02x17 - Look Who's Drooling/Law and Disorder/Tooth or Consequences

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Huh! Hyah! Huh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

Now for the chili

taste test.

Too much paprika.

I guess i'll have to

dump this batch.

Here's

a dollar, pops.

Give me

a bowl of chili.

Oh, well,

a dollar's a dollar.

Got to warn you,

though,

Today's batch

might be a bit hot.

The chili

ain't been made

That's too hot

for johnny bravo.

I'm afraid it might be

hotter than you like it.

No matter.

Bring it on.

No, really. We're talking

mondo hot chili here.

I don't care

how dang hot it is!

Give me

a bowl of chili!

Bon appetit.

This ain't so hot.

Aah!

Hi, pops.

Why so glum, carl?

Aah!

[yawn]

I spent all night

trying to perfect

The world's first

smart drink,

But all

i came up with

Was this

stupid fountain

of youth potion

That keeps people

young and virile.

Them's the breaks.

Chili?

Carl:

Johnny, no!

You're only

supposed to drink

a teaspoon.

Hey, iI feel

kind of funny.

Oh, no! I was afraid

this would happen!

Carl, you idiot.

My drinking that

stupid potion

Has turned you both

into horrible giants.

No, johnny.

My fountain

of youth potion

Has turned you

into a little baby.

Bummer.

Wah!

Aw, what's

the matter,

little baby?

Oochie oochie

goochie goo.

Pops, don't patronize him.

I've got your little toe.

Where's

his little toes?

Ooji ooji ooji.

Ooji,

little baby.

Where's

his little toes?

All right.

Now, just cut it out.

I mean it. Back off.

Sorry, son.

Ooji ooji ooji.

Ah! Where

did carl go?

Ah! Where

did carl go?

Here he is!

Ha ha ha!

Good one, carl!

I really thought

you'd left.

Listen up

before i spit up

on the both of you.

Carl, you got

10 seconds

To break out

the antidote.

Johnny, there is

no antidote.

You'll have to wait

until the potion

wears off

At around, oh

4:00 this afternoon.

Well, at least give me

something to teethe on.

I think someone

needs his nappy.

You're right,

pops.

I'd better

get him home.

Mama bravo will

know what to do.

So johnny sort of

drank the potion,

And, well, i hope

you're not mad because--

My baby!

Now, mama, this is

only temporary.

Don't go getting

all crazy on me.

Oh, honey,

don't ruin it for me.

I've been waiting

for this moment

Ever since

you hit puberty

and broke my heart.

Aw, mama,

just settle down.

Hey, i think

your stories are on.

Oh, look at you, all naked

and vulnerable to the world.

Let mama tend

all your needs.

I've had

all your baby things

Hermetically sealed

since you were weaned.

I

All right, mama.

You're, uh

Getting a little

weird on me here.

Ha ha! Remember

the bunny suit?

[shivers]

Here comes

the bunny suit!

Who loves his

little bunny suit?

Oh! No!

Get it off of me!

Get it off!

Hey, this is comfy.

Huh! Hyah! Huh!

Whoa!

Now, you sit

right there

And let mama

feed you.

I still have 3 cases of

strained squab here someplace.

Aw, mama,

not the squab.

It'll make me

all colicky.

Now open wide.

Mm-mmm.

Now, what was that game

we used to play

To get you to eat?

Oh, yes.

Oh, good heavens!

What the heck is that?!

Aah! What? What?

[pffff!]

For crying

out loud, mama,

i'm a grown man.

Not anymore,

you're not.

You're

my little baby,

And i'm going to

keep you at my side

forever and ever and--

[watch beeping]

Oops. 2:15. Time

for my polkacize class.

I'll have to drop

you off at day care.

No, mama!

Not day care!

What? I can't have

a life of my own?

But i don't want to go!

I don't want to!

I don't want to!

I don't want to!

Hello. I'm katya,

your child maintenance engineer.

Well, powder

my heinie.

I'll take it

from here, mama.

All right, johnny.

Mama loves you. Ciao!

You know, i don't

drool like this for

just any caretaker.

Ha ha. You're cute,

and you're so verbal

for your age.

