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02x03 - Inspired by Real Life

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)". Aired: 31 May 2019 – present.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Series follows Moritz and his friend Lenny Sander attempting to rekindle Moritz's love for ex-girlfriend Lisa Novak, through selling ecstasy online.

02x03 - Inspired by Real Life

Post by bunniefuu »

[door unlocks]

[woman moaning]

[grunts]

[phone rings]

[woman] Hey, you.

Hey, honey. What's up?

[woman] Hey. How was your meeting?

Leon, put that down!

- Hm. Long.

- [woman] What's the hotel like?

- It's just for one night.

- [woman] Hm.

[Leon] Daddy, Daddy!

- [woman] The kids want to talk to you too.

- Yeah.

[woman] Leon, yeah,

that's a great drawing,

but Daddy can't see it right now.

Leon, please put that away!

[tense music plays]

[woman] Honey, are you still there?

Leon, here's Daddy!

- Yeah.

- [woman] Leon, please!

- [woman] When do you get back?

- Yvonne? I'm going to call you back, yeah?

[Yvonne] Okay, talk

[woman moaning]

[Norbert] f*ck.

[beeping]

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

[upbeat music plays]

Elon Musk works 80 hours a week,

and if things aren't going well at Tesla,

he sleeps there.

To get to the top,

your business really has to

come before all private matters.

And my heart really does beat for MyDrugs.

[sobs]

[sobs loudly]

[Lenny] What a performance!

A brilliant idea.

- [Lenny] How do you know Dutch?

- [Dan] A girlfriend.

- We should think about

- [door opens]

Everything okay?

- That was your third time in the loo.

- Lactose intolerance.

If you want to talk about

the "lactose intolerance"

[sniffs]

So, what do you think about flavours?

I thought peach, ginger

Let's not put too much into it.

It's just the front business.

What are those things on your nose?

Uh, minus 2, minus 2.5.

[Dan exhales]

I usually wear contact lenses.

- They're cool.

- Thanks!

Just concentrate on the packing,

Professor.

You can't accept the fact

that somebody else has

a good idea for once, can you?

The idea is good.

Because it's so sh*t.

The perfect front business. [sniffs]

[Moritz] Gamers don't give a f*ck

about their health.

Don't worry about it, okay?

You'd actually help us more

if you left school

and started sticking stamps full-time.

What do you need A-levels for?

[clears throat]

I don't get how someone can become

such an arsehole in such a short time.

[scoffs] I don't believe him.

[hip-hop plays in background]

[Lisa sighs] Sorry, but

Moritz breaking up with me?

No!

Am I boring you?

Mm-mm.

No. Hey!

Come here, my new lovely roomie!

[sighs]

Hello.

Have you guys taken something, or what?

- Mm-mm.

- No.

- Mm-mm.

- Hey, I [sighs]

I don't want to make

a huge deal out of this,

but shouldn't we be moaning about boys

over a giant tub of vanilla ice cream?

Ah, vanilla ice cream

- With cherries!

- With cherries!

[both laugh]

Moritz, I know you're in a bad mood

because of your

lactose intolerance, but

- We're both just as committed as you are.

- [Moritz] Is that right?

Dan's biggest contribution so far

has been speaking two words of Dutch,

and you're planning your wedding

with some untrustworthy coder,

who probably only wants our Bitcoins,

Lenny.

I broke up with my girlfriend

for this business!

Not true.

- Of course it is!

- No, about the wedding!

Here.

Kira wants a bit of space right now,

and I can accept that.

What is that?

A mood barometer,

so I know how long I have to wait.

She programmed it with

Rust and WebAssembly!

Crazy complicated

for a microsite like this.

[sniggers]

What have you taken?

40 milligrams of ket, orally.

[both snigger, laugh]

What the f*ck? It's Wednesday.

- That's why we only took 40mg

- [both laugh]

You too? Really?

Oh come on, Lisa, just because I had

one bad experience? That's ridiculous.

I mean, when you hurt your knee

You went skiing straight after,

and that was the right thing to do.

So you didn't get really scared of it.

Mm-hm

I'm not sure that's the same thing.

Isn't it really addictive, ketamine?

It's not like we had

a whole room full of it.

[Jens] Moritz?

[knocking on door]

- [Dan] f*ck!

- [Moritz] Um.. Yeah?

- [door opens]

- [Jens] Hey, guys.

I thought I'd bring you something

to keep your strength up.

I honestly think your new idea is great.

Almost as good as

that maths app on Dragons' Den.

And still, I think that I should, uh

Thank you.

Should support you more somehow.

Is there anything else I can do?

Lactose intolerance?

[Dan] Uh, no, no.

It's cool of you to let us use this place.

It was a really good idea,

using the garage.

And now you and Lisa can finally have

some peace in your room.

[Moritz whimpers]

You have to separate them.

[Jens] Personal life and work.

[sobs]

- I have to go to the toilet.

- [door opens]

- [door closes]

- [Lenny] It's about Lisa.

