02x13 - El Bravo Magnifico/Johnny-O & Juliet/Clan of the Cave Boob

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

And that's why,

to a true ninja,

Everything

is a weapon,

Even this lowly

breakfast sausage.

Um, who are you?

Hiyah!

See? Didn't expect

that, did you?

Where's master hama?

I told you, master hama

ate a bad clam,

So i'm in charge.

Now, which one of you maggots

thinks he can take me?

[growling]

Johnny: Hmm

You, runty kid,

Get up here and show me

what you've got.

Don't be afraid

to hurt me.

AndKarate!

Hyuh! Hyah! Ha! Ha!

Aa-aa-aa-aah!

Ooh!

His chin is weak,

but his skills are deadly.

Hyuh! Hyah! Hyuh!

[roars]

Huh! Hyah! Huh!

Aah

Aah

Aah

Aah!

ClassDismissed.

Loser.

I am outta

here, jerk.

Hyah!

Hey, mister,

no dogs allowed.

Many pardons, señor.

I am looking for

the karate master.

Hyuh! Hyah! Huh!

Hoo! Hooo-oooo!

That would be me, frenchy.

I have been

searching far and wide

for a man such as you

To defend

my village against

the vicious bandito.

Why don't you just

defend yourselves?

We are a village

of terrible cowards.

Even the meowing

of the tiny kitten

Makes us cry

like little girls.

Boo.

Aah!

Ok, your story checks out.

So, will you

help us, señor?

I don't suppose

your village

Is a glorious paradise

where women abound

And nachos

flow like wine?

Uh Si.

Hyah!

Then let's ride,

amigo.

Well, here we are.

This is your town?

Where is everybody?

They're hiding.

I told you,

We are a village

of cowards.

It's all right, everyone.

This is the hombre

that's going to help us.

Welcome to santa

rosita, señor.

Ow.

Please accept

this complimentary

gift basket

Of stale taco shells

and scorpions.

Yeah. Never mind that.

Where are all the chicks?

Our daughters

are locked away

Out of fear

for the bandito

muy caliente.

What? No chicks?

I've had it with

you crazy germans!

I'm out of here!

Man: ¡arriba! ¡arriba!

¡ay yi yi yi!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Hey, where's

everyone gone?

It's muy caliente.

He pillages the village

every day at 3:00.

[teeth chattering]

Somebody hide me.

Señor, if you defeat

muy caliente,

The señoritas

will surround you

Like the tortilla

surrounds the enchilada.

All right,

but to win,

I will require

3 things:

A magnifying glass,

a bowl of rice,

And the feather

of a young condor.

[neighs]

Bang, bang! Bang, bang!

[mwah]

[sizzles]

Caliente.

Hold it, hombre.

[neigh]

Steady, bingo.

Steady.

Your horse's name

is bingo?

[with heavy accent]

si. Bingo is his name-o.

So, who are you,

and what do you want?

Come again.

Who are you,

and what--

I'm not getting you.

Hold on.

I had to take out

my retainer.

So, who are you?

I'm the guy who's

going to stop your

reign of terror.

And how do you

propose to do that?

I'll give you this

and some rice

And a pretty

feather.

Now i'm going to

pinch you and punch you

And feed you

to my horse.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well,

all right, then.

Aah!

Quick.

Use this lasso.

Thanks.

Hiyah!

Bang, bang! Bang!

Hola, chica.

Caliente has not seen

you around before.

[with high voice]

yes, well, can't talk now.

I have tortillas in the oven.

Come, conchita.

Give muy caliente

a little kiss.

[kissing sounds]

[giggles]

But i'm too shy

and sweaty.

Surely a girl

as pretty as you

Has kissed

a man before.

What?! I was young!

It was new year's eve!

The cherry cola

made me giddy!

I know that voice.

Now you've done it.

Karate! Hyah!

Hyah!

Ooh!

Now i will make you bark

like the dog you are.

Never.

[barking

and panting]

Now chirp

like a parakeet.

[chirping]

Now make

that clicking noise

The dolphins use

to find things underwater.

[clicking]

Ay! Our champion is

even more cowardly

than we are!

Si. Compared

to such a chicken,

We are bold

like the wolf!

Get him, mis amigos!

[shouting]

¡silencio!

Not the face!

Those are

my kissing lips!

Be careful!

[festive music playing]

Gracias, johnny bravo.

You have taught us

never to depend

On any stranger

to fight our battles,

For he may turn out

to be a useless jerk.

[blows]

No problemo.

Hyah!

Now, if you'll

excuse me

Hey, mamacitas,

how'd you like

A big old helping

of refried johnny?

Oh! Aah! Oh!

Ay chihuahua.

Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Ooh! No!

I didn't know

them lipsticks hurt.

Aah!

Keep your eyes out

for aphids, johnny.

Eternal vigilance

is our only defense

against those pests.

Aw, mama. I feel stupid

wearing this.

Why can't i be a nice

macho chrysanthemum?

Incoming!

Hmm?

Hey! Ooh! No!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Oh, look!

New neighbors.

Oh!

Start tossing me

ornaments, dear.

