02x08 - Compelling Television

[bunniefuu]

* Kids--

[dramatic music]

*

Breaking news at this hour:

tonight we bring you a

spec-tac-testicular report on

compelling television from our

embreaded rapportman on the

streets of these, the streets.

Clarence.

Hi.

I'm Clarence, and today I'm

learning about television and

what makes good bad TV and bad

good TV and how to make good TV

and all kinds of--

Oh, like this lady.

Hi.

Get lost, ret*rds.

Yeah, we're learning

about TV.

We don't love you.

Go away.

Well, what do you think

about TV?

I think you suck, b*tch.

Now get out of my face.

Well, what are your--do you

have any complaints about TV?

Yeah, you stink, you [bleep].

Uh-huh, and what are some of

the good parts about TV?

Nothing good about TV.

Oh, yeah?

You think you could make some

good TV?

I wouldn't want to.

But you probably could make

really compelling TV.

Doesn't depend on me.

TV don't depend on me, I know

that much.

Okay, well, this time it

does.

Here's your shot.

Make some really good TV in

three, two, one, go!

Make good TV.

[singing tunelessly]

* I hate TV.

* I hate TV.

[sorrowful string music]

*

Hey, you want a cigarette?

You want a cigarette?

Yo, cameraman.

Are you real?

Can you hear me?

Can I pinch you to see if you're

real or not?

You're driving me nuts now.

Okay, one, two, three.

Who are you, and

what do you want?

Yo.

If you're not going to give me

an answer, I'm just going to get

up and walk away.

*

You think there's a lot of

bad stuff about TV?

Well, yeah.

Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah.

Ah-yeah.

Right?

You don't like it too much.

Aw, there's a couple of good

things, but mostly it's

a lot of garbage, right?

Yeah?

I bet you you could make

better TV.

I bet you you could do a

better job.

I bet you you could make some

compelling TV in three, two,

one, go.

Make good TV.

[sweeping orchestral music]

*

I don't know what to say.

*

What do you think is wrong

with TV?

Too much violence, too much

sex, and too much worthless

things on TV.

Yeah, that's probably true.

You've got a lot of complaints

about TV.

A lot of people have a lot of

complaints about TV.

I think you could probably make

better TV, right?

You could probably do a

better job.

You ready?

Three, two, one, go!

Make good TV.

I-I have nothing to add for

as far as TV, but, uh, TV could

be made a lot better than what

it is.

They could do a lot

better programming.

They could have a lot more

meaningful, a lot more humorous

items that could be a lot more

beneficial to us all.

[melancholy orchestral music]

*

What kind of things do you

not like about TV?

It sucks.

It sucks, yeah?

What don't you like about it?

We're just trying to find out

from a common man,

a regular--regular Joe,

a schmuck on the street.

Like, what don't you like?

What are the complaints?

It sucks.

It sucks?

You could probably make better

TV yourself, right?

It's too animated.

Yeah.

The news is all--

It's too, like, all over--

Doctored.

You're right.

You could make better TV than

any TV, I bet.

Here we go.

You're going to make some really

good TV.

You ready?

Make compelling television in

three, two, one, go!

Make good TV, go.

Hello.

You should come in at an angle,

by the way.

You really are sh**ting, right?

[sad orchestral music]

*

Ciao.

*

Uh, when you're sh**ting, you

can keep the other eye open too.

I broke in on a Sony PVP-,

which I'm sure you may be

cognizant of.

Unfortunately, now everything is

all on, uh, basically a disk.

But Sony still makes the best.

They have the best format.

They've invented just about

everything.

Anything else you'd like

to know?

You don't like television?

No.

So you could make better

television right now.

Go ahead and make some really

good TV right now.

Ready?

Three, two, one, go.

Okay, thank you.

You are from the TV, or--

just playing around?

[ominous orchestral music]

*

Hello, kids.

[sinister violin trill]

You think you could make some

compelling television?

Yeah?

Yeah, you probably could, right?

Yeah. Okay.

Make some compelling television

in three, two, one, go!

Make good TV!

[searching orchestral music]

*

What do you think is wrong

with TV today?

It doesn't say much

of anything.

It doesn't say much, right?

Yeah, I think you should make

some good TV, right?

Yeah, go ahead.

Make some good TV, ready?

You can do better.

