07x22 - The Happy Bank

[bunniefuu]

and listen to him a story about a man

named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept

his family fed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground from a bubble and crude oil that

is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jeb's

a millionaire the kinfolks said Jed move

away from there said California is at

least you ought to be so deluded up the

truck in the mood to Beverly Hills that

is swimming pools movie stars a Beverly

Hillbillies

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foreign

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I wasn't lying to you Mr Drysdale turned

this whole fifth floor into our Health

and Welfare Department

and you say it's free to all Bank

employees yeah I don't believe it not

from Mr Drysdale oh it's true this

beautiful red hair didn't cost me a

penny she did it the dentist

must be a wig maker too no no no it's

too it's my own hair she grew it yeah

pull it

run your fingers through it

push it out

again

once more we believe you I know but I

like it that red hair is going to get

you in trouble Mr Cratchit

just call me brick

hey girl look at this

harness mended teeth Whittle shoes fixed

that's right Mr clamper does that isn't

he the man that has 80 million dollars

in this space that's right who has 80

million dollars

he has 80 million and he widows he's

eccentric he's new Billy he's beautiful

I'll bet he's married no he's a widower

he's beautiful relax you don't need any

harness mended or teeth whittles I got a

shoe that needs fixing

looks okay to me

how about now

what's going on up here get back to your

desk what do you think this is get the

employee Health and Welfare Department

who told you that

he did who told you you did I lie a lot

I'm getting back to your desk on the

doubles Mr Drysdale you told me you were

going to start a comprehensive program

of employee benefits yes we're supposed

to get free dentistry free surgery stop

using that filthy four letter word in my

presence what four-letter word breathe

missed the guys there what about the

Clampetts you promised them you send

them all your employees they'll be angry

so what when I see the clappers I'm

gonna tell them to get up

there's the care of it you're ready get

out

we've been looking for you we've been

looking for you too when are you gonna

come and send it up your employees well

here they are I brought them up myself

yeah that's Danny come on in ah here we

go children out the welfare time Follow

Your Leader is it true that you fix

shoes well uh yes ma'am look what I did

oh well I'll have that fixed in the

Jiffy oh thank you oh here let me help

you man well girls seeing if there's no

emergency cases I'm Gonna Take Your

Leader first look at me what for I'm

gonna pull them bad teeth of yours and

fit you with this upper plate the Jed

whittles for you no no no no no what do

you mean no oh they're beautiful Jack

would love those Jack he's a poor old

fella that works with me hasn't got a

tooth in his head that's what I meant by

no I was thinking of poor old Jack down

there without any teeth you take care of

him first you mean that yes yes the

Health and Welfare of my employees must

always take precedence over my own

personal needs

money thank you I'll go along he might

not believe his good fortune

girls

who'd like to be first in the dentist

chair

hey looks like we got us some customers

today anybody need Psychiatry oh yeah

writing wow

hot dog looks like I found my last work

ready why do all them girls need

Psychiatry that it's their mothers it's

your mother's why I'll find that out

when I lay bare their heads oh no it'll

be none of that maybe the end's in the

brain I reckon that's where the word

idiot comes from

Lauren nicely I'll learn them to free

associate their sake's and traumatize

their complexes till it goes to loving

their m*rder

where do you get all this talk I've been

reading about old Sigmund fruit

he's about to start this whole thing

over to Vienna that's the capital of

Australia

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ready

oh Emily I'm glad you're here we is

crawling with patience Mr Drysdale is

fetching him up by the batch now get

their names and write them down in your

book

there's five girls in jestro's office

you can get their names later well what

has they been trained for Doctor best I

can figure out is that he's giving them

idiot lessons

anyway he's turning him into mother

lovers foreign

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's getting ready to have baby kittens

and I didn't want to leave the home

alone

can I put her in the Maternity Ward

strictly speaking she ain't one of Mr

dry steals employees well she could be

of course she done having her babies she

could go to work cleaning out my

yeah all right

don't tell nobody we'll put her in the

book as a cleaning woman

he ought to have more of a name than

just Louise

well we could call him miss his cat

Dandy put down that Mrs Louise Katz was

admitted to maternity this morning yes

ma'am granny

and mark down that it was emergency

come on little mama

you is the first maternity case of Mr

drysdale's Health and Welfare plan

oh Haley

why don't we call the first boy

Melbourne Drysdale cats good idea granny

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did you really carve this Mr Clampett