Oh, i think we're

going to love it here.

Bienvenidos.

Welcome to

the neighborhood.

I'm bunny bravo.

Mona herschbaum

of the teaneck herschbaums.

Charmed.

Johnny, be

a dear and help

mrs. Herschbaum

With her boxes.

I don't know.

Give me a dollar.

Mom

This is the box

With all my tight-fitting

athletic wear, right?

That's my daughter

julie.

She's single

and plays the tuba

like an angel.

Well, aerate my roots

and prune my petals.

I think i'm in love.

I'll help you

with your boxes,

new neighbor lady.

Oh!

Oh, be careful!

That's

an heirloom!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh!

Oh, no!

Oh, dear!

Oh! Oh, no!

I'll just

carry these in

So your gorgeous daughter

can tell me where to put them.

Ooh!

Oh! Look what you've done,

You careless,

clumsy

Butterfingers!

[gasps]

No one talks to

my johnny that way!

From this moment on,

the bravos and the

TheThe herschbaums

Are mortal enemies!

Yeah, whatever.

Listen, i'm

going to go in

And stare at

your daughter.

Come, johnny.

I don't ever want you

To speak to these

people again.

But i want to stare

at julie!

"dearJulie

"i love you very, very,

very, very, very, very

"much.

"this is the house

we will live in

"when we get married.

"this is you

making me a sandwich.

Remember, no onions.

This is--"

Mama: Johnny,

are you talking

To that

herschbaum girl?

No, mama.

Johnny has a girlfriend!

Johnny has

a girlfriend!

How about i bury the rest

of your doll collection?

Well, my 6-foot

reinforced concrete wall

Is finished.

We'll never have to

look at those horrible

herschbaums again.

Oh, great. Now what

am i going to do?

If you love

someone, johnny,

You should

let them know.

What? You mean

you think i should

Pole-vault

over the wall

And onto her balcony

in a single bound?

Well--

I'll do it!

Actually, i was

going to suggest

a phone call.

Look at her.

She's like some

untouchable goddess.

[inhales]

Once i get

this barbed wire hung,

Those horrible bravos

won't dare

To set a foot

on my property.

Here i come,

my sweet patootie.

Whoa!

Ow.

Hello,

mrs. Herschbaum.

You're looking

lovely today.

Peanut,

mr. Foofoo,

attack!

[growling]

Hey! Don't!

Aah! Stop!

Watch the hair!

Ooh! Aah!

Bad doggies!

Aah! Oh!

Ouch.

Aw, it's hopeless.

That wall is like

some big concrete barrier thing

That keeps us apart.

Don't give up,

johnny.

Anything's possible

if you really love someone.

You mean i should use

your bow and arrow set

To launch myself

through the air and

into julie's bedroom?

Not exactly.

I'll do it!

Here i come,

my brass-boned bonita.

I love you, baby!

Ooh!

Why, mrs. Herschbaum,

what a lovely day.

Would you happen

to have a neck brace

And a cold compress

i could borrow?

[click]

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

This is

all your fault!

I'm not listening

to any more of

your stupid advice!

But, johnny, i was

only trying to help.

So you're saying i should

rent a german tank and

take out the power lines--

No, no, no, no!

Johnny, listen to me.

There's only one option.

Find a way to make peace

between the 2 mamas.

HmmIt's just

crazy enough to work!

old macdonald

had a farm

e-i-e-i--

Oh, my goodness!

b-i-n-g-o,

and bingo was his name--

Oh, my heavens!

Aphids!

Aphids!

Bunny, my begonias!

And my azaleas!

One woman alone

cannot defeat these

6-legged fiends.

We've got

to join forces.

Mona herschbaum,

let's tear down

this wall!

Oh!

Ah!

Ah!

Uh!

Uh!

Ah!

[panting]

[panting]

I'll get the pesticide.

And i'll get

the big honking

bug zapper

I bought on sale

last week.

What's going on,

johnny?

Well, i took

your advice and bought

A 20-gallon drum of aphids

and let them loose

on the lawn.

Coming your way, bunny.

Bring it on,

girlfriend!

[bzzzz!]

Uh!

Uh!

Yes!

Yes!

Bunny?

Yes, mona?

What does this mean?

I have no idea.

It worked, johnny!

They're friends again!

Yeah, and i still have

5,000 aphids left. See?

[johnny screaming]

[bzzzz!]

Ooh!

Johnny,

what are you--

I confess!

I put aphids

on your flowers

So you'd

stop fighting.

I did it

because i'm in love

with your daughter.

Oh, is that the most

precious thing

you've ever heard?

I would be proud

to have a boy like you

Chasing mindlessly

after my daughter.

Mom, what's

going on?

Julie.

Yes, johnny?

Say, you ain't gonna

end up looking like

your mama, are you?

Excuse me?

Because, you know,

you're sweet,

But she's

[shivers]

Pucker up.

All them tuba lessons

are about to pay off.

You jerk!

[bzzzz!]

Maybe it would be better

if we just moved.

Keep in touch,

dear.

[cheering]

[growling]

Huh?

Oh, mama.

