02x10 - Til Death

[bunniefuu]

[Velma] Previously on Velma...

- Yes! Yes, I'll marry you!
- [yelps]

But it has to be before
William and Diya get married.

What if you used my body?

Maybe if you possess
me, you can hug him.

[Amber gasps] What's
happening? What's happening?

So you're Dr. Edna Perdue,
but in Daphne's body?

But you sound just like Daphne.

[in Daphne's voice] Because
I have her vocal chords.

But to me... [in Dr. Perdue's
voice] I sound like myself.

Now, all that's left, is
for you to say "Oh, snap"

before the police
throw your a*s in jail.

[Scrappy cackles] That's
what you think, Velma.

See, I have friends
on the inside.

You tell Scrappy that
with a little work,

I'll have no problem transferring
his brain into one of these girls.

[owl coos]

[Velma snoring]

[Velma yelps] - Stop looking
for me or your family will die.

[Velma gasps]

[yawns] I heard voices.

Is the press now
hounding you at all hours

to see if William
and I set a date?

Why is everyone so interested?

Mom, Uncle Scoobi was just here!

Who's that? Aunt
Marsha's husband?

He can't have a plus-one.
He's her plus-one.

Wait, Uncle Scoobi!

Quick, make sure we're alone!

[Velma] So what do you do when
the person you're looking for

threatens to k*ll your family if
you don't stop looking for them?

You summon all
your courage and...

I quit. It's too dangerous.

Smart, we often come to the same
conclusion in our investigations.

[Don] But Scrappy told us he
plans to escape with Uncle Scoobi.

The only way to stop that from
happening, is to find Uncle Scoobi.

Scoobi, dude, where are you?

But no one in the military
is helping you, Don.

Your superiors are covering up everything
about Scrappy and Uncle Scoobi.

Our conveniently-timed news
team has just confirmed

that last night's
attack at Nana's n*pples

was caused by a weather balloon.

Don, I get it.

The only thing I've
ever given up on

is listening to guys'
takes on female directors.

But it's time to
admit it's over.

Uncle Scoobi will most likely bust
Scrappy out of jail, and get away,

and there's nothing
we can do about it.

You know, if you are still
interested in solving the case,

there is one thing
you haven't tried.

- And don't say cocaine...
- Cocaine like Sherlock Holmes?

- Do you have any?
- No.

Manifesting.

Let's ask the universe and she
will help you figure it out.

Daphne, even if I believed that,

the universe can
barely figure out a way

to make a constellation
look like a spoon.

So forgive me if I doubt its
ability to help my investigation.

Velma! Great news!

We've decided to have a double
wedding at Fred's house in a week.

Oh, my God, that's incredible!

See, I told you
she'd be excited.

No, sorry. I think you're
making a huge mistake.

I'm amazed because I think
your manifesting worked.

I just figured out how
to keep investigating.

[theme music playing]

I'm here at Jones Manor, where
preparations are underway

for Jones Gentlemen's
Accessories tycoon, William Jones

to marry Diya Dinkley,

the very woman William's
first wife kidnapped.

But that's not all. It's
actually a double wedding,

as local nobodies, Aman
Dinkley and Sophie-Who-Cares,

are also tying the knot.

So why a double wedding?

Our idiot fiances kept fighting
over who could be married first

so I just figured
this would be easier.

I said yes to the double
wedding first, though.

Yeah? Well, let's see who can
consummate their marriage first, buddy.

Ain't nobody faster
at that than me!

[chuckles] Oh, wonderful.

Though, William, I hear that
with all of this media coverage,

the Jones Gentlemen's
Accessories board of directors

has barred Fred from
being your best man?

It's true! Look, they

they wanted someone less likely
to embarrass the company on TV,

and this fart machine wearing
a bow tie was available.

What? How could I
embarrass the company?

Since ripping mother's
soul from my body

and casting her to hell,
I've never felt more mature.

- [cell phone dings]
- [sighs]

And because you said
that on live television,

the stock price just
fell to three cents.

Well, at least you don't
have to worry about.

Velma embarrassing
you on your big day.

So, Velma...

Uh, where's Velma?