I'll just put you here

so you can make

some little friends.

Ok. What?! No!

Let's go get a steak!

I'll let you

chew it for me.

[baby talk]

No, really?

That's fascinating,

You stupid

drool monkey.

Television:

Hug, hug, hug,

Hug, hug, hug,

Hug, hug, hug.

[infants babbling]

I can see

we're going to have to

Get a few things

straight around here.

Well, how's everything?

Uh! What happened here?

[women shouting

on television]

With my superior

intelligence,

It was easy

to conquer them.

You're a naughty

baby, aren't you?

I was hoping

you'd notice.

Hyuh! Hey,

while you're up,

Could you get me

some more cookies?

Oh, look at you.

You're all dirty.

Now i've got to

give you a bath.

What? But i don't

want a bath.

Now, now,

don't fuss.

I don't want

a bath!

You can't make me!

Unhand me, i say!

Got to time this

just right.

Ride, binky!

Ride like the wind!

Gotcha.

Let go, lady.

I said, let go!

Now let's get you

cleaned up.

It's 4:00, and your mother's

going to be here any minute.

No, i tell you.

I ain't gonna--

Did you say 4:00?

Lady, i don't think

you want to do this.

Really,

i'm not kidding.

[water running]

Aah!

It's a funny

story, actually.

Aah!

Wait! Come back!

Now we can

go out together.

I'll buy you dinner

and let you burp me.

How are you

doing, johnny?

Fine, mama, but

can i please get out

of this crib now?

Humor me, honey,

at least for

a few more years.

Aw, man, this stinks!

I'm--

Hey.

[rattles]

Rattly.

[rattles]

Ha ha.

[pffffft]

[snap]

Nani nani na na!

Whoo whoo whoo whoo!

It's amazing

the way they stand

at attention like that.

I'll get him to move.

Will you

cut that out?!

I'm not

at attention!

I'm bored! Bored!

Do you hear?!

Anyone can be

a security guard,

Even an idiot

like you!

Really? Can i boss

people around

And write tickets

and junk?

UhYeah.

Ah, but you probably

wouldn't like it.

You have to carry around

a big jingly ring

full of keys.

OohI want to be

a security guard!

I want to!

I want to!

Great. Here's

everything you need.

And remember,

you're not just

risking your life;

You're

risking your life

for minimum wage!

Minimum.

Sounds like a lot.

Don't forget

to sign me out

at 5:00.

Yippee!

I'm free!

I'm free!

Hear me, evildoers.

Your rein of terror

is at an end.

From this moment on,

i shall ceaselessly

defend this mall

Against all who would

do evil against it.

But first i'm going to

get a donut.

Look at me.

I'm the man.

Hyuh! Ha!

Now to find

someone to hassle.

Aha!

Where were you

on the night of the 16th?

Thank you

for your cooperation.

Whoa!

Yep, it's a great

responsibility,

Safeguarding the lives

of all these innocent

mallgoers.

So, i get off at 5:00.

You like chinese?

Right. Be back

after i finish my rounds.

Ow! I meant

to do that.

Ow!

Ow!

Hi, johnny.

Hi, dweeb. You know

you got a wiener

on your head?

Uh-huh. It's all

part of my new job

As assistant

manager trainee

Of weenie's

on a rod.

Only 57 months till i

get my big weenie hat.

HmmMaybe this

would be a good time

To practice

my suspect

takedown technique.

Ow!

Ha ha ha!

You're funny.

By the way, i'd

keep my eyes open.

There have been

a rash of burglaries

at the mall lately.

What? Not

on johnny's watch.

You know, johnny,

i can get you

free weenies.

Whoa! Can't

talk now, dweeb.

I see a 36-24-36

in progress.

Freeze!

Stop right there,

gorgeous.

You have the right

to remain luscious.

Anything you say

can and will make me

hold you against me.

Ooh!

Aah!

We may call you

for further questioning.

Got you now, punk.

You're going away

for a long time.

So just stop struggling.

Hey, i got his lawyer.

That's 20 points.

Officer! Officer!

There's a guy over there

stealing laptops!

You fool!

You've ruined

my high score!

Now he's going

to get off on

a plea bargain.

