06x06 - Greetings From the President

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to my story about a man

named Jed the poor M barely kept his

family fed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground come a bubble and crude or that

is black gold Texas

Tea well the first thing you know old

Jed's a millionaire the K folks said Jed

move away from there said California is

a place you ought to be so they loaded

up the truck and the move to

Beverly Hills that is swim and pool's

movie stars The Beverly Hillbillies

G how long you reckon it'll take us to

get back to Silver Dollar City I figure

about four or five days a hard drive we

got to get there quicker than that yeah

the festival's fun satday it's getting

over the Rockies will'll take two days

in this thing here pour some of this in

the gas tank oh boy hold on now granny

is that Mountain Dew yeah and it do get

you over the

mountain do melt the

engin de we don't want to miss the

festival and everybody in his dog will

be at Silver Dollar City come Saturday

we'll make it is ain't for going to meet

us fire how about that boy you heard

from your mom no but maybe there's a

letter in this morning's mail I'll go to

the box and see hey wait a minute ell

that's my letter you sure will be nice

to see cousin Pearl again and all the

rest of the folks back home Jim Owen

Mitch Ford the hanss I hear tell Pete

heran had a baby way I hear it it was

his wife

I guess that is pretty old ain't it

that's older than both of us I sure hope

Jimmy Driftwood comes up from Timbo me

too granny I love to hear that Rascal

play the moub I bet they have a square

dance that'll shake the hills with old

chick Allen and a bald ners playing the

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music the

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again how look what I got from your mom

no from the president the president of

what the president of the whole country

you got a letter from Jeff Davis I keep

telling you he ain't the

president I don't get into that crap let

me see

boy do say right granny it says uh the

president of the United States to Jethro

Bodine

greetings what does he want with jeffro

he wants me to join the armed forces and

fight for my country can I join too Paul

well he didn't invite you he just

invited me well I can fight better than

you you can't neither I can't

too that's enough for that uh according

to this Jethro uh you ain't got but a

few days to report yeah next Friday

you'll be driving us to the festival

next Friday now you go in there call the

president and tell him you're too busy

now wait if he was kind enough to send

greetings and a personal invite the boy

ought to show up on time well how we

going to get to Silver Dollar City I

call Miss Jean never put you and Ellie

on the airplane why you coming PP I

think I'd best stay and see jro gets

into the army proper you mean Ellie and

me ain't going to have no men folks to

protect us you don't need no protection

Jed have you forgot what kind of men

come up from them hollers at Festival

time why even a woman at my age ain't

safe from them bold Rascals why they

liable to grab me and kiss me and let's

go call Miss

Jane he's likely to want to go with us

jro is joining the Army well he's

received his induction notice well don't

worry I've got some friends in the draft

board I'll call and use my influence

I'll make sure they take

him in the first place Jethro was

anxious to serve his country he's just

trying to decide which branch of the

service to apply for I was in the Court

of Master Core myself made Sergeant ran

a little Lending Service on the side you

never saw combat did you me I went

through some of the bloodiest fighting

of the w*r got shot at a dozen times but

you never went overseas when you lend

money to soldiers at 40% you don't have

to Mr clett harie Miss Jane I put the

women folks and the suitcases in your

car I sure do appreciate this my

pleasure Mr clappin are you going back

to the hills with him well they did

invite me but it's really up to Mr Dale

oh I'd love for her to go but it would

cost me $300 a week to replace her $300

a is it my fault you do the work for

women certainly

is Mr CL are you coming to the airport

with it well no thank you I got to talk

Monday with Mr D oh yes well you you run

along

well going to deposit a little money eh

no I'm going to draw some out oh it's a

beautiful drive to the airport I know it

is but I need some money for jet R oh I

see a little pocket money for the soul

you boy well I'll take care of that now

let's see his allowance is 50 cents a

week right that's right but and you are

to give him a raise rewarding for his

patriotism that's a good idea let's show

him how proud We Are of him we'll give

him 60 cents a week I had m now don't

don't overdo it after all the government

Pays His expenses and gives them a

handsome salary besides yeah I hear tell

it cost the government $ 35 or $40,000

to train and equip each boy right of

course in Jethro's case it'll cost more

they have to feed

him 50,000 covery oh I think so okay

that's what I want to draw

out you told me that the government up

in Washington was hurting for money and

deep in debt yes but I can't let the

government pay for Jethro when I got all

them million just laying here in your

bank but you just you you people don't

you just

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can't well Jethro back from the studio

