07x09 - Bonnie, Flatt, and Scruggs

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to a story about a man

named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept

his family fed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up through the

ground

or that is Black Gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jim's

a millionaire the folks said can't move

away from there said California is a

place you want to be so deluded up the

truck

Hills that is swimming pools movie stars

a Beverly hillbilly

foreign

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Duke I'll throw it once more

f-e-c-h

you still ain't caught on Happy

all right then watch me

hey watch me

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what you doing boy

learn this old hound dog to fetch sticks

seems to me you've been out there about

10 years now yeah I reckon he's just too

dumb he's just too smart

what do you mean what a Duke went with

stick see you know Bieber yeah but other

dogs fed sticks yeah that's their

problem Duke's got you to do it firm

don't talk like that in front of the

D.O.G this d-o-g is a bloodhound he was

bred for tracking and trailing not

fetching and carrying well he's got to

start at the bottom of the intelligence

ladder just like me I didn't become a

sixth grade graduate overnight took me

12 years of hard work

now watch

Jethro doing that's in a stick you're

spending too much time around Duke

yesterday I call him burying the bone

and he goes to Chasing Cars I'll speak

to him

that lady don't shed

her lips

fixing something special for Lester and

Earl are you I'm starting out with cow

cut casserole

really you're gonna have a hard time

topping man you ain't hurting us after

the casserole I'm bringing on a steam

and pattern of tadpole tunnels

then comes crackling bread pork greens

minced May pots goat try chickens and

baked possum stuffed with ch*nk

dressing ready that is what you call

real soul food well I'm doing this for

the sake of Lester so that pretty wife

of his can learn country cooking granny

you know I always said there is no

beating a beautiful woman that can cook

thank you

hey dude look coming up the driveway

it's some Bank robber's Bonnie and Clyde

hi Duke these bloodthirsty K*llers

[Music]

I still say we should have changed

clothes before we came up here but there

wasn't time Earl we have to be back for

more publicity pictures in an hour well

we scared Jethro into the house ah he

recognizes

sure even Duke noses yeah Jethro's as

smart as dude

that's Lester Flatt and Earl scrugg and

Gladys Lester's wife how come he's

dressed like that I probably stopped in

Hollywood and bought to sell some new

style clothes that dress the lattices

where it is probably the latest thing

from Paris

gee I hope these 1930s Styles never come

back not one man was me all morning

who's going to whistle at a woman with a

sawed-off shotgun especially when her

husband has a machine g*n

I guess we ought to explain these

clothes we're wearing oh we figured it

out glad to see you so prosperous

oh I didn't buy it

jabard drinks and it's almost 40 years

old

I know Lester was careful with his money

but that's ridiculous I just spend it

all on that new car

why are you dumb

we're supposed to look like gangsters

Ellie but those g*ns they're just props

yeah we've been taking publicity

pictures for a new album

all right that's enough come on let's go

it's all in the middle and Company music

granny don't go hitting right off

one cup lesson for me and you won't have

to wear that 40 year old Barbie dress I

think I'll change it right now granny

I'll meet you in the kitchen okay yeah

I'm gonna change too these butches ain't

got enough of guilt to them

come on Jay you can help me call the

chitlins good idea granny that's gonna

turn on you quicker than uh rancid

chitlin

Miss Platt if you was going to change

your clothes can I borrow your suit

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Mr Drysdale down to the bank

[Music]

[Applause]

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regular online yes somebody must be

attempting a robbery well they'll never

get a punish Miss Bank they'll fight

them at the tallest Windows we'll fight

them at the Cassius cage we'll fight

them in the escrow department in the

loan office in the vault this is so bear

ourselves that's if the Commerce Bank

lasts for 1 000 years after sale they're

too bad that's back to your post you

Craven coward sign the shoulder to

shoulder with your Brave Conrad look Mr

Drysdale they will lie on the lawn

what's the car doing he was doing about

30 when he left fight alone you come to

those Bandits and the entire reward is

yours five dollars and cash

foreign

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even he might put up a fight Chief

oh excuse me

is Mr Dry still here

nobody but us cleaning women

during his shoes

where's Drysdale I don't know I'm just a

old scrub woman you look awful lot like

Drysdale

exactly like him

oh now you've discovered my secret

I'm his mother

oh his mother and he lets you scrub the

floor yes he's such a wonderful boy so

generous that's why his world is empty

you mean there's no money in the boat

none

he just uses it the girl mushrooms

poison mushrooms and don't come in there

hi what's going on here what you doing

mess around with that old woman we

supposed to be here scared Mr Drysdale

you dumb bunny I thought you said I was

Bonnie

I'm here with you all the time Death

Note that's why I went along with a guy

I wasn't scared at all you k*lled me

it's a good idea let me have a g*n

jeffrow oh yeah don't sh**t Mr Godzilla

just a prop oh let me have yours honey

well it's just a prop too

you know Mr Drysdale you make a pretty

good Clyde yourself you sure I did see

it Jethro

let me have that jacket

oh I'll teach that chicken bookkeeper to

dessert his post

I'll stare right out of his sleeve

Gardens

he's in their voice but be careful he's

armed

all right now you're gonna get yours

750 and it's all mine

is that Lester neural yes that's Foggy

Mountain Breakdown the song they did for

Bonnie and Clyde well this time they're

gonna do it for granny and Jen you

from The Leftovers

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one more time boys one more time

