07x23 - Sam Drucker's Visit

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to the story about a man

named shed a poor Mountaineer barely

kept his family shed and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground come a bubble and crude oil that

is black gold Texas Tea well the first

thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire

the Kim folk said Jed move away from

there said California is at least you

ought to be so the loaded up the truck

in the mood to Beverly Hills that is

swimming pools movie stars The Beverly

Hillbillies

foreign

[Music]

won't be Lonesome no more

I still say we had not moved out of that

bank though well boy what's done is done

yeah but I was just getting my

Psychiatry business going good well

yesterday alone I cured five mother

haters I did got him back to loving

their medicine

at home Granny's gonna go on with her

Dentistry which room you want me to put

your dentist chair in granny

I think I'll just let you bolt it down

to the bed of the truck you figured a

practice here on the truck why not you

know how people hate to go to the

dentist this way the dentist will go to

the people

you think folks is ready for curb

service Dentistry ready willing and

anxious why just driving along the

minute folks seeing this chair their

mouth just fell

can I drive you around granny oh thank

you Jethro

it'll be good for business anybody crazy

enough to let you work on their teeth

needs a psychiatrist

I'm going to work on yours right now

cool off granny sounds like the phone's

ringing probably one of my mother lovers

hello who is it Ellie don't know they

done hung up

any luck Bobby Joe no still no answer at

the Clampetts dog gone I've been trying

for six days to call those people hate

to just drop in on them but if I don't

get going I'm gonna miss my plane

connection to Los Angeles I can send a

telegram for you hey that's a good idea

I say I've been trying to get them for

some time that I won a contest for

selling the most soybeans and my prize

is a trip to Hollywood and I'll call on

arrival I'll take care of it oh and I

want to thank you and Billy Joe for mine

in the store for me I'll be back first

thing Monday morning don't worry about a

thing we'll have it all cleaned up by

then good

clean up oh didn't I tell you we're

having a little party here Saturday

night here in the store well the

refreshments are so handy how many are

you having how many on a football team

11 12 11 fellas and 11 girls

22 teenagers oh don't worry we'll keep

track of everything we eat well who's

going to chaperone this bash Uncle Joe

oh never mind the 22 teenagers just keep

track of what he

The Cannonball is waiting for you

I ate ba*ls waiting for me I changed my

mind I'm not going oh Mr Joker please

you'll have a wonderful time

and you'll even get to see your sweetie

again oh now don't start with Granny

we're just friends

sure Romeo and Juliet

d*ck and Liz Sam and Granny

you're gonna miss your plane well

just send the telegram

[Music]

hi Sarah this is Bobby Joe again

no Sam's sending a telegram Instead

address to Granny Clampett

she'll like hearing from Sam

let's see

have been trying to get you for some

time

am coming to Hollywood for my prize

we'll call an arrival Sam Drucker okay

Sarah bye-bye

this thing's got a way a ton yeah it's a

real finger curler what do you want to

Granny well not a chief

don't look upstairs

well take it in the Parlor and set it up

in front of the fireplace hey Granny

that's a curtain parlor wouldn't look

too romantic having a dentist chair

sitting in there with all the carton

that's going on in that parlor we could

have an electric chair in there

Ellie May might have some young

gentleman callers

Jed when are you gonna face the truth

that girl is too old to get a husband

I don't agree naturally you're her

father but back in Tennessee my old

granny had a sale 13 and 14 a girl's in

her prime 15 and 16 she still got time

17 and 18 she's just about done 19 and

20. her paw needs a g*n

things has changed since your granny's

day folks lives longer now they stay

young longer how come well I hear it's

because we got better doctors now

oh thank you Jim when a girl is on the

Shady Side of 17 even I can't help her

she's done over the hill

now

take the chair into the Parlor like a

toad

oh

damn for you here would you like me to

read it I certainly would not what are

you doing with my telegram anyway

well I took it off the teletype machine

well you put it right back you don't

seem to understand you see I work for

the telegraph company well shame on you

the postman don't read forces mailed now

you get my telegram up here to be and be

quick about it well I'll be glad to but

don't you just see if you let me read it

to you now you'll get the message all

the quicker well let me shut down first

all right

who's dead

nothing like that you see this telegram

is from a Mr Sam Drucker in Hooterville

he's my sweetie

congratulations uh here's the message

have been trying to get you for some

time that's the truth you know he

proposed to me by mail once but at least

Barrett my letter

I see then he says am coming to

Hollywood for my prize

well that bowl Rascal coming to carry me

off is he well it won't be that easy

he's gonna have to court me first

oh well the message concludes will call

on arrival well that's a good joke on

Sam he ain't got no rival

he ain't gonna tell him that

my motto is to keep them guessing once

they get to thinking they're the only

rooster in the hen house you're in

trouble my old granny back in Tennessee

how to say it man is like mule if you

hello hello

I guess she done heard that saying

[Music]