he went over there to look at all the

different uniforms in here boy he

figured that to help him decide which

branch of the service to

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join how do you like it standy iron hat

you get your cornered you can butt your

way out Che BR that's the uniform of a

Prussian field Marshall hot dog if you

show up the induction Setter wearing

that they'll

think I I like it it's great I'll go

right over and when you walk in give it

this tell bismar S I ain't decided on

this one for sure I got a whole bunch of

other uniforms well let's see him boy oh

yes sir oh you wait right here now

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doie look at them pist ain't they up

well this the kind of uniform Old Blood

and Guts wore who General Patton he's my

hero a fighting fool roll around in a

great big old tank how you like it Mr D

do you fine fine they'll put him right

in Section 8 is that good a lot of men

try for

it Dy look like you're all set boy oh no

not until I get my tank oh that's right

you better make that

100,000 I said I ain't going to let the

government pay Jethro's bill go get

yourself the best tank money can

buy hey what's he crying about sorry to

see you go

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right well how do you like kind of small

Ain it looks like you got the run of the

litter I think I'd start with this one

then when I got the hang of handle on

the tank give me one of them great big

Rascal BR fa size weapon on this little

tank like a Dandy Goose g*n yeah that

Rascal really reach out and bring him

down what are you sh**t in it but I

couldn't buy no shells but I got a hold

of some blasting powder figure I'd mucle

oder and Tamp in some rocks don't sh**t

it around the neighborhood these city

folks is even jumpy about my squirrel

g*n us tank generals drives mostly

through fields and woods and such I'd

stay out of downtown Beverly Hills if I

was you yes figur the best Woods is up

in Griffith Park is that where you

played Robin Hood yes sir but I done I'd

grow that kind of

stuff well you got until Friday to

practice driving and sh**ting I sure

could use some help in there CH how

about you being mccrew I don't know

nothing about them gadgets boy well you

could be a Prussian Field Marshal I got

the uniforms right there in the day oh

thanks home is a drrive de maybe he can

help you find a

crew okay

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look at that nut have a heart if the

Army finds out that Jethro is idiotic

enough to impersonate a general that

they'll never take him right now go

report to your commanding officer

thank crew reporting for Duty sir and

Miss Jan you're a woman thank you that's

the nicest thing that's been said to me

all day what's the problem here you

having trouble with a soldier you can be

shot for disobeying a general get in

that I can't have a woman in my tank you

want people to think I'm a Nut certainly

not then you be my crew but I'm not in

uniform there's plenty of uniforms in

the tank you can be a Prussian field

Marshall come on happan I'm not going

are you disobeying a

general okay okay it's it's just a short

trip that's what you think we's going to

griffet park oh sure sure just make a

right turn as you go through the gate

going through the gate he's going out

the back way and cut across country

General I mean general what nothing

nothing you and the field Marshall have

a nice trip

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H little machine

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in

hello yes ma'am this is dead clamping

long

distance Pearl how are you Granny and L

get there all right

yeah yeah cous the three of us is just

fixing to leave for the

festival I sure wish you and Jethro was

here me too Pearl but I reckon granny

told you about Jethro yeah she says

Jethro has been offered a job by the

government no she didn't say what kind

of job

but just a minute Jen Alber Brad show

you get off this line I know you're

there I hear you breathing and I ain't

going to have you BL Happ to everybody

in these Hills who I'm talking to so

hang

up after all what I got to say to my

rich cousin ched California who lives in

a mansion in Beverly Hills and his $70

million in the bank and just got back

from his castle in England where he

noted the ear of

clampet is none of your

business well now Pearl getting back to

Jethro oh yeah J I want to hear all

about that fine government job my big

handsome son with the six great Beverly

Hills education is going

to berer Bradshaw that is the rudest

thing I ever heard tell her what' you do

Pearl she hung

up Pearl the men is screaming by your

house on the way at the festival I'm

talking to cousin Jade on the telephone

oh Pearl they're coming up out of the

holler by Dron being old goodl looking

rasal you want to say hello hello

hello up there granny I mean to cousin

Jad on the telephone hello cousin

J granny you come over here oh all right

Ellie you go out on the porch and slow

them down now smile real pretty try and

break their stride they walking too fast

honey he pause on the phone say howdy to

him oh yes my oh here comes that good

looking Walter McKagan

Walter you stay away from Walter M he's

mine hi P hiy Ellie sounds like granny

and Pearls after the same fell yes

sir they's fighting out front I best go

help the loser who's losing Mr

McKagan all right honey you all have a

good time now until Pearl not to worry

about Jetro he doing just fine

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come on let's get a breath fresh here

and then we'll have target

practice ah watch that Von

Hindenburg sorry

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General

ready a got sh in this g*n have you no

thank goodness I wouldn't want to be in

[Applause]

