08x12 - Shorty Go Home

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to my story about a man

named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept

his family shed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground

oil that is black gold Texas Tea well

the first thing you know old Jeb's a

millionaire the Kim folks said Chad move

away from there said California is a

place you ought to be so they loaded up

the truck and removed the Beverly Hills

that is swimming pools movie stars The

Beverly Hillbillies

[Music]

thank you

ready

[Music]

make these shorty comb suitcases right

he's limless going back to the hill

tonight

that's right he didn't say nothing to me

about leaving he don't know it yet

[Music]

granny I know you're might upset that

shorty has been kicking up his heels

running around with girls staying out

like but he's a guest in our house and

you can't just throw him out you're

right kid

maybe I had a lot to do it

good you do it

oh Jed It Ain't So Much shorty staying

out late and running around with girls

he's old enough to know what he's doing

but he's a bad influence on Jethro he's

got him doing it too

yeah throws up in his room

he is yeah I just heard him in there

taking a bath getting ready for bed hmm

and here comes shorty home in an idiom

10 o'clock

well I'll be

I'll just hustle leads up to his room so

you don't have to apologize to him

thank you Jeff I appreciate it and I was

wrong to lose my temper

we all make mistakes

[Music]

Hollywood shorty that's my name hugging

and kissing that's my game

tonight won't be home till broad

daylight

like I said granny we all make mistakes

and I just made a Whopper

thank you

foreign

[Music]

breakfast

that ain't Jethro it's shorty

why in the world is he doing Jethro's

chores he was out all night too

[Music]

can I Rush a little bit now Keith

chopping

granny have a heart look I got blisters

on my hand y'all have them someplace

else if you don't get back to work you

know that rock salt and bacon Rhymes

smart

hey what's our noise out back Ray's

making poor little shorty do all of your

chores yeah she got him chopping wood

it's a terrible thing to do to a fell

that was out all night woke me out of a

sound sleep

am I glad to see you

every stick of it Granny's been holding

that shotgun on me for two hours making

me work my full head off will you take

over sure I'll be glad to

I'll watch it Jenny

he makes a Break Free

give him both barrels sold his Shanks

for him I will as quick as he Spritz all

that wood I want him to speed up my

Tater packs I see he does it yeah

Jethro after last night I thought we was

friends how weird

I'll do it pal

I'll guarantee you one thing Hollywood

shorty ain't going out tonight the way

you're working he'll probably go to bed

right after he gets done eating supper

correction when he's done washing dishes

when I'm through with that bushy face

little Banshee he won't want to go no

place but back to the hills where he

belongs

feel awful sorry for poor little shorty

me too but ain't no use arguing with

Granny

she makes up her mind about some Chinese

to talk out of it but as easy as talking

a bulldog out of a bone the best thing

we can do

and be extra nice to shorty gotta make

up for granny

I'll do it Paul I'll be real nice to it

[Music]

you might have tired of chopping wood

shorty I'll tell you the truth if the

warden's Deputy wasn't holding a g*n on

me I'd go over the wall

Jeff bro you put that g*n down and go

chopped that wood so short it can rest

did you hear that Jordan is that funny

I'm sitting there with a shotgun and

this dumb old girl cousin of mine thinks

she can order me around is she dumb or

is she dumb you're dumb d-u-m dumb don't

mess with him Ellie Mae he's big as a

moose and twice as strong I appreciate

what you're trying to do no no no no no

don't tangle him heal me oh I can't look

look now shorty

[Music]

like I said Jordy she's done I want the

strong but dumb

well you are I'd expect me to chop wood

hanging up here

are you around no come on in shorty

I'm going down Miss Drysdale bank and

throw out my money how come

this Hollywood nightlife's kind of

expensive them four girls last night

cost me a bundle was them girls from Mr

griesdale secretarial pool no that's

what you call go-go dancers go go

before I knew it my money was gone gone

it's terrible to collect their bonus

what bonus the bonus you promised us for

being nice to shorty kellums

you threw him in the swimming pool you

call that being nice but that was after

you told us he didn't have any money

we were being absolute doors and then

you called us aside remember

[Music]

watch over clown hasn't got 200 million

he's got 200 dollars

get your things back to the bank

girls I didn't get to tell you my

weakness

checkers

sometimes I wake up in the middle of the

night with an overpowering desire for a

game of checkers

so I told you we didn't have any money

he didn't have to throw him in the pool

we settled for that Gloria wanted to

drown him girls you've just used up your

coffee break back to your desk no bonus

no bonus grab oh

you know you're a bit of a writer you

are I was counting on a few extra pounds

to help me out are you all from England

that's right London

you'd like a few extra pounds oh I'd

love it eat lots of starchy food

s most

seal if I think it's worth doing it's

worth doing well Jordy

[Music]

