'll launcha magical a*tillery strike of my own!

.: I'll give you one warning.

.: Be very careful on your way.

Gu: A b*mber!

Gu: What's that?

Gu: A-Army dogs?

V: We should probably go around them.

Gu: N-Nothing's really happening.

Gu: Was she just trying to scare us?

V: It's possible...

V: Knowing the captain, it's totally possible.

Gu: Damn it.

Gu: She's rotten to the core!

Gu: That b*tch!

Gu: Retreat! Retreat!

Gu: H-Help me.

Gu: My leg...

T: Now you're napping during training, huh?

T: Want to face a firing squad for dereliction of duty?

Gu: Hang in there!

Gu: Hey!

Gu: Are you okay? Breathe!

Gu: Hey!

V: N-No...

Gu: Too useless to even dodge an avalanche—

V: C-Captain, that's going too far!

V: H-He came back to life?

Gu: I can't believe it.

Gu: That isn't human...

Gu: If I try and drop out,

Gu: I'll meet a fate worse than death.

T: So that's all of you?

T: Even though this was unexpected, training is training.

T: At this rate, you'll never reach the designated point before time expires.

T: If you're going to quit, then now is—

Gu: I will continue the training!

Gu: Me, too.

Gu: Leave it to me.

Gu: And me.

Gu: I can keep going.

Gu: Let me do it.

Gu: Hurry!

Gu: We'll finish the march!

Gu: Right!

V: I-I'll go, too!

One Month Later

T: Today, you people are no longer maggots.

T: Today, you are Imperial mages.

T: You're part of a brotherhood.

T: From now on, until the day you die,

T: wherever you are, every memberof the army is your brother.

T: Most of you will go to the w*r zone.

T: Some of you will not come back.

T: But always remember this:

T: Imperial soldiers die.

T: That's what we're here for.

T: But the Empire lives forever.

T: And that means you live forever!

T: Thus, the Empire expects youto fight forever for it!

: Sir, yes, sir!

T: Imperial Strategic HQ External Bureau

T: How did this happen?

T: Why did I do that?

T: I don't even remember.

Organization Department

T: Maybe it's because I usedthe Type- too much in training.

T: I should get examined for mental corruption...

V: Major Degurechaff!

V: A military communiqué from Strategic HQ.

T: Understood.

T: Immediate answer required, huh?

V: Yes, a messenger is waiting outside.

Drawing Room

R: Congratulations on your promotion, Major Degurechaff.

R: I'm Lieutenant Colonel Rerugenfrom Strategic Headquarters.

T: Thank you.

T: I've heard your name many times.

T: I thought you were inspecting the forces in theater?

R: Yes, I returned a few days ago.

T: Is something wrong?

R: No, nothing.

T: I'll ask you a question, then.

T: This order says we are to depart at oncefor the southeastern garrison,

T: and it's given the highest priority level.

R: I was told your rd Aerial Mage Battalionhad been assembled.

T: But we're still basically a training battalion.

T: I'd like six months, at least, to get everyone trained.

R: The inspector said

R: they had reached the level wherethey could be deployed immediately.

R: All of them are using prototypes of next-generation Elenium Type-.

R: And they have completedadaptation training at , meters?

T: I just got them the requisite equipment to balance their fighting strength.

T: Engineer Schugel owed me a favor.

R: Our military has nothing to spare!

R: To the west, the Rhine theater is a stalemate,

R: and we haven't finished things in the north.

T: That's why I'm so confused...

T: Why are we being deployed to the southeastern garrison?

R: It was Strategic Headquarters' decision, after my inspection of various theaters.

T: Understood.

R: If you'll excuse me now.

R: Oh, right...

R: This is just a personal bit of advice,

R: but since you are headed to the southeastern garrison,

R: why not take the opportunity to learn Dakian?

R: Dakian?

T: I see...

T: The Entente Alliance, the Republic,

T: and now the Dukedom of Dakia?

