01x03 - Roach Hard: With a Vengeance

[bunniefuu]

[neon buzzing]

- [line straining]
- [grunting]

- Huh?
- Hello.

[screams]

[theme song playing]

♪ Supervillain,
ahead of his time ♪

♪ Incredibly handsome
genius, criminal mastermind ♪

♪ But now he's all cleaned
up and fighting crime ♪

♪ A superhero that
you stream online ♪

♪ It's Megamind ♪

♪ Oh, it feels good
to be good this time ♪

♪ It's Megamind ♪

♪ Oh, it's Megamind ♪

♪ Rules! ♪

[rock music playing]

What up! And welcome to.

Megamind's Guide to
Defending Your City!

I'm Keiko Morita in the
Casita del Megamind.

Today, the blue guy
himself is gonna give us

an insider peek of
his heroic lair.

[screaming] Yes! Welcome! Today,

- we'll be live screaming from inside my...
- Keiko: Psst!

It's live "streaming."

[normal] Today, I'll
be live streaming

from inside my
super-secret abode.

So much cool stuff.
Check it out!

This first gizmo is
a particle collider

that can atomize anything.

But it also doubles
as a gelato maker.

Over here, we have
a time destabilizer.

That's extremely dangerous,

- so it's more of a conversoshon piece.
- [bottle clatters]

And over, here we have a
horrifying garbage monster

that I quite honestly
don't remember creating.

- [clattering]
- Whoa!

Oh, hang on! That's just
my heroic assistant, Chum!

Smile for the camera, Chumberto!

- Hello.
- Chum keeps everything running in tip-top shape,

which is important because
safety is priority number one.

- Ah! Whoa!
- Look out!

Phew!

Grab me some bait and a hook

because those unstable
isotopes almost went fission!

Anyway, don't forget
to like and prescribe.

Keiko: And cut!

Great. Wrap that in a tortilla

'cause fans are gonna eat it up!

[splats, squeaks]

Oh...

[sighs]

♪♪

May I have a word, sir?

Make it quick, Chum. Keiko
and I are onternetting.

About that, sir.

Ever since Keiko
started working here,

there has been an
overabundance of...

New subscribers
to my web channel?

- No.
- Unflinching respect and admiration?

- No.
- Pop culture references

we both just pretend
to understand?

Trash, sir. I was
going to say trash.

It's because I have no idea
where the trash can is.

Figured you guys just
played it loose here.

Trash starts with a T,

so it's located
in the south wing

next to the gumball machine,

a "treat," which
also starts with T.

I mean, how hard is
that to understand?

Why can't we just keep
a trash bin right here,

where we spend the
majority of our time?

Because we have never
done it that way.

I get that I'm the
newb on the team,

but your system makes,
like, zero sense.

I don't even have a
place to put my stuff!

Well, if I'm being
perfectly honest,

it's been a big adjustment
having you here all the time.

I had no idea kids ate so much.

It's called metabolism.

If I don't feed the
beast, he gets loco.

At least take a bowl
with your granola.

Or if you'd like, I
can get you a feed bag!

Weird, but I'm not saying
no to the feed bag idea.

You know, crumbs can lead
to all sorts of problems.

We have a lot of sensitive
equipment in here!

- Okay, I'll throw it out.
- No, I'll throw it out.

♪♪

- Give... it... ah!
- Ah!

Oh, look what you've done!

- What I've done?!
- Megamind: Just clean up the mess, Chum.

Keiko and I are about
to film another segment.

♪♪

[dramatic crescendo]

Whenever I have a question,
I seek the counsel

of the handsomest and
wisest person I know.

Myself!

And now, so can you
lucky rapscallions!

Time for fan mail! Brainbot?

- [whirring]
- [beep]

Number one fan
Terry Sasko writes,

"Dear Megamind, what does it
take to become a superhero?"

- Well, Terry, becoming a hero requires a great deal of...
- [clang]

- [alarm buzzing]
- [power whirring down]

Chum!

Sorry! The mega-vac shorted out.

