13x24 - Swimming Fools/The Goobfather

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Well, here I am floating
face-down in a swimming pool.

I always wanted a pool,
and in the end, I got one.

How did I get here?

Well,
it all started yesterday.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

- [slurps]
Ah.

- [grunts]
- Oh!

[retches]

[grumbles]

Sponge--
ugh!

[spits]
SpongeBob!

Whoa!

- Squidward,
did you say something?

- [grunts]

Why are you digging up
your yard?

- I'm putting in a pool.

- Oh, a pool?

[grumbles]

- Mm-hmm, and I'm going
to invite my favorite

next-door neighbor
as soon as it's ready.

- Get off me!

I wouldn't be caught dead

in your muddy, little
bacteria hole.

I only swim
in sophisticated pools.

- Well, if you change
your mind, it's almost done.

- [chuckles]
Yeah, sure.

[sighs]
Uh-huh.

[slurps]
- It's done!

- Huh?

[relaxed music]

[spits]
What the--?

Why, it's beautiful.

[growls]

Why does he get to have a pool?

If anyone around here
deserves a pool,

it's me.

- Cannonball!

- Oh.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

[growls]

- Hey, Squidward,
come join us in the pool!

- Quick,
while the water's still wet!

- [growls]

Pool!
[grunts]

♪ ♪

Forget the pool.
Forget the pool.

Forget the pool.

Mm-hmm.

What the--?
pool.

- [laughter]
- [screams]

Oh!

Pool!

- [laughter]

- Keep quiet,
you chlorinated clods!

- Cannonball!
- Huh?

- Oh!
- Uh-oh.

- [groaning]

Ouch!

Ow, ow.
[groans]

Who needs a soggy, old pool

when you have the luxury
and elegance

of indoor air conditioning.
Mwah.

[machine sputters]

Ooh, it's a little hot.

♪ ♪

Huh?

- [laughter]

- That is one cool pool,
my fool.

See you tomorrow, SpongeBob.
- Swim safely, Patrick.

Meet you at the pool.

♪ ♪

- Oh, it's so hot.

- Hey, Squidward...

- What?
Who said that?

[spooky music]

- Don't be a drip.
Take a dip.

[chuckles]
You know you want to.

- [chuckles nervously]

SpongeBob is asleep.

I'll just take a quick dip
to cool off.

[chuckles]
- That a boy!

Jump in.
- [screams]

♪ ♪

[chuckles]
Pool.

♪ ♪

[giggling]
Oh! Oh!

[muffled screaming]

♪ ♪

Thank Neptune
nobody heard me.

Ah!

- [growls]

- Gary, you leave

those sea bunnies alone
and come to bed.

- [growls]
- Ow!

- [growls]

- [sighs]
Phew.

Now I can have the pool
all to myself.

[laughing softly]

Oh, pool.

[relaxed music]

[indistinct chatter]

Ciao, everybody.

all: Ciao, Squidwardo.

- Squidwardo, you must play
your clarinet for us.

You simply must.

- I'll think about it.

♪ ♪

all: Aw.

[all sigh]

- [playing elegantly]

♪ ♪

- Ciao bella.

♪ ♪

- Mwah.
- Mwah.

- [smooching]

Wha--

[grunting]

Egad, I must've fallen asleep.

- [laughter]

- I can't let them
find me here.

[tense music]

- Ooh, I can't wait
to get wet!

- Hey, where's the pool toys?

- Oh, not the pool shed,
not the pool shed,

not the pool shed.

- They're in
the pool shed, silly.

- Gotta hide.
Gotta hide.

Gotta hide.

- Toys, toys, toys!
- Me first! Me first!

[laughter]
- Okay, Patrick.

You can pick first.
- Hmm.

Which toy,
which toy, which toy?

- Not me. Not me.
Not me.

- I'll take this
big, ugly one.

[chuckles]

It's too floppy to float on.
It needs more air.

[smacks lips]

[inhales deeply]

[upbeat music]

- [groans softly]

♪ ♪

- Well, that ought to do it.

- Hey, nice find, Patrick.

♪ ♪

- [chuckles]
Cannon sit!

- [whimpers]

♪ ♪

- [laughs]
- Ah!

- [laughs]
Pool fight!

- Pool fight!
- A pool fight!

- Pool fight!
- Pool fight!

- A pool--
[screams]

- Aw, it's broken.
- [whimpers softly]

[together]
Ride the wave!

Ride the wave!
Yeah!

- [grunting]

[both straining]

- Tug it back.
- Tug it forth.

- Tug it back.
- Tug it forth!

- Ow!
- Oh!

[laughing]
- [groaning]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

- [groaning]

- [snarls]

- [laughing]

SpongeBob, watch this!
- Help me.

[whimpers]
- Black hole!