yes ma'am

instead of log from back in the hill

it's beautiful it's uh primitive Rodan

oh man that's Arkansas Cedar

Chili's ready I was referring to the

sculptor the man

oh what the man is Jim Owen your shoes

ready you wanna sit down

I'll slip it on here

thank you for catching me

I wish I had a man around all the time

you fall a lot do you

no

I mean

it's such a comforting feeling a man

who's tall strong

rugged handsome

has anyone ever told you you look like

John Wayne

no and uh I hope nobody ever says it to

John Wayne neither

hi Louise I mean Miss cat I'm she ain't

commenced having her kittens I mean

babies yes reckon I'll stay within a

Maternity Ward good idea Ellie but put

on your nurse's uniform make it look

real official yes ma'am

come fetch me if you need help oh well

wow

you say this is a crow call that's right

you just blowing out a couple times an

Old Crow come right to you

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I thought you meant a bird

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see you got her shoe fixed yep she's

ready to go back to work no I'm not I

mean she hasn't checked me over

she's right kid there's more to her than

just feet I'll Grant you then

right over here honey

I'm either going to have to lengthen

that dress or shorten them legs

what's your name Carol Bennett

swing more Apartments Rescue five seven

three nine nine are you married no I

live all alone if they swing more

Apartments Rescue five seven three nine

nine

I ain't hard of hearing honey

now I'll check them cheese

oh yeah

fine Dandy said of teeth

just perfect even Jen couldn't whistle

them no better

be glad to hear I have perfect teeth

yeah

but I'm gonna have to sound proof them

gums or take a Chuck in your lips you

got too much voice for the size of your

mouth

I can't find enough secretaries to type

these documents well they're up in the

fifth floor getting Health and Welfare

from the cloud let's go around the mouth

right oh oh what oh bad Carol Bennett's

up there who's she a new girl a

nightclub singer it is my opinion that

she took a job here only to get a line

on your biggest depositors

shed clap it precisely but why did you

hire her I didn't well I should have

screened her you did what did I say wow

oh Mr Drysdale I've done psycho this

year secretaries they don't hate their

mothers no more good good they hate you

well the feeling is mutual now get back

to your desk there's work to do open Mr

Drysdale I found out why they hate you

you just give me the word and I can cure

them like that man can I go back to work

just like that right you k*ll them

you heard him girl everybody gets a

raise

I don't like to hurry you doctor but

Miss Bennett here is needed at her debts

well I'm done with her but she says she

wants to take lessons from Jen oh what

kind of lessons

Mendon

she says Jen can come up to her place at

night oh he's a fine girl very ambitious

that's the truth you don't find many

girls wanting to men harness these days

Dwayne I mean Mr Clansman you need it

right away immaturity maternity yes sir

silly I mean uh Miss cat's about to have

a baby

she works for you she's a cleaning lady

foreign

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woman can't have her baby here

ain't the Health and Welfare Department

of your bank well yes

I'd better talk to her

are you the baby's father oh well of

course not I'll get in touch with him we

don't know who the father is

n't she married

woman should be in a hospital with a

real doctor

hi doctor

if this gets hard I'm ruined Mr Drysdale

you're fired really yes really you go

back to singing that's a good idea I'll

start singing right away but I'll sing

the newspapers the health department TV

radio oh yes they love these unwed

mother Story You're hired again with a

raise and a bonus

what kind of a bonus free lessons and

harness mending at night for Mr Kravitz

at your place dad

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I know you've gone to that great Bank in

