08x24 - Simon Legree Drysdale

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to a story about a man

named Jed to pour him up near barely

kept his family shed and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

grounds

all that is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jeb's

a millionaire the chemical said can't

move away from there said California is

the place you ought to be sold and

loaded up the truck in the mood to

Beverly Hills that is swimming pools

movie stars The Beverly Hillbillies

thank you

[Music]

granny

let's move back into the Mansion this

rube living ain't for sophisticated

Playboy like me go get dressed and help

your uncle Jen with the chores but this

will ruin me with the international Jet

Set talk sense boy well what if word was

to get back to Princess Grace and Prince

reindeer

I'll get dressed and go investigate

that seem to wake him up he sure did

you all stay here them girls might be

dangerous get home we'll all go together

after that sign say hotel for women sure

enough does that shorty k*ll him whilst

we was living in the cabin he must have

sold a mansion do you reckon that's what

happened I'll go ask the girls

short

you can't do that Granny I'll send him

back to the hill I'll go ask the girls

maybe he knows about this he'll be more

reliable if I go ask the girl but it'll

be more fun

morning everybody morning Paul did you

see all things

so that's how short he got all them

women to come over here

how many girls you reckon is staying in

there I'll go counter

never mind wait till they get up I

wonder what time city girls get up I

don't know I'll go find out you stick

with us I ain't scared of them little

old girl

bloody brave but uh you stick with us

fixing breakfast come on everybody to

the kitchen what do you think you're

going

if Granny's gonna fix breakfast

Somebody's gotta go wake the girls they

like they got an alarm clock I'll go see

[Music]

what are you fixing to have for

breakfast Bernie I'm just wondering what

them city girls would like to eat I'll

go ask them

um well you're always after me to do

chores now that I'm willing you won't

let me nothing wrong with me

where are we going you'll find out

I declare that Jethro has picked up

Shorty's ways thank goodness he's gone

back home well maybe he's just hiding in

The Root Cellar again

maybe you're right I best go check

granny can I go ahead and start cooking

breakfast uh no

no Ellie didn't just make the coffee

Ellie on second thought

just boil some water

try not to burn it

Uncle Jed I can't believe you locked

your nephew in a cage like a wild animal

it's true you don't violated my

constitutional rights I'm going to get

me a lawyer and throw down on you with a

supini

lots of luck I've taken this case to the

highest court in the land I'll go even

higher Walter cronkite's going to hear

about this

do you reckon that shorty kellums could

be hiding in the root cellar

let's take a look

Uncle Jed sure put you in the right

place he's gonna be sorry though cause

I'm going on a hunger strike is that a

fact yes mate I'm gonna waste away and

die right here in this cave well that's

too bad because I was just fixing bacon

and eggs ham and grits sausage and

Flapjacks steak and fried taters and

fruit and cereal I'll have a double help

in each what about your hunger strike

you don't expect me to start that on an

empty stomach

programs we really are living in a

mansion when I woke up this morning I

thought it was all a dream me too the

dreamiest part is that we get all of

this for only a dollar a day with meals

and maid service oh that shorty callums

what a doll I smell fresh coffee me too

let's get dressed and come downstairs

and have breakfast wait a minute shorty

said we get breakfast in bed what if

shorty serves it let's get dressed and

then come downstairs

is everybody up no just three of us so

far well granny is going to find out how

many for breakfast

seven all together that grin is a great

girl she's sure are you the maid who

cleans our rooms and makes our beds yes

ma'am I tell Mr killings I do that and

your father does the gardening that's

right and shorty said there was a

half-wit nephew he must admit a Jethro

he's locked up in a cage out back

is he dangerous well I don't know if you

try to take his food away from me

breakfast with his Willy oh no ma'am you

like eating his cake

[Music]

well we'll wait together girls and we're

down for breakfast

[Music]

