13x22 - My Friend Patty/FUN-believable

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Delicious.

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey, SpongeBob.

- Hi, Sandy.

Nice of ya to drop in.

- Check it out.

I science'd up
a new invention.

I call it
the Anthropomorphizer.

- Ohh.
- Allow me to demonstrate.

Ahh!

- Ahh! Ahh! Ooh.

[mystical music]

[both groaning]

- Wow!
- Yay!

both: Yoo-hoo!

Seasoning!

- Ahh!
- Voila! Instant life.

both: Ooh! Whoo-hoo!

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Sandy, can it really bring
anything to life?

- You can bet the farm on it.

- Even a krabby patty?

- Yep. I reckon so.

[dramatic music]

- [groaning]

Order up!

- It lives!
My Krabby Patty lives!

- My, what odd sensations.

I feel like--
well, like I can feel!

- That's called livin'.

You can walk and talk,

and I reckon you got a few
thoughts up in the ol' bun too.

- Hmm, I reckon I do!

- I can't believe it. A real
krabby patty who can talk,

and I can talk back to it,
and we can talk about

everything we love,
because I never knew

what krabby patties loved,
but now I can know,

and it can know what I know,
because I love krabby patties

and I can show you what I love
in Bikini Bottom!

- Well, double my cheese.

I'm in.

- Yahoo!

- Welp, I've created life
from nothing but fast food.

I reckon I'm the smartest
squirrel in the world.

Whoa!

[groans]
Heh-heh?

- Mm?
- [groans]

- Mm.

[chomps, gulps]

- Ooh! Ugh!

- This is Jellyfish Fields.

♪ La-la, la-la-la,
la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la ♪

It's where my friends and I
go jellyfishing.

- What the?

- Especially new friends
like you.

- Ooh.

- And look, Krabby Patty.

I even brought an extra little
net so you can learn how to--

- [barking]

Whoa!

Oh, you caught me! Ha-ha.

Ahh! Ahh!

Ha-ha! Ahh!

- Ahhh!

- Ew. Drop it.

You don't know
where that nasty patty's been.

- Hey. That nasty
Krabby Patty is my friend.

Whoa!

- Whoa-oh-oh! Oof!

both: Ahh! Yeow!

- You need to be more careful,
Krabby Patty.

You can't help it
that you're delicious.

- Oh-h*-h*-h*! Ay-ay-ay!

[upbeat piano music]

[both shouting]

- This is Goofy Goober's,

the tastiest ice cream joint
in town.

- Everyone looks so happy.

I want to be happy like them,
SpongeBob.

- ♪ Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober yeah,
you're a Goofy Goober, yeah ♪

- Ooh.

- Yoo-hoo.

Good sir.

Your happiest
Gooberberry Sunrise for two.

Sharing with ourselves
today, are we?

- Huh? No, I'm sharing
with my new friend...

Krabby Patty!

[all shouting]

- Ahh!

I'll save you.

- [coughing]

- Whoa!

- Ugh!

- Come on, Krabby Patty,
we're leaving.

And I am never coming back
to a place

that would eat a customer.

K, see you tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sorry everyone keeps
trying to eat you, Krabby Patty.

You must be having
the worst day of your life.

- [sighs]
I've gotta say,

it hasn't been what I thought.

No matter how many times I jump
in someone's mouth,

they still won't swallow me.

- Wait, you were jumping
into their mouths on purpose?

- Of course. Doesn't everyone
want to be eaten?

- No way.
At least I don't think so.

- Well, I want to be eaten,
and I want to be eaten now!

- Wait, no. You can't.

- Oh, yes I can.

- [panting]

- Krabby Patty, come back!

- [panting]

[grunts]

[kids babbling]

Huh?

- Over here, kids.

I think you're ready
for solid foods.

kids: Ahh!

- [shouts]

I won't let them slobber on you.

kids: Ugh! Oof! Whoa! Ugh!

- Move it, moppet.

Scram, squirt.

Ugh!

[accordion music]

[kids exclaiming]

- [gasps]

- Ahh!

[kids grunting]

- Ahh!

- Ugh!
- Ugh!

[kids sobbing]

- [gasps]
My babies!

- Whoa!

- Oh!
[babbling]

- Ugh!

- [babbling]

- Patty, come back!

- Well, if I can't get my hands
on a krabby patty,

then at least I can go on
that ski trip I always wanted.

Huh?
- [panting]

- Never mind.
Skiing is for jerks.

Hey, krabby patty, Over here.

I'd like to have a word with...

you?

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Eat me! Eat me! Eat me!
- Ahh!

- I've gotta fit in here.
Come on.

- [groaning]

- [gasps]
There you are.

- [groans]

[sobbing]
- Sorry, Plankton.

Krabby Patty here thinks
that he wants to--

- Go away.

I need to be alone.