Someone must have vacu-dried
their capes again.

There's, like, 20 in here.

O-Oh, sir? Would you mind
throwing the circuit breaker?

[Megamind groans]

[clang, whirring]

Oh, now where was I? Ah, yes!

To be a superhero, one
must be fashionable,

punctual, and utterly
brave in any situation,

no matter how
terrifying... [gasps]

♪♪

[high-pitched scream]

Ew, gross. Are you okay?

Me? Yes, of course!

It's not like I'm
irrationally terrified

that those roaches
will encase me with goo

and take me to their queen

and t*rture me with their
ickiness for all eternity!

Okay, that's really specific.

Ah! There's a lot more of them!

- What is going on?
- [screams]

Megamind saw a
roach and freaked.

I'm not freaked! I
just wanted to know

what it'd feel like
to be Chum's backpack.

Okay, they are
getting way too close!

I warned you about those crumbs.

Sir! Feel free to let Keiko know

how disappointed
you are with her.

Uh, sir?

Still not freaked! Just
love a good sprint!

- [panting]
- [shoes squeak]

- [locks door]
- [sighs]

- [beep]
- Chum? Keiko?

I am speaking to you from inside

my titanium-reinforced
"I Never Panic Room,"

where literally
nothing can harm me.

I'm going to need the
two of you to take down

every single one of
those vile creatures

that I am [laughs] in
no way frightened of!

Sir, this is all Keiko's fault!

- What?!
- Megamind: You both are responsible

for this horrific
breach of security.

Meanwhile, I won't be leaving
until those roaches are gone.

But not because I'm scared.

I just think this will be

a good team-building exercise.

- Okay, bye!
- [beep]

This way to the roach repellent,

which is exactly where I know
it is because I put it there.

Yeah, I was thinking

I know another way I
could help around here.

You know, organize things in a
way that actually makes sense.

[laughs] Please.

I'm all about organization.
You're an agent of chaos.

Okay, Chum. Lately, there's
been this weirdness between us.

Like you don't want me here.

That's absurd. Just
because you and sir

spend all your free time
laughing and making fun videos

while I'm always
on cleanup duty,

why would I not want you here?

Are you jealous?

Is that what this is all about?

You think I'm gonna
take over your spot?

There's only room for one
number two around here,

and that's me.

I'm a big number two!

Did sir make you your
own pet parakeet? Ka-kaw!

[robotic cawing]

[baby talk] I love
you, too, Polly 227.

Because you're a
cutie-wootie cuckoo bird

who doesn't try to usurp people.

- [cawing, farts]
- [nuts and bolts clatter]

Sir trusts me
because only I know

the ins and outs of this lair.

I've even developed a highly
sophisticated lettering system,

so I always know where
everything is at all times.

- You mean an alphabetical system?
- Yes, alphabetical.

But then, you grab the
third bottle to the left,

switch the middle and the third
back and forth three times,

and voilà! Couldn't be simpler.

Wait! You're holding a can of...

Couldn't be simpler!

[hissing]

[shrieking, squirming]

[evil laughter]

Intelligence booster?

Yeah, that's gonna be a problem.

No need to panic. No
roaches can get in here.

You're protected
by a titanium steel

cobalt-reinforced
level-seven door

with Corinthian security lining

designed to keep Behemoth
himself from breaking in.

German Voice: Why break in

when you can just walk under?

[screams]

♪♪

Chum, Keiko, funny story.

There's a roach in
here, and it's talking!

- Ah!
- That's right!

Your simpleton assistant sprayed
me with an intelligence booster,

and now, I'm a super genius,

just like you!

Ah! I beg you!

Stay away, hideous creature!

Hideous creature?
It has a ring to it.

But I prefer you
call me Rochelle!

Please, Rochelle!
Don't come any closer!

Most people are repulsed by me.

- This is nothing new.
- [gasps]

But in you, I sense
unbridled fear.

Tell me, where exactly
does this fear come from?

I won't tell you a thing!

My painful childhood
stories are my own!

