04x01 - Johnny Bravo Goes to Hollywood

[bunniefuu]

- 1, 2, 3, huh!

Baby!

Sassy.

Studly.

Ooh. Check the pecs. Huh ha huh!

Man, i'm pretty.

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Yeah, whatever.

[slow music playing]

- Yes, yes, yes!

- No, no, no!

- Yes, yes, yes!

- No, no, no!

- Want a gummy fruit?

- Shh!

- It's been in my pocket,

so it's soft and warm.

Ow. Ow!

[cats yowl]

[car tires screech]

- That was great, kid.

I was right there

in the movie theater

with you,

And let me tell you,

i couldn't keep

my eyes off you

From the minute

you whooshed in.

- Great.

- Yeah. You've got that look

That appeals to

the 18-to-34-year-old

demographic.

I'm telling you,

you've got pizazz.

- Look, is this

gonna take long?

Because i got me some digits to

get on a few chick fillets.

- The name's ramage.

Doc ramage.

It's like damage with an "r."

Bottom line--i'm a big time

hollywood producer,

And i want to put you

in my new hollywood blockbuster.

- Holly who?

- It's a taut psychological

romantic epic fantasy western

Dinosaur buddy cop

comedy thriller

Set against the backdrop

of the great lunchlady

uprising of 1902.

- Did you say something

about lunch?

- Kid, i'm gonna make you

a movie star.

- A movie star?

[grrr]

[women screaming]

[women screaming]

[women screaming]

- All you have to do

is sign right here

On this official

movie star contract.

"johnny bravo."

even your name has got pizazz!

Here's one bus ticket

to los angeles.

Here's a map to the studio.

Here's a rare porcelain bust

of martin van buren,

our eighth president,

And here's your script.

- "lunchlady s'uprise"?

- Your role is

that of mickey dexter,

International arm-wrestling

tax accountant by day,

Interdimensional cowboy-slash-

psychologist by night.

- Hey, there's

no pictures in here.

- Be at the studio on monday,

6 a.M. Sharp.

I'll have someone there

to meet you.

We'll do lunch!

- Seriously, where are

all the pictures?

- In recognition

of your blah blah blah,

And on behalf of the citizens

of aron city,

Who just couldn't be happier

that you finally are leaving--

Ha ha ha! I mean,

achieving your dreams,

We'd like to present you

with this solid bronze

Pinata?

- Aw, mama!

It's like i'm looking

in a mirror.

Oh! Oh! Hey, now. Oh! Ooh.

I'm a pinata. Oh! Oh!

- I thought we were doing

the statue in bronze.

- Budget cuts.

- Well, the kids do seem

to be enjoying it.

- Testing, 1, 2, 3.

I know when i'm gone,

you'll be missing out

on your daily dose of this.

Huh!

But don't worry. I'll never

forget all you little people

here in aron city,

Like you and him and that guy.

- [sobbing]

- Good-bye, mama. I'm off

to get my name in lights.

Uh!

- Please don't go, johnny.

Who's gonna sing camp songs

with me and skip around

the maypole?

- What are you talking about?

I never did any of those

things with you.

- Oh. Yeah. Well, ok, then.

Bye-bye.

[engine starts]

- Hooray for hollywood.

- Sit down!

- Mmm mmm mmm.

Should i take a seat?

- Hi. You must be johnny bravo,

The new star

of "lunchlady s'uprise!"

- That's right,

my little foxketeer.

You must be--

- Whoops. Was that me?

I'm sorry.

I have a tendency

to smack people when

they say the wrong line.

Obviously you haven't

memorized your part.

You come in on page 10.

- Yada-yada-yada.

"johnny." "why, yes, i am."

- That's great!

My name's jessica biel.

- Hooray!

- Welcome to hollywood,

johnny bravo.

We're your new costars

on "lunchlady s'uprise!"

As you can see,

we're all really--

- Ah, ah, ah--kiss up.

- I'm sorry. What was that?

- You heard me.

- Alec, we've been over this.

Not everything

is about you,

And in less than 10 hours,

This world is going to be

swarming in alien arthropods

If i don't finish

what i started.

- Well, i have to take

a group of ragtag orphans

And turn them into the greatest

goulash-makers the world

has ever known

In less than 9 hours.

- Oh, the onions! They burn!

- I told you how important

my work is to me.

- Was that before or after

you refused to date me?

- Oh! How dare you!

- Look into my eyes

and say that again.

[rumbling]

- What?

- Stampede!

[moo]

- Behold the horror

mine eyes must endure!

[speaking spanish]

Why? Why?

[sob snort snort]

- And cut.

[bell rings]

- Hi. I'm alec baldwin,

and i'll be playing

your nemesis

In "lunchlady s'uprise!"

That was one of the big

scenes from the picture.

What do you think?

- What the heck are you--

- You're probably wondering

how alec survived that stampede.

Well, here in hollywood,

they can actually turn

your body into rubber.

Check it out.

It's that old hollywood magic.

- I also hope you enjoyed

my athleticism.

I've been training

for months now. Watch.

[cloth rips]

Whoops. Uh, mr. Knotts,

why don't you take it from here?

