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09x08 - The Frog Family

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Beverly Hillbillies". Aired: September 1962 to March 1971.*
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The Clampetts move to Beverly Hills after striking oil in the Ozarks,

09x08 - The Frog Family

Post by bunniefuu »

the Beverly hillbilly

[Music]

what you doing boy oh Ellie spelling

said I could try on this frog man's

outfit oh is Mark here well not yet but

he's coming yeah don't let granny see

you wearing this stuff

how come Granny's so dead set again

steadily spell of being a frogman

Granny's scared of the water I went back

home when the cricket rise you couldn't

get it across it for loving the money I

recollect Moss saying that Granny

wouldn't set foot outside the cabin in a

heavy rain

that's a fact I remember one time the

creek Rose cut granny off from her still

for a whole month

what'd she do nothing she could do

considering the fact we was having a

flood that was the longest dry spelled

granny ever had

has she always been like that as long as

I can remember I wish I had a nickel for

every time I heard that woman see if the

good Lord had meant us to swim in the

water he didn't give us fins and guilt

and I hope you explain that to my

Templeton a granny Mark can't stay out

of the water it's his job he's a Navy

frog man and get him to quit but we both

likes the water darling it ain't natural

for humans it's fun granny even Jethro

wants to be a frog man oh no

if Jethro turns into a frog man his maw

will k*ll me well Jethro's done said

that's what he wants to do well him I

can handle I'll just cut off his biddles

speaking of fiddles Mark says there's

more food in the Ocean than any other

place

oh so that's why Jethro wants to be a

frog Man Mark says there's enough food

in the ocean to feed the whole world for

hundreds of years not after Jethro's

been there for a couple of days

[Music]

in the kitchen Paul

march here

good morning Ellie granny howdy Mark

good morning young fella now Ellie would

you and your Paul mind running on for a

minute I got a few things I want to say

to Mark oh yes I'm Danny

now Mark

something you wanted yeah I want to hear

what you're gonna say tomorrow oh

well I was just gonna tell him how much

he resembled John Wayne he's a cowboy

actor you know yes I know you ever think

of being a cowboy

no I never have oh you'd set tall in the

saddle just like John

their words nice and bright

afraid I'm not much of a horse man well

it's better than being a frog man I was

afraid that was coming now granny you're

just gonna have to get used to the

notion that Mark likes it Elias took

with it and Jethro is in a cement Pond

right now learning how to be a frog man

he's in the water already yeah oh I

gotta save him he's pearls baby

who's Pearl Jethro's mom and the only

woman I know who is as scared of water

is Granny

[Music]

hello froggy you can have the cement

part all to yourself

this rubber suit is hot once you get out

of the water

hey there's some bugs down at the deep

end

foreign

[Music]

are you in there honey boy speak to me

oh no

I didn't make it I'm sorry Pearl I've

done my best

[Applause]