But that guy's

robbing me blind.

Talking back to me, huh?

Come here, you!

I'm your worst

nightmare, kid--

A high-school graduate

with a cardboard hat.

Now you think about

what you've done.

Ok.

Hey! Ooh!

Officer down!

Officer down!

I have to go

to the bathroom.

Hey, mr. Police,

why you suck

All of the yogurt

out of my machine?

It's all right, citizen.

I'm here

in an official capacity.

Johnny, the burglar's

making off with

my ceramic weenie!

Aha! A crime

in progress!

This ceramic weenie

should fetch a hefty price

On the ceramic weenie

black market.

Hurry, johnny!

I think you can

still catch--

Creating

a disturbance, $35.

Breathing my air,

$50.

Wearing that stupid

weenie hat, $40.

Stop him!

He's got the weenie!

Hey! That's

the guy who took

my computers!

Fools! Your pathetic

vigilantism

Is no match for

my criminal genius.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, right.

Run away.

Get him!

Living on the same

block as me, $63.

Nobody move,

or the rent-a-cop

Gets a hairful

of mustard.

Do what he says!

Do what he says!

Come on, you.

Oh, my gosh!

I got to get help!

[sirens]

You fiend! You'll

never get away

with this.

Your life of crime

will lead you to--

Hey, weenies!

We have the weenie store

surrounded.

Come out

with your hands up.

I hold the cards

here, copper.

What's more,

i want $3 million,

A lear jet, and 2 tickets

to the shah and i.

I don't need

orchestral seats,

mind you.

You can put me

in the balcony.

I'll be happy

just to get in.

Listen, take your time

with the "holding me

hostage" thing.

The shah and i?

That's going to

take some time.

[crash]

Mrs. Bravo?

I saw

the whole thing on tv,

And i came right over.

I'll take it

from here, captain.

Carl, you stall for time.

I'm going in!

Attention, burglar.

I know you're feeling

lonely and alienated,

But that's ok.

Let's do

some role-playing

To explore

those feelings.

You be you,

and i'll be

Sultry

cabaret singer

billie holliday.

Why don't you

give up your

life of crime

And join me

on stage

In a bluesy

ballad?

la la la la

Is he always

like this?

Uh-huh.

Do me a favor.

If you try to escape,

use him for your human shield.

Mama!

Stop, or i'll

smother him

in onions!

Eat leather, punk!

Hyah! Huh! Hoo!

Aah! Ooh! Ooh!

Thanks, mama.

You saved my life.

My pleasure, dear.

Besides, your little

hostage crisis

Was preempting

all my favorite shows.

Johnny,

thank goodness

Your horrible

experience is over.

Not quite.

We still have

a situation.

Give me that.

Attention!

Attention!

Does anyone

have an antacid?

[burp]

The british are coming!

The dang british are coming!

[bell ringing]

Hey there,

revolutionary mama.

Ow!

Ooh!

Let freedom ring!

Oh!

And bend and stretch

And 1 and 2

and breathe and bend

Johnny: Hey, tan,

blonde, and limber,

Mind if i ogle you?

Huh?

Whoa!

Whoa!

Uh!

Oh, mama!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Uh-oh!

Ooh!

Uh!

la la la la la

Hi, johnny.

Look, i lost a tooth.

[groans]

Big deal.

I lost my eighth

lateral vertebrae.

It's all right.

I'll just walk it off.

Aah!

Whoa!

Excuse me a sec.

You were saying?

And tonight,

i'll put the tooth

under my pillow,

And the tooth fairy

will give me

a dollar for it.

Tooth fairy?

A dollar?

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha

What's so funny?

There's no

tooth fairy, kid.

Uh!

Don't you realize

those are just myths

your parents tell you

So that you'll

repeat them in public

And then they'll point

at you and laugh?

This is terrible.

I knew the easter bunny

was a big scam,

But if there's

no tooth fairy,

Then life

is meaningless.

Oh, no.

What have i done?

I've taken

a little girl's

hopes and dreams

And dashed them against

the craggy rocks of--

wait a minute.

There's no easter bunny?

No-o-o-o!

More tea, mrs. Livingston?

[squeak]

"no, thank you.

