01x09 - Trivia Night

[bunniefuu]

HUGO: I'm pretty sure
I know who's got me.

- Argh!
- Cassie. Would you like coffee?

No, thanks. I don't
know what's in it.

MAUREEN: It was
just a micro dose.

CASSIE: Didn't feel
very micro to me.

Xylazine. A common
cattle tranquilliser.

Oh, hi. I'm looking for Gareth.

I was gonna interview him.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

LEON: If you wanna know
what goes down in Bidgee,

I'm your man.

One time, over at Charmaine's,

hippies booked out two
caravans, and whooshka!

[GARETH GRUNTS]

ANDY: You planted evidence
to get me arrested!

- [GARETH SCREAMS]
- [THUMP!]

- [GRITTY PUNK ROCK MUSIC]
- [GULLS CAW]

SONG: ♪ Seven o'clock

♪ Get up, get ready

♪ To start the
day at the factory

♪ 7:30

♪ Clock in

♪ Get ready

♪ To start work at the factory

♪ 7:30

♪ Clock in... ♪

[TRUCK RUMBLES]

♪ Get ready

♪ To start work at the factory

♪ Keep the country
moving with production

♪ Keep the country
moving with production

♪ Keep the country
moving with production

♪ Keep the country
moving with production

♪ Keep the country
moving with production

♪ Keep the country
moving with production

♪ Keep the country
moving with production

♪ Keep the country
moving with production

♪ Keep the country moving
with production... ♪

[OVERLAPPING VOCALS SPEED UP]

♪ Production, production,
production, production

♪ Production, production

♪ Production, production

♪ Production,
production, production ♪

[VOCALS ECHO AND FADE]

- [CICADAS CHIRP]
- [UNEASY MUSIC]

Hey, it's trivia tonight, right?

I was thinking of bringing
my recording gear.

Try and capture the
vibe of the town.

Are you cancelling trivia?

Can't do it without Hugo.

[CASSIE SIGHS] That's
what the town needs.

You know, to keep
going. To not lose hope.

I just mean Hugo's
the quizmaster.

Who else is gonna do it?

OK, well... can't you
be the quizmaster?

Like, in Hugo's honour?

Should I do Cedric's
half-time poetry as well?

- [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]
- Not happening.

CASSIE: OK.

What if I was quizmaster?

You?

I can do it.

Come on, it'll be good for
morale, good for business.

And great for your podcast.

[SCOFFS] That's just
an unexpected bonus.

You reckon you got the chops?

I already know my
first question.

VOICEMAIL: Hey, this is Andy.

I can't come to the
phone right now,

so leave a message
and have a great day.

- [BEEP!]
- Where are you?

[THOUGHTFULLY] Jimmy?

Hmm.

Cedric!

[UNEASY MUSIC]

[WHEEL SQUEAKS]

- [HATCH CREAKS]
- [UNSETTLING MUSIC]

Cedric, it's me. [ECHOES]

It's trivia night tonight
and, uh, I thought

me and you, you know,
the old team, we could...

What was that name
we came up with?

[CHUCKLES] Beauty
and the Priest.

[SOFTLY] Nah.

[SIGHS] I'm not even a
priest anymore anyway.

Look...

I'm sorry, mate.

[SCOFFS]

JIMMY: Cedric. [ECHOES]

[HATCH CREAKS]

[HATCH THUDS SHUT]

[BLEAK MUSIC]

I'm so sorry. The vendor's slow
on getting me a section 52.

I'm chasing the
insurance claims history.

MAN ON PHONE: And
it's a business, yeah?

- It's a caravan park.
- Cause of damage?

CASSIE: Fire apparently.

Oh, yeah, here it is.

Uh, "Claim denied due to fraud."

The claim was deemed fraudulent?

According to our records.
Matter deferred to police.

Anything else you need?

Oh, no. Thank you so much.
You've been very helpful.

[SOFTLY] OK.

[UNEASY MUSIC]

[DOOR SQUEAKS]

[WATER PATTERS]

CASSIE: Andy?!

- Jesus. Cassie.
- Where the hell have you been?

I've been trying to
call you nonstop.

Uh...

[SIGHS] I don't know.

I, uh... passed out.

What happened to your face?

Oh, I, uh...

I tripped and fell
down some rocks.

I was... so wasted,

I, uh... I went outside for
some air and I got lost.

[STAMMERS] When I woke up,
I was miles from anywhere,

so I...

Is it... Do you mind if I
finish my shower, please?

Yeah. Um, I need you to
be at trivia tonight.

Trivia?

Please? For moral
support? I'm the host.

You won't want to miss it.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds
great. I'll, uh...

I'll be there.

- CASSIE: Hmm.
- [UNEASY MUSIC]

[CICADAS CHIRP]

- [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK WHINES]
- CASSIE: Test, test.