Wardrobe.

My name is don knotts,

and i've still got it.

Toot toot, hey.

Beep beep.

So don't cross me, or i'll

bring on the smackdown.

[cloth rips]

- Hey, who's the kid

with the hairy feet?

- I'm a hobbit, which means--

- And i'm

a nondescript dinosaur.

I'm really looking to play

against type

As the wacky neighbor

with a catch phrase.

- Hey, that's not

how we rehearsed it.

- Seriously,

love the improv thing--

- Back off, mr. Limpet, eh?

Some of don't have

"andy griffith show" residuals

To fall back on.

- Why, i ought to--uh! Ah! Eeh!

- I'm back.

Did i miss anything? Ow.

Do i still look handsome?

- I'll say.

- Then thumbs up.

- Speaking of thumbs,

isn't there a big toe

that we're neglecting here?

- Huh?

- I agree.

We're here for one purpose

and one purpose only

- To welcome johnny bravo

to hollywood, u.S.A. Whoo!

- No, really.

You don't have to--

- Actually, we do. So you're

gonna stand there and like it,

mr. Hey hey.

- Come on now. Places, people.

That means you, too, wicket.

- In a world where hot golden

popcorn grows on trees,

4 thespians and a dinosaur

have come to welcome you,

johnny bravo,

To what promises to be

- Hey, voice-over guy.

We're ready.

- Now, without further ado,

i present to you

The hollywood welcome wagon.

- once you were poor,

you were nothing to me

your life was so dull,

a big catastrophe

but now that you're here,

you're so in with the club

a new movie star,

come on and show me the love

yeah

- OhhKay.

- Hit me. Hit me.

- nice hair, nice clothes,

you'll start a trend

with those

and glasses--good start

- you're stylish,

yet you're smart

- you'll be written up

in tabloids

that you had

a thing with cher

- it's a lie,

but then, who cares?

- work it, work it, work it

- i have been a movie star

for i don't know how long

i'm always looking for a role

that paints a woman strong

- so if you find

a role for her that

lets her throw a chair

- i am there

i am so there

- go, man, go

represent

- now that you're

in hollywood,

here's what you can expect

a lot of people hounding you

to pay your 10%

- your life is gonna

change so fast

your head will come ajar

- you're in movies,

you're a star

- i'm fluffy, i'm cute,

i'm everything, your newt

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on there, shakira.

Didn't you get the memo?

We had to cut out

your part for time.

- But--

- Aw, don't worry.

They cut me from plenty

of movies in my early days.

It's the good looks, i tell you.

I pull focus.

- Oh, my god.

Look at the time.

We have a read-through

in two minutes.

- What do you say

you skip your next appointment

And the two of us

- Skip my appointment?

Are you crazy?

I live for my work.

- Hey, nice swing

with the whole chair thing.

- Why, thank you.

I've been training

with sum lo kim at the

Inner peace palladium.

- Inner peace palladium.

You, too?

Matsu patsu tissue.

- Matsu patsu tissue.

Bye, johnny.

See you on the set.

- You know, sum lo taught

my brother's hairdresser's niece

to do the same thing?

[cell phone rings]

- Yo, marty. What's this i hear

about a memo?

- Don't be a stranger.

Let's do lunch.

I'll have my assistant

google you.

[crash]

- UhHuh?

- Hi. Yes. You must be

johnny bravo.

- Oh, yeah, and you must be

my first groupie.

Feel free to look and touch.

[buzz]

- Yeah, he's here.

- So, talking to the rest

of my fan club?

- Johnny rambo! Welcome

to hollywood, bubeleh.

- Do you mind? I'm trying to

make time with headphone girl.

- Yes, well, you'll have

plenty of time for that,

But first things first.

You're fired.

- What?

- Yes. Well, it was great

meeting you. Got to go.

Time is money.

- Wait a second.

But i'm the star

of this picture.

- Yeah. About that

We replaced you

with a cgi version

of mark hamill.

- I'm ready for my closeups.

- The kids love

the computer animation.

- Tough break, kid.

Say, do you know where i can get

some more gigabytes?

My backside is pixilating.

[alarm rings]

[beep beep beep beep]

- Wait! You can't do this to me.

I'm johnny bravo.

I'm supposed to be

a movie star!

- I can't let

my mama's dream die.

She's got to see

my name in lights.

I need to find

that producer guy.

He'll straighten this whole--

[all talking at once]

All right, people.

Take your seats. Wonderful.

The tour will begin

momentarily.

- Hold up. I don't have time

for no tour.

Johnny bravo's got work to do.

- And don't forget to enjoy

the complimentary cookies

And imitation orange beverage

located below your seat.

- Cookies?

- Here we are in what appears

to be a lovely day at the lake.

But remember,

we're in hollywood.

Things aren't always

what they seem.

[screaming]

- Hey. Cookies.

Nyuh, nyuh, nyuh.

- Please, sir,

no feeding the actors.

- You heard the man.

Beat it, shamu.

- Oh, a wise guy, eh?

No respect. No respect.

Nyuh, nyuh, nyuh.

- Yes, folks, that was

the famous jabberjaw

From the hit tv series

"jabberjaw."