T: Imperial Army Southeastern Theater, Military Garrison

Gu: A message from the southern zone.

T: "Emergency.

T: A corps-sized Dakian military unithas invaded our borders."

Gu: Yes.

Gu: The enemy infantry comprises approximately, men, in four army groups.

T: What's the aerial combat situation?

Gu: No information on enemy air strength.

T: What?

T: Is there a problem with communications?

Gu: Everything is normal.

Gu: There's no word of an air superiority battle,

Gu: and we've also intercepted unencrypted communications.

T: Unencrypted?!

T: Those must be fake...

T: I can't believe the enemy has no air forces.

Gu: But all communications we've picked upin the area are the same type,

Gu: so that should be accurate.

T: They aren't encrypting communications, and they have no aerial forces?

T: I didn't expect the Dakian Armyto be so inept.

V: Attention!

V: Imperial Army rd Air Mage Battalion

V: A message from the battalion commander!

Vice-Commander and nd Company CommanderFirst Lieutenant Matheus Johan Weiss

T: It is time for w*r, everyone.

Sign: {\fs\fad(,)}Battalion Commander and st Company Commander Major Tanya von Degurechaff

T: No, something merely similar to w*r.

T: Today happens to be my birthday.

T: Perhaps the Dukedom of Dakia knew this,since they've sent me a gift.

T: A wonderful surprise present!

T: A bunch of targets fora live-fire training exercise.

T: st Company Second-in-CommandSecond Lieutenant Viktoriya Serebryakov

T: You may choose to sh**t them

T: or to destroy them with spells.

T: With guaranteed air supremacy,

Sign: rd Company CommanderFirst Lieutenant Wilibald Koenig

T: this is a man hunt, if anything!

T: It's like kicking boy scouts about.

T: th Company Commander First Lieutenant Rhiner Neumann

T: One last thing.

T: This time, our targets will return fire...

T: Probably.

T: Not that any of you are stupid enough to get shot down,

T: but keep it in mind.

T: Very well, gentlemen.

T: It's time for some sports!

T: Confirmed sighting ofthe Dakian vanguard unit.

T: Approximately three divisions.

T: All battalion soldiers, move out.

T: Teach them what w*r is all about.

T: Bright the hammer of civilizationdown upon them!

All: Roger!

Gu: Advance!

Gu: Don't break formation!

Gu: A live-fire exercise isan apt way to describe this.

Gu: It's basically a bunch of scarecrows.

Gu: If we miss, we'll be a laughingstock.

Gu: Penetrating spells... Fire!

Gu: Sheesh, we can't let them beat us.

Gu: Follow their lead.

Gu: Prepare a*tillery spell!

Gu: Fire!

T: Well, this sucks.

T: I have nothing to do.

V: I was sure this would be a tough battle.

T: What, scared of a mere three divisions?

T: It's hard to believe you survived the Rhine.

V: Major, um...

V: Three divisions is a lot!

V: I've thought this before, but your idea of what constitutes a threat is a little...

T: A little what?

V: Oh! It's nothing!

T: I'm sorry, Second Lieutenant Serebryakov.

T: Looks like you're right.

V: Um, I'm sorry?

T: We should define them as a horde or mob,a little under , strong.

T: I can see why calling them "divisions" could lead to misunderstandings.

T: How silly of me...

T: Well, it's the first world w*r in this world.

T: Few soldiers truly understandthe threat that air power represents.

T: What's that?

T: What are they doing?

V: I believe they're lining up to fire a volley.

T: You're kidding.

T: What year do they think this is?

T: This isn't the era of cavalry.

T: Lieutenant Weiss?

T: Why are you falling back?

T: Why are you breaking attack formation?

V: Enemy infantry has gotten into AA formation.

V: So as doctrine dictates, he's trying to fall back to the limits of his range—

T: Doctrine? That idiot can't act without a manual?