One, two. One, two?

[TOWNSFOLK CHATTER]

CHARMAINE: OK, we can win this.

NOEL: There's about 12
sausages in that thing!

MAUREEN: OK, here we go.

Welcome to the Bidgee
Pub trivia night,

where a fresh meat
tray is up for grabs.

[TOWNSFOLK CHEER]

CASSIE: I'm very
excited to be your host.

So without further
ado, let's get into it.

- Question one...
- CEDRIC: Wait a minute.

Oh, look who's back.

[TOWNSFOLK MUTTER]

We have a meat tray to win.

- Uh, no, they don't.
- No.

- Look at that.
- [TOWNSFOLK MURMUR AND CHUCKLE]

[CHAIR LEGS SCRAPE]

CASSIE: OK. Question one.

Octopuses have been described
as the Einsteins of the sea.

They have eight
tentacles and two eyes,

but how many hearts?

[TOWNSFOLK MURMUR]

Easy. It's one. Trick question.

No, she's not gonna start
with a trick question.

Oh, true, eh? You
know who'd know this?

Gareth.

He loves the sea. [ECHOES]

- [BAG RIPS]
- [GARETH SCREAMS]

- [MUFFLED, ECHOING SOUNDSCAPE]
- CASSIE: True or false?

There are more kangaroos
than people in Australia.

[TOWNSFOLK MURMUR]

[UNEASY MUSIC]

CASSIE: What year did
the Berlin Wall fall?

True or false?

It's physically impossible...

[TOWNSFOLK MURMUR]

CASSIE: What's the
singular word...

[TOWNSFOLK MURMUR]

CASSIE: OK, time
for a gear change.

Ooh. Bible knowledge?

No. Party drugs.

Has anyone ever had
their c*ck spiked?

No?

When a drink is spiked,

chances are the drugs
came from a dealer.

What is the maximum penalty
for drug dealing in this state?

Is it A - 40 years?

B - 25 years?

Or C - three years?

VAL: Well, it's not three.

- I thought the maximum...
- Maximum?

- MAUREEN: Or is it B? 25 years?
- AUDREY: What do you reckon?

- Leon?
- Huh?

- 40...
- I don't care. Put anything.

MAUREEN: I know
this. Listen. Wait.

- I've gotta think of the answer.
- [JINGLES BELL]

CASSIE: OK, that's the
end of the round, folks.

- We'll take a short break.
- CEDRIC: Um... [CLEARS THROAT]

CASSIE: Yep. OK.

Uh, in keeping with
tradition, apparently,

Cedric will now read a poem.

OK, yeah. That's
more like it. Yeah.

- Cedric!
- Yay.

[TOWNSFOLK APPLAUD
HALF-HEARTEDLY]

[SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT]

[CEDRIC CLEARS THROAT]

[CHUCKLES]

[CROAKS]

- Nup.
- [CEDRIC CONTINUES CROAKING]

- [CHUCKLES]
- Shh!

CEDRIC: They come.

They come.

They come for us

across the Pacific
from foreign lands.

Tasked with solving
just one prob-I am.

But from their presence.

- A thousand troubles...
- Hey.

What's with these questions?
You're pissing everybody off.

Shut up. Just trust me, alright?

- It'll be worth it.
- [JIMMY SHUSHES]

CEDRIC: A toad I am

[CROAKS]

- [CHAIR LEGS SCRAPE LOUDLY]
- [CEDRIC CONTINUES CROAKING]

ANDY: Sorry.

[CEDRIC CROAKS]

Oh, Gareth. Pick
up the phone, man.

Where are ya?

[CEDRIC CONTINUES CROAKING
AND RECITING FAINTLY]

- [LEON INHALES]
- Nice night.

- [LEON EXHALES LOUDLY]
- ANDY: So many stars, you know?

Different, uh,
constellations down here.

You know, when, uh...
when I was younger, I...

[LEON SPITS]

- [SIGHS]
- [PHONE RINGS]

Oh, thank God. Dom. Listen.

WOMAN ON PHONE: Andy?

It's Liliana.

[SPLUTTERS]

[CLEARS THROAT]
Sorry, hi, Liliana.

[VOICE WAVERS] Hey,
has anyone called you

about Dom?

What? What about...
what about Dom?

Well, he, um...

Dom's dead, Andy.

[LILIANA SOBS] They found
his body in a dumpster.

He was shot.

Robbery gone wrong or something.

[SPARSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

Oh, God...

[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

[SNIFFS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

What the f*ck am I doing here?

Hope you're not thinking
about stealing a car

and leaving town, hot stuff.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Uh...

Hey, uh

how's trivia night going?

Your girlfriend invited me.

She's not my... Uh...

[STAMMERS] Why?

Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
That's what I said.

Oh, well.