can I talk you a minute okay I gotta get

down to the bank before granny catching

me she'll put me to work Granny's

upstairs changing all the bed she's

going to make me do the laundry but

she's going to be busy for some time

all right what you want to talk to me

about Jordy

that 1180 said you've got a Mr dry

Dale's bank that's your life savings

yeah

well you don't want to spend all that on

women I don't intend to I'm going to

take the 800 I got for the Silver Dollar

City hotel and reinvest it good I'm

gonna buy the Beverly Wilshire Hotel

I don't think I count on getting that

for 800 that's a big rascal

if I have to I'll go to nine

cash talks kid shorty

let's call Mr Drysdale and meet with him

he's awful smart about money matters all

right but I'm still taking my money out

of the bank only put it in called the

secretary says sweet to me now they've

turned the sour I'm gonna get it back

from the almighty that's a great deal

oh yes Mr clap here what can I do for

you could shorty comes with me come down

to see you

listen I know you've got a secretarial

pool down there

you tell them four girls of yours not to

throw me in it they like to ground me

yesterday

not the reason you and Mr Clement are

coming down here yeah

well listen if if I get them to call and

apologize well that satisfy you no he's

coming down to draw out the money

don't take your money out

Mr Clement I'm sorry your friend got

thrown in the pool

please

Angels beautiful goddesses I beseech you

lit by God see by God have mercy on an

old man all right that's enough let's

forget it thank you thank you I feel

I feel cleansed and purified

in the gentle reign of your kindness

whatever

girls

angels

now that I have humbled myself and you

have forgiven me

might I ask you

one small favor sure what is it

well just in case Mr Clampett and his

friend Mr kellums come to the bank and

mind you it's a thousand to one chance

but just in case they do show up

will you be nice to them especially to

Jed Clan

who's Jed closet he's the funny old

geezer with the torn hat and raunchy

clothes who talks with a hillbilly drawl

he has 90 million dollars right

he's that distinguished looking

gentleman with a casual wardrobe and

darling rural accent

please be extra nice

for us do we get a bonus this time of

course a bonus of my undying gratitude

try again the Gratitude of the entire

bank one more time the satisfaction of

having performed an act of loyalty

you're not reaching us Governor

wait a minute

100 bucks a piece

nice going Ducks you just reached us

there he is you live and die rainbow

don't forgive me for like and checkers

girls you missed me here I am

girls

[Music]

you know something Miss Hathaway

once you're branded as a checker player

you threw in this town

so

[Music]

there's plenty room on my lap Gloria

god listen girls what if I should tell

you I never play another game of

checkers as long as I live

I've never seen anybody carry a grudge

like them four girls

I'd like to draw out my 1180 please fine

fine how much Hathaway take Mr what's

his name down the cashier and get him

his money

oh just one question what do you reckon

when these big Beverly Hills Hotel

should cost oh 20 or 30 million

dollars no cucumber

here's my luck Papa's got his whole farm

and clone tater

girls

what if I'd say I never had played

chicken

this ain't my day

[Music]

tell me something your city women

generally as ficklers them girls down Mr

drysdale's Bank well I wouldn't know

about all City women shorty

but I got to admit

the M4 is fickle

friend leave

thank you

so Hollywood shorty it ain't enough that

you live just throw down the wrong path

now you're taking jet out hooting and

hollering and running around with wild

women ready we just went down to Mr dry

Dale magnet to talk a little business

oh just when did Mr Drysdale start

wearing lipstick

[Music]

are you up

I think I better go wash my face

hold on Playboy you got something to

wash too

me you

[Music]

can now rest a minute

why soap your resolve strong maybe it'll

wash your sins away it might could it

just took two fingernails ready

[Music]

we got a washing machine out there I

bought one right in here

oh my God on him kid I'm going out back

stick out my garden I'm gonna have him

plow

quick as he's done ironing I'll watch

him

kid if I'm gonna do any plowing I want

to do it back home on Papa's Farm where

there's room for a couple of hundred

acres of cucumber

things you were to wait and go

shorty speaking of your Papa's Farm

that's going to be yours one of these

days

yeah they were thinking about getting

married and settling down back there

sure trouble is I doubt if any of these

city girls would want to live there I'm

marry a hill woman they make the best

wives anyway

would you hit deep City girl this is not

going much prettier

yeah because Granny got you doing the

washing

afraid so early

well you just sat down and rest and I'll

do it first bless your heart anyway

you're a sweet thing

Jordy

sign it's being sweet

you see that Ellie May is kind of pretty

thing I ever see well she's a hill girl

born and raised there

I don't guess you're right

you take my word First Hill girls can be

just as pretty as city girls any day in

the week

and I hate better workers and not so

fickle

okay you don't know my eyes and I'll be

beholden to you forever

come here

come here what is it early

under my door

a dearest darling angel of the hill I

have been a fool running around with

City women

but now my eyes is open

and I know that you is the only one for

me

will you marry me and come live on my

papa's farm Yours Truly Donald J Kellum

Jr P.S I would have proposed in person

but I couldn't get up the nerve what

should I do Paul you just stay out of

sight for a while darling I'll talk to

shorty about this Shorty

you mind coming over and sitting down

for a minute

you and me has got something serious to

talk about

why don't you run get my ramrod and g*n

oil

I got to make sure this little double

barrel is in Prime working order yes sir

Jordan

yo just showed me this proposal you

slipped under her door

you ain't mad are you Jay

I'm pretty as happy as she is

she liked it did she you can't hardly

wait for the wind

and she will won't mind coming back to

the hills with me and living on Papa's

Farm you love the notion shorty pure

love

good

this is my lucky day I'm

[Music]

little I'm married into your family is

that true uncle Ted sure is sure it is

put it on paper and slept it under his

lady Love's door congratulations shorty

Granny's gonna make you a Dandy way

did he say good good granny that's what

he said

oh lordy

I slipped it under the wrong did it go

I'll do it

[Music]

oh dude

I see you're about to leave

it wasn't fixing to run out on a granny

would you no no no no no no oh I bet I

know you're going back to the hills to

fix up that old farmhouse for honeymoon

Cottage and anyone stand for your bride

two words

[Music]

[Music]

ah granny leave him be he's going back

to the hills like you wanted

wonder what made him decide to leave so

sudden

I think it was something I say it

[Music]

weeknights on Hallmark watch great

stories I'm an angel and witness the

Miracles Touched by an Angel weeknights

at eight on the Hallmark Channel

Charlie McKenzie has the perfect family

he hired me because he thinks I'm a

stable family woman someone else's so

how long have you been married I guess

you're my dad Tori Spelling get out

there and potential on me Greg German

well I love a good story in a Hallmark

Channel original movie Family Plan

premieres next Saturday night at nine

only on Hallmark Channel