09x24 - Jethro Returns

[bunniefuu]

The Beverly Hillbillies

[Music]

morning Jazz where's ready what you

doing well I'm mixing up a batch of

mortar I'm finally going to patch that

hole in the foundation oh good that'll

stop them Critters from getting under

the house yeah I think

many ain't you never going to take off

that Davy Crockett cap not until the

wedding day who's Wendy

you stay when Ellie May Clampett becomes

Mrs Robert a Crockett

granny we just met the boy yesterday

ain't you kind of counting your chickens

for these hats ain't nothing chicken

about this boy Jed he's a direct

descendant of the greatest hero that

Tennessee ever produced The One and Only

Davey Crockett himself

granny I ain't knocking a boy I just

don't think you ought to be making

wedding plans I ain't I ain't do nothing

it's

remember the Saiyan marriages is made in

Tennessee that's heaven

you've been there have you

really you are something else

come on let's go have breakfast

well I reckon this mortar won't set up

on me in the time it takes to eat of

course it won't

I'm fixing something fast this morning

what is it jackrabbit

something fast

Jackrabbit did you catch that Jim I

caught it and I dropped it granny you

sure are feeling your oats today well

weddings make me happy

I gotta feel there's gonna be a long day

speaking of breakfast I didn't see no

bucket of riddles outside for Jethro I

didn't leave none this morning Jethro

will be home today he's coming out of

hiding oh you told him that that girl he

thought was trying to trap was gone huh

not exactly no well anyway uh you got a

word to everyone safe to come home huh I

figured the best way was not to leave

any vittles when Jethro gets hungry

enough he'll be home

that's right take quite a spell to get a

message to his brain but reaching the

stomach is a quick trip

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that's right he's

he's in time for Ellie's wedding let's

go ahead and make him feel welcome

there he goes look at he split

Chad look

my bucket of mortar it's gone

Jethro must have thought it was grit he

leave it I'm afraid he will what do we

do

well but all we can do is hope it don't

sit up too quick after he swallows it

what if it does

well then uh let's hope that he's hiding

near a school

because he's going to be spitting a lot

of Choke

come on Ellie we'll have a showdown with

Mr Drysdale Here and Now

well Chief you have finally sunk to a

new low

not what have I done it was bad enough

when you made Ellie's chimp wash windows

and shine shoes but to our latest

exploitation of that helpless little

animal is simply outrageous oh God calm

down we found him 14 blocks from this

Bank well

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aren't you ashamed of yourself who has

to be ashamed of I put him in charge of

advertising with this bank that's an

honor really well you name me one other

monkey that's in the advertising

business well never mind never mind I

just thought of a few myself

poor little critter feet so sore from

all that walking and carrying that heavy

sign you are very lucky that we got

there before the SPCA what's that the

society for the prevention of cruelty to

animals how do you like that everybody's

protected but Bank presidents we're the

downtrodden minority anybody can pick on

us

now don't you worry I'm gonna tell Paul

I mean Mr drysdale's been to you wait a

minute honey dear

I thought the exercise would do him good

I didn't know it was good hurt his cute

little feet this didn't be Winter Market

this little bitty stayed home this

little piggy had roast beef this little

piggy had done and this little piggy

went way way

all the way home and that's where I'm

gonna take this poor little critter

right now oh well you're not gonna tell

your father anything bad about a nice

Bank president well I think I'm going to

tell him what you've done what did I do

not him don't just have a sign all over

Beverly Hills oh that's not heavy look

I'll show you

that's fun see not about carrying it 14

blocks barefooted see that's a mildest

idea take your shoes off

not me oh I loved you but I have a very

important business meeting right now

with whom with my advertising manager uh

would you girls mind leaving us alone

now the way I see our next advertising

campaign do you mind we're busy

are you Mr Clampett yes sir

I found this young man doubled up under

a cover not you

oh his Jethro oh yeah I think we ought

to call a doctor

good idea doctor coming running

his policeman found him leveled up under

a culvert infection home oh thank you Mr

policeman I'll take charge of the

patient now are you a doctor

and practice your medicine for putting

their 60 years

it all started when I was a girl in

Tennessee I was born and raised down

around Limestone that's near Greensville

that's Davey Crockett country if you

ain't never been to Tennessee you gotta

go it is just beautiful has the

prettiest series that you ever laid your

eyes on okay I'm dying and you're

jumping

oh now now you're not dying yes I am too

I hate them grits of yours and they're

k*lling me oh come on into my

examination room I'll have you right as

rain in No Time come on

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well I sure do thank you Mr policeman

