09x06 - Doctor, Cure My Frog

[bunniefuu]

The Beverly Hillbillies

[Music]

you see dude now that's how you do it

now you try it

you're still trying to learn that old

hind dog to fetch a stick yeah Ellie's

Fella's coming over and I want him to

think we got us a smart dog

now watch Duke

[Music]

Ellie's field is going to think he's a

real smart dog the only dog in town got

a boy that fetch his sticks

he's the one supposed to do it not me

tell you something Uncle Jed he ain't

too bright

he's too bright to fit sticks

Sally's belly here yet

no and when he comes you make yourself

scarce what you mean I don't go

pestering him with questions right off

let him and Ellie be alone for a while

first leave the boy be

did you hear that Jessica leave the boy

be if it wasn't for me he wouldn't be a

boy he'd be a frog

granny you mean frog man I said a frog a

web-footed bulgy-eyed fly snapping frog

ready Mark Templeton is what you call a

naval frog man he was when he come here

from the naval down he was from then I

give him a potion of what was supposed

to make him into all man but it

backfired on me and it made him all frog

you don't expect me to believe that do

you expect to eat today I believe it

then I had Ellie kiss the Frog and that

change him into all man

that's wild

but true true a yandere comes oh I wish

I could get a look at his feet and legs

I don't know whether Ellie's kiss

changed him into all man or just half

and half again

[Music]

hi Jethro

how are you Granny just fine how are you

fine

you don't have a craving for bugs do you

bugs no well that's a good sign come on

in

[Music]