my name is Hathaway whoa good morning

Chief you're early well you know the old

saying early to bed and early to rise

makes a man wealthy

I believe that's healthy wealthy and why

healthy and wise you can have I'll take

wealthy

I hope you remember to bring this Bell

with you this morning who Jean Bells

he's employed here at the bank and I

promise to bring it to work oh Chief

think back if she's the only member of

the secretarial pool who didn't want to

move into the club imagine and you

wondered what

well I live at home so I wouldn't save

anything do you live in a mansion

it's not do you ride to work in a

limousine no I ride the bus how much

does it cost you 50 cents a day that's

2.50 a week what are you getting here

Chief well I live next door in the

Clampett mansion and she can ride back

and forth with me gee that'd be Swale

oh yes I remember now

gee I'm sorry I forgot to pick her up I

could have collected that 50 cents bus

fare you are a miserable man I am not

I'm as happy as the Lord now don't

forget I'm collecting five dollars a

week from each of those seven

secretaries that makes over 1800 a year

for little old me

you are just not to be believed

now now look Jed Clampett is letting

those girls live in his Mansion for one

dollar a day if he can be a

philanthropist so can I

the only reason I continue to work for

you is that when you finally get your

comeuppance I want to be there

chief

[Music]

I think your comeuppance is about to

come up Miss Bell's brothers are here to

see you oh no you'll remember them when

you see them

gentlemen look I don't want to be

disturbed I'm not into anybody I'm not

into anybody except these two gentlemen

right here well what can I do for you

gentlemen you can tell us why our sister

left home your assistant do you bail she

works here remember she said you talked

to her and they're moving away from home

oh that well yes I did but there was a

reason we'd like to hear it well you see

she had a chance to move into this

mansion mansion beautiful luxurious

believe me your sister is living the

life of a princess who's the prince

no no nothing nothing like that you see

this is a hotel for women all the single

girls in my secretario pool are staying

there right and it's out of the way that

is correct gentlemen each girl gets a

private room with bath meals made

service everything and all for one

dollar a day a dollar a day you know

Mansion am I right Miss Hathaway again

he is correct gentlemen you see the

Mansion is owned by a truly exceptional

man he is enormously wealthy but this is

not affected his sense of values his

simple kind heart of generous thoughtful

a true philanthropist in everything

either way that's enough about me

she forgot to add that I'm also very

modest

girl

you believe this story not a word of it

well then I shall prove it to you Miss

Hathaway call my hotel women tell Miss

Bell she need not come to work today she

can spend the whole day there oh but no

no no

I have to be firm with some of my

children no I'm giving your sister the

day off

and the two of you can go and see for

yourselves they're luxurious

surroundings which I have so generously

provided for yeah now there's there's

the address of the mansion

that seems fair enough well that's

another my quality she left out

modest and fair

now you'll find the family retainers

staying at the mountain the Clampetts

how they do the gardening the cooking

housekeeping you you'll find your

sisters being waited on just hand and

foot reel in this pathway oh that's

wonderful tell Mr Drysdale thanks ever

so much bye

girls you're going without me I've got

the day off

ain't you going to work Miss G no Mr

drastic gave me the day off can I help

you make the bed oh don't face with that

now I'm gonna have granny work in the

garden and make soap oh can I help too

you know how to make life so sure my

mother used to make it down home well

all right but I'd best give you some old

clothes to wear fine come on

okay boy I'm gonna let you out now

it's too late for me to forgive you now

because yes

sir I've done been humiliated clean fast

with my sensitive nature can stand

you're gonna pay a terrible price for

what you've done to me what price is

that you're gonna lose me I'm running

away from home is that a fact yes sir

when animals is free to swing and human

beings is locked in cages well that's

all a hint on me

so you're leaving home my pride demands

it so take a last look at your favorite

nephew

okay I took it

goodbye Uncle Jed bye boy we won't meet

again until you see me on the other side

the other side of what the table I'll be

home for supper

your heart but I gotta warn you making

life soap and digging in the garden and

such ain't like secretary work oh I know

that Gene says her mom used to make

glass so

is that a fact yes ma'am she made soul

food too but not as good as yours

I have got a few cooking Secrets Could

you teach me the secret of those home

jaws and collard greens you made last

night I'd be glad to as soon as the

other charge is done we'll commence with

the cooking lesson oh wonderful Ellie

you get the fire going under the soap

Kettle yes you can

I'm glad to see you wearing work and

does

I want to change out of my good clothes

too

I'll join you the nearly out back

have you ever seen a swinging cat scene

one honey I swung with one

come meet Rusty and Duke too Duke that's

the name of the kid I used to swing with

my Duke's a dog so was mine

[Music]

[Music]

this is it cookie hotel for women

yeah this really is a mansion

you can't blame Gene for wanting to live

in a place like this

oh howdy boys I'm sorry to tell you but

this hotel is just for girls we know

that we just came here to see our sister

Jean Bell oh yeah Little Genie well she

ain't here in the house she's out in the

cabin out back cabin come on I'll show

you where she is

you know Gene I think it needs more

renderings I think you're right well

gray made children this morning I reckon

there's a can of renderings in the cabin

I'll stir while you look

[Music]