- [Diya] Buying flowers.
- [Aman] We have no idea.

But she's not excited
about the wedding.

[grunting] I mean, she is!

- [helicopters hovering]
- [elephants trumpeting]

'Scuse me, 'scuse
me! Coming through.

- But, uh, not because I'm investigating.
- Hey!

Damn, Velma! Doves. Tigers?

- Elton John!
- [playing piano]

[chuckles] This wedding
is gonna be insane!

If you think this is insane,
wait until you hear my plan.

[Daphne] You want Dr. Perdue
to swap our brains?

[Velma] I know it's crazy.

But so is the fact that you
manifesting a solution actually worked.

So again, just to reiterate, you're
responsible for this idea. Not me.

How is brain
swapping a solution?

Uncle Scoobi is
somehow watching me.

So if I'm in your
body, I can investigate

without him finding out
and k*lling my family.

I don't know, Velma.

Will Dr. Perdue even
agreed to do it?

She has rules about this stuff.

I know, but she's not even here.

With all the workers
and news crews around,

she must be hiding in the caves.

- Now what?
- Wait! There are news crews here?

Both legitimate and cable.

I'm supposed to be doing a television
interview with my family right now.

So if we switch bodies,

I can be on broadcast television,
before it disappears forever?

I guess.

- [Velma yelps]
- [Daphne giggles]

Ooh, that was too close.

And what are they
doing down here?

No one can know I have you.

- [Norville] Grandma, hi!
- [Lola's brain] Oh, God, that's me!

- Why are you here?
- To bring you a housewarming gift, obviously.

But why do you have
the hot girls' bodies?

- Most grandmas just have, like...
- [glass shattering]

a problematic porcelain
figurine or something.

No, I, uh, I have them because I've
been painstakingly repairing them

for Lola and the other
Brains as a surprise.

So, surprise!

[Lola's brain] What? I'm
getting my body back?

Oh, my God, that's so
sex... I mean, wonderful.

I can go back to my
old sex. I mean, life!

[chuckling] Who
keeps saying sex?

[sighs] I'm sorry.

No! No one can know about this
until I find a more secure hideout.

If people see any of you Brains back
in your bodies, they'll ask questions.

Totally.

But what if you, like, put Lola's
brain back for just, like, an hour?

- [Dr. Perdue] Guys!
- [Lola's brain] Ten minutes. We're begging you.

- [man] Fred?
- Hey, guys. Welcome to Crystal Cove.

How was the flight
from your tax havens?

Long! Now, where is our car?

We have people to
scream at on our phones.

Oh, well, Father got this
carriage for the wedding,

and I thought the seven-hour ride
back to my place would give me time

to convince you I've matured
and can be Father's best man.

- [horses neighing]
- Whoa, whoa!

[neighing continues] - Oh,
why won't they settle down?

[imitates whip cracking]

Like everyone else, they
don't respect you, Fred.

And you can't just make the
sound of a whip cracking.

You have to actually crack it...

Oh, my face!

Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!
How can I make it up to you?

- You can do it again.
- What?

Your mother would have.

[in Velma's voice] Wow, Daphne,

being you is even cooler
than I thought it would be.

Look at how long my strides are.

I'm gonna be early
to everything.

[in Daphne's voice] And your low
center of gravity is amazing.

But why are your pockets
filled with chocolate?

Why aren't yours?

There's a k*ller
dog in our midst.

Thankfully, given how the whole
world bends over to help hot people,

catching Uncle Scoobi before they're
on to me is going to be so much easier.

Now, let's go!

Wait, [scoffs] you think
it's easier being hot?

Congress just designated the comments on
my social media a Superfund cleanup site.

It's still easier than being me!

I'm smart, adorable and
witty without overdoing it.

And I still had to catch a
serial k*ller to become popular.

Everything is looks-based!

[in sing-song voice] ♪ Okay ♪

♪ Beauty solves
All your problems ♪

[yelps]

No way you're getting
away now, Uncle Scoobi.

Library card?

Oh, I apparently don't have one.

Unless a card for the Jennifer Lopez
Library of Moisturizers works here?

No. But you know what? You
have such a sweet face.