Ellie Mark is here be on directly come

on in the Park thank you

sit down take off your shoes take off my

shoes yeah

get comfortable put your feet up here on

the coffee table and let's have a look

at them

you want to see my feet I can tell you

fortune that way I've heard of palm

readers but I'm a foot reader let's have

a look granny I feel kind of embarrassed

you got something to hide no but my feet

aren't exactly my best feature they

ain't webbed already no they weren't the

last time I looked

they'll check

beautiful you got a perfectly formed

human foot well thank you what about my

fortune

oh yeah

yeah I see a beautiful blonde young lady

has come into your life

right right she lives in a big mansion

in Beverly Hills

right right her name is Ellie Mae

Clampett right did I tell you I was a

foot reader

what's going on in here

hello Miss Clement granny wanted to see

my foot I want to see her

come here

come here you can put your shoe back on

now

take two aspirin and let me know if you

have any more trouble

what was that all about Jed I'm a doctor

the boy had a splinter in his foot did

you get it up oh everything come out

just fine he's marking the Parlor yes

Ellie I'll take you to him I wish you

could find it by herself now you stay

here

what's the matter Jed I don't want you

in there dropping hints about getting

married

would I do that you would

where you going

I have to pass through there to get to

The Pantry go the back way Chad that's

twice as far and I'm an old woman I'm

tired and worn out have a little Mercy I

promise you won't see anything

no I don't worry will I speak

okay I'll go along just to make sure

she's as young as we just passing

through

ready I didn't say nothing not a word

your grandmother's quite a character

what's your name well if you don't know

I can't explain it

it's nice to be alone isn't it

sure is

you know Ellie where's granny Uncle Jeff

they went that away hey look what just

come in the mail oh Jim Owens has wrote

a book well that's wonderful why don't

you take it someplace and read it okay

it's called Jim Owens hillbilly humor

that means jokes and such thanks

two Hill women was talking and one says

what do you think of red China and the

other says I think with a yellow

tablecloth it'd be real pretty

hey here's another old Jim says this

country was better off when we had more

whittlers and fewer chiselers hey here's

a damn listen to this Jethro you're not

gonna read that whole book are you no

we can take turns no thanks why don't

you read it to your granny and Uncle Jed

good idea I'll call him in no no that

isn't what I had in mind Jethro we'd

like to be alone

is it gonna neck

Jethro what are you doing in here I'm

reading them this book they're coming to

mail well let's read it outside you read

it I'm gonna stay here and watch him

neck

come on boy let's go

Old Duke is waiting for you to fetch

sticks

your cousin Jethro is quite a character

too right so

we always alone at last yes

Ellie May

there's something I'd like to tell you

what is it Mark your granny's watching

us

well you want granny

oh nothing I just wanted to see if it

was comfortable we're fine anything you

want or anything you need not a thing

you know

it's amazing how much you look like your

brother Matthew the one that's the

preacher

the one that's married

the one that's Happy

he seems happy must be right-handed to

have a brother that's a preacher what do

you mean well if there's a wedding in

the family it's free I never thought of

that think about it hellions I'm awful

sorry for

granny now don't get upset I'm only

checking on Mark's foot that's cool let

me know if you want anything Young's

like lemonade or cider or rice or old

shoes or orange blossoms

I'm awful sorry for all these

interruptions Mark well that's okay

only by ourselves it looks that way

you started to say there was something

that you wanted to tell me yes there is

Ellie

you're the most beautiful girl I've ever

met

you have the softest silkiest hair

most beautiful blue eyes

loveiest complexion

most tempting lips

and the most ridiculous cousin who ever

lived

I was right this beats Jim Owens book go

ahead kiss her

[Music]

Miss Shane can I see a minute granny of

course come in

come on no no I can't wait I just wanted

to tell you that everything is just fine

but Trix Deli May and that Templeton

fella good no more bad dreams about his

being half frog

not a one first I mixed up a potion but

it worked in Reverse it turned him into

all frog what a nightmare that must have

been it was terrible

then you told me the story about the

pretty girl kissing the Frog and turning

him into a handsome fella and that

worked just dandy

wonderful even his feet is perfect his

feet oh Miss Jane you should have seen

him

they was that long and black

and webbed just like a frog

but everything's all right now you're

sleeping well again thanks to you

and just to show my appreciation

I brought you a pressured oh you didn't

have to do that well you're single you

could use a nice handsome fella couldn't

you that's my present

you wait right here

[Music]

here you are

it's a frog and he's all yours

he don't look like much but why do you

kiss him

granny I I don't really believe he'll

turn into a handsome man well he might

not turn into a movie star can't be a

winner all the time but what do you got

to lose go on give him a big Smoke Tree

hard to embarrass oh sure I understand

I'll wait up here and turn my back

[Music]

believe me I wish it were possible

ugly frog on my desk

oh granted oh he's yours

bye there Mr Frog see you're a cute

little thought

oh he ain't a fella yet but he might be

after Miss James kiss kiss oh granny

believes there's some validity to the

old story about the maiden who kisses

the frog and turns him into a handsome

man granny that's what

d*ck I say it ain't I say I seen it

happen now are you saying I'm a liar oh

absolutely not but if you think Miss

Hathaway should kiss the Frog I think

she ought to try it

she don't have to do it in front of us

in fact if she'd rather not she don't

have to kiss him at all oh thank you

Granny

you can have as hind legs for supper

that's the beauty of a frog you can kiss

them or cook them

oh would it be all right with you if

Mark learns me to scuba

depends on what that means well it means

getting to a rubber suit and learning to

swim underwater like a

friend no danger to it oh Mark I'll take

good care of me don't you worry

foreign

[Music]

thank you Granny

you sure do like the water I love it

it's as though you was drawn to it I

could frankly live in the water granny

[Music]

that's right these are my flippers

sorry to keep you waiting mark

tell me you gotta keep that boy out of

the water why granny cause every time he

gets witty turns to frog he put his feet

in the cement Pond look what happened

well then says flippers granny they help

him to swim fast

well don't let him put nothing else in

the water come on granny you say you're

going to leave the youngins Alone look

at it this way Duke you're a Beverly

Hills dog now

some clay

ought to be the only dog in the

neighborhood that can't do no tricks

let's try it again

come on boy come on you can do it come

on hurry up now

I'll show you one more time

now watch

see that Hat's class

what are you doing Jethro try to teach

this dumb old hound dog to fetch a stick

you wanna do something get him to fetch

that marked Temple to now the cement pot

well with her so he won't turn into a

frog man again

granny he is a frog man why don't you

leave him alone don't it bother you that

your cousin Ellie might marry a thing

like that heck no I'd like to be a frog

man myself

are you listening up there

would you believe this family of nuts

that I'm stuck with Give Me A Sign tell

me what to do I'm at my Wit's End

gentlemen

what kind of a bird is that up there

that's a seagull

oh a water Bird that's my sign I gotta

get out back and try once again to get

him out of the water

[Music]

