03x06 - Fool for a Day/In Your Dreams/Some Like It Stupid

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, go!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Huh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Ow.

Yeah. Whatever.

Wait, son!

Don't go outside.

It's dangerous.

They'll catch you

and cook you and serve

you up for lunch

In some cheap diner.

Really, daddy?

Ha ha ha! No!

Just kidding.

Go on. Have a ball.

More possum pie,

johnny?

Thanks, pops.

No one does marsupial

cream sauce like you do.

Oh, johnny, look out!

There's a giant kangaroo

on your head!

What? There is?

Get it off me!

Get if off me!

Ha ha ha!

Just kidding!

April fools', johnny!

April fools'?

Aw, ha ha ha!

I knew it all along.

Really? Huh,

so i guess you also know

About the giant

man-eating lizard

behind you.

Augh! Where is he?

Where is he?

Ha ha ha!

April fools', son!

Oh, right.

I--i knew that.

I was just

playing along.

You're an awfully

good sport considering

Your face is melting!

Augh! Not my face!

Anything but my face!

Ha ha ha!

April fools', johnny.

Oh, heh heh heh.

Yeah, that's, uh,

another good one, pops.

Hey, pops, what's that

on your shirt?

Hurry, better look down

where my hand is.

Never mind that.

What's that

on the ceiling?

Huh?

Ha ha ha!

Oh, h* h* h*!

All right, pops.

This has been fun,

but i should go.

Ok, johnny.

Watch out

for the wet floor!

Oh, yeah. Right.

Whoaaaaa!

[car horn honks, crash]

[siren]

Ahh.

I get duped

every april fools' day.

This year, i'm going

to get someone to fall for

one of my practical jokes.

la la la

Hey, neighbor girl,

there's a kangaroo

on my head.

There is?

There is?!

Oh! Get it off me!

Don't let it

lay its eggs on me!

Augh!

Oof!

April fools'.

By the way,

you wouldn't have

a neck brace, would you?

No, johnny.

But i have a secret.

You know my teacher,

ms. Williams?

You mean the one--

Uh-huh.

She likes you.

She does?

I mean, she has

excellent taste.

One small problem

though.

Is this about

my 11th toe?

No, silly!

She only dates men

who love and live

for the dance.

Why, that's me!

Uh, except for

the part about the dance.

Ok. So listen,

here's what we do.

[inaudible whispering]

And that's how

cowboys invented

cursive writing.

Ok, turn to page--

Bravo:

Hey, ms. Williams!

Huh?!

What on earth?

[irish music plays]

Hey, get a load of me!

I'm dancing!

You probably

want to go out

with me now, huh?

[laughter]

Hey, what's so funny?

Attention, johnny!

Attention, johnny!

April fools'!

Ha ha ha!

Aw, you think

you're all so funny.

Well, you all have

something on your shirts!

[laughter]

Rats! There must be

someone around

Who is stupid and

gullible enough to pull

a practical joke on!

[knock knock]

Hi, johnny!

Oh, a glass of

cherry cola? For me?

Hmm. A dribble

glass, eh?

I'll just put my finger

over this hole.

Heh heh heh!

Ha ha ha!

April fools'!

Ahh, my that was

refreshing!

Hey, you cheated!

Gosh, johnny,

what was in that glass?

Just cherry soda.

What's the big deal?

Blech!

Carl! Oh, no!

Carl's dead!

And my fingerprints

are all over

the dribble glass.

April fools'!

I'm not really dead.

Not yet you're not.

Chill out, johnny.

Drown your rage with

a nice, refreshing

glass of soda.

Oh. Thanks, carl.

[gulp gulp]

Huh? Ew!

April fools'! Ha ha ha!

Thanks for the laugh,

johnny.

Whoa!

Everybody likes

making fun of johnny.

Oh, there, there,

sweetie.

Not everyone takes

advantage of you

on april fools' day.

I--i guess

you're right, mama.

Oh, look!

A rattlesnake!

Rattlesnake?! Augh!

Oh, relax,

sweetie, relax.

It's not a real snake.

April fools'!

Ha ha ha!

Phew!

Oh, no! It bit me!

It bit me!

Oh, johnny, johnny,

Help! Help!

I'll save you, mama!

Dirty, little,

slimy, cold-blooded--

Hah! Hah! Huh!