I'm too sickened

By all the lies

and betrayal."

AwPoor kid.

I've got to snap her

out of her funk

Before she

drives me crazy

With her

miserable whining.

Uh-oh.

Ta-da!

Aah!

Aah!

Oh!

[crash]

Like i was saying, ta-da!

It is i,

the stupid tooth fairy.

Please, please don't

let anyone see me.

Behold my ridiculous

sparkliness.

Whoa!

Are you really

the tooth fairy?

Because my neighbor

says you don't exist.

Yeah? Well, he is

wise and pretty

But mistaken

in this instance.

But how--

Look, kid.

Here's 2 bucks.

Now give me

your dang tooth.

I've got to go

pick up a bicuspid

over in pamona.

I don't know.

If you're really

the tooth fairy,

You must have

magical powers.

This is

getting ugly.

I'm afraid

i won't believe you

Until you grant me

3 wishes.

What? There's

no haggling with

the tooth fairy.

I'll give you

one wish.

2 wishes.

Done!

Oh, yeah!

Who's the fairy?

Who's the fairy?

You didn't

see that, did you?

I'll have

a double chocolate

Dresden belly b*mb

with sprinkles.

Extra fudge?

Yes, please.

And nuts and

tiny marshmallows

And licorice pieces

and--

Whoa. Slow down.

I ain't made of money, you know.

Right away, little girl.

You know, suzy,

me and the other fairies

Think you've been packing

on the pounds lately.

You said

i could have

any wish i wanted.

You are a real

fairy, aren't you?

Would you stop

saying that so loud?

Here you go.

Belly b*mb for the little girl.

And a glass of water

For the cheapskate

in the sparkly costume.

That'll be $23.50.

$23.50?!

I must have

left my wallet

in my other tutu.

But i'm good

for it, right?

After all,

i'm the tooth fairy.

I don't care

if you're queen

of the stardust ballroom.

I'm sick of you

sparkling weirdoes

Stiffing me

on the bill!

[struggling]

Whoo! Listen, kid,

i'll give you

one of my teeth

If we call it

quits right now.

Uh-uh. I still have

one wish left.

You're not still

hungry, are you?

Take me to

the petting zoo.

What a delightful

little child.

Would you like some

delicious animal pellets,

sweet little lambie?

[baa]

MmmHey, these

pellets are yummy.

I got to get

the recipe.

Aah!

Get your own,

you oversized rat.

Hey, check out

the rat camel

Who thinks

he's a horse.

Hey, where'd he go?

Oh!

Ooh! Uh!

I'm not hurt. Uh!

Uh-oh.

[elephant

trumpets]

Whew. I'm glad

that's over.

Uh!

But i didn't do it.

I swear.

All right,

lord of the dance.

Tell it

to the judge.

I just hope those poor

adorable animals are ok.

[crying]

Get in the wagon,

tinkerbell.

Stop!

That's no fairy!

That's my friend

johnny.

What? You knew it was me?

Of course, johnny.

I'm not an idiot.

What gave me away?

The stupid outfit?

Eating animal pellets?

Starting a stampede?

Uh-huh.

Oh. I guess

i'm pretty lousy

At cheering

people up.

No, you're not,

johnny.

It made me happy

just knowing

You cared enough

to try.

Aw

I guess you're

my bestest

and truest--

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

i get it.

Don't run it

into the ground.

So, i guess you'll be releasing

me, huh, mr. Policeman?

Yeah, right. Now get into

the paddy wagon, dirt bag!

What? No!

It was the llama!

He was

the ringleader!

If all you boys and girls

will clap your hands real hard,

Johnny can make bail.

Get me the lawyer fairy!

Bye, johnny.

I'll write to you.

Hey, kid,

you suzy?

Ah!

The tooth fairy.

You do exist.

Yeah, whatever.

Make with the enamel.

10 cents? That's it?

Boohoo! Come back

when you get

your first crown,

And we'll talk

real cash.

Well, i'm knocking off

for the day.

Come on, morty.

But--but--but--

but--i--i

Look out.

Hyah! Hyuh!

Ooh!

Oh, mama!

A babe!

Mercy.

Whatever.