Yonder she is

what is she doing making life so when

she's done with that she's going to do

work in the garden and then she's going

to get to the cooking

thanks very much but don't tell our

sister we were here I

am yes ma'am we have to go talk to a

bank president

his name is Mr dry

ER that's the one we're going to talk to

well give him my love we'll do that he's

gonna need all the love he can get

[Music]

my soap turn out granny oh just dandy

jet Jean Bell can make life so near as

good as me where is she Harry and

Ellie's out big and taters they've

already picked two bushels of collard

greens we did the turnip patch and hold

the beams real doggies that little Gene

is a Danny worker for a city girl oh Jed

she's a hail girl

you know Miss Jean Bell I sure do looks

like you girl got a Danny Mr Potato yes

sir great would you like for us to wash

and peel them no I'll do that you two

deserves a rest

hi Gene would you like to go for a swim

oh that sounds great well come on be

back gently granny take your time gray

would you show me how to make that

possum pie you had last night you bet I

will darling thank you Granny

[Music]

I'll see who it is jinx

oh hi Mr John Dale come on in thank you

well it looks like you've really taken

advantage of your day off Miss Bell does

that mean it's over have your brothers

come to see you

and it's not over enjoy yourself I'm

fine Mr God damn go swimming with us no

I'll get back to the bank I just want to

see how things look and they looked real

good

goodbye girls

he sure is a nice man to have for a

bowel thing he is today

for some strange reason

all right Miss Hathaway bring in your

dictation book okay

who did this one of the two boys waiting

in your office

all right who's a smart alec who did

this me oh that was real smart alec

no no it's Earl isn't it right great

printing that's great what's the idea we

went to see our sister oh good good then

you had a first hand picture of the life

she's leading right you saw the palatial

Mansion right you saw the luxurious

surroundings right you saw the lovely

Garden the beautiful swimming pool right

and you saw your sister enjoying all

that wrong

wrong

when I saw her she was having a ball you

have a funny idea of how to have a ball

probably something must be wrong right

maybe you better go back and have

another look would you like to come with

us

would you like me to come with you we

would and I'm coming with you right on

I'm ready for my cooking lesson granny

good good here put on this apron do I

get a cooking lesson too granny well uh

darling I think your talents run more in

other direction

like scrapping

yeah you know like cutting up scraps to

make quilts that's what I mean oh thank

you I'd like to do that what should I do

first granny well you can commence

fixing the door to make the possum pie

crust

Jen can I see you for a minute sure

[Music]

yes I got a problem what is it I am Plum

out assaulted down possums What You

Gonna Do Well them pet possums of

Ellie's is nice or bad all righty you

ain't putting money in Clyde in no pie

but I promised Gene I tell you what just

drew it just come back from running away

him and me he'll take a ride out in the

country and bring you back abrasive

why show me

yes darling Genie you can be shimmering

the hog dolls all right granny

come on darling we'll go up to the attic

and look for some material to do the

equipment yes ma'am

uh why are we coming out here this is

where the help lives right and our

sister is it oh no no your sister lives

in the Mansion we don't think so

[Applause]

gentlemen believe me something is wrong

right now a few times go back to back

and wait for me I'll straighten this out

hi Mr dry Sam what are you doing making

Passion Pie you're not supposed to be

doing this kind of work but

nonsense no go put on your good clothes

you're coming back to the bank please

let me stay and finish my possum pie my

hog jaws and collard greens nothing

doing you're coming with me

please

don't make me go back there you're going

back where you belong and that's that

I've had enough trouble with you come

what is equals he's taking her now let's

follow him find that right

[Music]

granny you're coming back to the

secretarial pool where you belong

[Music]

no sir okay I'll call the locksmith

[Music]

hey cooking Earl what are you doing here

looking for you and Mr Drysdale where is

he now he

Junction

right here and cut your quilting blocks

honey yes sir granny I'll go see how

Gene's doing with the cooking granny

[Music]

Mr Drysdale how'd you get in here cookie

in there I'll put me in here

well it's a long story granny can you

get me out of here sure

where's the key

I've got it oh let's have it I can't

they made me swallow

[Music]

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this has been a family