03x03 - Candidate Johnny/Air Bravo/Johnny B. Badd

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hah!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Huh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby. Ow!

Yeah. Whatever.

Today, a new era dawns.

By leaving this trail

of bread crumbs behind me,

I'll never

get lost again.

Hey, what are

you doing?

Oh, no! I'm loooossst!

Nobody loves me.

What's to become of me?

Get the hound dogs!

Call the cops!

Somebody, help me!

Hey, dweeb.

How's life

in geek town?

Hi, johnny!

Want to

help me put up

campaign posters?

I'm running for

litter commissioner.

Really?

That's fascinating.

Tell me more.

Wherever there's

a tin can on the curb,

I'll be there.

Wherever somebody's

putting paper

In a "plastics only"

recycling bin,

I'll be there.

Wherever--hey!

What?

Johnny,

litter commissioner

Is a very serious

position.

You want to see

a serious position?

Look at me!

I'm called a stupid

litter commissioner.

[speaks inaudibly]

Hi, carl.

Oh, hi, mallinda.

As president of

the neighborhood

recycling team,

I look forward

to working late

into the evenings

With such a dedicated

public servant.

Carl: Heh heh heh!

You mean,

if he's elected.

Johnny,

what do you mean?

I hereby declare

my candidacy

For chick-attracting

litter guy.

Wonderful! A spirited

contest will really

Bring the litter issue

into focus.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

Be cool, betty.

Why don't you help me

tear up the rest of

geek boy's posters?

2, 4, 6, 8,

johnny's cool

And carl's

just a big dork!

[coughing]

Carl, carl, he's our man!

If he can't help reactivate

simple carbon silicates,

No one can!

Hey, roll that thing

back to the toy store,

Chimp boy!

This is johnny's turf.

Aw, you're just jealous

of my new invention:

The fusion-powered,

hydro-electric,

Wintergreen-scented,

chryniszzswics 5,000.

You've got

to be kidding.

There's nothing

in here but a walnut

and a glass of water.

Yes! The same energy

that powers the sun.

[snap]

[munch munch]

No, johnny!

The electron valences

Have been very

carefully calibrated.

Huh?

[boom]

Flourescenty.

Carl:

Don't worry, johnny.

The radiation

should wear off

Long before

election day.

Johnny: Hey, pops,

how am i doing

in the polls?

Well, i have some good news

and some bad news.

The bad news is you're

trailing carl by 99%.

What's the good news?

I've got the metabolism

of a schoolgirl!

Hold on.

You're telling me

I only got 1%

in the polls?

Actually, you got 0.

So who got

the other 1%?

Who do you prefer

in the polls,

Carl chryniszzswics

or johnny bravo?

I like pie.

I'm a little

worried, pops.

The pie has

an impressive grasp

of the issues.

There he is!

Johnny bravo,

the voters are tired

Of all the bickering

and mudslinging.

I challenge you

to a television debate!

I accept!

What's a debate,

pops?

Well, son, for carl,

It's an intelligent

discussion of the issues.

For you,

it's an embarrassing

spectacle of stupidity.

I'm in!

Johnny: And so,

that's why ozone depletion

Is our best friend.

Because, hey,

check out my tan!

h*! Ha! Huh!

Pie, you have

30 seconds to respond.

[hiss]

Oh, he's

a shrewd one.

Thank you, pie.

Mr. Chryniszzswics,

would you explain

Your policies

on trash separation?

Gladly. Ahem.

Trash separation is

our bridge to a glorious,

More enriching future.

Carl has 6 wives!

What?!

That's not true!

Mr. Bravo,

please wait your turn.

Ahem. Thank you,

mr. Moderator.

The time when man

first lumped his trash

Into h*m*

piles is--

Carl is a convicted

diamond smuggler!

That's a lie!

Those charges are

scandalous, libelous,

And totally untrue.

Mr. Bravo, please!

And he also took

a rubber ducky to

his high school prom!

[phhhht]

Um, i have no comment

at this time.

[crowd titters and gasps]

Chryniszzswics

takes duck to the prom!

Carl is a duck dater!

Hello, city desk?

Stop the presses.

10,003, 10,004, 10,005!

It's official!

Johnny is the winner!

Mmm.

Sweet!

Well, johnny, i guess

the best man won.

I just hope

you'll show as much

Dedication in office

as you did in the--

Blah blah blah.

Sorry, i can't hear you

Because you're

a big loser!

And as my first

official act,

I decree there must

be a huge, honkin'

parade in my honor!

h*! Ha! Huh!

[cheering]

Back at ya!

How ya doing?

Hey, how you been?

[tires squeal]

Huh! Ha!

Oh, hello there,

My little eco-bunny.

I suppose you've

to congratulate me.

No. We've come

to ask you

Who the heck is going

to clean up the garbage

Caused by

your stupid parade!

Icks-nay on

the eanup-clay, johnny.

You blew

the whole year's

budget on this bash.

Tell you what, girls.

Why don't each of you

grab a broom

And just tidy up

like you do.

Get him, girls.

Ahh, oh!

[fighting]

Johnny: Oh, no.