oh my God

you'll be happy to know that he's alive

and well and eaten as usual

come on over here Jethro

come on boy I'll try and get a pretty

girl to kiss you if that don't work I'll

have to take you to that psychiatrist

come on boy

come on over here

Sweeting them bugs and listen to me

I'm sorry to keep bothering you all the

time doctor not at all that's what I'm

here for

none of the girls in the secretarial

pool would help me so now you're my only

hope well I'm glad to know you have

faith in me oh I do you work wonders

with Mark and Ellie oh yes they're the

frogs you brought in yesterday

lovely couple

thanks to you did they get married not

yet we can't keep them out of the water

long enough to have a wedding

still hoping for a formal wedding all

right oh sure

Jethro here is gonna be the best man oh

this is Jethro yeah he's Ellie's cousin

Pearl's boy oh how nice

well now what can I do to help you today

and tell Jessica

don't listen to me

Jethro stay out of the water please for

Granny's sake

and for his mama's sake Pearl is scared

to death the water his mother is scared

of water won't go near it that's that's

very unusual

she's aquatic no she's a Bodean

I don't recollect Aquatics

anyway Pearl married Fred Bodine

handsome Rascal he come up from breaks

from swept her right off of her feet for

her fellow drowned though

he drowned when Jethro was still a baby

I think that's why Pearl is so scared of

water his paw drowning that way why

don't believe I've ever heard of one of

them drowning of course I know he's the

only Bodine who ever did

he was out in a boat with Jim Owen and

it turned over and he couldn't swim to

shore no the water in Lake Taney Como is

just icy cold oh Jim die for him time

after time they finally pulled him out

unconscious well old Jim certainly tried

his best

you know Jim do you uh not personally no

he just wrote a book oh about the

tragedy no it's a book of jokes a funny

story

certainly got over it didn't he well

time is the great healer as us doctors

know

you're a doctor oh yeah

do an MD that's right Mountain doctor

wish I was good enough to cure Jethro

but you're the only one that can do that

so I'll leave him with you well now just

exactly what am I supposed to do for

Jethro turn him back the way he was like

you've done for Mike and Nelly you

pull in Mark's handsome as can be oh and

you want me to make uh Jethro hear

handsome

no I'll settle for having him the way he

was

Ryan Chief I've been ringing for 20

minutes where have you been I took the

girls in the secretary and pulled out

for a coffee break they've been through

quite an ordeal what happened well it

seems great he took that frog of hers in

and insisted they kissed the loathsome

creature

well did they of course not they're

fired

Miss Hathaway

that family has 95 million dollars in

this bank and if they want something

kissed it gets kissed achieve a frog

frog hog dog I demand loyalty and

intelligence what is intelligent about

is Granny here with that frog she once

kissed no have you tried the secretarial

pool yeah they wouldn't kiss me neither

she did yeah so I'll take care of it

right away

Jethro and Dr Klinger on the next floor

has Granny's frog will you pick it up

please and take it home you mean I ain't

gonna get kissed go see doctor cleaner I

ain't gonna kiss him

[Music]

[Music]

all right froggy

around to the cement Pond and have

yourself another swim

[Music]

your commission looked right out

hello Chad

you look old Bush what's the matter I am

that's a long walk from the bank even if

you cut across you gotta jump walls and

climbs fences how come you didn't let

Jethro drive you

Jen that boy is in no shape to drive why

not don't ask me I might have to tell

Pearl and it's not the kind of thing you

want to say twice

now you got me Plum curious couldn't you

just stage ready

right Jenny's all right tell him he's

all right kid you're all right boy oh

you're beautiful darling

telling me beautiful again you're all

right boy oh I'm so happy this

is you darling Pearl sweet baby boy oh

Jethro I love you tell him you love him

Chad you're all right boy

oh my baby oh I just feel I could hug

you hug him dead I'm sticking with your

all right boy

hey Granny I'm awful hungry can I have

some vittles come and sit down darling

if any will fix you some delicious

Beetles for that sweet little rosebud

mouth

sweet little Rose Bud Mouse kid he's

getting sickening

see you later

[Music]

how you doing just fine Paul let's scuba

diving's fun you ought to try that's an

idea Miss grab it I think my girl fetchy

no I believe I'll pass on that well

you're a good swimmer well yeah but I

ain't up to that underwater stuff I'll

teach you it's easy

come on Paul try

no darling I'm a little over the hill

for this kind of thing a lot of people

urate scuba dive sure enough I know a

man got beat 20 years older than you are

Dives every day is that a fire come on

Paul be a sport

well

I guess he wouldn't do no harm to give

it a try that's the spirit I like it how

would you like some salted down possum

Shanks instead of chicken well my name I

just happen to have a jar of them over

here in the cupboard

I was saving them for a special occasion

and you're rich honey boy

can Paul borrow your swimming trunk is

up my room

what does your paw want with swimming

trunks Mark's Gonna Learn him to be a

frogman

oh no

not him too

[Music]

did Ellie come through here yes sir

she's catching my swim trunks for you

well I don't want her to see nothing to

Granny about me being a frog man but I'm

going to give it a try oh no you ain't

granny get off you ain't gonna be no

problem man you're the last one I got

left Israel get this wild kid off my

back oh God would you because I finished

these bills get her off now

here's the swimming trunks Paul we'd

better keep him out of Saturday Ellie

your granny's having a conniption fit

but granny you said I was your honey boy

you said I was beautiful you said I had

a rosebud mouth

[Music]

and sh**t me I don't want to live with

the family of frogs hey growing up

Jethro would give her one of them

tranquilizers

[Music]

you go on down to the cement Pond really

quick as we get Granny quiet out Junior

yes

[Music]

yesterday

[Music]

okay

[Music]