So, it goes back to childhood.

Blast it! Get out of
my giant blue head!

What do you want, anyway?

For too long, we
roaches have been

at the very bottom
of the food chain,

treated like nothing more

than the disgusting refuse
we've been forced to consume.

We want revenge!

- Don't you mean revonge?
- No, it's revenge.

I just learned this
language today.

- How do I speak it better than you?
- [gasp, whimpering]

You're just a little,
totally not scary bug.

What kind of evil plan could
your tiny brain hatch up?

I'm going to use your spray

to make an army of super-evil
intelligent roaches.

We'll take over the city.

Then, the world!

♪♪

That's actually a pretty
airtight evil plan.

- No notes.
- [beep]

Attention! I, Rochelle,

hereby assume
control of this lair.

And I order you

to hand over the intelligence
booster immediately!

And if we refuse?

Then, I will do the backstroke

in Megamind's
favorite coffee mug!

- We'll buy him a new mug!
- Stop playing with Sir's life!

[quietly] I'm stalling until
we can figure out what to do!

If that is not enough, I
shall shed my exoskeleton

and deposit it in his shoe!

- Oh yeah? Well, we'll buy him new feet!
- Huh?

If you do not hand me
the spray, I shall scurry

all over Megamind's
pathetic blue face!

Hand her the spray immediately!

- Right away, Sir.
- Chum! That's the fear talking!

We can't let her send an army

of tiny bug villains
out into the world!

Sir is my world.

She'll turn him
into a quivering,

mentally scarred
puddle of jelly!

Keiko, as the number one
number two around here,

I am insisting that
we hand over the can.

Dude, no way we are
handing over this can!

- I'll let go if you let go!
- [struggling] Give it...

Time to add some
fuel to the fire.

[Morse code beeping]

[Keiko and Chum struggling]

- Look at you, Megamind.
- [yelps]

Too scared to lift a pinky
to save your friends.

Please don't drag
my pinky into this.

It's been through
so much already.

If one smart roach
is able to do this,

imagine what a bunch more
could do to the city.

[scurrying] - If he wasn't
totally freaking out,

Megamind would want us to
stop her, no matter what!

Okay, then I'll
just crush the can.

Are you crazy?

I'll just release the
spray into the air!

Give it to me! I'll throw
it in the incinerator.

That will be worse! It'll
release it into the entire city!

There has to be
something in this place

that can destroy a spray can.

But we can't just destroy it.

We have to atomize it.

Both: The particle collider!

[Morse code beeping]

[grunts]

[grunts, yelping]

♪♪

- Whoa!
- [clang]

Whoa! Chum, catch!

- [gasps, grunts]
- [clang]

Rochelle: Your two companions have
proven to be most troublesome.

And that is trouble for you.

- What are you gonna do to me?!
- Quiet!

- Order your friends to obey me!
- [yelps]

Ow! How are you so strong?!

♪♪

This'll zap it into atomic dust!

[typing, beeping]

Okay. It's loading up...

- Wait for it...
- [chirping]

Still loading...

And... here we go.

- Hazelnut?
- My bad! Had it set for gelato.

♪♪

[zapping]

They got the can. You guys
are really starting to bug me!

Pun intended! Throw me, Chum!

[grunts]

[chirping]

[grunts, laughs] I knew that
trash would come in handy!

Whoa!

[grunts]

To the time destabilizer!

If we can't destroy it,
maybe we can send it back

- to the Stone Age!
- [beeping]

[zapping]

- [whirring]
- Yes!

Got rid of it just in
the nick of "time."

You see what I did
there? Because we just

[gasps]
- [zaps]

You sent it two seconds
into the future!

Ooh. Think of all the
things that can has seen.

Let loose that caboose, Chum!

♪♪

They're gaining on us!

We could really use a
set of wings right now.

I've got just the thing. Ka-kaw!

[cawing]

Fly, brave parakeet!

Away!

- [inspirational music playing]
- [slow motion] Ka-kaw!

♪♪

- [bonk]
- [weakly] Kaw...