Wahoo!
- [screaming]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

[together]
Again, again!

[laughter]

- [screaming]

It's me!
I was the pool toy, you idiots!

- Squidward...

that's the greatest magic trick
I've ever seen!

- Yeah, let's do it again!

[inhales deeply]

- [sighs]

Look, SpongeBob, I admit it.

I used your pool
without permission

because I'm really
jealous of it.

I want your pool chairs. I
want your pool jets.

I want your pool noodles.

And most of all,
I want this diving board.

[sobbing]

- Squidward,
we're best neighbors.

You can use my pool
anytime you like,

day or night, you silly.

- [chuckles]
Aw, gee, thanks SpongeBob.

- Say, how'd you like
to take a divey-wivey

on the boardy-woardy, hmm?

- Oh, no, thanks,
but I just couldn't.

- Please, you must take
a dive, Squidwardo.

- Huh?

I would love to take a dive.

I was on my high school
swim team.

- Hey, Squidward,
this ladder is adjustable.

Do you want to go higher?

- I love you all too!

- Okay, I'll take that
as a yes.

Crank it up, Patrick!

- [chuckles]

- [humming melody]

[relaxed music]

♪ ♪

Ciao bella!
I dive!

[tires screech]

[dramatic music]

[screams]

Troppo elevato!
Too high, too high!

- Oh, it's too high, Patrick.
Crank it down!

- [grunts]
Mm-hmm.

- Huh?

What was that?
[screaming]

[quirky music]

- Uh, uh...hmm.

Ah.
- [screaming]

- Oh.

- [screaming]

- Aw, hm.
Uh-huh?

Ah.
- [screaming]

[groans and whimpers]

- Yay!
- Yeah!

♪ ♪

- Perfect dive, Squidward.

[dramatic music]

- And that's how I got here.

[groaning]

[grunts]

Typical.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

- [slurping]

- Your order is ready,
Mr. Bass.

Whoops.

Whoa!

- Ah, ah!

♪ ♪

Ugh, you've mingled
Krabby Patty

in my kelp shake.

- Sorry, let me refresh that
for you.

- Hold your seahorses.

Hmm.

It's greasy,
yet cool and refreshing.

[gulping]

Fetch me another posthaste!

- That does look good.
- I want one too.

- Ooh, I sense a money-tunity.

The brand-new Patty Whip
is now on the menu,

available for a moderately
exorbitant upcharge.

♪ ♪

- [humming melody]
Yep!

- Can I get two to-go?
Two to-go please.

♪ ♪

- [panting]

- Keep those Patty Whips
coming, Mr. Squidward.

- I'm trying!
Ah, bleh!

♪ ♪

- Closing time.
See you tomorrow.

- [yelps]
- Finally.

[knocks]
Huh?

You can harden
your arteries tomorrow.

We're closed!
[screams]

[groans]

- The Goobfather
would like to have

a little talk with your boss.

- Goobfather?

Aren't you the manager
of the Goofy Goober?

- That's just my day job.

The Goobfather
is my true identity.

I control
all the ice cream trade

in this town, and I heard
about your little fatty flips.

- That's Patty Whips.

And a little
friendly competition

never hurt anyone.
- [chuckles]

Of course not,
but maybe you should stick

to flipping patties
and leave the frozen treats

to the experts, hm?

- I'm not gonna stop selling
my newest moneymaker.

- [snaps]
Do your stuff, boys.

[both growl]

- [snoring]

Huh? What?
Mama, I want to sing.

Whoa!
Ah!

[both grunting]

- Be thankful I didn't
turn you into gelato.

[laughs]
- Good one, boss.

- Oh!
- Aw.

No more Patty Whips.

- Don't worry, boyo.
This is me restaurant.

And no one tells me
what's on me menu but me.

- [slurping]

[soft dramatic music]

- [humming melody]
Huh?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

The Patty Whip machine,
it's working again!

♪ ♪

- [panting]

♪ ♪

- I spent all night
rebuilding it.

Patty Whips are back
on the menu!

- But, Mr. Krabs,
what if the Goobfather

and his goober g*ons come back?
- Don't worry.

I brought in
a little protection meself.

Come on out, boys.

[soft dramatic music]

- [grunting softly]

- Uh, aren't they a little,
uh, elderly?

- We may be a little wrinkly...

- But we're as tough as jerky!
Ooh!

- Bleh!

- We're dead.

Ah, oh!
- [laughs]

- The Goobfather would like
to have another little talk.

- Well, if it isn't
the crab who don't listen.

Teach him another lesson, boys!

- Not so fast, Goobfather.
[snaps]

Throw these interlopers
out of me restaurant.

[both growling]

- Initiate formation 42!

- Hey, look, is that a sale
on brass knuckles?

- Brass knuckles?
- Ooh, do they have my size?