As you can see, danger

and peril lurk around every

corner here in hollywood.

But don't worry.

You're safe with--

Wait a second.

How did that volcano get here?

[gasps]

- Volcano?

- Help! Oh, peril, distress!

- Oh, no. There's a woman

on top of that volcano.

Hey, get out of there,

bikini-clad lady.

- Bikini-clad lady?

[vroom screech]

- Wherever shall i go?

Whatever shall i do?

[descending whistle]

- How's about wrapping

your bikini-babe arms

around my body

And hoping for the best?

- What? Who are you?

- Johnny bravo.

[roar]

- Aah!

- Will you be quiet?

You're making me lose

my motivation.

- Is that a good thing?

Because it sounds like

it could be.

[drums beating]

- Katie conway, you just got

to catch that crow.

- I will, microchippy.

I will, or my name isn't

katie conway, crow catcher.

Cut!

[bell rings]

- Are you all right?

- Never better.

Hey, you're that katie conway

crow-catching chick

From my favorite show,

"katie conway, crow-catcher."

- Well, actually, katie conway

is just the character i play

on the show.

My real name's tia carrere.

And i'm--

- Yeah, whatever, katie.

- And i'm kevin mcdonald

From canada.

- Good for you. So, you want to

trade in r2-d2 here

For a more macho model? Huh!

You can try to get by

But i'm still gonna

trap you. Ha!

- Right.

- Security!

[rock music playing]

[stringed instrument playing]

[cheering]

[whip cracks]

[screech]

- Amazing.

- Hey, big time producer guy.

You remember me?

- Copying machine,

you've got the goods!

You've got moxie.

You've got pizazz.

And who doesn't love paper?

Ha ha ha!

Kid, you're gonna be

the next big star.

- Hey, what about me? I thought

i was the next big star.

- Whoa! Jimmy,

good to see you.

Hate to be you.

- What?

- You're yesterday's news.

I got to look at the future,

And this machine

is where it's at.

I'm gonna be rich.

- Got you!

[creak pop]

[punching]

- Ohhh!

Oof.

- And don't come back!

- Unless you have

a "go" picture

- With a strong female lead

- Or just bring cash.

Cash is good.

- Yeah? Well, your loss,

big time movie studio.

Johnny bravo is going

straight to the top,

And there's nothing you can do

to stop me.

Whoa! Oh!

- Cut.

[bell rings]

Cut, cut, cut.

You were really quite

incredible

Incredibly awful.

- But--

- Somebody get this lunkhead

off of my set.

Let's go. Places. Places.

[thud]

[glass breaking]

- "auditions today."

don't worry, mama.

I'm gonna light up

the sky like a flame. Huh!

- Next!

- Uh, that would be me.

I hope your clothes

are fireproof,

Because it's about to get

hot in here.

Huh! Ha! Huh! Ha!

[clock ticking]

To be or not toBe.

Ha ha ha!

That's dumb. Who wrote this?

This guy's stopped breathing.

He's in pulmon--pulmonnn--

partible--

Hey, is this even a word?

Ahem.

yodel ay hee hoo

[blues music playing]

- Souvenirs.

Get your souvenirs.

Exquisitely airbrushed authentic

hollywood memorabilia.

- Aw, man! What's everybody got

that i don't?

- Talent, for one.

- What was that?

- They also appeal

to the right demographic.

- I got demolition appeal.

- Listen, johnny.

In the world of hollywood,

There's an ancient saying

- I pity the fool?

- No.

- Yabba dabba doo?

- Wait, wait.

- Nanu nanu?

- Love, johnny. Love.

- What's love got to do with it?

- In show business, you've got

to go where the love is.

- Right.

- And you just need

to ask yourself,

"where is the love

for johnny bravo?"

- Where is

the love for johnny bravo?

Duh!

- Next stop, aron city!

[cheering

and band playing]

- Hooray!

- You know, some talking sky man

once told me

That you got to go

where the love is,

And the love for johnny bravo

is right here in aron city!

[cheering]

- Welcome home, bill bailey!

[cheering]

[band playing]

[kazoo playing]

- Oh, mama. I'm sorry you won't

get to see my name in lights

Like you always dreamed.

- Don't be so sure

about that, dearie.

And these doll treasure plates

are collectible,

And they feature precious dolls

holding tiny little doll plates.

They're almost guaranteed

to possibly go up in value.

- Shh. Shh, shh. Here it is.

- Barry pensacola here

with your tinseltown ticket.

Tonight we have exclusive

footage of the desperate,

pathetic acts

Of a studio-stalking madman.

Ooh! Looks like that hollywood

hopeful got holly-whooped.

Ha ha ha!

- Now, that kid's got pizazz.

Captioning made possible by

turner entertainment group

Captioned by the national

--Www.Ncicap.Org--

- i used to be

a tyrannosaurus wreck

till you came

into my life

and served

me

a dollop

of respect

and it

was a

lunchlady

s'uprise

when i look

into your eyes

lunchlady

surprise

lunchy,

lunchy

fair wages

for tater fries

lunchlady s'uprise

- Can i get a what? What?

Toot toot. Hey! Beep beep.