that sure does look like fun Mark do you

think you could learn me to do all that

sure you're a good swimmer you make a

fine frog woman should I put on this

here gear and try I think it would be

too large I'll get you a scoop outfit if

you're on

Ellie Mark we're here granny

Ellie I told you to keep him out of the

water now look at him that's all right

granny this is how a frog man's supposed

to look well For Heaven's Sake don't let

him get his head wet

granny I thought you was going to stay

away and leave these youngins alone well

look at him jetty's a frogman

I know that oh is it all right if Mark

makes me into a frog woman for sure

yeah granny I made you some sassafras

tea that'll straighten you out

oh sure it will our granddaughter's in

love with a frog man Jethro and Ellie

both want to become frog people and

you're gonna straighten everything out

with sassafras tea what a family oh

granny you might as well get used to the

notion Ellie is pretty serious about

that boy some boy

you drop them in water and

you just have your tea and get some rest

and everything's gonna be just fine

no place to keep him oh he looks like

the Frog granny had in the cage

yesterday she made a pet out of named

him mark

well hello there Ms Hathaway nice to see

you again well nice to see you too

Lieutenant is it all right if I leave my

scuba gear in the dressing room sure is

Mark's gonna get me one of them rubber

suits and learn me to scuba

I'd like to have her measurements throw

it on Ellie

major measurements and got the proper

size suit for you

oh

um 36 24 36

incidents we have the same size waist

[Music]

way I'll bring your gear by later Ellie

thank you mom is halfway oh I'm leaving

now to Lieutenant I'll hold you to the

car you don't mind are you Ellie oh not

at all you might pretend to mine just a

little

[Music]

Mark I bet you you would like to have a

swim

[Music]

there you are have fun now if I see a

cricket I'll fetch it to you who are you

talking to Ellie Mark he's having a swim

in the cement pot

foreign

[Music]

I can't see

oh no boy

why wouldn't you listen to me

I begged you to stay out of the water I

pleaded with you I know this would

happen

well there's only one person I know

that's smart enough to help me more bad

dreams granny oh this is worse than a

bad dream Miss Jane well I think I know

someone who can help you Granny he's a

doctor here in the building a

psychiatrist he's excellent at this sort

of thing I'm sure I can get him to see

you immediately

did you hear that Mark he's gonna get

hit for you

how do you do I'm Dr cling howdy doctor

I'm granny and this is Mark Templeton

nice looking frog you want to see him in

his uniform he's handsome his uniform

he's a lieutenant in the United States

Navy

Miss Hathaway said you had a problem and

you do

now why don't you just lie down over

here and tell me all about it well he's

the one with the problem if he goes back

to the Navy like

life you're going to salute him well

then why don't you both make yourself

comfortable

now

begin at the beginning and tell me all

about it well

he come to the house a few days ago and

commenced court with my granddaughter

I see

did your granddaughter think about that

oh she liked him straight off now she's

head over heels in love with them with

uh Mark here yeah I think she wants to

marry him

did you by any chance bring your

granddaughter with you today

no I left her home

bad and tell me has she ever become fond

of any other creatures uh for example a

bird or a mouse well she ain't much for

mice but she's got a pigeon she's real

crazy about

pigeon as well they're very nice and

then of course there's Elmer the raccoon

and Ralph the possum

but has she ever expressed a desire to

marry either of them

oh no she likes them but Mark here is

the only one that she's serious about

I'm awfully sorry you didn't bring her

along

you'd like her she's a real Beauty

she sounds like it

I think one of the reasons she took the

mark straight off is that he looks so

much like his brother

handsome Rascals

uh is Mark's brother in the Navy too no

he's a preacher

and tell me granny exactly what would

you like me to do to help you he won't

listen to me will you please tell him to

stay out of the water mark stay out of

the water

thank you doctor

you don't know what you've done that is

the absolute truth

you're looking for trouble you aim to

help me find something he's bold

with a courageous heart ladies this is

an old job for amateurs saddle up for

John Wayne in a full day of the Duke

today starting at two in Hallmark

country

on the next Hallmark Channel double

feature one of death in prison and a

corpse in the woods uncover organized

crime Leah Thompson is about to become

crimes number one mother what are you

looking at

Jango tomorrow