07x13 - The Week Before Christmas

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to a story about a man

named Jed to pour him up near barely

kept his family said and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground come a bubble and crude oil that

is black gold Texas Tea well the first

thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire

the Kim folks said Jed move away from

there said California is a place you

ought to be so deluded up the truck in

the motor Beverly Hills that is swimming

pools movie stars The Beverly

Hillbillies

foreign

[Music]

I'm expecting a letter from my sweetie

in hootersville Sam Drucker you guessed

it myself

sure Jordan that's where he belongs to

Sweeto wrestle

here's you and Sam are kind of serious I

guess you think it's kind of silly for

someone so old not at all of course I

ain't no chicken myself

let me have it oh it's coming with the

rest of the mail by Pony Express Pony

Express

come on Red Rider

come on get ready a letter the males

ain't slow enough I have to have an

eight for a postmaster

a scene from Sam take away

mmm smells really good granny not as

good as Sam's letters oh this is for

Jethro from Billy Joe Bradley give me my

letter

[Laughter]

Hmm this one smells better in Billy

Joe's letter not as good as Sam's this

one's for Jethro 2 from Bobby Joe

Bradley

hi Jethro a couple letters for you

now listen you little Goomer you give me

my letter or you and me is gonna play

Cowboy and Indian and the Indian is

gonna win

ah this is from Sam that romantic devil

it smells better than that mother two

I'm pretty scared to snip it

thank you

may be wrong granny but that smell like

spare ribs told you he was a romantic

devil the last letter was ham hocks and

the one before that was pickle pig's

feet maybe you ought to keep Sam's

picture in a large can

oh Jed spare rib

oh it's gone beyond that

really so belly

the fragrance of Love he's getting

serious kid first it was pig's feet and

then ham hocks then spare ribs and now

South belly see what you mean he's

headed up that hog straight for the

heart

down this is bound to be a proposal no

granny uh before you get your hopes up

too high you reckon them fragrances

could be on a kind of Sam writing his

letters on butcher paper oh no this

ain't no accident that Rascal knows what

he's doing

he has done stirred up the fires that I

thought was banked for good

yes bro I'd like to be alone while I

read my love letter you think you've got

a love letter get a whiff of these

kids stuff I think it is those have been

beautiful Bradley girls who promised to

marry me both of them yeah they know us

big Hollywood producers has always got

lots of wives

not at the same time booby well then

they'll just have to take turn

I'll marry Billy Joe one day and Bobby

Joe the next

foreign

like he eats can't wait for the second

helping

you and I'll read you my letter

kind of personal oh you might find it it

might racy but you're a grilled Man true

if it commences to give you high blood

just raise your hand and you can leave

the room that's fair Warren you have

granny I hope you will come to

Hooterville for Christmas all of you

did you hear that yet

he wants all of me

takes a bit right in his teeth don't he

yesterday I saved my sausage skin my

chitlins and hung my ham I hope you like

them sugar

bold Rascal oh you sugar did he

read it for yourself

I think that goes with the next line I

hope you like them sugar cured

read your own mail you're not just

trying to hip

your fire has been banged so long he's

done gone out

all right you just make arrangements to

get us to Hooterville and I'll take it

from there fair enough I'll go talk to

Mr drizey

[Music]

he's alone now Sam lay it on the line

you Saucy scalawag

granny are we going to Hooterville for

Christmas yeah honey but don't bother me

now I think Sam's building up to a

proposal well is Mr Drysdale going to

take care of my critters like you've

done Thanksgiving yeah yeah you hear

that virtual Mr Drysdale is going to be

giving you breakfast in bed again oh no

he ain't not in my house oh but

Fairchild likes it well I don't now you

let Mr Drysdale board him over to his

place and let him get his sheets all

torn up with them claws I wouldn't

do that he wouldn't huh come take a look

[Music]

[Music]

go get it back

back

what y'all about

my letter before I had time to read it

now I don't know whether Sam proposed to

me or not did go Ram your hand down his

throat infection out of his stomach

I believe I'll pass on that you can do

it you got long arms yeah I want to keep

them that way maybe Ellie can get him to

cough it up well if she don't we're

having brisket of beer for supper

tonight

[Music]

she's got a surprise for you

come

on bear

your fair Child come on

granny I'm awful sorry but Fairchild

swallowed your letter for I could catch

him where I'm gonna sh**t it oh no honey

I'm just gonna steer it out of them

don't blame him Granny he didn't know it

was a proposal from Sam Drucker I don't

either that's the t*rture of it I don't

know

how quick as we get to hold a bill

you'll know how soon he's going well I

reckon as soon as Paul gets back from

seeing Mr drive to you all right honey

you run on in and pass yep

foreign

[Music]