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our pleasure granny say Jed you've done

a good job blowing Granny's joke well

the blowing in hardwood kitchen is

fighting the feedback from the fumes of

course Gladys she's out in the kitchen

I'm learning her to make leftover loaf

you ain't mean none of that said

jethrocon yeah I I finally call him away

from the cross

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I want to thank y'all for the clothes

in the cloud drove around the back

you'll come in through the kitchen oh no

my leftovers

she'll never make it on them short legs

gladys's cooking less if she gets in

Jethro's way there goes Gladys

come on

gone

everything's gone

got it what happened

I'm here granny

are you all right darling I think so

granny

I was at the refrigerator and suddenly I

heard this frightening noise so I dived

under the table right named noise yes a

roaring grinding sound like a a giant

garbage disposer that's what it was

you're safe now honey it won't feed for

another two hours

will you please bake a cake with a saw

in it a store he'll eat anything

it's not for me it's for Mr Drysdale

he's in jail

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well aren't you going to come in and say

hello to Mr flatten Mr Scruggs no I am

not they're just giving back their

stupid wardrobe and props well instead

of pouting you should be grateful I got

you out of jail and it didn't cost you a

single set it didn't how how'd you

manage that I told the police we were

filming a commercial for the bank and

they believed you yes Bonnie and Clyde

commercials are all the rage now I ad

lived a complete scenario for them yeah

yes

I have all the great Bandits of the 30s

Converge on Los Angeles and clean out

every bank but when they came to yours

they were filed by superbanker

see I have a fabulous idea we'll make a

commercial we're all a great balance of

the 30s Converge on Los Angeles and

clean out every bank but when they get

to mine they are foiled by super Bankers

it has a familiar ring to it and I ever

play superbacco Oh Chief not those green

tights again you're just jealous of my

legs now you get over the studio and

borrow a wardrobe and props I always

want to make a deal with the actors I'll

get them for free What actors well

granny can play marbacher Jed can play

Dillinger Ellie and Jethro Bonnie and

Clyde flattened squuzzle do the music

and Mrs fat will play uh pretty girl

Floyd that's Pretty Boy Floyd who's

gonna believe she's a boy

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who are you

yeah what part are you playing I'm

supposed to be a fellow name of John

Dillinger who's he well I must have been

one of them they're fine Sears Mr dry

ideal says he opened up a whole bunch of

banks

I'm the only one that ain't getting no

new fancy clothes to wear who are you

supposed to be somebody by the name of

Ma Barker

I don't know what part are you playing

Gladys well I was supposed to be pretty

girl Floyd but I held out for the lady

in red who was she oh she was a very

seductive siren who lured John Dillinger

to his Doom now why couldn't I play a

part like that you want a train well

granny I don't think this dress would

fit you too well

yeah I see what you mean

it's too long for me

Mr Drysdale I think we got your theme

song down pretty good you have a theme

song yes ma'am it's called The Ballad of

Melbourne Drysdale

I wrote the lyrics myself let's hear it

fellas

comment listened to a story about the

Commerce Bank greatest in the land and

there's one man to thank generous and

kind martial arts for you that fellow's

name is Melbourne Drysdale

[Music]

foreign

was a hero when Just a Little Tike to

save his town from flood and stuck his

finger in the dark they offered him a

big reward money by the band gave it all

to charity Satan open drives Dave

that's all that's enough and wait a

minute you haven't heard the part where

they begin to really praise me let's

keep it that way God all right fellas

just forget the next 20 verses and go

right to the Finish we got to do this

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but when they reached the Commerce Bank

and K*llers turned two because they're

like a bear stood the open drives days

super Banker that is real nice fella

y'all keep them deposits coming yeah

it's like magnificent Sensational this

song will become a classic well I'll go

round up the cast we'll get out of the

bank and start filming

Mr plot Mr Scruggs may I ask you one

question sure far away

was he able to talk to internationally

famous entertainers like yourself into

performing that this piece of dribble

well for my part he promised you my new

banjo book on every single commercial

and what's your excuse he promised to

get my wife a genuine full-length

chinchilla

that's a very expensive fur coat okay we

can start filming now yelling he's back

from our secret mission what secret

mission Mr dosdale sent us

Earl Scruggs and the five-string banjo

uh you learned to play the banjo Mr

Scruggs

I'm learning oh good

good

clad come in through here

Jethro him and nice playing Bonnie and

Clyde that's Clyde

I like Claude

what's that Ellie that's what Jethro and

me got on our sacred mission

present for Gladys from Mr Drysdale

well gentlemen I'm sure we all know what

this is yeah a genuine chinchilla

Lester how are you skin and chinchilla

not as good as that Banker is a skin and

guitar Pickers

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just call me pretty girl Floyd

your pretty girl Floyd well Gladys ain't

playing it and I want to wear the latest

style clothes too that outfit you're

back in the 20s

it does make me look young don't it

I'm going to call the rest of the

Outlaws we as Outlaws well yes you see

the whole idea of this film is to show

that crime does not pay it will be one

big commercial for virtue and clean

living and of the Commerce Bank they're

one and the same thing right on Clyde

when next you see me I'll be super

Banker

[Music]

all right Mr Plant Mr Scruggs you may

stop the music now

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all right action

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[Applause]

desperate mad dog K*llers enter this

bank to commit robbery but your money is

always safe in the Thomas Bank of

Beverly Hills because it is protected by

Me

by me oh look Lester it's Paul Newman no

it's Rock Hudson oh no no it is your

heroic president Melbourne Drysdale

Alias superbacker stand back when I

throw the Scoundrels out

[Music]

I will teach you to keep me out of 7.50

rewards

come back anytime

but I reckon you know what you're doing

[Music]

thank you

well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heap and helping of

their Hospitality he'll believe that is

set his Bells take your shoes off I'll

come back now here

this has been a filmwise presentation

Viacom

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