I was just doctor get that thing out of

here this is a curtain Park I thought

you said Ellie May was too who's talking

about that child is going to be some

grown-up carton in here Sam grucker's

coming to town I see you well he ain't

coming to see May bush

how do you know he's coming Gordon bound

to tote me off as his prize

doggies I gotta go get gussied up a man

likes his prize rap pretty let's show

this up Granny if Ellie May is over the

hill

where does that put you

through the holler and up the next ride

what that saying your granny had down

there in Tennessee my grandpa had

another saying all violins makes the

sweetest music of course you have to

have the right boat

[Music]

that's a Winnie sand Jed not too witty

with Beats whale doggies

[Music]

[Music]

you and ought to be playing with fire

that way it's dangerous

yeah that's when it's dangerous

and Jethro a pack of donuts

you're taking them out with my crowbar

oh yes sir

this your fog just ain't Stout enough

for Lyft

Donuts do have a lot of body to them oh

thank you

Ellie I uh I kind of like to have a cup

of coffee with my donut

I know Paul so I might just

juice

I kind of like to have my coffee and my

donut after my meal

I know pal

you didn't

come on you can help me lift it out of

the oven

hey Granny going to get her nose out of

the joints with you taking over the

kitchen like this

oh no sir

it's on a count of ground

on it she told you that did she

says Mr draco's coming to claim his

pride

that way you know Granny she's likely to

get carried away

yes sir gonna carry her clean back to

her

view if granny marry Sam Drucker and he

told her off to Hooter bill you and me

is going to starve to death that's a

terrible way to go Ellie has cooked some

middles

that's the even worse way to go

[Music]

let's not commence swimming till we hit

water

Sam Drucker ain't here yet and we don't

know for certain that he's going to

propose when he gets here well this time

he means business granny said he's even

ready to take on his rival he ain't got

no rival he thinks he has

him speaking

oh how did Dash how are you

well Elliot's upstairs right now but

that sound like a Dandy idea come on by

all right

Brock has got a new car and he went to

take Ellie for a drive I'll go up and

tell her the good news oh I'll go tell

her Uncle Jeff I want to see Dash anyway

I don't know how to borrow his car oh I

won't

[Music]

I sure do thank you Miss Hathaway my

pleasure Mr Drucker you coming in oh I'm

afraid I'd better not you see Mr

Drysdale is clocking me he knows exactly

how long it takes me to drive his wife

to the airport and get back to the

office you know I think I understand his

disposition a lot better now that I've

met his wife

[Music]

hi Jethro I was going to call but I

happened to run into Miss Hathaway at

the airport and she rushed me right out

bye have a nice visit goodbye thank you

get me pathway

say I I know it seems like I'm barging

in but Mr Clampett said if I ever came

to town he'd take it right poorly if I

didn't stay with you oh we got plenty of

room hey but don't expect to see too

much granny how come

sit down

Mr Drucker that little woman is gone all

the time one date right after another

the men just won't leave her alone Randy

they call her the Beverly Hills

butterfly blade thing of the Stars movie

stars take her out take her out and keep

her out you know what time she pulled up

here this morning well what time

birthday 10 30.

who is she out with

Ellen I don't want to name no names but

they was four in the party anybody

famous

well driving was this year a well-known

Hollywood Playboy I am sitting next to

him was a blonde and there was his

millionaire sugar daddy and right and

this goes on all the time

Charlie comes home to change clothes and

fellas your whole family's going a lot I

tried to call here for Britney a week we

was out looking for granny if it weren't

for that old hound dog Duke there uh

we'd have never found her

we just have him sniff one of her

dancing slippers and the chase is on up

and down the Sunset Strip all over town

you can see how worried he is

I can't believe it

hey Here Comes one of her fellas now

that big car coming through the gate yep

oh Die Hard Dash rip Rock

Dash rip Rock the movie star yeah we

call him Mr loser he ain't got a chance

ain't he kind of young for granny

how old do you think he is

or on a movie screen he appears to be

about 25 or 30.

68 years old

just had a birthday how can he look so

makeup when he leaves the movie studio

at night

stays in the dressing room

hey guys happy 68

you mean 69. about that he's pushing 70.

he looks young enough to be courtinelli

made that gives me an idea I'll try to

talk him into taking out Ellie instead

of Granny

oh Dash rip rock this here Sam Drucker

from Hooterville pleasure to know you Mr

Drucker

something wrong

oh no no it's just you're the first

movie star I've ever seen made up I I

mean close-up you guys can I talk to you

for a minute excuse me

that old fellas there is here to court

Ellie Mae yeah

Mr Joker

see boy they don't Coop

howdy day hi Ellie uh Dash I'd like to

thank you for riding this new car Ellie

oh that sure is a nice surprise well

didn't your father tell you all have a

good time now and don't worry back

well it worked Mr Drucker I got rid of

Dash hey come on in I just can't believe

makeup could do all that he looks great

well of course he's had what you call a

facelift too oh I've heard about those

that's where they pull up your skin and

hide it under your hair

Drucker

he's got so much skin tied up on top of

his head if the knot ever comes loose

he'll have to open his shirt to brush

his teeth

damn drunk girl

hi granny

did you get my telegram I sure did you

bold a rascal

oh yeah well I know I said I'd call on a

rival oh forget it Sam there's too many

of them huh I've been telling Mr Drucker

how popular you are granny oh how many

dates you got do you want him to take a

number no Sam's an old friend I won't

make him wait in line

oh how about I give him a room towards

the back of the house that way the

sports car is coming and going all night

won't keep them awake that's a good idea

don't put him too near the cement Pond

that'll be noisy too what would Johnny

Weissmuller splashing around and beating

his chest and given the mating call of

the blade ain't he Tarzan him Tarzan

meet granny

[Music]