[breezy laid-back music]

- I don't get it, Krabby Patty.

Don't you want to stay with me
and be my friend?

- Of course I do, SpongeBob.

But jellyfishing and ice cream,

well,
they're for people like you.

I'm different.

It's like how your purpose
is making people happy

by feeding them,

my purpose is making people
happy by feeding them me.

You know what, Krabby Patty?

I get it now.

And I'm going to help you be
the best meal you can be.

Let's find the perfect mouth
to gobble you up.

- Oh, I'm one happy patty!

Auditions are now open
to eat my friend Patty.

[indistinct chatter]

Next, please.

- [grunting]

Only I know how to truly savor
a krabby patty.

Therefore,
I believe I should have

the distinction of eating you.

- Hmm.

- Ahh.
- [groaning]

Ooh! Ahh! Ohh! Ugh! Ew!

I think you savored that
last one a little too long.

- Next.

- Hmph! Well, I never...

- Heh-heh-heh-heh, heh.

Ohh, what a delicious-looking
little man.

I could chew on you for hours.

[cackling]

[all cackling]

- Yeah, I think your mouth
is already occupied, mister.

- Ohh.

[wacky upbeat music]

- [blows]

both: Next!

- Ahh!
both: Next!

- Ahh!
both: Next!

- [hisses]

[lightning crashing]

- [sighs]
- Next.

- [hissing]

- [humming]

- [hissing]
- Hmm?

Howdy--ohh.

Why the long faces?

- Aw pickle chips.

All I want is to be eaten.

- Ohh.

But we just can't find
the perfect mouth.

- Well...oh!

Maybe SpongeBob could give you
the ol' bite and chew.

- Mm.

Mm-mm-mm.

- Ahh.

- Great teeth,

healthy tongue...

[mystical music]

Minty-fresh breath.

Spread my ketchup,
the perfect mouth.

It would be an honor,
SpongeBob.

- Oh, no, Krabby Patty.

The honor is mine.

Bon appétit, friend.

- Ahh...

- Halt!

[grunts]

I deserve this patty.

I'm clearly the hungriest.

Wah!

[horn honks]

[all shouting]

both: Whoa!

[all shouting]

- [groaning]

All this for little old me.

Ha-ha. Why if you'd told me
when I was a lifeless pile

of ingredients
that someday I'd...

[all shouting]

Huh?

- [gulps]

- Welp,
I guess it got what it wanted.

- So, Gary, how was it?

- [belches]

- Wow.
- Halt!

I blame the squirrel
for this fracas.

She made us turn on each other
with her wicked,

wicked science.

[all shouting]

- Well, science giveth,

and science taketh away.

Take me away, science.

Yee-haw!

[all shouting]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- And now with an editorial,
here's Squidward Tentacles.

- Good evening.

Everyone continues
to be horrible,

and I've got the proof.

Here are my
"Beefs of the week."

Our first beef is,

this filthy foodie always eats
before he pays.

- [chomping]

- Then he gives me a handful
of money

slathered in slimy grease.

- [chomping]

[belches]

- Horrible. Next.

h*-h*, boy, do I have a beef
with this annoying guy.

- [whispering]

- What?
- [whispering]

- I'm done?
- [whispering]

- But I've got 47 more "beefs."

[sighs]
Typical.

Coming up next,
it's "Fun-believable" with...

Rube Goldfish?

[screen beeps]
Huh?

Oh, no.

That guy puts mustard
in his milkshakes.

Horrible.

Whoa, whoa, hey, watch it.

- Well, hello, everybody.

I'm Rube Goldfish,
and today we'll be exploring

the amazing and unknown
Bikini Bottom.

[groans]

Warning:
what you are about to see

is gonna make you say,
"That's Fun-believable."

[upbeat music]

- Uhh...

we're here at
Sandy Cheeks' Treedome,

because--
- Um, excuse us, Rube, but...

- The public restroom is
right around the corner, boys.

- No, Patrick and I
have something to show you.

It's "Fun-believable."

[chuckles]

- Really?

Well, that's just what
I'm looking for.

Show us what you got.

- Okay, you ready?

- I think so.
- This is our chance.

- Oh, you don't have to tell me,
SpongeBob.

- All right. All right.
All right.

- Is he still there?
- Let's check.

- Okay, he's still there.
- You ready?

- Yeah.
both: One, two...

We're ready!

We're not ready.

- Okay, come back when you are.

Must be camera shy.

Yipe!

Would you look at that?
Amazing.

Whoa!

[grunting]

- Howdy do, Rube?
- [chuckles]

Howdy, Miss Cheeks.

Now, if the robotic arms weren't
"Fun-believable" enough,

I understand that you have
a secret skill

that nobody knows about.

- That's right, Rube.

I hold the squirrel record
for the most nuts

stored in my cheeks.

- Wow. Can you give us
a demonstration?