what are you doing boy oh granny wants

to be buried in her Cedar Chest

hey you nailed down the lid I'll go dig

a hole take her out of there but you

always told me to obey granny take her

out there and put her on the bed

don't bother Jethro just throw me out

the window

what are you doing now

well granny wants to get thrown out the

window

you please open it for me

bring her back here like I said

tell me do one thing she tells me to do

another I don't know who to listen to

but you know me put her on the bed

granny swallowed it is it possible

snack and I don't want it I know where

there's some poison boy

wait out in the hole try to please

everybody and all you get is yelled at

you say this I said that I don't know

who to listen to take one of these Pink

Floyd's granny well if I do will you

promise to stay out of the water no I

won't well I'm warning you just roll eat

your legs

maybe you better take two of these

oh you run along Jed I'll be just fine

yeah it's good just rest

that's what I'll do Jenna I'll just rip

that's my granny you're a dear sweet

manjed I love you

I love you too granny

[Music]

oh he's trying to win or I nail it shut

you're a mean man Jed and you're going

to be a mean frog

[Music]

that was wonderful Mr Clampett

did you say something you're afraid just

great thank you

how'd you like it pal it's fun just like

you said father's just like you and

Jethro a natural now we can only

convince granny forget it oh did you

unlock Granny's door yes sir pal I wish

well she's just laying on a bed modern

to herself about how she'd have to go

see Dr klingner again

[Music]

Pond and get the latest frog oh did you

change your mind gonna cook his legs for

me

cannibal

excuse me young as I'll get of this

outfit

who's Dr cleaner he's a psychiatrist

granny good maybe he can cure aquaphobia

what fear of water oh I sure do hope so

Grace pet frog is that the ones you

named Mark I don't know I can't tell him

apart she seems to be able to

hi granny

howdy would you like a ride down to Dr

Klinger's office I'd appreciate that

thank you where's your paw he's changing

foreign

that's a different one

I'm glad I'm not the only one she names

the frogs after come on Jed swim over

here and get in your cage we gotta ride

down to Dr Klinger's office

I hate to keep pestering you doctor but

you've done such a good job on Jethro

yes he does seem to look happy oh this

ain't Jethro

this is his Uncle Jeff Clampett oh oh

I'm sorry Mr Clampett

don't apologize to him he brought it on

himself I begged him I pleaded with him

he wouldn't listen you'd think he'd know

better at his age just how old is he

he's in his 50s really I didn't know

they lived that long oh yeah

his grandpa lived to be over a hundred

fantastic then of course many of the

amphibious families do have a remarkable

lifespan uh for example the Terrapins

I don't believe I know that family is

they friends with Aquatics

yes they're uh related oh well I hope

the Terrapins ain't having the trouble

with their tin folks that I'm having

with mine especially him I'm ashamed to

admit that he's my son-in-law this one

is your son-in-law yeah he's Ellie's paw

oh Pearl's cousin the one Jethro calls

Uncle Jed that's right and I'm granny to

Olive yes well now uh what seems to be

Jed's problem his problem is that he's a

up

and she definitely is a frog

and it's so stupid he's got everything

what do you mean he's worth 95 million

dollars he is owns a mansion in Beverly

Hills

he content to stay in it no not him

he's got to jump in the cement Pond like

the rest of his family well

well they're just naturally drawn to

water that's the truth

sure I can bless your doctor I ain't

going to ask you how you do it you got

your professional secrets I got mine

right doctor my specialties is POTUS and

risens and ease and rheumatives

excellent Fields if you ever get to

aching in the joints I got some

rheumatized medicine that's out for this

world will it actually cure rheumatism

no but it'll make you happy you got it

[Music]

greetings

[Music]

hi there Miss Gene come on in thank you

Mr Clement I'm afraid of having Time Dr

klingner asked me to return Granny's

fraud she left it in his office again

funny how that woman has took her fine

list of these little critters oh sadly

well au revoir oh thank you

[Music]

thank you

then bring Beverly Hills if you're not

happening dogs

get off of there and go on back home you

little mutty

[Music]

thank you

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

that's right do you have a craven to eat

bugs Jed

of course not good take off your shoes

and I'll check your feet

more of this for you Granny you've had

plenty

[Music]

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everything we found indicates that he's

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y'all come back now here this has been a

film waste presentation