are you responsible for the employees of

this Bank referring to me as Ebenezer

Scrooge no why do you ask when I came to

the lobby just now they all chatted in

unison here come the Scrooge here come

the screws

now Chief in all fairness of the

employees you do not display much

holiday spirit how do they want from me

I give them half a day off on Christmas

I'm gonna let them celebrate with their

families your employees can't afford

families they're lucky they're not

spending Christmas in jail jail yes look

what I just took out of my suggestion

box shocking vicious and distant I

should turn them over to the vice squad

and those are just from the women

if you would only display a little

generosity a Christmas bonus a few gifts

I refuse to commercialize Christmas just

to kowtow to my Pampered employee

gonna bother you a minute oh come in

come here

my name is Gene

yeah it's quite a blaze you got to go in

there oh yes but you see every Christmas

I burn all the Widow's mortgages

what does it feel like working for a man

like Mr dryer do you well I'll tell you

that she just told me she said Chief

you're all hard

I'm

coming children

[Music]

okay sure hope this operation ain't

gonna take too long it won't get my

gloves out of the sterilizer and put

them on me

I'm sure it may just get the Hooter Bill

me too what else you want me to do

fetch in the patient

lay them on the operator

whilst I make my incision well that

sounds simple enough uh who's the

patient his name is Fairchild he's out

back okay

hey wait a minute

you mean Ellie's bear that's right I

gotta remove a letter out of his stomach

I ain't gonna hold down no bear watch

you Whittle on him oh it's all right I

aim to give him a good stiff Joe to

anesthetic I for sure ain't gonna hold

down no drunk bear

everybody

wanted to be a doctor don't you not like

this uh-uh no sir not me no you're a

chicken intern

that's right I'll hold a chicken for you

but not a bear you're scared of a little

blood well it's mine yes ma'am

all right set up my X-ray camera and if

we hurry maybe I can read my letter

without opening them up

[Applause]

did you break up the employee

demonstration demonstration it was out

and out Mutiny they demanded the full

day off Christmas oh I can't control

what these anymore

get me a couple of police dogs and some

tear gas Mr Carver is in your office

well that's right and here while you

were flogging the mutineers they set up

this beautiful gift there you see

they need discipline they love me all

the more for it it's chosen

that I care

sorry to keep you waiting Mr clavut oh

my employees gave me this well ain't

that nice

I reckon the fellow in your position can

always use a clock ah how do you know

it's a thought I can hear a ticket

that ain't too good for a clock is it

it's a water clock an old Egyptian water

clock very rare and valuable oh it's

here at the bank sure must think the

world of you

yes they wanted to give me a big blowout

glad to be alive don't it very glad well

I get right down to business first off I

want to thank you for taking care of

Ellie's Critters while we was in

Hooterville my pleasure oh you enjoyed

it did you had a wonderful time loved

every minute of it even the bear

oh a fair child we're Pals buddies I

love that beer yeah then I don't feel

like I'm imposed when I ask you to do it

again

again yep we're going back to

Hooterville for Christmas you're leaving

me with the bear that's right oh Mr

Clampett please please you don't have to

beg method to drive there we're glad to

give you the pleasure Merry Christmas

describing them employers you sure love

you they just sent you up another clock

picking a way to beat the band

[Music]

all right Jeff bro when I give the word

set off the flash powder ready

this ain't no X-ray camera

do you think you know more about it than

the drummer that sold it to me I know

this camera can't take no picture the

inside of that bear it's Pitch Black in

there that's what you gotta light up and

how do we do that Mr sixth grade

graduate simple we

we mix a little of this here flash

powder with honey and have the bear to

swallow how do we set it off that's

simple too

[Music]

thank you

unscrew the bow out of the lamp

now turn on the switch

now these live electricity in there but

that bear don't know that because he's a

dumb animal so so we put some honey in

there then when Mr Stupid younger sticks

his tongue in to get the honey

would you do that again Jethro I wasn't

watched

[Music]

I don't miss James Jethro

what happened you were set upon by Angry

back employees were you no ma'am this is

powder burns from the expl*si*n Were You

There When the clock went off no ma'am

but I was there when the flash powder

went off flash powder yes ma'am I was

holding in my hand when I stuck my

tongue in the light socket

you know Jethro I'm I'm not going to ask

you any more questions I'd appreciate

that

sit down take off your hat I'd rather

leave it on until my hair grows back

I promise

yeah well what can I do for you I'd like

to borrow your fancy red convertible to

drive to Hooterville you see the Bradley

girls think I'm a big Hollywood producer

oh they are attractive girls aren't they

they sure are

I want to marry him both of them yes

ma'am I propose to him they both said

yes

it's against the law to marry two girls

but they don't know that it's just

double Country Girl

[Music]

