01x04 - Sweet 'N' Sour Dingo

[bunniefuu]

[FIREARM CLICKS]

ANDY: What kind of a sick f*ck

forces somebody to
eat their own father?

Of course it f*ck'
isn't! I pick up roadkill.

I thought you were looking for
your dad because he's your dad.

He has some money of mine
and I need to get it back.

- Andy!
- CEDRIC: I got the snowboard!

- You're stealing from him?
- Payment for services rendered.

- [AIR g*n POPS]
- ANDY: Ow! Hey!

Where's Hugo?

How do we know you are
who you say you are?

Americans always want something.

[CASSIE CLEARS THROAT]

[CALLS OUT SOFTLY] Behind you!

- Hugo's been found.
- LEON: How good is that?

Let me finish. Dead.

[UNSETTLING MUSIC]

GERALDINE: We'll know more
once forensics weigh in,

but what I can tell ya

is that your dad was most
likely trapped inside.

Probably died of
smoke inhalation.

- OFFICER: Nah.
- GERALDINE: What?

OFFICER: Probably
burned alive, I reckon.

- GERALDINE: Burned alive?
- OFFICER: Yeah.

GERALDINE: Huh! How long would
that take? 5, 10 minutes?

OFFICER: Just depends
on what he's wearing.

GERALDINE: Yeah.

Listen, if all this
is too much for you...

Did you find any personal
items? A wallet? A suitcase?

Any bags of...

GERALDINE: Bags of what?

Nothing.

GERALDINE: Well, forensics
will be here soon

to pick up the body.

Don't touch it, idiot!

HUGO: 296 bucks, hey?

- Is that accurate?
- Yeah. Why?

Listen up.

Now, I know you've
been saving up

for one of them
remote-controlled cars

for a month or two now.

Two years.

Oh, there it is.
Look, I tell you what.

What if I was to tell you

that I have got a hot
tip at the track tonight

and that I could double
this money for you, yeah?

That means that I pay
you back plus interest.

You know what interest is?

Look, means that you can get
yourself a much better car,

like maybe a monster truck.

Something like that, hey?

[GRUNTS]

I mean, it's allowance
money, anyway, isn't it?

Christmases and birthdays,
stuff like that.

So, technically, it
was mine to begin with.

[GRUNTS] What, did you
glue this thing on?

[GRUNTS]

I tell you what, mate.

Why don't you go and
get your dad's hammer?

[JIMMY'S VOICE ECHOES] Andy?

Andy? Are you with us?

[ANDY CLEARS THROAT]

A memory of your father
you'd like to share?

Uh, yeah. What can I say?

He was a...

He was a great dad, a fantastic
role model and now he's dead.

Uh, can't tell whether he's
being sarcastic or not.

You know, when I
think about Hugo,

I'm reminded of the parable
of Jonah and the whale,

swallowed up and
spewed back out.

He railed against Almighty God,

"Are you not entertained?"

- [VEHICLE APPROACHES OUTSIDE]
- And lo, verily, he was not.

[VEHICLE ENGINE CUTS
OUT, DOOR OPENS]

- Amen.
- TOWNSFOLK: Amen.

- To Hugo.
- MAN: Yeeoo!

Yee-oo-oo-oo!

Bring me a slab, Val!

The boys are comin' round

and we're gonna
get pissed ton...

f*ck me. Who f*ck' died?

[LEON SHOUTS] Hugo!

I don't know why I said that
so loud, everyone. Sorry.

[VAL GRUNTS]

Oh, I'm sorry,
Val. I had no idea.

- I know you loved him.
- Mm.

Just, um, keep the change, hey.

VAL: Ta, Gareth.

Hey, by the way, just quick.

[WHISPERS] Who's that?

That'd be Cassie.

Uh-huh. What about
you? That's Gareth.

LEON: Hey, righto,
everyone, listen up!

Hey, piss-up back at our
house for Hugo, yeah?

You're all invited. I think
it's what he would have wanted.

[TOWNSFOLK CHEER
SOFTLY AND APPLAUD]

Oi, mate, are you
f*ck' serious?