Hyah!

Hey there, my little

etruscan honeybun.

Your pearly

gladiator is here.

Ha!

Ooh! Uh!

I came, i saw,

i broke a hip.

Uh!

That's it.

Dig, johnny.

Your sweaty,

backbreaking labor

May lead to my greatest

discovery yet.

Why am i doing

all the digging?

Quiet, johnny.

This is science.

There's no complaining

in science.

I thought

you said we'd find

Scary dinosaur

skeletons here.

All we found so far

is an angry muskrat,

This priceless

egyptian pottery,

And these sticks

of dynamite.

No skeletons, huh?

Then what do you

call this?

What the heck

is that?

It's a fragment

of the interior toe bone

Of a bractiated

pooktasaurus.

So?

So? So, he stood

over 3 feet tall

With nasty

green eyes

And an annoying

high-pitched roar.

Roar!

Roar!

Whoa!

I meant to do that.

Oh, my gosh!

Look at that!

Let me see!

Let me see!

Let me see!

Uh! Johnny,

do you realize

What you've

just found?

No, but i'm sure

you're going to

yammer on about it.

It's an artifact from

a genuine bravopithicus

Perfectly preserved

in amber.

Bravopithicus?

That's right.

After the last ice age,

This noble biped

bestrode these valleys

like a colossus.

Wow. Did he fight

a lot of scary

dinosaurs?

Loads of them.

But you probably

don't care about that.

But i do care!

Tell me more, carl.

Tell me

the whole story.

Ok. A long time ago,

In a gene pool

far away,

Evolution had hit

a bit of a snag.

Hey, mama, bring me

another warthog sandwich.

Johnny, this is

your 10th one today.

All you do is sit around

the cave all day and eat.

Hey, there's no pickles

on this sandwich.

Look around, johnny.

Everyone on the block

is evolving except you.

Your cousin grok

just learned to use

his opposable thumbs.

[singing scat]

And just last week,

that nice cro-magnon boy carl

Invented fire and the wheel.

Cook, you stupid

marshmallow!

Yeah, but everybody

hates him.

Pops: AhemJohnny,

Me and some

of the other cave men

Are concerned

that your crummy attitude

Might be angering

the spirit world.

I'm afraid that unless you start

pulling your weight around here,

We're going to have to

cast you out of the tribe.

Hey, man,

if you got a point,

Could you make it

after lunch?

Boys.

Aah!

Stop!

He's ventured

beyond the tree!

No one has ever gone

that far and lived.

I'll show you all.

I'll find a tribe

that accepts me

for who i am,

And when i do,

they'll probably

make me king!

And i'll come back

and make you all

Dance around

like stupid

little monkeys.

[pffft]

Dang, i'm hungry.

Ooh!

Hey, a nest.

Nest means eggs.

Eggs means breakfast.

Breakfast, the most important

meal of the pleistocene era.

Huh?

[squawking]

Aw, look at

the cute little things.

Where's your mama,

little fellas?

Maybe this is

where i belong,

Caring for these

defenseless creatures,

Protecting them

from the cold,

Teaching them

how to make me a sandwich.

Aw, look.

They like me.

Aah!

Calm down, lady.

I wasn't going to eat them.

Well, maybe

the little one.

[screeching]

Aah! Ooh!

Whoa. I wouldn't mind

joining her tribe.

Hyah! Huh! Ha!

Hey, baby,

How's about

letting me be

Your missing

link to love?

Uh!

Oh, i get it. You're one

of those feminist cave women

Who likes to make

the first move.

Oh! Wait!

Isn't there any way

i can win your heart?

Well, you could

help me get rid

Of the giant dinosaur

that's been terrorizing me.

Anything's better

than being thrown

off this cliff.

Where is

the ugly varmint?

At the bottom

of this cliff.

Oh!

Hmm

I'll take it.

Now, where would i be

If i were a giant,

scary dinosaur?

Maybe i can get a better view

from this hill.

Man, this hill stinks,

And it's all rough

and scaly and, uh

Breathing.

This won't end well.

[roar]

Aah!

[grunting]

No, og.

No, no, no.

Sorry, fella.

The boy's don't like

to miss a minute

Of the manhunt

warthog show.

Hold on.

This part's hilarious.

You mean,

all you do all day

Is sit around

and watch

colorful images

On a big

square thing?

No. Sometimes we walk

over to the buffet table

And make a big cheesy

plate of nachos.

Big cheesy plate?

I found my home!

There's a new link

in the food chain,

And it's crunchy.

Scoot over, fellas.

And that's why

we have snack foods.

So, did bravopithi

guy ever go back

to his tribe?

Where did they get

the microwaves

to cook the nachos?

Did cave men

brush their teeth

with rocks?

Uh-huh. And then

the ice age hit,

And people used

snowballs for money,

And polar bears

directed traffic,

And ravenous

man-eating chickens

roamed the prairies.

None of that story

is true, is it, carl?

No. I made it all up

because i crave attention.

Yah!

Makes you wonder,

doesn't it?

Look out.

Hyah! Huh!

Ooh!

Oh, mama!

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.