02x06 - For the Love of Mike/Sparks

[bunniefuu]

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where uh

knows

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she walks in beauty like the night of

cloudless crimes and starry skies oh

hermione give it a rest come join us for

lunch why are you talking to her why

shouldn't she talk to me because you're

a cousin and you don't exist

mud slinging blockheads watch where

you're throwing that phil you come

scream and yell and ruin everything so

stop it i just need to give the cousin

wits a chance they're all right

oh

yuck

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[Applause]

do you like mike

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hey what are they doing apparently they

are quite taken with you

the better you than some people

wow

i'm so flattered you should be

it takes a lot to impress huggies and

baggies

they are quite dislearning the beauteous

pining heart of love does make savages

of us all

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i'm glad that's over

good night you go now bye bye baby gonna

cry baby cause i'm going bye bye baby

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yes

my dream girl

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okay the coast is clear

it okay it's not that i don't like you

really i enjoy head bonking hair pulling

and listening to all night screech fest

as much as the next criminally crazed

idiot but

guys it's just not working out between

us okay well maybe i was too hard on you

guys

geez i don't know what to say

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i just remember what i wanted to say

leave me alone

they just won't go away hog they trail

me like a shadow a loud annoying very

painful shadow

i ran away told them to get lost i'd

spell it out for them if i thought they

could read

how do i get them to stop liking me

actually in this case attraction is

caused by pheromones a complex chemical

substance that's produced by animals and

serves especially as a stimulus for one

or more behavioral responses to other

individuals of the same species huh they

like your smell

to get rid of them all we have to do is

confuse them with the smell of a

different species

i have an idea

my hypothesis was correct

bingo it's working it's working

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ugh do something uh excuse me oh sirs i

believe the young lady would like to be

left alone

you like mike never seen her before in

my life thanks a lot dog i'm a genius

not a fighter what am i gonna do

marjorie oh i don't know smaller one is

actually rather cute in an unpleasant

cuzzlewit sort of way you are not

serious when i first met alfred he was a

diamond in the rough

but now look at me ah

well it's great you found such a gem but

i guess i'm not so lucky well perhaps

you're just too young for boys boys

maybe neanderthals definitely ah well i

can offer you this advice then if the

weight of a man's heart is through his

stomach the way to lose a suitor's

interest is to be a terrible cook

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almost

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dinner is served

what's wrong

don't like my cooking

yes

but need more toenail what oh it's good

for first try mike we still like you

mikey what mice

mine

look alfred uh i need some advice about

love oh i say a most noble quest nothing

like that special someone who gives your

life meaning yeah my jury told me it can

be tricky though especially when they

play hard to get but therein lies the

beauty the thrill of the chase you'll

see mike it's all worth it that magic

moment when you finally have them you

look deep in their eyes and ever so

gently

toss your neck over their head

what are you talking about

you know i really haven't the faintest

clue well turtle up i'm off to hunt the

wombat so if the thrill of love is the

chase

then all i gotta do is

stop running

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well fellas here i am what's the matter

not interested anymore

they're really the chase g*n yeah that's

so

and we chase

you're the governor here right well one

does one's best great because i'm gonna

need a restraining order against those

cuddle whip boys an official

intervention oh how delightful

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it is by high command of the office of

the governor of the island of the people

of albanquet team that i hereby declare

you two boys cannot come within 26 feet

of mike for the period of nine months

and three days that's the governor

talking oh wait is it 26 months and

three feet

uh that's two days and no dear just take

them

out

nice wig lunch games on crunchy center

no i don't have commitment problems i

just don't like them and they won't go

away i've got just what you need what's

this

i thought that was toothpaste it's also

an anti-love potion are you sure you

want it or not

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no haggis and no baggage this stuff

totally works

hey guys i'm starved

phew is that mike or did something die

in here you try smearing yourself with

bat guano to get rid of two unwanted

casual wits you just have to give them a

chance

who invited them to dinner for a suit

that has stricken my brothers with such

overwhelming love sickness that they

river upon the vine of life for your

sake and theirs release them from the

spell of your child i'm trying no use

i've never seen them see smitten they

use

the river

i can't believe it i tried everything

possible bad cooking bat guano pig and a

giant fan

this stinks

wait a second what was it my older

cousin rita once said if you want a boy

to like you ignore him but if you want

him to stop liking you declare your

undying devotion

people people can we get started

mike's not coming now and with any luck

she never will

what do you think

it's the new mic and the new mic is

ready to spend every waking minute with

her two best friends haggis and vegas

take me babies i'm yours

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oh you smell you look yes i'm breaking

up with you it is no no no me no me not

me

what are you doing

i finally get rid of you and you go and

do this

it is just not there

hug us like

a sloth

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you know uh

love is just like falling out of a tree

it is yeah

it hurts

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[Applause]