- The whole f*ck' town?
- Oh, no, I had to, mate.

It's the only way she's
gonna come, I reckon.

Peer pressure.

- f*ck, she looks good today.
- [CLICKS FINGERS]

- That's actually a good idea.
- What is?

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

[HANDLE RATTLES]

It's locked.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Oop! Locks don't really
work in this place.

Jesus, Cassie, what
if I was naked?

While you're grieving?
That's weird.

Now, I know you're
probably not in the mood,

but Leon's having a party

and I thought maybe
you might want to...

You're right. I'm
not in the mood.

CASSIE: OK.

It's just if we did go, it
could be a chance to snoop.

- Then... go ahead.
- Think about it.

Someone's gotta know something.

If we find them, I reckon
we'll find your money.

Will you quit it
with this 'we' sh*t?

It's not 'we'.
It's... it's 'me'.

We had a deal.

Yeah, well, the deal fell
apart when Hugo died.

We're never gonna
find the money,

so the last place I wanna be

is at some weird party with
all the psychos of Shitsville.

People don't just turn up
dead in a small town like this

without somebody
knowing something.

- [SIGHS]
- It's alright. You rest.

I'll go and figure it out.

[PHONE RINGS]

DOM OVER PHONE:
Alright, talk to me.

Well, found my old man.

Oh, that's great.

So, how'd it go?

Not that great. He's dead.

Jesus.

Um... Uh, I'm sorry.

- Are you OK?
- Yeah.

It's just weird, you know?

I guess I always thought
that I would see him again

and now that's not gonna happen.

Hmm.

Does that mean, um

that we lost the money?

[ANDY SIGHS] I don't know.

Andy,

they won't care if
your dad's dead.

We need to find it.

Yeah, Dom, just give
me a second, OK?

Look, we're running
out of seconds.

Find it.

[LINE GOES DEAD]

[GLOOMY MUSIC]

[WHISPERS] The hell?

['ARMY NOW [1982]' BY FUTURISK]

♪ We will destroy the
things that we detest

♪ We've chosen to
k*ll the Reds... ♪

[SAUSAGES SIZZLE]

♪ In the process, there'll
be many of our own dead

♪ "None of that," the
President said... ♪

[CEDRIC SPEAKS INAUDIBLY]

[SONG CONTINUES FAINTLY]

[CLEARS THROAT]

- G'day.
- CASSIE: Hi.

- I'm Gareth.
- Cassie.

Nice to meet you.
Welcome to my place.

- It's lovely.
- Thank you.

- Thanks.
- Cheers to Hugo.

To Hugo.

So, uh, you work on
a cattle station?

I do, yep. Brolga
Plains Station.

How about you? What are
you doing in Bidgee?

Oh, just passing
through. Is that yours?

- Yeah, that's mine.
- A surfing station hand?

Yeah! It's all part of
my, uh... my grand plan.

- You've got a grand plan?
- I do, yeah.

It's el grandé.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Can I show you?

- What?
- Yeah. Come on. Let me show you.

OK.

G'day, Val. Welcome.

['ARMY NOW [1982]' BY
FUTURISK CONTINUES]

- ♪ Someone said... ♪
- [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

♪ Nothing to live for... ♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

- MAUREEN: Hey.
- CEDRIC: Hey, hey.

ANDY: Hi.

[LEON BELCHES]

- [GLASSWARE CLINKS SOFTLY]
- [LIQUID SLOSHES]

Oh, uh, hey, Val, uh,
is... is Noel here?

- He wasn't at the store earlier.
- Don't know, don't care.

Ah.

To Hugo.

- To Hugo.
- [GLASSES CLINK]

Um

What about, uh...

What about Cas.

[POURS DRINK] Oh,
I'm good, thank you.

Uh, what about Cassie?
Have you seen her?

Nuh, haven't seen her.

Right. Uh... uh, to, um...

Long-lost sons?

That works, yeah.

[ANDY EXHALES]

Listen, Val, I, uh...