Better be good,

otherwise I'll book her
for wasting my time.

Someone hit you over the head?

The... [STAMMERS]
My... my... my what?

Well... seem
stupider than normal.

Do I look alright?

And that's the cry.

The constant cry

Jesus Christ on a bike.

[TEARFULLY] I want to be alone.

[CEDRIC CROAKS]

[CROAKS]

[CROAKS SADLY] Yes.

Thank you.

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE
AND LAUGHTER]

VAL: Yep. Well done.

What do you think you're doing?

- What, trivia?
- No, this ain't trivia.

Who won the cricket?
What's the capital of Rome?

That's trivia.

I told you that sh*t
in confidence, yeah?

It was for a podcast, Leon.

A podcast, was it?

You breathe one word about me

you'll see what happens.

CEDRIC: Did you get it?

Who called the cops? I did.

Big hello to Sergeant
Geraldine Walters.

- JIMMY: Oh. How you doin'?
- G'day.

CASSIE: OK, quick score check.

In the lead, we have
Beauty and the Priest.

[TOWNSFOLK EXCLAIM]

Followed by Bidgeegud Republic.

[HISSES VICTORIOUSLY]

LEON: Very nice. Very nice.

- [MUFFLED, ECHOING SOUNDSCAPE]
- LEON: Oh. Oi!

Oi! [ECHOES]

[CLEAR VOICE] Dickhead.
No f*cking phones.

CASSIE: That's right, Leon.

Phone down, Andy, or
you'll be disqualified.

Amateur. Don't worry. It's off.

sh**t.

CASSIE: Alright.

Here we go.

What was the name of Hugo's dog?

NOEL: That's pretty easy.

It was Reggie.

LEON: You're good at this.

True or false?

Late last year, Charmaine
went to Perth for three months

to take care of a sick aunt.

Everyone knows that.

- MAUREEN: True.
- [TOWNSFOLK MURMUR]

CASSIE: OK.

Now, what is the
maximum prison sentence

for insurance fraud
in this state?

Is it A - one year?

B - 10 years?

Or C - 12 years?

I know this. It's 10 years.

- MAUREEN: You sure?
- Yes, I'm f*cking sure.

- It's 10.
- SHOSHANNA: I think it's 10.

What common nut
can poison a dog,

causing it to lose control of
its nervous system and die?

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]

I know. Just...

CASSIE: What is the most
common cause of house fire?

Is it A - faulty wiring?

B - candles?

Or C - cooking?

[MAUREEN MURMURS INDISTINCTLY]

It's candles. Remember? Yeah.

Final question of the night.

There are motives responsible
for nearly all murders.

- What are they?
- Hmm.

CASSIE: One point for
each correct motive.

What the devil is she up to?

This round will determine
tonight's winner

and we're gonna
mark it together,

so I need you to swap
answers with another team.

JIMMY: Will you pass it to us?

LEON: Andy!

There you go.

No f*cking funny business, eh?

[LAUGHS]

CASSIE: OK, everyone, ready?

- TOWNSFOLK: Mm-hm!
- CASSIE: Alright.

Hugo's dog's name was Reggie.

An easy point.

Because it all
started with Reggie.

God rest his soul.

Hugo loved that dog.

- But Charmaine hated him...
- Hmm?

Because he did his business
on her doorstep every morning.

Hey! Hugo trained him to do it.

So when Reggie turned up dead,
who do you think he suspected?

CEDRIC: Huh?

- This is stupid.
- CASSIE: OK.

What common nut can k*ll a dog?

Answer - the macadamia nut.

It shuts down the
dog's nervous system,

which is the tortured
way that Reggie died.

Next answer - what is the most
common cause of house fire?

The answer is C - cooking.

So it's unusual that the fire

that destroyed
Charmaine's caravans

was started by hippies

too stoned to snuff
out their candles.

Unless of course that was a lie?

[FLAMES WHOOSH]

And if it was, how would the
insurance company ever find out?

Who do you think you are?

The caravan park went
to rack and ruin.

The insurance payout
would have been enough

to get you out of debt,
enough to start again.

Hugo knew Charmaine
torched those vans.

So he had a way to undo her.

He tipped off the
insurance company

to make sure that
she never got paid.

The perfect revenge if it was
Charmaine who k*lled Reggie.

- I don't have to listen to this.
- Sit down.

CASSIE: It's just
a theory, folks.

It's just a theory.

But tonight's not
all about Charmaine.

This is from when Hugo
attended a c*ck party

at Maureen and Trevor's.

I found this photo
of him passed out.

His drink was spiked.

Heart palpitations. Nausea.

Hugo could have died that night.

And when he found out that
the "special ingredient"

came from Leon,

he had the a*mo he needed.

The maximum penalty for drug
dealing is B - 25 years.

LEON: Jesus.