[clang]

I guess we should've
opened the skylight first.

Okay, we are officially
terrible at this.

I'm goin' for it.

[gasps, shivers] This is
like wearing a sweater

made of toenail clippings!

Ha, there's more
where that came from

if you can't convince your
friends to hand over the spray!

No! I-I won't do it.

You may have tapped
into my darkest fears,

but you're going to have to find
someone else to be your puppet.

Oh. Not a bad idea.

- [clicking]
- If I cannot puppet you...

[beeping]

then I will assume control
of your robot gorilla!

Megamind: Control Chum?

That's my job, you monster!

[grunting]

♪♪

Easy does it. Grab
the can, save the day.

- [scurrying, chirping]
- [grunts]

[gasps] Almost...

Got it!

Hey! I walk with those!

Whoa! Chum! What are you doing?!

I-I'm not doing this!

Kinda feels like
you're doing it!

- [Chum and Keiko groaning]
- [Rochelle laughing]

- Rochelle say, monkey do!
- [gasps]

Foul beast! This is madness.

Stop me, if you dare!

Just reach out your
hand and swat me away.

[grunts, struggling]

Come on... Swat, you
cowardly paw! Swat!

Do this, and I promise
to start moisturizing.

[groaning] Swat!

[laughs]

So much for Metro City's
greatest hero, eh?

Time to pump up the volume!

- [grunting]
- [dance music playing]

- [Chum grunting]
- Keiko: Whoa! Chum, let me go!

Whoa! I'm afraid
that's impossible.

Rochelle hacked
into my mainframe!

How do we stop it?

Uh, the override button!
On the main console!

Of course, it's way down there!

I'm going to dance this monkey

- right over the edge!
- [Keiko screaming]

[Rochelle laughing maniacally]

Okay, Rochelle.

You wanna know why I'm
afraid of c*ck?

Yes! Tell me. Tell me!

♪♪

I was but a child,
growing up in prison.

I didn't have much, but I was
a highly resourceful young lad,

repurposing whatever I could
find around the cell block.

One day, I decided to craft
a comfy beddy-bye pillow

out of a bag of
discarded ham sandwiches.

That night, the
ham-scented pillow

attracted every
roach in the prison.

I awoke to find the bugs
using my face as a dining hall

at a nightmarish all-you-can-eat
ham sandwich buffet!

Sometimes, I can still
feel their tiny roach feet

dancing all over my face!

- The horror.
- [slow clap]

So you are the famous ham boy.

For generations, c*ck
have told the tale of a boy

who did something so
stupid that it led

to the greatest feast our
people have ever known!

And here you are,
still that scared,

stupid little ham boy.

Such a tragic story.

Also, a distractingly long one.

Wha?

♪♪

- [grunts] Bullseye!
- [beep]

- Rochelle: Nein!
- [beeping]

[gasps]

You did it! I'm rebooting!

Oh! Sorry!

[yelling]

[grunts]

[sighs] Rebooted!

Thanks. That's one mess I'm
glad I didn't make today.

♪♪

Rochelle: The can
is ours! [Laughs]

Your distraction was all
for naught. We've won!

And it's all thanks
to your pathetic fear!

Well done, my kinderroaches.

Now, who needs a boost

- of intelligence?!
- [hissing]

- [Chum gasps]
- [gasps]

♪♪

What is the value
proposition here?

A bouquet really
brightens up a foyer.

I love math.

Rochelle: Welcome
to the next phase

in roach evolution!

Yesterday, we were living
off humanity's scraps.

Tomorrow, they will
be living off of ours!

[roaches cheer]

When we control the food,

we control the world!

Gotta hand it to her.

That's a pretty airtight
evil plan. No notes.

[sighs] This is all on me.

None of this would a happened
if I wasn't such a slob.

To be fair, I'm the one who
grabbed the wrong spray.

You tried to warn me,
but I didn't listen.

You were right. I was jealous.

Aw, come on.

The last thing I wanna
do is replace you.

I admire you.