the sky or wherever it is but you always

said if I ever really needed you you'd

find some way to communicate with me

well Dad I really need you

please send a message to me

listen Dad I'll tell you what I'll do

you know that little church in the

valley the one you always thought was so

quaint and pretty

well if you'll get me out of this mess

I'll go out there right now and in your

name

I'll foreclose on it

I'm sorry but I'm unable to trace this

Mrs cat

that's obviously a phony name she gave

granny she isn't even married

mother if this story ever gets out I am

ruined

Mr Drysdale old Jack says you can have

the teeth back he can't use them why not

oh he says I want you pay him he can't

afford to buy solid food

you hear that Dad that's gratitude for

you

it's him

Rosemary's father the Prince of Darkness

Mr graziel's father oh I worked for him

40 years ago I was six foot tall then

but he he beat me down don't be

frightened Mr Drysdale senior he died

many years ago oh I'm not so sure I said

then we should have driven a steak

through his heart

oh I I forgot and Mr Clampett whittled

this for you he said being a bird

watcher you might like to have it oh

dear

stop making that silly noise and get up

to the Maternity Ward see how Mrs Katz

is doing right chief

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please dad get a message to me give me a

sign

foreign

look I got your picture up I'm proud to

be your son

dad you know the spot I'm in

tell me what to do

got a message for you Mr Drysdale granny

told me to tell you to clean the woman

had a boy is everything all right I

reckon so they named it Milburn Drysdale

cat

hey named it after me yep they like the

name the second one after your wife

twin

oh no sir triplets they named the third

one yet dad

what do I do oh don't turn your back on

me I need you talk to me

please

God damn is she talking to that Crow

it's still Crow

that's my thought

s how'd you like to come up to my

Psychiatry office the couch is empty

right now go away Jethro leave us alone

dad won't talk to me while you're here

for sure I'll go

but if let's take this along with me it

looks kind of sharp if you're not seeing

you Mr Drysdale

you too Mr Dodge Dale

bye

he needs help you're telling me

well Chief I have the latest bulletin

from the Maternity Ward yeah it's

triplets no quintuplets bye yeah some

more on the way oh no did you hear that

Dad

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don't be me now I need you

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come back

coward deserter oh you really are mean

and rotten did I hear you refer to that

Crow as Dad yeah as he came from the

other world he flew in here and answered

to a call and flew out when I told him

what the call was about chicken

that's the newspaper I'm not here and

you don't know anything

it's roswell's office

yes Ellie

what

seven I guess I'll tell him

Chief I heard I heard where are you

going to the nearest bar well go to well

that doesn't have a television set if

this news gets out they'll beam it off

the satellite

yeah this is is too big to hide for long

especially with Carol around speaking of

Carol that girl acts as though she owns

this owns this bag

you may

oh hi to this girl oh wow what's the

latest on Mrs cats

Danny bunch of young and seven and all

seven that must be a world's record oh

no I can heal that I've seen as many as

12 or 13.

well Mama and the young ones are doing

just fine Ellie Mae and Chester's gonna

take them all up to our house

the mother's in there too yep

is there room oh sure she had her last

babies in the Hat Box uh may I have a

look sure but don't scare now

it's the cast that's right and we'd

appreciate it if you didn't tell Mr dry

State he thinks she's a cleaning woman

don't worry I won't tell I'll be back

directly in case you need cycling I can

talk Mr Drysdale into giving you a raise

he already gave me one and I think I

better start earning it

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I wonder when the rest of Mr drysdale's

employees is going to come up you know I

kind of wish they don't show up

if I ain't getting kind of homesick

me too

where is everybody the Maternity Ward is

empty oh Jethro and Ellie May took the

mama and the baby's home to our house

are they all right oh sure you can stop

worrying about them they're fine I'll

bless you but I'd still like to find

that father well if it's any help to you

the last one looked like a Persian

a person oh that don't mean nothing Jed

two of them look like Siamese

it's a great deal would it come as a big

blow to you if we was to move back home

you mean leave all of you we won't go if

it's

gone you've done enough in fact you've

done too much all right we'll commence

packing quick as Jethro gets back with

the truck no don't wait go now Miss

Hathaway will drive you and I'll have

all this stuff sent out my truck oh what

would you like to have this as a

souvenir

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hello is this the Health and Welfare

Department of the bank that's right how

sure are you expecting oh anytime no

we'll step right into the Maternity Ward

wait a minute who's she

one of your employees I reckon I've

never seen you around this bank I work

nights I'm a cleaning woman

you'll stand there help me get this door

open

elevator ain't there I know I want to

jump

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well now it's time to say goodbye to Jet

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heaping helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is sellers Bells take

your shoes all y'all come back now here

this has been a film waste presentation

Viacom

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