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here hey B Hindenburg come back here

forget it are you deserting Under Fire

you bet you can't get away from me I can

finally anywhere my thing oh yeah well

let's see you follow me across the

lake I'll get you for this you prussing

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dog yep sure enough there they are

tank tracks heading right off into the

woods now hold it Fred this is just the

kind of thing that got you and Tony

split up these wild reports from

Griffith Park like seeing Robin Hood but

we saw them Charlie I swear it just like

you see these tank tracks huh yeah well

I could be a bulldozer they're cutting

fire roads all over here but the park

ranger said he saw the tank get me that

clown on the

horn I'm I'll talk to

him you know they shouldn't leave those

fellas alone up in those towers for so

long gets to them okay Charlie you're

patched into the ranger

thanks Hi how are you say you're about

the report what's that you say you're

looking at a man in uniform in a in a

small boat crossing the

water about to be shot

at tell me is General Washington

standing up or is he oh oh a German

field Marshal in the

boat looks

like van Hindenberg

tell me isn't your Tower quite a long

distance from the lake oh you've got

your glasses uh what's in the

glasses okay okay no no offense tell me

more about the tank you claim you saw oh

that's what's just about to sh**t at Von

Hindenberg I

I I didn't get that who's driving the

tank General

Patton and now he's putting mud and

rocks into the barrel of the g*n and

tamping him down with a broomstick I

see now look you you just sit tight and

we're going to have you airlifted out of

this man he has really gone a he was

right about Robin Hood oh come on Fred B

Hindenburg in a boat General patting in

a tank getting ready to sh**t at

him let's get an AM Medic in a

helicopter

and

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I I wonder Pat carried p*stol sh**t that

Cannon off this

m*rder okay now you see that stump

across the lake down by the water there

yes well that's your target my target

I'm not going to sh**t this thing are

you fixing the dessert again no no no

okay well you get in there and button up

I'm going to get in the boat row across

the lake and see how good you do yeah

you do that clear across then hide

behind some tree

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there it is where right through those

trees my golly it is a tank come

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on it's F Hindenburg

wouldn't do here field

Marshall all right come on out come and

see out

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s come and see here here

Hindenburg oh I'm I'm not I'm not

Hindenburg hey that's the nut was

playing Robin Hood really and he he'll

claim that he's president of the

Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills don't let

this uniform fool you I'm president of

the Commerce Bank of Beverly

yeah hey Charlie where did you learn

this bre in the deuts I was parachuted

behind the German lines was captured and

spent 6 months in a prison camp I

thought you were in the quartermaster

cor I was but I had a transfer to the

paratroops for more pay how come well I

barred a couple bucks from this quarter

master sergeant that shlock charged me

40% interest compounded semi

daily day he had his hooks in me but

good hounded me day and

night see fellas I'm not Von Hindenberg

in fact I'm an xgi a veteran really I

was a sergeant in the Quarter Master

Corp hey I was in a Quarter Master

Corp I was at Port mcard

I was at Fort MaCarthur

too how about that yeah I borrowed some

money from a sergeant called Dracula

Dale you

diduh looked a lot like you I don't

believe I caught your

name B Hindenburg I've been hiding in

Argentina for 50 years

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How it Go boy h no good uncle jet my

crew deserted me I'm going to turn this

thing in and get the truck back you Dro

me off at the sheriff oh sure come on

hop

in I got to take

$2,500 oh what for well 500 is for Mr

dry Dale's bail and 2,000 is what he

owed boy I ought to sh**t that Mr Dale

if we don't get this money down there

there's a fell named Charlie going to do

it for

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you right on

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boy but now it's time to say goodby by

to Jed and all his kin they would like

to thank you folks for kindly dropping

in you're all invited back next week to

this locality to have a heap in helping

of their

Hospitality Hill Billy that is settis

Bell take your shoes off y all come back

now

here this has been a film was

presentation

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