You can just take the
books. I trust you.

Oh, how unsurprising.

Even though you required my friend
Velma to put down a $500 deposit.

She burns the novels by sexist male
authors, which is most of them.

Whereas I seem like
a nice, pretty girl.

Of course.

Look at you checking out these complicated
books for your father or boyfriend.

- So sweet.
- No, they're for me.

And you're funny. For
an attractive person.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Wanna get a coffee?

- Uh, no, thanks.
- b*tch!

[Velma yelps and thuds]

- I'm here for the interview.
- It's too late.

And why are you smiling like
you're used to that fixing things?

Because it always has.

[Lola's brain] Please,
please, please!

Put me back in my
body for ten minutes.

Please, please, please!

Ugh, fine.

♪ 'Cause when you're twisted ♪

♪ Turn it Give me the choke ♪

[men laughing creepily]

Gross!

Excuse me,

could you please move those
tigers away from Elton John?

- For you? No.
- [tigers growling]

♪ Losing my mind ♪

[board members] Aw. Oh.

♪ With you in my life ♪

[board member moaning]

♪ With you in my life ♪

- Hey.
- [Velma gasps]

- [indistinct shouting]
- [Velma screams]

[song ends]

[classical music playing]

Velma.

[doves cooing] - Who said
you could replace the doves

that were in these gift bags

with a necklace that
says "Soulmates"?

Uh, probably the entire
animal rights community?

And I think those
necklaces are nice.

Oh, well, if Daphne likes them,
I guess they're not terrible.

Right? I mean, I even love
this potato sack she's wearing.

It's to keep everyone
from hitting on me.

Well, too bad, because I
think it looks great, too.

You do?

Maybe you should
change into that dress.

Daphne, I owe you an apology.

I didn't think there could
be a downside to being hot.

But I've been so
busy being harassed,

and even more
underestimated than usual.

I'm not any closer to finding
Uncle Scoobi than before.

It's okay. I might also have
misjudged what it's like being you.

So let's go switch
back our brains

and agree that all women deal
with some really annoying sh*t.

- [objects clattering]
- [man screaming]

And that is why I told you

- to keep the tiger away from Elton John, you idiot!
- [tiger growling]

[Daphne yells]

[Lola's brain] I can't believe
I'm getting my body back.

I can't wait to once again
feel the sun on my face

- as I throw up at a music festival.
- [machine whirs]

Of course, but that's
not happening today.

Today is just a


[Dr. Perdue] You ready?

[Lola's brain] Oh my God!
I forgot how hot I was.

The hottest of the bunch.

- [Lola's brain] You think I'm the hottest?
- No question.

[Lola's brain] Then why the
hell are you looking at Brenda?

What? That was you. Right?

[Lola's brain] That's Brenda!

You thought I was
Brenda this whole time?

Lola, come back! I'm sorry.

I have hot girl blindness!

- [whip swishes]
- [tiger growls]

- Who is Uncle Scoobi?
- Hey, there.

Have you ever been scouted
in a mall to be a model?

Hey, you don't talk to her!

And what are you doing
standing without my permission?

You slither like
a slug, you slime!

Sorry, Daph. I'm not sure
how he got out of his cage.

[Brenda's brain] Getting
hit on by gross guys

is the one thing I do
not miss about being hot.

[Krista] We don't even know if
we want to get our bodies back.

Get your bodies back? What
are you talking about?

[Brenda's brain]
Do not tell anyone,

but Lola said Norville's
grandma has them for us.

Wait, Dr. Perdue
has your bodies.

But they were at
Project Scoobi...

Oh, my God, that's it!

[Norville] Lola, come back!

[Dr. Perdue groans
in indignation]

The jig is up, Dr. Perdue,
I know you're Uncle Scoobi.

- [sighs] No, I'm not, Daphne.
- I'm Velma.

Daphne and I switched bodies.

Ah! So that's what you
idiots were doing down here.

It better not have
led to any farce.

It led to me solving the case.

You have the hot girls' bodies.

You stole them from
Project SCOOBI,

while Scrappy
distracted Don and me.

And now you're gonna
use them to escape.