oh hi Billy Joe Bobby Joe good morning

Mr Drucker I put your postmaster cap

back on we have two more love letters to

mail to our fiance Jethro and these are

going to need stamps made of asbestos

for telling him our plans for the

honeymoon oh

big Hollywood producer he promised to

make us stars and propose to both of us

and we both accept it so let's just see

how he gets out of this mess well I just

hope you don't scare the whole clamp and

family out of coming to Hooterville for

Christmas

oh I wouldn't worry about that Granny

wouldn't miss seeing her sweetie

we know you've been riding too nothing

like this not love letters just newsy

stuff fact is I wrote them on butcher

paper

Christopher Marla wrote some of his most

passionate poetry on butcher paper come

live with me and be my love a rabbit Sam

topped that come live with me in

Hooterville and we will

cut that out there granny ain't got a

serious thought in her head about me

opposed

he proposed it is ready I just talked to

Mr Drysdale he's all set to go to

Hooterville feed him in a Jed

he proposed it

he didn't put folks

what do you know I take it you didn't

get Sam's letter back

it's driving me crazy again I don't know

whether he asked me to get married or to

go fishing yeah why don't you play it

safe take a wedding dress and a Bait

Bucket

just k*lling me well no why don't you do

a little fishing on the telephone

what you mean call up Sam hit around

maybe you can find out what he wrote

oh

that's a good idea

now look girls I don't have any more

time for nonsense here here help

yourself to stand postmark those and put

them in the out of town box

get it

sure

really

just a minute oh Sam it's for you it's

Granny from Beverly Hills wow we're

gonna have to start writing our love

letters on butcher paper

[Music]

oh Sam is for you well that was Bobby

Joe Bradley did you get my letter I sure

did see him that was a Dandy letter

do you remember what you wrote

do you remember the question you asked

me

he popped the question

well Sam it was sure sweet reading it

but it would be even sweeter if I was

hearing it from your own lips what do

you mean right now

well here it is will you come to

Hooterville for Christmas all of you

that was your question

try me on another one well

I think word for word where is a letter

you wouldn't believe me if I told you

let me ask you a question Sam I'm

wondering what to pack

should I bring something old and

something new and something boring

something blue oh for the wedding yeah

but well granny about that wedding

listen don't you dare tell her that

we're putting Jethro on

uh oh well listen granny we'll have to

talk about that after you get here

no I'm awful sorry I can't talk now you

hurry on to Hooterville and we'll be

looking for you bye

still don't know for sure he mentioned a

wedding and then he started crawfish

the sooner we get going the sooner

you'll know

I'm gonna take that Sam grucker a jar of

my pickled muskrat Tails

a scrap team

ain't they got love Powers you betcha he

saw bellies me I must scratch him

glad you're back boy we ready to start

for Hooterville not me I ain't going why

not

because I don't want to spend Christmas

in the Hooterville jail and Mr Drysdale

says that's where I'll be if I show my

face up there how come

because I promise to marry both the

Bradley girls he says he'll get me for

uh alienation of affection a breach of

Promise a bigamy fraud and something

called a totally knowley dictum

I should probably not only victim I

ain't sure but he said they could send

me to the electric chair let your chair

yes sir and once you stuck your tongue

in a light socket you don't want no part

of that rascal

[Music]

I just can't wait no long well how are

we gonna get there Jethro don't drive us

oh I'll drive you down to the bank and

Miss Jen could drive you the rest of the

way

their child's ready to go stay with Mr

Drive Taylor

[Music]

oh you don't have to leave him there now

Ellie Jethro's staying home all the way

the police might come looking for me

here and then go get me for no probably

no lead victim holy Nelly him

what does that mean nothing I made it up

I'm scared the dead I got a death row he

won't go within a thousand miles

that was terrible it was brilliant Sam's

rocker is not alluring my Hillbillies to

Sin City USA Sin City

of the Corn Belt oh I feel wonderful

where's my whip I'm going down and Vlog

the sellers

come in

excuse me Mr drives the eagle I wonder

if I could ask you another little favor

anything the answer is yes before you

even ask thank you

uh Miss Gene uh would you mind driving

us to Hooterville what

I do wait a minute what about Jethro I'm

staying with you Mr Drysdale I might

need a lawyer

he is your friend Mr dry Dale

hey just a honing in a pond and it's

been Christmas with you

I missed you guys Dale here's a present

for you oh thank you Granny oh it ain't

for me the colors downstairs asked me to

give it to you you sure love that man

let's go Merry Christmas

[Applause]

[Music]

what you crying for Mr Drysdale you got

me you got Fairchild you got this

beautiful present

sounds like a clock yeah

I may let this one go off

[Music]

well now it's time to say goodbye to

jedding all his kin they would like to

thank you folks for kindly dropping in

you're all invited back next week to

this locality to have a heap and helping

of their Hospitality

hillbilly that is sellers Bell take your

shoes off y'all come back now here

[Music]