But Hugo was m*rder*d

before he had the
chance to tell the cops.

What a f*cking
load of horseshit.

I didn't k*ll Hugo.

And I'm not a f*ck'
drug dealer, OK?

And why would Hugo blame me

for something that happened

at one of those seedy
parties that they have?

He's been to hundreds of 'em.

Yeah, how about you just
stick to answers, you know...

Um... Like facts.

- Yeah!
- GERALDINE: If you have any.

LEON: f*ck' facts.

OK.

Well, if Hugo had been
to those parties before,

he'd have had
Maureen's c*ck.

So why couldn't he
handle it this time?

[SIGHS] There was a mix-up.

A guest mixed Hugo
too strong a drink

and he had a reaction.

That's all. But he was fine. OK?

Who was the guest?

That's private.

LEON: f*cking exactly.

It's a pub, Your Honour.
Not a f*cking courtroom.

- MAUREEN: Thank you!
- You're way off about this town.

You'd think we'd turn
on one of our own?

Hear, hear.

Well, she was right about me.

I'm not a priest.

I never was.

I tried, but I lied to you.

[SCOFFS]

But thanks to this one,
I've faced up to stuff

that I've been running
away from for years.

Ahh! I even met
up with my family.

- How did it go?
- Good.

Mm. For a day or so.

Then I had a row with
my brother and my mum.

The whole lot of them, actually.

I had to get out of there.

So I'm back.

Anyway, look, the point is...

Jimmy, no-one cares

if you're a real priest or not.

- Do we?
- TOWNSFOLK: No.

No. Absolutely not.

The point is...
you're our priest.

Yeah?

Just like Cedric is... our...

- What, m*rder*r?
- "artist".

[CHUCKLES] Wait a minute.

Are you saying I'm
not a real artist,

but that's OK because I'm...

No, what he's saying is it
doesn't matter who you are,

because you're one of us.

Unlike some.

[UNEASY MUSIC]

But I'm still your quizmaster.

Now, do you wanna win
a meat tray or not?

- Well, yeah.
- I mean, yeah.

- We are in here...
- I would like a meat tray.

- [LEON MUTTERS]
- AUDREY: Let's concentrate.

Maureen just said a
guest at that party

poured Hugo a strong drink.

Maybe it was an accident.

Or maybe it was
meant to k*ll him.

The person who poured that
lethal drink was Charmaine.

Charmaine wanted
Hugo dead that night

and this photo proves
that she was there.

That's Charmaine's
leg in the photo.

- What?
- CASSIE: Her pearl diver tattoo.

Why would I want Hugo dead?

Because he dobbed you in
to the insurance company

as revenge for k*lling his dog.

But not even Hugo had thought
through the consequences,

considering that the
maximum jail time

for insurance fraud
is B - 10 years.

[CLICKS FINGERS] Knew it.

CASSIE: Charmaine
got off lightly

with just a three-month sentence
and a good behaviour bond.

She told everyone that she
was going to look after

her sick aunt, but of
course that was false.

- You and your big mouth, Val.
- Me?

You were the only one who
knew where I really was.

CASSIE: The three most
common motives for m*rder

are money, jealousy and revenge.

It was revenge on Charmaine's
mind when she left jail.

So she went to
Maureen's c*ck party

and tried to poison Hugo.

And when it didn't work,
Charmaine was furious.

So she confronted
Hugo at his UFO site.

You got into an argument
and you grabbed a tyre iron

and you smacked him
over the head with it.

You hauled his body into the ute

and you drove him out into
the middle of nowhere.

You doused his body in petrol
and you set him alight.

That didn't happen.
That never happened.

I didn't k*ll him.

This is your pearl I
found at the UFO site.

No, it isn't.

You wanted revenge for
the money you never got

and the jail time you served.

YOU k*lled him.

- You lying little slag.
- Uh-uh!

- No, come on.
- You k*lled Hugo?

CHARMAINE: No,
she's full of sh*t.

Shoshy, I...

- Shoshanna, wait!
- Oh, yeah, that's right, Val.

Acting like the mother you're
not, you motor-mouth b*tch.

You want to talk
motive. What about Val?

Hugo treated you like
his personal ATM.

Owed you a sh*t ton of money.

Then when you found out he was
rooting around behind your back,

you finally had enough of
being used, so you k*lled him.

Get out. I want you out!

VAL: Pretending to
be my Shoshy's mum.

Trying to make up for not
taking good enough care

of your own little Bobby
John when he was alive.

[YELLS] Get out! All
of you! Trivia's over!

Oh, hang on. Who's
getting the meat tray?

Hey! You have to come now.

Hurry!

- [TOWNSFOLK MUTTER]
- CHARMAINE: Wait.

[EERIE SYNTH MUSIC]

Hugo?

Where am I?

[SYNTH MUSIC INTENSIFIES]