I know you and my dad were close

and I-I-I just...

I wanna say I'm sorry, OK?

I... [SIGHS] He didn't...

He didn't mention, by any
chance, any kind of, like, a

like, a large sum of
money he had tucked away,

by any chance?

I know that sounds weird, but...

VAL: You know what's weird?

The fact he never mentioned you.

Yeah, that is... that is weird.

Um, kinda hard not to
take personally, but...

I talk about my son every day.

Little Bobby John.

But Hugo never
mentioned you once,

but here you are,
out of the blue,

and he's not around to
say anything otherwise.

So, he didn't mention
any money, then?

Nuh.

He didn't mention any money.

[SIGHS]

CEDRIC: Of course not! But
why can't we be honest?

Hugo was only in it for Hugo.

Took some of us a long
time to understand that.

Anyone want another drink?

- MAUREEN: No, thank you.
- Nah, I'm good.

The snowboard.

You said you took it from Hugo

as payment for
services rendered.

What services?

- I found something for him.
- What did you find?

[CHUCKLES] That's
between me and Hugo.

And for this amazing service,
Hugo paid you in snowboard?

We had a deal. He didn't
pay, so I went and collected.

When people make a promise,
I'm very particular.

Hey!

Tell me what you found for him,

or maybe you'd like
to tell the police

about your little visit.

You know, Sergeant Walters and I

are very close now.

I'm sure she'd be
interested to know

what you did for my father

before he disappeared.

Tomorrow morning, come
find me. I'll show you.

[INTRIGUING MUSIC]

Oh, sh*t! Sorry.

Wait, you're the
g*n-toting alien?

Yeah, well, I thought you were
gonna take Hugo back to America.

What's with the costume?

Uh, Hugo paid me to
dress up as an alien

and just jump out
at people on tour.

Anyway, I'm saving up
to get out of here.

- WOMAN: Shoshanna!
- sh*t.

Shoshanna. Is that
a Jewish name?

I don't know, weirdo. Take that.

Shoshanna.

I love beer. Even
when it's warm, right?

WOMAN: Shoshy!

I hate to say it,

but has anyone considered

that it might be suicide?

Hugo? No, and not like that.

No, it's not the way
I'd do it either.

Sounds like a lot
of hard work to me.

You've gotta go
and get the petrol,

then you douse yourself,

gotta find a dry match.

[IMITATES expl*si*n]

OK, Trev.

[LEON MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]

ANDY: f*ck is he?

- Huh? Hey! There he is!
- Oh, hey, Leon.

I didn't think you were
gonna make it, mate.

Hey, listen, uh,
have you seen Noel?

Noel? Oh, f*ck'
mystery, our Noel, mate.

You never know what
that c**t's up to.

Do you want a snag?
They're a bit burnt, but...

Oh, yeah, no, I'm fine.

Oh, f*ck! Oh, I'm so sorry!

- What?
- Oh, sorry, mate.

I don't know what I'm thinking.

Do you think I
think that's... No.

'Cause he was burnt, mate.

I know. I get it. I'm
fine. I... Honestly.

That's my bad, man. Here,
have a drink of this, bud.

Honestly, I'm sorry. Some
special brew. Trust me.

- Take the edge off.
- Yep, yep.

- Mmm.
- It's good, eh?

- Mm.
- Yeah, it's crazy, though, man.

- Bloody good bloke, your dad.
- Yeah.

Had his head switched
on about the aliens too,

not like the rest
of these dickheads.

How's that?

OK, you go out to
the coast here,



then you gonna wanna go
straight down about a mile.

Guess what's down there, mate.

A f*ck' alien base.

- Underwater?
- Underwater!

NSA knows about it, military.

f*ck, then there's the
shuttle footage in '96.

Google that. Warning
shots fired into space.

Just UFOs tearing up the
f*ck' cosmos, mate.

OK, yeah. What does that mean?

There's a w*r going
on up there, mate.

- Right.
- Everyone knows about it.

We're kept in the dark.

All this town, they
live their little lives

with their heads in the sand.

f*ck me, she's coming.