- [Moritz sobs]

- [Dan] They broke up again.

[Jens] I'm sorry, what?!

[dramatic classical music plays]

[horse neighs]

[man] One, two, three!

There you are.

[music plays in background]

[Marie] Hello, Pedro.

Abnor! Come here!

[knocking on window]

[Abnor] Hm?

[woman] Look. Do you notice anything?

[Abnor] Yeah. Buba's wearing my jacket.

[woman] No.

[tense music plays]

[woman] Those boys.

[Abnor] They're the ones from yesterday.

[sighs]

[man 2] Martin and Donnie. You're right!

[woman] Find out

everything there is to know about them.

What's so hard to understand?

There were cameras at the scene,

but Buba's mother says

they don't record anything.

We have his laptop,

but it's completely formatted.

- As in, uh Formatted?

- Yeah.

All of it, completely wiped.

That's right.

We couldn't find the password either.

No. It's all gone.

User, no files, nothing at all.

Someone who really knows computers,

probably working with Buba,

professionally wiped it.

Hey? But it asked us for a password

when we opened it up and tried to log in.

Yeah, it probably did ask you

for a password. I have to go.

Right, I'm taking this with me. Luckily,

deleted files are never gone forever.

See you later.

[door closes]

[suspenseful music plays]

[Jens] Moritz, we have to talk.

I have a question about the laptop

I asked you to hack into.

Are you there?

[Moritz] Trust doesn't depend on

how much people know about each other,

but rather, what they know.

At the end of the day, we all have secrets

we keep from one another.

Computers are different.

They collect all information about you.

Your Google search history, who you follow

on Instagram, what you like on TikTok.

They know exactly who you are.

A study at Stanford has proven

that AI only needs five photos of you

to determine your sexual orientation.

Maybe we should be glad about

all the secrets that do still exist.

These career days

really are extremely important.

You all think that

the time before A-levels is hard.

[imitating] "Oh, the maths exam, help!"

But trust me, that's nothing.

What's really hard is making bad decisions

and then finding yourself stranded

15 years later.

A brilliant mind that could have

taken us to Mars, but instead

has to tell a bunch of teenagers to just

get the hell off their mobiles. Fritzi!

[clears throat]

So please.

Take this test seriously,

and be honest with yourselves, okay?

This is complete rubbish.

- It's like a horoscope.

- Yeah. Mercury doesn't look too strong.

These tests aren't that random.

I read an article

What's wrong with contact lenses?

[teacher continues in background]

I read an article saying that nowadays,

with big data, they can

Shut it!

So first, the multiple choice questions,

then we'll have the one-to-one interviews,

and then we'll do

the teamwork activity tomorrow.

I don't care if you lie to me.

It's your sad lives, after all.

Okay! Let's get started.

Good luck.

["Who" by

Modeselektor ft. Tommy Cash plays]

Who says study will get you work?

Who says school will get you class? ♪

Who said that job

Will get you the cash? ♪

Who says your dream

Will get you a Porsche? ♪

Who says that life is not death? ♪

Who said ♪

- [girls laugh]

- Nice.

Who said original is not fake? ♪

Mrs. Lembach, I didn't mean to press that!

- I'll reset it.

- Wait.

- [beeps]

- Ah, thanks!

Bla bla bla ♪

Bla bla bla ♪

Bla bla bla ♪

[Mrs. Lembach] Take a seat.

[Mrs. Lembach] Creative, inventive,

unique perspectives, sharp intellect.

The ideal manager.

In the nineties, yes?

Take a seat, please.

Oh.

[Mrs. Lembach] Socially conscious,

considerate and loyal.

Blue types tend to submit their own will

to that of the group.

They have good ideas but

they lack the confidence to voice them.

[clears throat]

Yellow type.

Gregarious, playful, good-natured.

You play team sports, right?

I'm concentrating on start-ups now,

specifically marketing and communication.

And have you seen your grades recently?

With you, it's strange

The test was inconclusive.

To be honest, I think you just need

to decide what you want.

[sighs]

[Mrs. Lembach]

Relax, there's no yes or no

or black or white in the end

when it comes to right or wrong.

Just do something. If it's a mistake,

you'll know what you don't want.

If you are planning to study in this area,

your grades have to improve.

You could easily combine

training with studying.

Just chuck in a bit of biology

on the cross-trainer.

I bet you have a whole list of life goals,

but you never really do anything

to achieve them.

Just give it a shot. What could go wrong?

Nowadays as a boss,

you need to be empathetic.

Listen. Show empathy. It's all over

the internet. Otherwise, employees leave.

Without motivated employees,

a business is worthless.

But I'm sure I don't need to explain that.

Bla bla bla ♪

Bla bla bla ♪

They keep talking bla ♪

[Moritz sighs]

Okay, lads.

In the last three months,

we've made 1.2 million euros.

That means for one million,

it took 2.5 months.

- So to reach the required 15 million, we

- 37.5.