[quirky music]

- [straining]
Ooh, sorry.

- Uh-oh, time to skedaddle.

- [grunts]
- Oh!

- Oh, these g*ons are good.
No!

[both laughing]

♪ ♪

- Well, we're whipped.

- Next time you hire
some muscle, Krabs,

make sure they have muscles.
[claps]

- Huh?

- Eat goobers, you goofballs!

[g*n booming]
- Ah, oh, ah!

[expl*si*n]

[laughter]

- Enough of this bilge water.

Time to take the fight
to the Goobfather's home turf.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [giggles]

♪ ♪

- [grunts]
- Sorry, sorry.

Sorry.
- [laughs]

[ragtime music]

Oy, keep your eye open
for anything worth sabotaging.

♪ ♪

- Hey, you!
- Who, me?

Um, um...

- Give me a double scoop

of kelp swirl
with extra sprinkles.

- Coming up.

Double K swirl
and make it snow.

- Mmm!

♪ ♪

- Hmm.

That thermostat, that'll do.

Now all we need
is a distraction.

- Don't worry, Mr. Krabs.
I've got it handled.

Ta-da!

♪ ♪

Oh, yeah!
Check me out!

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

- It's so lame, but I can't
take my eyes off the guy.

- I can feel the rhythm
of his scoops in my soul.

- Oh, this is the tricky part.
- [laughs]

This'll sizzle their sorbet.

- Try and keep up, y'all.
Oh, my scoops are on fire.

- His funky scoops
are so smokin' hot,

I'm sweating.
- Hm?

Oh.

It's not his spoons.

Someone's turned up the heat.

The ice cream
is going critical!

- Big finish!
- Come on, kid!

It's time to blow
this ice cream stand

before this
ice cream stand blows!

[quirky music]

- [screams]
- [screams]

[both scream]

[all screaming]

[expl*si*n]

- Time to cheese it, boyo!
[laughs]

Never mess
with an old Navy man!

- Ooh, I'll get you, Krabs,

and your little sponge too!

♪ ♪

- [humming melody]

- Prepare to be annihilated!
[whistle blowing]

- [screams]

Mr. Krabs, it's the Goobfather!

We're about to be hit
by a competing restaurant.

- Don't worry, SpongeBob.
we're ready for 'em.

[dramatic music]

[horn blares]

♪ ♪

- Hm? Hm.
Deploy soft serve cannons!

Activate toffee treads!

Hot fudge howitzer!

♪ ♪

Try the engines, boyo!

- Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs!

♪ ♪

- Oh!
Mmm.

[laughing]

- Fire ice cream cannons!

- Firing ice cream cannons!

♪ ♪

- Evasive maneuvers!
[screams]

♪ ♪

Return fire!

Oh, er, return ice cream!

- Have a double scoop!

- Whoa!
Ah!

Brain freeze!

- Eat hot fudge, villain!

♪ ♪

- Ugh, such sticky
yet delicious pain!

Ugh.

- Don't forget the sprinkles!

- Whoa!
- Launch sugar cone drones!

♪ ♪

- Hm?

♪ ♪

- Huh?
- Huh?

[both scream]

- I'm sending you
to the deep freeze, Krabs!

- In your ice dreams,
Goobfather!

♪ ♪

- Oh, fudge.

[restaurants clatter and thud]

- Ugh, not giving up.

- Ugh, me neither.

- [grunting]

[ice cream cone hums]
Ha! Ah!

[both grunting]

- Wow!

♪ ♪

Ah!
- Ow!

[machinery whirring]
- What's that sound?

- It couldn't be.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

[together]
The Ice Cream King!

- Cease your hostil-lily--
hostile--

quit fightin'!

Ice cream isn't meant
for brawling!

It's supposed to bring
sugar fueled fun,

belly aches, and brain freezes
to the world.

- He's right.

- We shouldn't be fighting.

- There's plenty of saps--
or, customers in town

for both of us.

[upbeat music]

[both chomping]

[together]
Mmm.

- And if you
don't quit fighting,

I'll use my ultimate weapon,
the ice cream b*mb!

[together]
Ice cream b*mb?

- [gasps]
Wait!

- We've already
stopped fighting!

- What?
I can't hear you!

Uh, hold on,
I'll be right down.

Bombs away!

Whoo-hoo!

Yee-haw!
Yee-ha-haw!

[both screaming]

[expl*si*n]

♪ ♪

- [screams]

♪ ♪

- Hey, everyone,
free ice cream!

- Whoo-hoo!
- Oh, ooh.

♪ ♪

[both chomping]

- Is this a dream?

- Free ice cream forever!
[giggles]

- [laughs]
You're welcome!

- Oh, it looks like
we're all out of business.

- Will someone
please get me down?

Ow!
[sighs]

Typical.