Here. She brought pies.

Unfortunately.

Here. Give us a swig of that.

Hey, just remember, act casual.

Yeah, yeah, I know.
Yeah. Easy, mate. Easy.

- Hey, how you going?
- [NERVOUSLY] Hey.

- You came. You brought pies.
- Yep.

Well, chuck 'em in
the fridge, huh?

AUDREY: Yep.

Why does everybody keep...

CASSIE: Aww, how cute!

You saved your old craft
projects from kindy.

[CASSIE GIGGLES]

That is a vision
board, smart-arse.

Wow, a manifesting cattleman.

Now I've seen everything.

You know, you can
laugh all you want.

This works.

You know, I'm this close
from moving to Indo,

buying me own boat and
becoming a dive instructor.

Well, that's the dream, anyway.

That's kinda cool, I guess,

but it would be
expensive, though.

I mean, moving countries,
starting a business.

What are we talking? Like, 200K?

Yeah, but work
hard, do overtime.

I'm pretty much there.

A month from now, I'll be
sipping margaritas in Bali.

Hey, you should come up.

I'll show you all the sights.

You'd love it.

- Would I?
- Yeah.

Well, unless there's
something wrong with you.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Hey, Gaz, mate. Sorry.
Bit of an emergency.

What temperature do you
set the oven on for pies?

- Are you serious?
- Yeah, Audrey's here!

She brought pies and I
said I'd get 'em started

while she's in the shitter,

but I don't know how to
f*ck' use the oven!

Just chuck it on 200
and you'll be fine.

- 200? Thanks, mate.
- Yep. Yeah.

How do I turn it on?

I'm sorry, mate. I just...
I can't f*ck this up!

[GARETH SIGHS HEAVILY]

[LEON WHISPERS] Please.

OK, I'm so sorry.
I'll be right back.

I'm just gonna... You know.

- Do you want anothery?
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah? Alright.
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]

- Sorry, mate. Can't f*ck this.
- Go.

[INTRIGUING MUSIC]

Press that button,
then you shut it.

- Yeah.
- Then you chuck it on 200.

Oh, easy as, mate!

- You got this.
- Thanks, bruz.

Oh, g'day. Here she is.

- How they going?
- They're in safe hands with me.

Yeah, no, I've got
'em at a balmy 200.

- 200 Cs, actually.
- 200?

Huh? You want it higher?
We can go higher.

We can go up to bloody


- Probably go to f*ck' 400.
- Too high.

- Too high?
- Knock it back to 170.

Right.

Yeah, give 'em a
few extra minutes,

they'll warm all
the way through,

but you won't crisp the edges.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
what I was thinking too.

Good call, Audrey. 170.

Rolls off the tongue,




Don't you reckon?



[SIGHS]

How weird is it that
you're in my kitchen?

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

Oh!

[DOOR CLOSES]

- You came!
- What are you doing?

- The money's here, Andy.
- The money's here? Where?

Well, I haven't found it yet,

but I have a really
strong feeling.

Listen, I think Noel
is spying on me.

[WHISPERS] What?

It's some kind of
recording chip.

He planted it on my phone.

At first, I thought it was Leon
because he'd been in my room,

but it couldn't have been

because I've had my
phone on me all day

except for when I took it out

to get my head
stitched at Noel's.

I placed it on a bench

and he would have had ample time

to plant it without me seeing.

Andy, Andy, Andy, slow down.

OK, I think Noel stole the money

and now he's nervous
that I'm around.

So, you think Noel
did k*ll your dad?

ANDY: f*ck!

CASSIE: Wait! Are you OK? Andy!

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [SIGHS]

[PEOPLE CHANT] Down!
Down! Down! Down!

Watch it, you f*ck!

- Oh!
- Jeez!

Holy sh*t! You are...
You're Hugo's son.

I'm Gareth.

Um, I am so sorry
about your old man.

Yeah, no, it's... it's
fine. I gotta... I'm...

I gotta talk to, uh... uh,
Noel, so, I, uh... 'Bye.