Correct. But again,
I'm not Uncle Scoobi.

Then who is?

Tell me, or I'll tell the
military where you are.

Ugh! Fine!

It started when I left the
asylum in Daphne's body.

Uncle Scoobi somehow figured out

I was alive and
offered me a deal.

If I helped them escape,

I could have a body in
which to start my life over.

And after 30 years of hiding,

the offer was too
good to refuse.

But you own a
brain-swapping machine.

You could have a
different body every day.

True. But the Brains' bodies
were already assumed dead.

No one would be
looking for them.

But the Brains are still alive.

I'm sorry, Velma.

Like the environmental costs
of affordable red meat,

I've made my peace with it.

[Uncle Scoobi] And I told you
to stop investigating, Velma.

Uh, I'm not Velma, I'm Daphne.
My zodiac sign is sagitorpius?

[Uncle Scoobi] Spare me. I
knew you switched bodies,

as soon as "Velma"
put up a decent fight.

What? Oh, God,
you k*lled Daphne!

And now you're gonna k*ll me!

[Uncle Scoobi] No. I just
need you to stop meddling.

[grunts] No!

[Velma's brain] I
said put me down!

Stop! You won't
get away with this!

You've made a very
powerful enemy!

- No, don't shut the door, I'm afraid of the dark!
- [door shuts]

[Velma's brain] Wait. Oh, no!

Daphne?

- [electricity crackling]
- [Velma's brain moans]

What's going on? Am I in heaven?

Am I the only one here?

Not surprised, but
still, Daphne! Help!

The wedding is about to start

and I am live with
the two grooms.

You gentlemen nervous?
Second thoughts?

Weirded out that everyone knows
you'll be having sex tonight?

Nope. We're good.

Any nerves are buried
under the pride

I feel having my
son as my best man.

I never knew you had it in you
to impress the board, Fred.

Oh, call me a belly
button, Father,

because over the past few days,

I've found things in me
you can't even imagine.

Oh, I love a wedding.

Suckers don't know how miserable
life is going to be yet.

Something's not right about
this. I feel it in my gut.

Homemade kombucha
will do that to you.

Hmm, no. It's something else.

[Scrappy grunting]
Is it starting?

Have we seen the dresses?

- [vacuum cleaners roar]
- [Scrappy yelps]

Is Velma in here?

She's supposed to be
wrangling your elephants.

I saw her half an hour ago
when she rewrote my vows.

Sure. But now, at the most
important moment, she's gone?

Wait! Oh, my God!

She still hates me and
wants to ruin my wedding!

Well, it's not going to
work. This wedding is off.

[Aman] Sophie, wait!

[women gasp]

- [gasps]
- Oh, no.

[gasps] Wait. What happened
to the vacuum cleaners?

[dogs growl]

- Scrappy Dappy Die!
- [men scream]

[Norville] What do you
mean I don't like you?

You're a brain in a jar. I'm
crazy about you. The real you!

This is like loving a present but
finding the gift wrapping underwhelming.

- [Lola's brain] Norville!
- That came out wrong.

My point is, if someone as set
in their ways as my grandma

can learn to make room
in her heart for me,

I'm sure I can find room in my heart
for your body and not Brenda's.

[Lola's brain groans]

Okay. That also came
out wrong. But...

Norville, stop talking.

Grandma, what are
you doing here?

Wait, why do you have that shoe?

It's the same kind worn by whoever
attacked Velma in the graveyard.

I know. I'm helping
Uncle Scoobi.

- What?
- These shoes are how they let Scrappy know where they are.

Scrappy tracks the scent when
Uncle Scoobi needs to meet up.

Or in this case, escape.

[both] Scrappy escaped?

Help! Get me out of here!

Or at least give me the Wi-Fi
password so I can text someone.

I'll never get that right.

Help, Daphne!

Help, Daphne!

Huh? What?

Velma!

[gasps] Velma! Oh, no! Hold on!

No! I don't wanna die.

I want to prove the
doctors wrong and grow old.

No! [Fades out]

[Velma groaning]

Velma! Velma! It's
okay. You're alive.

Daphne, you saved me. How?