say uh what happened to the truck the

boy was driving oh we had to impound it

well that's all right Chuck's taking a

meeting before see ya why don't you stay

and take lunch with us well I don't know

granny is cooking up a big mess of grits

funny some folks just don't seem to care

for grits

oh Miss Jane Ted Clampett speaking is

Ellie May there not at the moment Mr

Clampett can I give her a message I

appreciate it if you would tell her that

Jethro is home safe and sound

better just make that safe

but anyway I figured she'd want to know

I'll give her the good news as soon as

she returns from her driving lesson yes

that's right Robert is giving Ellie her

second lesson right now to break put

your put on

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that ratchet just went straight through

the green line

yeah please remember to face the front

yes sir

I sure do appreciate you learning me to

drive cause I'm the driver in the family

now no Jethro's hiding out huh when did

he ride with you

he's hiding out cause he's scared of

getting married he doesn't know what

fear is

turning green the light is turning red

can you tell the difference of course I

can you got a mustache

Ellie just move over and stop

Ellie that's that's enough let's go back

well well it's over oh he'll recover the

operation was a success oh he operated

took out 10 pounds of mortar gotta cut

him open huh no I just reached down his

gullet and pulled it out

first I had to beat on his belly a

little to bust it up well I'm glad you

didn't have to take the boy into surgery

yeah oh that reminds me I can untie the

goat now yeah I noticed that goat tell

it outside the back door uh how come

well I wanted him ready in case I had to

do a stomach transplant

thanks for standing by Billy glad I

didn't need you

how long you figure it'll be before

Jethro's up and about doctor well

how about some Beatles I'm starving does

that answer your question get the sit

down boy we glad to have you home glad

to be home Uncle Jeff what's your

riddles granny I'm fixing you something

special in celebration of the women

you mean that Llewellyn is still waiting

to marry me no no I'm talking about

Ellie Mays win now granny Lucy Mary the

direct descendant of Davy Crockett ready

he'd give me this cat Davey Crockett no

the sixth or seventh grandson the one

that's gonna marry Ellie Mae granny will

you stop telling Jethro things that just

ain't so Uncle Jed

is Granny fibbing to me he's been in the

facts of mate I knew it he's trying to

trick me into marrying that Luella

Dayton well I'm going back into HUD

ah you see what you're doing Ray don't

forget to leave me a pot of vittles

this wouldn't cross your Bridges before

you come but

[Music]

and thanks again for letting you sweetie

give me another driving lesson my

pleasure Ellie maid where is Robert oh

he went to take a present to Granny he

sure is nice to her he'll like him so

typical of a bird watcher kind and

thoughtful yes ma'am he's just really

interested in granny he's a darling boy

as a matter of fact I have just dashed

off a quatrain which describes it

perfectly

Robert dear Robert you're easy to love

strength of an eagle heart of a dove

trembling I wait to the bird of your

quest hoping that soon we'll feather our

nests sure do ride pretty poetry Miss

Jane thank you

could I practice my typing by copying it

well I'd be flattered

oh

tell me what sort of a present did

Robert take to Brandon oh it was the

Confederate flag that his great great

granddaddy towed it into bad ah yes

that's where he inherited the Eagle's

side of his nature the Valiant Warrior

Randy riddles it

well if it ain't Mr Crockett

see you sir

again it belonged to his great great

granddaddy General Beauregard Crockett

I want to be wrapped in this when I go

Jed

granny don't talk about passing on I

mean when I go to Ellie's wedding

is your granddaughter getting married

well that's up to you have you proposed

yet granny well Jen he's been so nice to

us the least we can do is give him

something in return like a whale

oh hush that kind of talk now Jim you're

a rich man you've got plenty of money

and you can afford a nice wedding and a

big dollar

granny you're embarrassing this boy

something awful come on out of the

kitchen granny he's got riddles ready

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Eddie dear I'm glad to see you

practicing your typing but suppose you

do it in the secretarial pool oh yes sir

Mr dry deal I've got just one more word

at this point left to finish

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that's a very good indeed a poem to