You and Megamind
have been together

like, forever.

That's why I feel like
I need to prove myself.

Otherwise, I'm
just a third wheel.

I think you've proved today
you're not a third wheel, Keiko.

- You're a kickstand.
- Huh?

Because without you, we
would've fallen right over.

Aw... [laughs]

Kudos, you two, for working
out your differences.

But there's still the whole

end of the world
thing to deal with.

♪♪

- [roaches yelling]
- So many roaches.

[vomiting]

I-I'm sorry. What were
we just talking about?

- Roaches?
- Yes, of course.

[vomiting]

- [alarm blares]
- Move out, roach regime!

Victory awaits!

We cannot let these
things get out.

There's no stopping them now.

There's got to be
something more we can do.

If only this roach
phobia didn't leave me

totally grossed out by all
the little tiny arms and legs.

All due respect, Mega,

but maybe you just
need to suck it up!

Suck it up? Keiko,
you're brilliant!

- I am?
- The Power Vac!

- It'll just take a minute!
- [clang]

- Or two!
- I'll try and buy you some time.

Hey! Who wants some
juicy, delicious garbage?

- Aah, an amuse-bouche!
- The temptation is undeniable!

Yeah, I could eat!

No, no, no! Resist
your instincts!

Why eat garbage when you
can have fillet mignon?!

- That's right. Follow me!
- [chirping]

♪♪

Whoa!

Wow! You guys really are smart!

Chum, can you hurry it up?
They are getting really hangry!

Whoa!

Almost there. I just
need a crescent wrench.

Okay, they're made of iron,
so that must mean I put it in

- the...
- The ironing closet!

Yes! That's it, Keiko!
Everything has its place!

[chirping, scurrying]

- [whirring, sucking]
- Yeah!

Uh-oh. Whoa! Whoa!

[roaches struggling, yelling]

- My babies!
- [gasps, yelps]

- [crank thuds]
- You are liberated!

- [vacuum stops]
- Now, onward to Metro City!

Schnell, schnell!

Chum: Sir, we need
the power back on!

- Throw the circuit breaker!
- Right! On it!

- [gasps] Oh dear.
- [evil laugh]

- Throw the switch, Sir!
- Come on! You can do it!

- [struggling]
- [suit creaking]

Oh! I can't do it!

Ha! You have failed
again, Megamind!

If just one of those things
gets out, it's game over.

How do we snap him out of this?

If Megamind won't listen
to us, maybe he'll listen

to the handsomest and
wisest person he knows.

- Ka-kaw!
- [cawing]

- [beep]
- To be a superhero,

one must be
fashionable, punctual,

and utterly brave
in any situation.

Earlier today me is right!

You cannot win. Look at you!

Still just a scared
little ham boy.

No.

I'm a scared little ham man!

♪♪

[Rochelle yells]

- [crank thuds, whirring]
- Go, Chum!

- [Chum laughs]
- [roaches yell]

Way to get all housekeeper
on their thoraxes, Chum!

[roaches yelling]

Nein! Nein! Nein...

[vacuum stops]

- [laughs] Yeah!
- Sir, that was amazing!

- Ah! You did it!
- Yes, yes! We all did it!

Ew, icky, icky, ick, ick, ick!

[roaches yelling]

You have not heard
the last of...

Yeah, I think we've
heard enough for one day.

- In three, two, one.
- [beep, whirring]

♪♪

- Granola?
- More like gra-yes-la.

I'll try to watch my crumbs.

That's okay, Keiko.

I think we've learned
both order and chaos

have their place in the world.

And now, so do you.

A place to put my stuff!

With my very own
trash can? No way!

Megamind: Hopefully, that's
the last we'll see of Rochelle

and her brood.

So, uh, where are they headed?

All the way to
Proxima Centauri B.

A planet fit for a roach.

Honestly, I think I was far
too kind sending them there.

♪♪

What?! He sent us

to a garbage planet?!

Mark my words, Megamind.

The roaches will
have their revonge!

[groans] Now he's
got me doing it.

♪♪