I know you'll think I'm crazy,

but I heard you
yelling in my head.

And not like when I'm
thinking about cutting bangs.

I mean, I actually
heard you yelling.

I don't think that's crazy.

When you were in your
jar, I heard you too.

I just didn't tell you
because it made no sense.

But maybe we are soulmates.

Thank you.

Took you long enough
to get there, though.

- Typical Taurus, right?
- Don't push it.

I know.

Though you better
thank my Pisces moon

for how much I love you.

Wait, Daphne, you love me?

I do.

Thanks, but I didn't mean that
like I'm realizing you love me.

I meant that like I'm realizing
who Uncle Scoobi is. Let's go!

Freeze, Uncle Scoobi!

Huh...

I could've sworn they'd be here.

- Velma!
- It's okay, Daphne.

They're not gonna do anything.

[Uncle Scoobi] Oh, yes I will.

Oh, no, you won't.

Velma! It really
feels like they will!

Fine! Then do it.

- [Daphne and Uncle Scoobi] What?
- Do it!

- [Daphne and Velma scream]
- They're getting away.

- [Uncle Scoobi grunts]
- Amber?

Ha! I knew to trust my gut.

Ooh, sh**t, but maybe
it was the kombucha.

Velma? You caught
Uncle Scoobi? How?

Two words. Love and lust.

- From the time Uncle Scoobi attacked me in the graveyard...
- [grunts]

they could have k*lled me
to stop my investigation.

So why didn't they?

Because they must care
about me on some level.

Yeah, okay, sure. But
now get to the lust part.

Of course. Sorry.

The most confounding
question about Uncle Scoobi

is why they've always
kept their identity

hidden from everyone
in Project SCOOBI.

It made no sense.

Until I spent 48 hours in the body
of a more conventionally hot girl

and realized it
could be a liability.

So Uncle Scoobi is
hot and loves you.

Is it Jesus?

No, Fred.

The person I just stopped
from escaping with Scrappy

is...

[all exclaiming] Sophie?

Wait.

So you can be an accomplice
in multiple homicides,

- but I'm not allowed to park in a handicapped spot?
- [Amanda gurgling]

Yes, Dad, and it
makes total sense.

Because there's nothing more
basic than an evil stepmom.

So how'd I do?

A-plus! As usual.

I had to disguise myself,
just like you said.

As a young, hot female
officer in the military,

no one took me seriously,

and I was assigned the
worst job they had.

Managing Spooner's in order
to observe meddling kids.

For Project SCOOBI.

It was grueling, thankless work.

My only joy came from watching those
videos of dogs who talk with buttons.

[male voice on cell phone]
Why. Brownie. Alive.

Aw! So cute.

But then, fate intervened.

[Velma] Before my
mom was kidnapped,

- you saw her reading Dr. Perdue's journals.
- [camera shutter clicking]

And realized the research
could be used to make

- a talking dog meddling kids would love.
- [gasps]

- [Sophie] Yes.
- [dishes clatter]

Can I order?

[Sophie] But being hot,

they only agreed to hear my
pitch over dinner and dancing.

So I wore this dog
training outfit,

and unable to see
my face or body,

their objectification
was nullified,

and they took me seriously.

Oh! Like how the school board makes
girls cover their shoulders at school

instead of making male
teachers just mature.

Exactly.

So when work on Scrappy began,

I just continued to
hide my identity.

Everyone assumed I was a guy
and called me Uncle Scoobi.

- But Scrappy was a monster.
- [Scrappy growling]

And once he started
k*lling everyone,

- my superiors feared for their lives.
- [men] Eh

[b*ll*ts clang] [Scrappy
growls and barks]

Worse. They denied any
involvement in Project SCOOBI,

and abandoned me.

Ha, ha! Well, looks like it's
just you and me now, Uncle Scoob.

Unless you also
decide to turn on me.

[Sophie] Knowing Scrappy was invincible,
I feared for my own life as well.

And helped cover up his murders.

But worst of all,

to keep Scrappy from
potentially k*lling my family,

I knew I had to find a
way to evade the law,

and escape with Scrappy forever.

Which you did when

Dr. Perdue left the
asylum in Daphne's body.