Make good TV.

Three, two, one, go.

Make some TV.

Oh, I think there should be more

detailed information about

what's going on.

[inspiring piano music]

There doesn't seem to be that.

And what is given doesn't allow

much of choice--

same with our elections, same

with our taxation.

They cut away--

the municipalities are all cut,

their budgets, and the taxes

still remain the same, which

means that somebody's pocket

is being lined.

Just so many other things that

they can say--the weather,

the changes that have happened,

that are coming about.

We don't know anything definite

as to how we stand with our

climate, we--everything,

industry, the automobiles,

Of course, the--now the prices

are the annual salary of

an individual.

Taxation in general

is the biggest problem of them

all, because we're not earning

that high income to be taxing

the way we are.

And then our values in terms of

properties have gone to such

extremes that housing, you

can't afford it anymore.

And those people that do buy the

houses, you know, because they

get a lottery chance and

nothing else.

Industry, manufacturing, and the

clothing that we have to

wear it is not suitable to be

worn.

It's miserable, and those

that are are very high-priced.

What else?

There's a lot of things that

could be--let's say issues that

have to be discussed that are

affecting every single one

of us in one way or another.

And the cigarettes, they're

penalizing these companies.

This means jobs for these

people.

That's another factor that's

taken a high hit.

To petroleum, taxes with the

oil, with the gas, with the

phone company.

They're really fleecing the

public, and we still have

nothing to say, none of us.

We just go on paying whatever

rates they want, whatever

taxes they want, and meanwhile,

we're the ones that are getting

the shaft in one way or another.

And that's it.

Good-bye.

Bye, kids.

Three, two, one, go.

Make good TV.

[tense plucked violin music]

*

Let's cut to a commercial.

What do you think is wrong

with TV?

I don't watch much TV.

No? Why not?

Because it's not interesting.

It's all a repeat.

All a repeat?

It's a repeat of things I've

seen before.

What is it?

When you get to be years

old, everything is a repeat.

But, what--everything is

a what?

A repeat.

It's a what?

A repeat.

It's been done before.

I don't understand.

What is it?

Why don't you understand?

I just didn't hear what you

said.

Repeat.

I'm sorry, I just can't hear.

Say it again?

You don't understand repeat?

I just--I'm sorry.

I don't have ears.

He's hard of hearing?

I don't have ears.

Say it one more time.

What was wrong with TV?

It's a repeat of what you've

seen before.

What is your--I just didn't

hear that part.

What didn't you hear?

I don't understand.

The part you said what you

didn't like because it pizzas?

Hmm?

What does it do?

It repeats itself.

It whats itself?

Repeats--you know what a

burp is?

Yes, show me that.

It repeats itself.

Show me that.

What that is.

[burps]

Do you think there's too much

violence on TV?

Basically.

You think there's too much

violence on ham radio?

It all depends.

Do you think there's too much

violence in the production

of ham?

Of what?

In the production and the

sale of ham.

Ham?

Yeah.

You've got to be crazy.

You think you could make

better TV than that garbage

that's on TV?

Let's see you make some

compelling television.

Here you go. Ready?

Three, two, one, go.

[triumphant glissando]

Hi.

Hey, I'm eatin', okay?

You want to get the [bleep] out

of here, man?

Do you think there's too much

aggression on TV?

You want to [bleep]

leave, man?

No, but we're just wondering,

do you think there's too much

aggress--

[bleep] leave, man.

I'm eating. [bleep].

Do you think there's too much

aggression and bad language

on TV?

[epic string and brass music]

Do you think that?

We're just trying to get your

opinions and your thoughts.

Do you have thoughts and

opinions?

No, I don't.

Get the [bleep] out of here.

You don't have thoughts and

opinions?

Hey, you want me to get a cop

and have you guys arrested?

No, we're just asking your

opinions.

Just leave, okay?

Just leave, [bleep].

But that's bad language.

You're a [bleep] scumbag.

Leave.

Excuse me, what?

Okay?

Thank you.

Wait, try to get it

in my mouth.

Get the camera out of my

[bleep] face.

Oh, you think it's too dirty?

TV's too dirty?

For the children?

Are those your thoughts?

Yo, what are you doing, man?

We're doing it for

the children.

Yo, what are you--why do you

got the camera on me still?