sorry I'm a little late chief but I

you are exactly 12 minutes and 22

seconds late so come off your lunch hour

tomorrow well I ran into a friend of the

club that's at the airport and I drove

him to their house oh well that's

different and he fend to the Clampetts

is a friend of mine no lunch hour

penalty of course not you can take your

full 15 minutes

always are friends you got any money

very likely he owns the bank of

Waterville

not Sam Drucker yes he won a contest in

the prize was a trip to Hollywood don't

let him kid you that jerk water Jesse

James is here to take Jed Clampett's

money out of my bank if it really was a

contest there's something about being

yes 80 million Bean

but won the contest yet drive me to the

climates

yes Sam this is where I sit and hold

Court while my suitors kneel in front of

me just like a queen on a throne that's

well put I suppose a lot of them are

movie stars oh the biggest Sam I

recollect one night there was a jack

Hoxie Ken Maynard Tom Mix William his

heart Rocco Billy Anderson and of course

the ever popular Bowl Montana

that sounds like quite a crowd he was so

many horses out front that you would

have thought it was the headquarters for

Jeb Stewart's Cavalry

hey Sam Rucker glad to see you same here

Mr Clampett you've been here alone oh

about five minutes yeah Jed I'm giving

him more time than the others

oh it's all right Jed Sam knows how

popular I am with the big movie stars

granny was telling me about tonight bull

Montana was here she was huh yeah I

thought a lot of bull

you still do granny

Randy he's gonna have to unlock the

front gate stem suiters are yours is

good

oh hi Uncle Jed yeah what's that about

the front gate well you heard him

there's a bunch of movie stars out there

clamoring to see me let him in Gentry oh

thank you Mr Hospitality that's a fine

way to treat Sam well I would like to

see them oh you poor devil why they'd

set upon you in a jealous rage and tear

you to pieces are you ready to face lost

crazed lovers like last LaRue Rip Torn

or Rudy Valley

ready just gone far enough yes we gotta

protect that now you go up to your room

lock the door and I'll call you when

it's safe well couldn't I just step out

the front door and take a look the only

one of your movie star Shooters I've

seen so far is Dash rip rock dash rip

Rock oh it's okay uncle Jess I talked

him into taking out Ellie instead of

Granny thank you Joshua are you sure Mr

Drucker up to his room yes ma'am

penny

why don't you tell Sam Drucker the truth

I aim to Jed good just as soon as I

misses Sam grucker I'll confess

everything

my pleasure really would you like to

come in for some refreshment that sounds

great I'm hungry well that's good I'm

right about your dog night

are those the great big ones like you

made before that's right

oh boy was that good

I never tasted anything like them

the time I'm late to the studio thanks

anyway maybe next time

hey wait a minute Dash I got to talk to

you later wait I gotta talk to you right

now go here guys I'll bet you out some

donuts you heard her I gotta get out of

here please do me a little favor what is

it come inside and pretend to court

granny Court granny if you don't Sam

duck is going to take her back to

Hooterville and when that happens it

means that Uncle Jeff and me has got to

eat Ellie's cooking

good luck it's good luck to you Uncle

Jed owns a studio where you work

you struck a nerve but don't you think

I'm a little young for granny

she likes him young her big hero on

television is The Lone Ranger

Lone Ranger

he wears a mask that's right and a big

white hat and rides right on a white

horse I'll tell you what jezreal you

tell Granny she's got a date with a Lone

Ranger how soon as soon as I get to the

studio and back

[Music]

I'm not oh never mind Ellie I'll give

him to Sam Drucker

[Music]

Mr trucker you ain't actually eating one

of them Donuts are you this is my third

one you mean you like them well they

were a little dry until I steamed them

but that really brought out the flavor

see where's granny I'd like to

compliment her oh you don't want to do

that why not well uh oh she's busy right

now oh one of our suitors yeah that's it

please granny excuse me

she cries to you you ain't proposing to

Granny oh no no I was just pleading with

Granny not to go back to Hooterville

well I think he missed that Granny make

her own decision on that but granny

you'll hate it you'll be lonely there oh

I don't think so once I'm settled Jed

and the rest of the family can join me

we do like a small town but you'll miss

Hollywood the movie stars the excitement

not me

I've had this Hollywood I'm all burned

out with this wild night light glad to

hear that yeah I'm tired of being a love

of goddess

yeah

Danny granny come quick the Lone

Ranger's riding up the driveway

[Music]

thank you

[Music]

[Music]

where's that masked man why don't you

know that's the Lone Ranger

[Music]

foreign

let's go steam some donuts

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

they would like to thank you folks for

kindly dropping in you're all invited

back next week to this locality to have

a heap and helping of their Hospitality

hillbilly that is sellers Bells take

your shoes off y'all come back now here