Robert yes sir and where is that

Splendid young chap oh he's that but the

man's have given a present to Grant

foreign

you are easy to love

she loves him

Ellie Mae Clampett loves Robert Audubon

Getty oh what a marriage that would be

the perfect mating of two beautiful

fortunes Miss Hathaway

yes Chief keep an eye on things I'm on

my way to handle a financial merger of

the Year Jay Paul Getty and JD Clement

now you men folks shut down we is gonna

have Rich greens and jowls

that was real company bills granny I'm

going to the pantry and get some of my

hickory smoke jowls them is the best

hey Miss clever you started to tell me

about Ellie May's collection of animals

that girl has got every Critter you can

name and some you can't we got Birds

Bears Apes places a regular Zoo

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uh yeah I think I uh I just saw one what

was it

you couldn't tell

come in here in the pantry and give me a

hand come on granny excuse me

hey mister what you fixing to eat

um grits and greens and jowls the greens

and jowls is all right but don't eat

them grits they'll k*ll you

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what kind of Critter you figure you've

seen

I think it was a cross between a gorilla

and a parrot no fooling yeah

looked like an ape but it talked

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well I see you've gotten acquainted with

this wonderful young man yes sir you

betcha we have are you aware of the

distinguished family from which he comes

you bet we are where do you suppose this

come from

well offhand I'd say from one of Ellie's

Critters

this come from Old Navy himself

as well you know I'm responsible for

bringing Robert and Ellie together is

that a fact bless you Mr Drysdale you

yes I could see immediately that theirs

would be a perfect union

perfect what

Union you mean Confederacy

stand corrected do you know that he's

the great great grandson of the hero of

Gettysburg

named after one of the Gettys I suppose

a wonderful town

the greatest speech that was ever spoke

was spoken Gettysburg by the greatest

president of them all

Jefferson Davis well granny that was

Abraham Lincoln that's two boners in a

row for you

you're ready don't get riled

he better watch his his tongue in front

of a Crockett well I uh I believe I'll

be running along wait a minute I'll go

with you thanks for the riddles and I

see you me too

Robert my boy I wonder if you realize

how much Ellie May Clampett loves you

she does yes she wrote a poem about you

listen to this

Robert dear Robert you're easy to love

strength of an eagle heart of a dove

trembling Highway the bird of your quest

hoping that soon will feather our midst

Ellie wrote that I saw her tie with her

own wealthy little finger

how about that

now take my advice go to the bank get

Ellie drive to Las Vegas get married

right away oh I can't do that why not

well of course I've got my old clothes

on and uh

I'm short of money money wants money to

a Getty hear my boy spend it in good

health

Wow Come on come on I'll drive to the

bank with you I don't want anything to

go wrong

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fortunes now come inside and take

letters of the Federal Reserve Bank I

want to tell them that they run short

they can call on me

I must admit you that was quite a

financial coup oh no not again

you are not going to take advantage of

that poor little animal any longer come

on baby

who needs them I can afford a regular

window washer now how did you manage to

pull off that merger so quickly action I

grabbed Ellie Mae out of the secretarial

pool put her in the car with young Getty

and told him to take off of Vegas Mr

Robert if this here's another driving

lesson Had An ought to be sitting where

you are oh this isn't a driving lesson

Ellie May we're heading for Las Vegas

welfare to get married

you and me who else I came out of you

you belong to miss Jay oh not anymore

not since you wrote me that beautiful

poetic proposal what are you talking

about well you know the poem that ends

trembling I wait the bird of your quest

hoping that soon we'll feather our nest

it's Robert I didn't write that poem to

you

no sir now you take me back to the bank

straight off cause Miss Jane's waiting

for you oh boy

hey would you like to drive

well is it all right yeah

maybe we won't make it

well greetings Mr clothing and how nice

to see you again Jethro should have seen

him before Adam Barber hey Misty you got

anything to eat around here well I I

think the chief has some mints in his

office I'll eat anything but grits

we're telling me

what didn't you know she's on her way to

Las Vegas tomorrow the nephew of J Paul

Getty

where do you come from search me I've

never met him great he's kind of

counting on Lily marrying the Crockett

boy Crockett yeah director Senator David

yourself I've never met him either

oh it's a climate oh nice to see you

nice to see you I hope you don't mind

yeah through eating your mints oh that

doesn't bother me but if he'd only

unwrapped them first

attack the boys do for another

stomachache

here's your family Giant what do you

mean her father

Mr Getty is your fella he's not Mr Gabby

he's Robert Audubon no he ain't just

here's a Crockett boy

Robert oh at least a half a dozen more

that you've never heard listen you

swindler if you're not a Getty let me

have my money back

well here's part of it I had to put up

the rest for repairs to miss Hathaway's

car

and fella if your name ain't Getty

Audubon or Crockett what is it well uh

level with you Mr Clampett my real name

is d*ck bremercamp and I'm an auto work

actor not anymore you're not you mean it

you better believe I mean it you come

with me

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well now it's time to say goodbye to

Jordan all his skin they would like to

thank you folks for kindly dropping in

you're all invited back next week to

this locality to have a heap and helping

of their Hospitality

hillbilly that is sellers Bell take your

shoes off

y'all come back now here

this has been a filmwise presentation

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