Well, we're trying to learn

about it for the kids.

What are you trying to learn?

Well, why are you following

the camera around?

That's what I don't understand.

Because you got the camera in

my [bleep] face, man.

But you want to be on it, it

seems like.

I just want to get your opinion

for the children.

Please, I'm begging you

nicely.

Take the camera out of my face?

Okay, but you're--see,

you're--how you're following

the camera.

You see what you're doing?

Move the camera away

from my face.

But you notice how you're

moving towards the camera?

Will you please move the

camera away from me, man?

But you see how you--the

camera is moving somewhere and

you're being attracted towards

the camera?

You forced the camera

toward me.

Please, I'm asking you nicely.

You notice how your body is

being magnetically attracted

towards the camera that you are

verbally attempting to repel?

I'm not--

Do you notice that?

I'm asking you to turn the

camera off.

But you notice the

contradiction.

That's a [bleep] violation

of privacy.

But let's--let's discuss

the contradiction.

Can you please take the

camera away from my face?

Well, we're just walking

around the park, minding our

own business.

No, you've got the camera in

my mouth.

But your mouth is faced

towards the camera.

You are consciously choosing--

you're consciously making a

conscious choice to talk towards

the camera.

You notice that?

Will you turn your face away

from my camera, please?

Will you please?

I'm asking you--I'm begging you

nicely to please turn your

face away from my camera.

Please don't point that face at

my camera.

You're breaking the camera.

So let's see you make good

TV right now.

Make some compelling television

right now.

Three, two, one, go!

Make good TV!

[light orchestral music]

Is this guy for real?

Okay, sir, please.

Sir?

Sir? Sir?

Sir, please.

Sir?

Sir, would--please would you

leave, and leave me alone?

All right, you want to

film me?

[tense music]

All right, well, now I'm going

to call the cop.

See, now you're in trouble.

[laughs] Now you're in trouble.

Now I'm going to call the cop.

Don't run.

Don't run. Don't run!

[yelling indistinctly]

Hi.

I just wanted to ask you one

question about about TV.

Oh, my God, what's hap--

Shut up!

Get out of here, you little--

...think there's too much

aggression on TV?

I just want to ask you about

the zombies.

Have you heard that there's some

zombies around?

What do you say to the rumors

that there are maybe

zombies around?

What do you say to the rumors

that there are zombies

coming around?

Crotch zombies.

Don't show me your

crotch zombies.

What do you think is wrong with

TV these days?

Television?

Yeah.

Too much violence.

Too much violence?

Yeah.

a lot of people have a lot of

complaints about TV, right?

I mean, you could probably

make better TV than most

people, right?

Yeah.

Probably.

So let's have you make some

good TV.

Ready?

Make some quality TV.

Three, two, one, go.

Make good TV. Go.

[laughs]

[serendipitous bell music]

*

It's a bird.

That's right.

That's right!

Yeah.

It's a bird! You understand!

We understand each other.

It's a bird.

It took a long time for me to

get it.

Yeah.

It's a bird.

You got it.

You zeroed in on it, and you

grabbed it, and you strangled

it.

You know what I mean?

It was the girl that

was smiling.

You know what it is?

Made me think of the bird.

Yeah, and you choked it.

Right?

The bird is done.

Yeah, you choked it.

What kind of bird was it?

I think it was a chicken.

It was a chicken?

Yeah.

If you're going to choke a

bird, it may as well be a

chicken.

I'd rather choke a chicken than

a turkey.

When I was a kid, I used to see

my grandmother--

Do you spend a lot of time

choking chickens?

Well, when I was a kid, my

grandmother used to buy the

chicken whole and chop the

head off.

Oh, yeah?

And then you--

So I got this fixation here

about choking chickens.

Oh, really?

Not chopping their head off.

And anytime you choke a

chicken you think about

your grandma?

Yeah, I do.

I think of my grandmother

cutting the head off the chicken

with the knife.

Well, can you just say that

real clear?

Say, "Whenever I choke

the chicken, I think about--"

Think about my grandmother.

Yeah, say that.

Cutting the chicken's

head off.

Whenever I choke the chicken, I

think about my grandmother with

a knife cutting the chicken's

head off.

You should see that chicken

without a head.

It's really a cool chicken.

Well, I guess there's no such

thing as compelling television.

Waah!