Not in the face. Oh! Ow!

Ah, it's lonely

at the top.

Ow! Come on!

Ow. Cut it out.

Finally, an entire day to

practice my tennis forehand.

And pull!

Pull!

[glass breaks]

Pull!

[thud]

[dog barking]

Pull!

HeyHuh!

Why don't you

be more careful?

People live here.

This isn't

a residential district.

Sorry, johnny.

My friend and i

were playing.

Can we have

our ball back?

No way.

I warned you before.

I'm putting it

in a pile with the

rest of your stuff.

Please, johnny!

Ah, well, let me

think about it. No!

Man: Here, susie.

Let me try.

Excuse me. I believe

that ball belongs

to my friend susie.

Look, buddy.

You don't understand.

If i let her

get away with this,

She'll start

walking all over--

Sweet merciful heavens,

you're a large man!

You know, when i said

i'm keeping the ball,

I meant,

she could have it

Just as soon as i'm

finished polishing it.

And reinflating it--

[phht phht]

Feels fine to me.

Say, you've got

some skills, don't you?

Thank you, enormous.

Enormous? You're

enormous ferguson

Of the

paukatuck ferrets?

You're my favorite

basketball superstar!

Because of my grace

and skill on the court?

No, because of

the buddy movie

You did with that

adorable chimp.

Ha ha ha!

I really believed

You were cops

on the edge.

Well, uh,

we got to go now.

Wait! Don't go.

Maybe you could

use me on the team.

Huh!

Check out

these moves.

I was fouled!

You know, johnny,

i think there's a place

On the team

you'd be perfect for.

Power forward,

all-star center,

rebound ace?

UhNot exactly.

[buzzer sounds]

[whistle blows]

Cheerleaders:

Goooooo, ferrets!

Hey, towel boy.

Towel boy

at your service.

I spilled my sport drink

on the 3-point line.

Sop it up, won't you?

Right away,

you 7-foot yahoo.

Hi, johnny. How's

the new job going?

Oh, it's wonderful.

What boy

doesn't grow up

Dreaming of the day

when he'll be asked

To sop up the sweat

of huge, wealthy athletes.

Here you go,

towel boy.

This job stinks!

I'm getting

prune hands.

I'm out of here.

Wait, johnny! Where's

your team spirit?

Every job is important

if it helps the team win.

Remember

the play-offs of '88

When the home team

was down 3 games to none?

[ah ah ah]

Ah! The mechanical

monkey is right!

My demeaning dead-end job

is important.

I can make

a difference!

[whistle blows]

Have a towel.

Whoa!

Towel?

Oof!

Towel?

Ugh!

Well,

this bucket's full.

Wh-wh-whoa!

Oh!

Augh!

Aughhhhhhhhhh!

[screaming]

I really feel like

i'm contributing.

Ferguson:

Yo, towel jockey!

What's the idea of

crippling my whole team?

Now we have

to forfeit.

No, we don't, norm.

Johnny and i

can help.

Remember in '72

when atlanta benched

all 5 starters

With 3 minutes left

in the third quarter?

[chomp chomp]

The set of chattering

joke teeth is right.

We can win if

we all play as a team.

Gooooo, ferrets!

[whispering]

[giggling]

She does? Ha ha!

[smack]

Give me the ball!

Give me the ball!

Give me the--oh!

No!

I'm open! I'm open!

Thanks!

Anyone sitting here?

[crowd complains]

Ferguson: Johnny,

what are you doing?

What?!

Oh, the game! Right!

Look, we're down

one point with

9 seconds left.

Just pass the ball

to me, ok?

You got it, enormous.

Johnny, they've

quintuple-teamed him.

You'll have

to take the shot.

So it's come to this.

The final seconds

separate me from glory.

I'll either be

the hero or the goat.

I wonder what i'll have

for dinner tonight.

You know, that macaroni

is just going to go bad

if i don't cook it.

Johnny,

take the stupid shot!

Oh, right!

Ugh!

Doh!

Cheerleaders:

Ah! Ew! Eek!

[buzzer]

Oh, no! We lost.

Johnny: Well,

i'm not surprised.

We played

like scrubs!

Personally,

i blame you guys.

Talk about lousy

team play--i mean, jeez!

Johnny: Oh! Oh! Ah!

Oh! Oh! I'm frazzled.

Oh! Watch the hair!

Oh! Oh! Ah!

Nothing but net.

Announcer: Thus we see

how man has evolved

To realize his ultimate

modern potential.

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Hey, how come

he gets a banana?

Monkey: Aah!

Mmm. Banana.

[screeching]

Aw, mama, why do we have

to clean the garage?

The stench of mildew

is making me woozy.

Oh, look, johnny.

It's your

huggy snuggles doll.

Remember how you

never used to let it

Out of your sight?

Aw, mama,

that was weeks ago.

We'll never be apart

again. Never.

Mrs. Bravo,

mrs. Bravo!

I got an "a"

in music class.

What's the "a"

stand for:

Irritating

little kiss-up?

Anyway, want to hear

the song i wrote?