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no noise no honking horns no blaring

neon signs no street lamps how can

anybody get any sleep around here maybe

there's a moon

a little starlight something i'd even

settle for a firefly ow wow oh

mike are you okay

just fine and dandy okay

night we dog i'm not okay i can't sleep

i've got a chair leg in my ear and it's

all because it's just it's just too dark

i need illumination bright lights

blinding banging glare of a million

watts shining into my eyes burning into

my retinas i need broadway at midnight

coney island at 2 am i need light

hold it still lance a lot there

right there perfect i look gorgeous

except for this one little

what are you doing i'm looking for a

filament for my new invention

what are you talking about

you'll see

watch wow that's great can i have my

hair back uh i hate to interfere but uh

maybe you should try inventing

electricity first oh okay

be back in a minute

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almost dog

yeah

i think you got something here

i have you now wombat any last work

funny

i don't remember this lake being here

but come to

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like i always say why do it just right

when you can really k*ll it

i'm gonna need more lights

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is wonderful i can hunt 24 hours a day

oh isn't it fair

there are so many lights so many colors

oh how many colors are there one two

four no three oh one two three four five

six seven eight nine oh my

now this is a chair fit for a princess

see lancelot it's got a sparkly princess

sign on it why didn't you think of this

funny what oscillating electric and

magnetic fields can do as they travel

through space

finally i can get a good night's sleep

i'm going to bed don't wake me up for a

week

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a man can't even sleep in his own cave i

won't stand for this i must stop this i

will stop this i may be an old man but

i'm still a man what what and a man's

got to do what a man's got to do

just as soon as i find my cane and my

false tooth

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what brave new rule does this have such

lights as stars in the sky

let's

boogie

the new block up and down really fast

and scary train is now open for all i

call it the ugg spinning round wheel

upon which you can ride slowly around

and around you

the ballroom of love

this is my greatest moment my greatest

invention i call it

the rotating ball of magical mirror

lights you can tell by the way i moved

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oh my feet were just made for dancing i

love the night life i want to boogie oh

my i'm afraid my cha-cha-cha has a hold

of my chickasha boom

cut that out

right again you'll get more of the same

oh it's too fast i'm frightened

oh mike you're sleeping your life away

lights weren't meant for sleeping they

were meant for dancing ah

okay

um i'll be there in a minute

come on old girl time to get up get out

and enjoy life no thanks i gave last

year

now i'd love just a little more sleep

with these lights these are the best

nights i've had on this island but

marjorie and i are joining in the first

annual forever 24-hour dance marathon

you don't know what you're missing and

that's probably a good thing

good good night

hey take this

a completely useless byproduct of all my

inventions static electricity

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get down with your bad self

you're mine womb back

shocking absolutely shocking

ah i didn't do it officer

huh what i am the princess of shock my

personality is simply electrifying

hey that is not right you just don't go

around shocking people especially royal

people

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stand back little lady your strapping

handsome fellow is going to win your

prize

darling see that stuffed wombat yours

forever

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making time with my gal you have crossed

the lines huh

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[Applause]

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you simply must come and see the side

shows simply the best i live with a

sideshow every day

leave me alone i'm sleeping

wake up carpe diem life is passing you

bye

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oh i can't go on i simply cannot bend

keep dancing oh please bring this

torment to an end

dear child we haven't slept in over

seven days yes son please make it all

stop

i'm sorry but i never invented the off

switch

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i can't think of everything

this is all your fault you redheaded

menace

and you've got to fix it

don't make me fix it by myself i'm going

here i go

don't try and stop me

right then fine

young people you know in my day i

i never mind

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i quit

i'm old you win

do you hear me

do you yeah

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thank goodness

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this is embarrassing

but it's so dark

i hate this

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makes as much sense as mustard covered

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that makes the world

shake your booty in a very weird manner

yeah