T: Does he really think an infantry b*llet can hit a flying mage?

T: If any mage is shot down by one,I'll k*ll him before the enemy does!

T: Very well! We'll join in, too!

T: Company, follow me!

Gu: Th-The enemy!

Gu: Fire! Fire!

Gu: That isn't fair!

Gu: Come down!

T: Man, I didn't expect I'd be unable to even hear the machine g*ns.

T: Drop grenades!

T: It's so strange.

T: Aren't we the ones being invaded?

T: Jeez, what a bunch of morons.

V: This looks like the invading army's real HQ, not a decoy.

T: They're broadcasting communications in the clear, without even dropping output?

T: I'm starting to think we actually mowed down a bunch of tourists, not soldiers.

Gu: Y-You b*stards!

T: Welcome to the Empire.

T: What is the purpose of your visit?Do you have a visa?

Gu: Sh-Shut up!

T: No visas?

T: Would you like to enter the countryas prisoners of w*r, then?

Gu: K-k*ll them all!

Gu: Fire!

V: This is a waste of time, huh?

T: Yeah.

T: k*ll them all, except the commander.

V: Yes, ma'am.

T: Presents for Strategic Headquarters.

T: Take everything but the bodies!

T: Hey, you.

T: Put a booby trap on that corpse.

T: Has the unit rendezvoused?

Gu: Yes.

Gu: Shall we wipe out the remaining troops?

T: Where are our allied air fleets?

Gu: The th Air Fleet will arrive shortly.

Gu: As soon as they've reloaded their bombs, they'll launch a full-scale attack.

T: Then we'll let our allies annihilate the enemy, and we'll advance.

Gu: Yes, ma'am!

Gu: Where will we go?

T: The capital.

Gu: The capital?

T: Forward... Farther forward.

T: Let's try this, and see how far we can go.

T: Our battalion is capable of moving forward.

T: Target sighted.

T: Looks like a Republic-backed arms factory.

T: It's probably filled with flammables.

V: But I don't see any air defense.

T: No...

T: They're using last century's paradigm.

T: They seem to still be living intwo dimensions.

V: This is our chance. Let's attack.

T: Second Lieutenant,

T: we aren't the kind of barbarianswho'd ignore international wartime law.

T: In adherence to the laws the ethicists made,

T: we must destroy nothing but the enemy factoryand warn them to evacuate.

V: But, Major, we'll lose the chance for a surprise attack.

T: First Lieutenant Weiss...

T: I saw this earlier, but you playby the book a little too much.

V: I-I'm sorry!

T: Second Lieutenant,give the warning immediately.

T: On the international channel, just like the rules say.

V: But, um... You're sure you want me to?

T: Oh...

T: Yeah. Looks like it would be better for me to.

T: Instructor! We swear thatwe will conduct a fair w*r,

T: in accordance with international law!

T: We warn you now!

T: The Imperial Army is about to launch an attack on your military facility!

V: Wonderful!

V: They seem to think it's a kid's prank!

Va: I didn't know you hadtheater experience, Major!

T: Now, everyone,

T: we have fulfilled our duty under international law.

T: Let's get to work.

T: All units, prepare ultra-long-range spells!

Va: Target the Carbelius Weapons Factory!

Va: All companies, match your fire to the commander's.

T: In God's name, bring down his wrath on all who would violate the Fatherland.

T: Manifest the miracles of God on Earth.

T: Open fire!

V: Sixteen direct hits.

V: The rest are near hits.

T: Hmm, not bad.

Va: Secondary explosions!

Va: Wow.

T: Tamaya!

T: Just an expression of joy. Don't worry about it.

T: Looks like we owe Dakia big time.

T: Not only did they help with our live-fire exercise,

T: but they even treated us to a post-exercise fireworks show.

T: Halt! We've achieved our objective!

T: Now, let's head back, my battalion.

This program is fiction. All persons, groups, places, laws, and names appearing in it have no relation to the real world.