Johnny, johnny,

it's just a washing

machine hose.

Now give it

back to me.

I'm doing a load

of whites later.

I'm going to think of

an april fools' day joke

If it takes me all week!

[rooster crows]

Ah! Ugh!

Duh! I've got it!

I'm glad you

really do

Have a crush on johnny,

ms. Williams.

He'll be so happy

to hear it.

Oh, susie

and her teacher

ms. Williams.

What a coincidence

to run into you two!

Hi, johnny.

I was just wondering--

Wondering

if you could play

Another april fools'

joke on johnny?

Oh, well.

No hard feelings.

Let's be friends.

Eeehhhhhhhh!

Oh, gee, i'm sorry.

Here, smell my flower.

Ha ha ha!

Stupid flower.

Let me wipe off

your face

With this pie!

Hey, april fools'!

Ha ha ha!

Johnny, april fools'

was yesterday.

Huh? Oh, right.

So, you still want

to go out with me?

Grr!

Oo! Ow! Oo! Ow!

Where's your

sense of humor?

Ow! Oo!

Girls just don't have

a sense of humor.

Aww.

Tower to pilot.

Tower to pilot.

We're tracking

your approach

And opening

our hangar doors

of yummy goodness.

Tower to pilot!

May day! May day!

You're coming in too low!

Pull up, man! Pull up!

No!

Dang wind shear.

Woman: Hello, handsome.

Mind if i sit here?

Hey, look out!

You're crushing

the international terminal.

Hubba, hubba, hubba.

Whatcha eatin'?

Pop's 5-alarm chili,

but you wouldn't like it.

I ordered it

with extra motor oil.

Mmm. Extra motor oil?

I love a man who loves

extra motor oil.

And i love a woman who

loves a man who loves a--

Uh, what was

that first part again?

Kiss me, johnny.

Kiss me like i've never

been kissed before.

Hmm. Ok.

[smack]

Eee! Ugh! Ahh!

Ugh!

Wait! Johnny, stop!

Huh?

She's not real!

This is all

a terrible dream.

What are you

talking about?

You're not really here.

You're asleep in my

dream research facility.

And i'm having

a tiny problem

waking you up.

Now. Where were we?

But i have a theory!

Oh!

Perhaps, a sudden

traumatic shock

will wake you.

Quick! Slap yourself silly

about the face and neck.

What are you

waiting for, johnny?

Kiss me.

You do want to

wake up, don't you?

Aieeh!

Hey!

[rustle of paper]

Augh!

Now, how about you

and me go someplace

a little more quiet?

Oh, i love swedish

karate movies.

Don't you, johnny?

I think i may be falling

in love with you, uh,

Whatever your name is,

But first,

i have to know

What are

your intentions?

[inaudible whispering]

Oh! Mama!

But first, i want--

You to clean your room.

Huh?!

And don't forget

to take out the garbage.

Mama?! What's

going on here?

There was a beautiful

chick sitting there

a second ago.

That's what i was trying

to tell you, johnny.

In the dream state,

everything you think of

becomes a reality.

Now, quick. Dump

your soda on your head

so you can wake up.

That's the stupidest thing

i ever heard.

If everything

i thought came true,

What's to stop me

from thinking of

a giant pterodactyl

Flying in and carrying

you off for food?

[caw caw]

Uh-oh.

[caw]

It worked!

I am dreaming!

And another thing,

How many times have

i told you not to bathe

in the dishwasher?!

I don't need

to listen to this.

I can just think

my chick back.

Ooooooooo!

Hey, how youse doin'?

Dreamgirl!

Aw, dreamgirl,

You're everything i've

ever wanted in a woman.

You're beautiful,

and you smell

like baloney.

Oh, i'm sorry.

I couldn't hear you.

My senses were blunted

By your extraordinarily

good looks.

Pretty and smart!

Oh, this will be

the first date i--

Uh, i mean,

the best date

i ever had!

[wolf howls]

Dreamgirl: Oh, johnny,

the stars, the moon,

The '67 hot tub car.

It's all so perfect!

Thanks! You know

in real life

Only the televangelists

have hot tub cars.

More sarsaparilla,

my pet?

Thanks. What are you

thinking, johnny?

Hmm. I guess i'm

just thinking how

amazingly cool i am.