[gasps] Dr. Perdue is
alive and in Daphne.

[Sophie] Correct.
I followed her,

and once she was
back in her body,

I offered her a deal.

A teenage body if she helped
Scrappy and me escape.

Okay, but why not
just k*ll Scrappy

when you put his
brain in a hot girl?

I couldn't risk him sensing my
nervousness and k*lling my family.

So, please Velma, for everyone's
safety, including yours,

just let me escape with Scrappy.

Uh, that might not be possible.

I, uh, had a change of
heart about helping you

and put the Brains
back in their bodies.

- [all gasp]
- You all remember Lola.

[groans] That's
Krista, you idiot.

No! You have to put them back!

When Scrappy arrives and sees
the bodies missing from your lab,

he'll assume something's up and

[people screaming]
[Scrappy growling]

Let me at 'em!

[growling] Let me at 'em!

Oh, no, he's going
for the JGA Board!

Get out of there!

- Only I'm allowed to strike fear in your heart!
- [Scrappy panting]

- [man screaming]
- No! Yeah, too late.

[growling] You.

Oh, God, he sees us. No Scrappy!

Go back to k*lling
those other people!

- [Scrappy growls]
- What do we do?

[Don] You can get in.

Don! What are you doing here?

Saving your a*s. Now, get in.

- I called in a m*ssile strike.
- [woman pants]

[laughs demonically] Gotcha!

Ah, damn it!

Why is this house so big?

Velma, climb up first!

So you can look up my skirt?

Nice try. But that was my plan.

Also, this is my one
chance to k*ll him.

So get out of here!

Velma! No!

k*ll me? [Cackles]

What, are you gonna
make me laugh to death?

[cackles]

No! This is the last Saturday
morning you'll ever ruin!

Eat chocolate!

Oh, no!

Daphne, you swapped out my
chocolate for baby carrots!

Oh, God, I'm so sorry!

Chocolate makes me break out.

[Scrappy growls and barks]

[Velma screaming]

[Daphne gasps]

[all scream]

[expl*si*n]

[sighs] I'm alive.

Is everyone okay?

No! Scrappy k*lling the board
really screwed me, Daphne.

They were gonna make me CEO!

[William gasps] What?

Well, at least the
near-death experience

fills everyone with the spirit
of forgiveness. Right, Lola?

No! You're gonna wish you
died in this crash, buddy.

- [Scrappy growls]
- [Lola screams] Oh, God!

[Scrappy growling]

- [growls and barks]
- Scrappy! No!

[g*n c*ck]

- [b*ll*ts clang]
- [Scrappy panting]

There's only one
thing left to do.

Run away!

[girls screaming]

[Velma echoing] It's
okay. I'm coming.

- Velma!
- [Scrappy growls]

[Scrappy grunts]

[grunting]

[screaming] What is happening?

[groans softly]

He's dead. But how?

It looked like he was possessed.

- [Velma] He was.
- [both gasp]

By me.

Velma! You're dead!

Yeah. And I guess,
uh, ghosts are real?

[Daphne gasps]

[theme music playing]

[elephant trumpets]

[ECG machine flat lines]

I'm sorry, Velma. I
have done everything.

But I can't revive your body.

Nor was I able to remove
your Cuomo/Fauci 2020 tattoo.

Damn it! So now what?

I just walk into the light

and hope I'm judged
on my actions

and not the memes I liked?

No! There... there has to
be something we can do!

Mom, stop! It's okay.

I'm not going to leave.

I'd rather be a ghost in a world
filled with the people I love,

than have to go make small talk
with my grandparents. Barf.

That didn't come out as
romantic as I meant it.

[Daphne] It was plenty romantic.

And who knows?

Maybe you'll meet some
other cool ghosts.

Wait. Other ghosts?

I hadn't thought about that!

[Amber] You're not
wrong to be scared.

Lost souls are nasty.

But according to this, I might
be able to bring you back

on Halloween.

[all] Halloween?

Provided, of course, I can
find a spell that works

and no evil spirit drags
you to hell or something.

[Velma] Wait! What?

[spirit growls]

[theme music playing]