- Why are you doing this?
- What are you talking about?

[WHISPERS] Making up stories.

The fool lost the
bet fair and square.

I'm not talking about the bet.

And I'm not the
only one watching.

TREVOR: Jimmy, wait
up. Hey, Jimmy.

[WHISPERS] Holy sh*t!

[GLASS VIALS CLINK]

[READS] "Xylazine."

[INDISTINCT ARGUMENT OUTSIDE]

TREVOR: What, is this
about the bet or something?

- Just piss off!
- Mate, I just want to know...

- You don't know sh*t!
- OK.

[OBJECTS RATTLE]

You going through my stuff?

Leave a girl alone in your
room, what do you expect?

Aww! Cute!

[CASSIE GIGGLES]

Pies, everyone!

- TREVOR: Whoa!
- MAUREEN: Pies!

OK, we've got kung pao camel,
braised beef and black bean,

Mongolian roo...

- Yeah, any plain ones?
- Anything that's not r*cist?

Oh, give it a rest, Charmaine.

I bought that restaurant off
your parents fair and square.

You didn't even want it.

Luckily they're no longer here

to see what you've
done to the place.

Oh, well, I've treated
it a bit better

than you've treated
the caravan park.

[ALL SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER]

- Ladies...
- She's a f*cking psycho.

Ladies...

I'll have a Mongolian roo.

TREVOR: Yeah, I'll
have one. I'm starving.

Andy, here, mate. Here you
go, mate. Try one of these.

No, Leon. I'm OK.

No, no, trust me,
these are beautiful.

Not right now.

No, have one! Don't be
rude. Have a pie, mate!

Don't want one of
your roadkill pies!

- Huh?
- Roadkill?

Oh, no, that's, um...

Isn't that what
you call poultry?

[SOFTLY] You prick.

You promised.

Some best mate you are.

Wait a minute. Are you
saying these are...

It's roadkill.

Hang on.

Is that gravel?

Auds! Audrey!

Oh, I couldn't give
a sh*t what's in 'em.

They're the best f*ck'
pies I've ever had

and I'll eat 'em any
day of the f*ck' week.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Mmm!

Mmm! Mmm!

Sweet-and-sour dingo?

Beautiful. [CHEWS NOISILY] Mmm!

Oh, man. Mmm!

Oh!

[SIGHS PASSIONATELY]

['SOMETIMES YOU JUST
DRIVE' BY MICHAEL CHAPMAN]

Mmm!

♪ I'm still waiting
- ♪ Still waiting

♪ Waiting on my... ♪

[ELECTRONIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

OK, come on.

Do it. Come on!

Come on.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Oh, come on!

- What are you doing?!
- SHOSHANNA: Idiot!

Hey, step back! I'm trying
to make some money here.

- What?!
- He said he'd give me 100 bucks.

And I just lost my job
being an alien, so...

If you want 100 bucks, just
say you want 100 bucks!

OK. I want 100 bucks!

You are too young
to be drinking,

and in your current state,

you clearly can't be trusted
to make smart decisions.

Hey, why don't you
leave her alone?

Ah, yes, you.

[SCOFFS]

Encouraging a minor
to alcoholism.

- Why am I not surprised?
- You're not my father.

You are not her father.
Where is your mother?

Over there.

NOEL: Where?

- [CHARMAINE LAUGHS]
- NOEL: Oh, well!

I mean, as the only
responsible adult here,

I say it's time for
you to say goodnight.

f*ck off!

Yeah. Watch the
language, please!

Where's the money?

- What?
- Oh, cut the crap!

I know what you did.

Recognise this?

- No.
- Bullshit!

I know you bugged me, after
your crocodile almost k*lled me.

Yeah, well, Jeff wouldn't
have attacked you

if you hadn't broken
into my zoo, would he?

- It's not a zoo!
- It is a zoo!

It's one animal! It's a pet!

It's a dangerous pet.

- [PEOPLE CHANT] Fight! Fight!
- No, no.

Calm down. We're obviously
not gonna be fighting.