And the fact that--huh?

Ah! Oh, no!

W-w-what did i do?

Warm, sandy beach!

Warm, sandy beach!

Warm, sandy beach!

Ahh, that's the ticket.

Now to get

my dream chick back.

Oh, johnny,

the sand, the sun--

It's all so perfect!

What are you thinking?

Oh, no, no, no, no

Every time

i start thinking,

Something horrible happens.

Well, then, you just

lie back and enjoy

your little dream.

Ahh.

And whatever you do,

don't think of me

As a horrible, one-eyed,

tentacled sea monster.

Rats.

[grr]

Aughhhhh!

[grr]

Aughhhh!

Got to wake up!

Got to wake up!

Nothin'.

[grr]

[clack clack]

[clack clack]

Still not waking up.

Man, i must have

fallen asleep watching

public television.

[grr]

Aughhhh!

[footsteps]

Hey, you guys,

help me wake up!

Uh, uh, conk me

on the head or something.

No can do, blond one.

Our tribe is peaceful

and sedentary.

Huh? I guess that's

why you're all a bunch

Of poi-eating,

grass skirt-wearing yahoos!

Get him!

[yelling]

Come on, harder.

Is that the best you got?

Oh, you call that aim?

Mmmpht!

Oh, that will doUgh!

Wake up, sir.

Wake up.

W-w-where am i?

You're at the clinic

for gastric disorders.

You came in 3 days ago

After eating a bowl

of wax fruit.

Wow, thank goodness.

Hey, you know,

it's funny.

You look just like the girl

in the dream i just had.

I am the girl of

your dreams, johnny.

Look familiar?

Aughhhhhhhhh!

What the--carl!

Sorry, johnny.

I had to wake you.

You were reaching

dream com 4.

Unhook these stupid wires.

I want to go home.

No can do.

As a participant

in this study,

You're required

to stay here

72 more hours

For testing

and observation.

But don't worry.

I'll be right

by your side

the whole time.

Huh, sleep,

johnny, sleep.

I want to go to sleep.

Send me back to sleep!

Maybe i should try

that warm milk thing.

Carl: Consider the turkey,

A creature

so amazingly stupid,

It will stare up

at a rainstorm with

its mouth wide open

Until it actually drowns.

Hey, what is

everybody looking at?

Is it that thing?

Come on, tell me.

I'll be your best friend.

Oh, i see it now!

No, that's not it.

Aw, come on, guys.

Just give me a hint.

[gargle]

[sniff sniff]

Bread crumbs.

He's close.

I can feel it.

Man: Subs!

We got big subs!

Come get

your big subs!

A sandwich is a sly

but predictable creature.

Though he is

a noble beast,

The food chain

must prevail.

Bloated from

its noonday meal,

It fails to sense

my approach.

Steady, johnny, steady.

Sandwiches are smart.

No wonder they've

remained unchanged

for millions of years.

Johnny: Huh!

Augh!

Augh!

Urghhhhh!

[clank]

Man: Hello, operator?

What do you mean,

please deposit 75 cents?

I'm fishlips malone,

see? Nyah!

It's a good thing there

were no witnesses around.

One more offense,

and they'd send me up the

river for good, see? Nyah.

Hey, look, everybody!

It's fishlips malone

shaking down a pay phone!

He's a famous bad guy.

One more offense,

and they'll send him up

the river for good.

Can i have a quarter,

mr. Fishlips?

Oh!

You just made

a big mistake, kid.

Take it easy,

fishlips.

I'd never

squeal on you

Unless someone paid me

for the story.

Hey, how much do you

think i could get?

Why you--now i'm

going to shut you up

for good, see? Nyah.

Hey, look!

Big sale on ice picks!

Huh? Where?

la la de

day day doo

Carl, you got

to hide me.

I fingered

fishlips malone

For shaking down

a pay phone.

And now he wants

to gut me like a kipper.

Why should i help you?

You're the one

who was stupid enough

To go blabbing

that you're a witness.

Hmm. Good point.

Look, this is carl.

I told him what you did.

He's a witness now, too.

Augh!

Look, johnny.

Racks of women's

clothing.

Let's disguise

ourselves.

It's our only chance.

What?! Johnny bravo

ain't dressin' up

In no frilly

chick clothes.

No way, no how.