- Sure can.
I just happened to have

some hazelnuts handy.

[grunts]

- Ooh.

- Ahh-ahh!

- Wow, impressive.

I don't think it's possible
to fit any more than that.

- You ain't seen nuttin' yet.

- Ahh-ahh-ahhh-ahhh.

- Wow.

Fun-believable.

[doorbell rings]
both: Oh, Rube?

We're ready.
We're ready. We're ready.

- Well, folks, it looks like--
both: We're ready. We're ready.

- Ahh-ahh!

- [groaning]

Ugh.

I think I have a nut-ache.

both: Sorry, Sandy.

- Hey, Rube,
should we come back later?

- Yeah, later would be good.

[lightning crashing]

[wolf howling]

- We're here
at Nosferatu's Castle.

Which is a Historical landmark
in Bikini Bottom, by the way.

Well, thanks, Rube.

But why are we here today,
Mr. Nosferatu?

Could you give us a hint?

- [hisses]

- The master wants to
show you his--

heh-heh-heh--
pain-reaction--

oh,
I mean chain-reaction machine.

[cackling]

Ugh!

- [giggling]

[eerie music]

- So how does this
crazy contraption work, anyway?

- Okay, Master, let it roll.

[groaning]

- Oh. Oh, my. Ha-ha-ha.

- Ohh.

[grunting]

[horn honks]

Heh-heh-heh. Wow.

- [giggles]

- Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[grunting]

Mmm, snackies.

Ugh! Hee-hee-hee.

- [gulps]

[hisses]

The master says,

Rube's show is brought to you
by Fizzy Fangs Soda.

It tickles my teeth,
Heh-Heh-Heh.

- Fellas, that was truly
Fun-believable.

[eerie music]

both:
We're ready for you, Rube

- Are you sure?

both: No.

- I guess their moment
has passed...away.

[laughs]

Whoo!

We're here with "Baby Prunes."

Now, you're the oldest resident
of Bikini Bottom.

Isn't that right?

- What are you, a cop?

- Ma, behave.

- He's interviewing me, Mary,
so shut up.

- [laughs]
You are too much.

- Honey, you should have seen me


when I was middle-aged
and wild.

[coughing]

- You're putting me on.

How could a sweet little old
lady like you ever be wild?

- That sounds like a challenge.

- Holy helicopters.

We are flying over
Bikini Bottom,

and the view is spectacular.

Hello.

[together]
Hi, Rube.

- Baby Prunes, I've never seen
someone your age

so amazingly active.

- You call this active?
I'll show you active.

Ah-ha!
- Whoa-oh-oh!

Mrs. Prunes, you don't have to
go this fast to impress me.

- This is your captain speaking.

We're going down again.

[laughs]
- Eh...ohh!

Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

Whoa!

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh,
ahhh!

Uh, that was the furthest thing
from Fun-believable.

- You could have fooled me.

[laughs]

Huh? Flapping Yaps at 12:00

[laughs]

- Whoa-oh!

- Ha-ha! Huh?

- This thousand-boat pileup
might be the greatest tragedy

to ever befall Bikini Bottom.

And I just want to thank
my Great Gram-Gram

for flying the copter today.

She is the oldest citizen
in Bikini Bottom at 115.

- Mwah!

- You are not the oldest citizen
in Bikini Bottom.

You're only 115.
I'm 116.

- Ooh, you fibber.

If I wasn't your elder,
I'd pop you right in the beezer.

- I'm the oldest.

- I'm the oldest.

- Oh-oh-oh-oh!

- I challenge you
to a copter duel.

- Oh, it's on,
like my hearing aid.

[both gasp]

Copter duel?.

No!

- This just in.

TV news anchor Perch Perkins

jumped out
of a helicopter today.

Whoa!

- This is a no-fly zone, sister.

- Whoa-oh-oh!

- Hey, you. Get off of my cloud.

- I'm the oldest.

- I'm the oldest.

- I'll have to change the name
of this show

from "FUN-believable" to...
ahhh!

[upbeat quirky music]

Ohh!

Oh-oh-oh-oh!

[all shouting]

- Whee!

[all shouting]

-Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

- Time to go home, you two.

- Yeah, that's enough excitement
for today.

[together]
Aww.

[both grumbling]

- I'm the oldest.

- I'm the oldest.

- I am the oldest.

- I'm the oldest.

- Huh, I guess she was
the oldest.

But I'm the oldest now.

[chuckling]

- Well, we've come to end
of our show, everybody,

and I just want to tell ya
how Fun-be--

- [panting]
We're ready, Rube.

- It's now or never, fellas.

Take it away.

- Ahh.

- Ahh!

Doink!

[both inhale]

[dramatic music]

[both groaning]

- Wow.

[both babbling]

- Whoa.

both: Ta-da!

- Ooh-hoo!
Now, that's Fun-believable.

- Horrible.

Click.