[PEOPLE EXCLAIM]

We're on! Let's
go, boys! Let's go!

No, no, Trev! Come on! Come
on! We're all adults here!

Yeah, exactly!
Thank you, Maureen!

Nobody here wants to...

[PEOPLE EXCLAIM]

- Hah!
- TREVOR: Oh, there we go.

[ANDY GASPS AND WHIMPERS]

Who is it? [LAUGHS]

- Noely!
- TREVOR: Come on, fellas!

- Hey? Hey?
- [ANDY GROANS]

Why are you even here?!

Andy, what the hell?!

You hated Hugo!
Everyone knows it.

NOEL: What, you
think I k*lled him?

- [NOEL GROANS]
- [PEOPLE EXCLAIM]

[PEOPLE CHEER AND LAUGH]

Did you?

Wouldn't you like to know,

little orphan Andy?

[PEOPLE CHEER AND
SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Get off of me!

- LEON: Get a room!
- TREVOR: Hello, sailor!

Get a room!

[PEOPLE SHOUT OVER
EACH OTHER AND EXCLAIM]

How good's this?! f*ck' hell!

[ANDY PANTS]

Rest assured, if I k*lled him,

no-one would ever find him.

[YELLS]

- Christ!
- Oh, he bit him!

[PEOPLE LAUGH]

f*ck!

No, no, no, no!

[PEOPLE EXCLAIM]

That was an '87 Barbaresco,

you uncultured c*ck head!

[PEOPLE LAUGH]

You dye your hair and
everyone knows it!

- [PEOPLE GROAN AND LAUGH]
- Oh, sh*t.

You f*ck' little...

[PEOPLE EXCLAIM]

[g*nshots BLAST]

sh*t.

Great! Now I have to log that.

Get up, you idiots.

I didn't do anything.
He said I dye my hair.

You do!

It's running down
your face, Noel.

No, it's not.

Shut up, or I'll
arrest the both of you

for drunk and disorderly.

Alright, your little
party's over, dip shits.

I just got off the
line to Forensics

and it's official.

Hugo was m*rder*d.

LEON: Oh, you're joking. What?

GERALDINE: Now, I'll be
questioning all of you,

so don't even think
about leaving the area.

Now, bugger off
home, the lot of ya.

LEON: Party's over.
There goes my bond.

Shot a bloody hole in the roof.

[PEOPLE MURMUR INDISTINCTLY]

You OK?

[SIGHS] Never better. Yeah.

Listen, something weird's
going on with Gareth and Leon.

They have way more money

than an unemployed dead
sh*t and a station hand

would normally have.

Cassie, I c... I
can't right now.

[ANDY SCOFFS]

[SIGHS]

CASSIE: Andy!

[GARETH CLEARS THROAT]

Hey, uh, you can totally stay.

Thanks, but I reckon
the party's over.

['IN A BLACK OUT' BY
HAMILTON LEITHAUSER & ROSTAM]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

- ♪ I live in a... ♪
- [SIREN CHIRPS]

♪ Nameless town

♪ No need to wander around

♪ I live in a nameless town

♪ In a blackout

♪ Many friends have
said goodbye... ♪

Andy?

♪ Paraded out in one proud line

♪ I say they all
just lost their minds

♪ Midnight where
we used to dance

♪ Underneath the
ugly halogen lamps

♪ Oh, it all went away so fast

♪ In a blackout... ♪

CASSIE ON RECORDING:
Andy, Hugo's k*ller

is still out there.

If we find them, I reckon
we'll find your money.

ANDY ON RECORDING:
Will you quit it

with this 'we' sh*t?

It's not 'we'.
It's... it's 'me'.

CASSIE ON RECORDING:
We had a deal.

ANDY ON RECORDING: Yeah,
well, the deal fell apart

when Hugo died.

We're never gonna
find the money,

so the last place
that I wanna be

is at some weird party

with all the psychos
of Shitsville.

♪ Rolling over the rails

♪ From here till the end

♪ Of the island

♪ Washing away... ♪