I'd love to.

i went to

a pet shop the other day

to see the newest animals

on display

i was checkin' out the bunnies

when what did i see?

a funky-lookin' monkey

lookin' down at me

funky monkey,

oo oo oo

funky monkey,

oo oo oo

give him a banana,

and he'll boogie

like a spinnin' top

Aw, man!

That stinks!

I love it,

sweetie.

But it needs something.

Now, let's see.

Where did i put my vintage

'57 sunburst doubleneck?

Oh, here it is!

I haven't played it

Since jimi hendrix

set it on fire

at altamont.

On the downbeat.

i went to a pet shop

the other day

to see the newest animals

on display

i was checkin' out the bunnies

when what did i see?

a funky-lookin' monkey

lookin' down at me

funky monkey

oo oo oo

Make it stop!

Make it stop!

Please, make it stop!

Oh, a garage jam!

Far-out!

Mind if i sit in

on the tubs?

Yes.

i went to a pet shop

the other day

to see the newest animals

on display

i was checkin' out the bunnies

when what did i see?

Nothing to see here.

Please disperse, people!

Return to your homes!

[crowd murmuring]

Oh, thanks, pops.

One more minute

of that squawking

And those folks

would have attacked.

Squawking, nothing!

You kids have

a crazy new sound!

I can make you

all stars!

What?!

All you need now is a vapid,

pretty boy lead singer

To attract

the young ladies.

Funky monkey!

Ook ook ook!

Give him a banana,

and he's a spinnin'

kind of guy

On second thought,

i wouldn't change a thing.

Well, kids, you ready

to cut your first demo?

And don't worry.

I told johnny we were

recording in another town.

Hey, pops.

No one in albany

has ever heard of you.

All right.

Ready to record?

Ugh!

No!

Hello, cleveland!

Uh, great. Ok, let's try

to get a quick take down.

Ready, everyone?

A-one and

a-two and--

i went to a pet shop

the other day

to see the newest

animals on display

i was checkin' out

the rabbits

what did i see?

a funky-lookin' monkey

lookin' down at me

funky monkey

give him a banana,

and he'll boogie

like a spinnin' top

Oh, yeah!

We nailed that one.

You know, folks,

my equipment refused

to record that one.

You're on mike two,

right, johnny?

Right.

Ok. Let's get

another one for backup.

i went to a pet shop

the other day

to see the newest animals

on display

i was checkin' out the bunnies

when what did i see?

a funky-lookin' monkey

lookin' down at me

funky monkey

Pops: Ok, g*ng.

It's just your first gig

so have fun with it.

Oh, and don't worry

about johnny.

With the directions

i gave him,

He ought to be passing

nome, alaska,

Any minute now.

if you're a funky primate

or its nearest kin

and you seem a little monkey,

just join right in

funky monkey,

oo oo oo

funky monkey,

oo oo oo

give him a banana,

and he'll boogie

like a spinnin' top

Susie: One more time!

give him a banana

and he'll boogie

like a spinnin' top

woo

[cheering]

Great news, everyone!

Funky monkey is number one

in the tri-town area.

And with tonight's

national tv appearance,

I'll be stinking rich!

I mean, you'll

all be famous.

Oh, that will be

marvelous!

And i think we all know

who we have to thank.

Thanks, mrs. Br--

That's right,

mama. Me.

Huh! And while

we're on the subject,

Let's lay down

a few ground rules.

First of all, no one

is to make direct

eye contact with me.

Stop doing that.

Anyone speaking

to johnny bravo

Must refer to johnny bravo

in the third person.

But, johnny, we

already do refer to you

in the third person.

Then you're cool

with johnny bravo.

And now i'd like

to play you

Johnny bravo's

new song,

Which is destined

to be our new

breakout single.

johnny,

he's a pretty guy

johnny,

johnny likes his pie

johnny, don't look

him in the eye

What are we going

to do, pops?

If i can't make

direct eye contact

with johnny,

I'll just die!

And his song

stinks, too.

Don't worry, carl.

As long as i have these,

There's nothing

to worry about.

and the home

of the brave

Play ball!

Pops: 10 seconds

till showtime, people.

Everyone take

their big wads of cash--

I--i--i mean, places.

Pops, look at what

i just noticed.

Uh, land-a-goshen!

Someone--i can't

imagine who--

Snipped your mike wire.

Huh?! Oh, yeah.

Also, it has this little

smudge right here.

Whew! Don't worry.

I'll fix it.

Ew! Now you got

spit on it!

I'll just use

carl's mike.

Great freakin'

toadstools, no!

Here.

Give me that.

Hey--

And turn up the volume.

I can never hear

myself sing.

And now, direct from

their tri-town tour,

Johnny and the deer ticks!

[cheering]

i went to the pet shop

the other day

to see little thingeys--

funky monkey

whoa whoa whoa,

funky monkey

hop hop

give 'em some prunes

and he'll spin around

like a boogie

[booing]

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

That's it. Oh, yeah.

That's the magic.

Whoaaa!

I'll just wait here

for the groupies.

Johnny: Look out.

Huh! Ha!

Oh!

Ohhhh, mama!

A babe! Have mercy!