Anybody seen

two lowlife rats?

'cause when

i find them,

I'm going to tear

them both apart!

So then i says

to him, i says,

I don't care if

you are a millionaire.

I'm not

that kind of girl!

Oh, pardon me, ladies.

Whoo! That was

a close one.

Shut up and get

this stuff off me.

I smell

all perfumy.

Woman: All right, girls.

Everyone on the bus.

Carl: What?! Whoa!

Bravo: Hey, hey,

quit shoving!

Watch the hair.

This is going

to be the best

23rd annual miss perky

beauty pageant ever!

Johnny,

did you hear that?

We're on our way

to a beauty pageant!

What?!

But i look terrible

In strapless

evening wear.

I'm out of here.

Johnny, no!

We have to stay

in disguise.

As terrible

as it may sound,

Our only chance

to stay alive is

To remain surrounded

by hundreds of

beautiful women

For days

and days and days.

Bravo: Sweeeeeet!

Woman: All right, girls!

I want you signed in

And ready to rehearse

in one hour.

Name?

Carl, uh

Carla chryniszzwics.

Woman: Room 21.

Next! Name.

Uh, mitch, uh

Mitch checkout

time is at 2.

It's polish.

Woman: I love your name.

It sounds so made-up!

Thanks. I love you!

I know. I love

all the girls.

So, want to be

roommates?

R-r-roommates?

Hubba hubba hubba.

I'm afraid mitch

is rooming with me,

young lady.

Oh, too bad. I hate

rooming all alone.

It makes me

all goosepimply.

Well, bye.

Johnny, no!

We've got to

stay incognito!

Oh, but these cognitos

are chafing me.

Everyone in their

tight-fitting leotards

For the big dance number!

Good, ladies!

Now lift and push

and step and kick.

Ok. Stop, stop,

stop, stop!

You with the enormously

broad shoulders,

Step forward.

You talking to me?

This is

a beauty pageant,

Not a rugby scrum.

Show some grace,

some style.

And for goodness' sake,

shave your legs!

You look like

a longshoreman.

You want a piece

of me, tango boy?

Johnny, look!

Malone: Say, any of

you ladies seen

these two bozos?

I'm trying to

find them so i can

gut them like kipper.

i like bein' a chick

Oh!

That's my girl!

Oh, i can't believe

the big night is

finally here.

I feel all

goosepimply.

Norma, there's something

i need to tell you.

I know.

I hope you win, too.

Your finger puppet

reenactment of

the civil w*r

Went over real big.

[smack]

Aw, what do i do,

finger puppet?

I love norma,

but if i reveal

my identity

I'll be gutted

like a kipper.

You've got to follow

your heart, johnny.

Then burn atlanta!

General sherman

is right!

And now

our next contestant,

Mitch check out time

is at 2.

Mitch, as well all know,

w*r is very, very bad.

As miss perky,

what single thing

would you do

To bring about

world peace?

Um, um, i'm a man!

Audience: Ah!

Youse!

Aah!

Aah!

You lousy stool pigeon,

I'm going to gut

you like--

I know, like a kipper.

Listen, could you

make it quick?

My mascara is clumping.

Stop! Don't hurt mitch.

She may be a guy,

but she's the best

girlfriend i ever had.

Sorry, doll.

This is business.

Well, i can't

respect anyone

Who solves

their problems

with violence.

Hmm. I never

looked at it from

that perspective before.

All right,

the mug's free to go.

Thanks, norma.

You saved my life.

Now how about

letting me show you

Why i was voted

miss congeniality.

Grr!

Could i borrow

your black jack?

Oo! Ah! Oo! Ah!

Oh, you smudged

my makeup!

Watch the lips.

Ow! Oo!

Come on, fishlips.

You may be

a bloodthirsty gangster,

But you know how

to treat a girl.

Aw, this place stinks.

Come on, carl.

Let's get out of here.

Carl.

This is the

happiest day

of my life.

Bravo: What?!

How could you pick him?

He's not even a chick.

He's a guy!

Well, i suppose

i can admit it now.

I'm a guy.

So am i.

Me, too.

Guy!

Guy!

Guy!

Guy!

Huh. Didn't see

that coming.

Johnny: Look out.

Huh! Ha!

Oh!

Ohhhh, mama!

A babe! Have mercy!

Whatever.