Yeah, that's right.

And that is far too long.

The Dutch want us to increase sales.

So, how do we do it?

I suggest we start with

brainstorming.

I'm excited to hear your ideas.

[clears throat]

Okay. How about B2B, for example?

Like, selling to other dealers.

- Isn't that super dangerous?

- [sighs]

I'll write it down.

- That's brainstorming.

- I'll write it down.

[Moritz] B2B.

[pen squeaks]

Anything else?

- Marketing.

- [Moritz] Thanks! Great input.

[Lenny] Hm.

Any ideas for implementation?

What's up? Is it leg day, or what?

[Moritz] So? Head of marketing?

- Hm?

- [Moritz] We need your input, Daniel.

Your creative, playful,

out-of-the-box thinking.

Taking the piss, are you?

No, seriously. You have great ideas, man.

Especially with marketing and stuff.

Like, the T-shirts, for example.

What did they say?

"I've never been on MyDrugs. to"?

I don't want us to stop when school ends.

I have absolutely no idea

what I want to do after.

If I can actually graduate.

For you guys, doing MyDrugs

and school is completely easy.

Man, if you need help

We're happy to help!

You can always ask us.

Yeah.

Well If you want. Maybe.

Good! We've been very productive.

Shall we continue?

Does anyone have anything else?

- I have something important to say.

- Yeah, Lenny.

The whole expansion is really

pretty time-intensive.

And I was thinking, maybe

I'll just say it how I see it.

We need a bigger team.

And I already had someone in mind. Um

[tense music plays]

- Maybe Kira?

- Kira?

So I break up with my girlfriend

and your bring yours in on it?

That's cheating!

She can really help,

especially with the coin mixer.

You've already told her?!

- There he is

- What? No. Why would

Why would I? [chuckles]

Oh, I don't know.

Because she's your first girlfriend?

- And you look down and left when you lie.

- What? No.

- There you go again!

- I didn't say anything!

[breathes heavily]

The guy invented it to make his wife

skinnier and better at tennis. Arsehole.

He'd call his wife Ritalita,

so he named it "Ritalin".

It makes you happier, more awake,

and more focussed.

And probably a better tennis player.

So, are you more tired-angry or sad-angry?

Just angry.

Like an amphetamine,

it blocks reabsorption

of dopamine and noradrenaline.

Side-effects are palpitations,

change in appetite, and insomnia.

- I already have all that without Ritalin.

- Okay then

- Cough syrup?

- Codeine.

It's an opiate,

a painkiller like morphine.

It makes you drowsy

and is excreted by the kidneys.

With two healthy kidneys,

it's pretty harmless.

You're a medical encyclopaedia.

It's best with Sprite and crushed sweets.

They call it "Purple Drink".

All the trap guys drink it.

The ones with healthy kidneys.

We need to get you guys

out of this room for a bit.

Or out of Rinseln. Either way,

you really need to get out of here.

Then of course we have ketamine.

In high doses, it's even hallucinogenic,

but we usually only take 40mg max.

It doesn't restrict serotonin and isn't

monoaminergic like other antidepressants,

so it works way faster.

- Way faster.

- Way faster.

So, what's it gonna be?

["Trust Nobody" by The D4 plays]

Hey, you!

Nothing ever came to me easy ♪

Hey, you!

Nothing ever came to me free ♪

Hey, you!

I get every little thing that I wanted ♪

Hey, you!

I get whatever I need ♪

Don't put your trust in nobody ♪

You can't trust nobody but yourself ♪

No, no, no ♪

[suspenseful music plays]

[Moritz] Like I said,

the internet knows everything about you.

Even Milena Bechtholz.

Known online as xKira7.

Nineteen years old.

Interests include anime, cosplay,

and anime cosplay.

And coding. Only child.

Had her first YouTube channel at 14,

talking about life as a teenager,

arguments with friends,

confidence, and spots.

Super cringey.

Her parents? Business people.

They were almost millionaires,

then came bankruptcy.

Or the way they put it:

[man] The state has abandoned us.

[Moritz] A hyperactive daughter

was just what they needed.

Diagnosis: ADHD.

Treatment: Ritalin, 20 milligrams a day.

On her YouTube channel,

Milena talks openly about her medication.

When her parents

find her channel and delete it,

the sedated teen's videos

spread around school.

Bullying. New school.

Period of reflection.

Rebels against her parents.

Leaves school.

Leaves home in a Mitsubishi L300.

From the van, she simulates open networks.

So called "evil twins".

They present themselves as

free hotel networks.

The guests, of course, log in.

People love free Wi-Fi.

And she can access

all the network traffic.

It's her network, after all.

Personal data, emails, input fields,

browser history, webcam

Everything.

Then all you need to do is gather

all the compromising information,

draft an extortion email,

press send, and wait.

It sounds like a sequence from

a cheap hacker film, but it really works.

And it's not even that hard to do.

So do yourselves a favour,

and don't use open networks.

And tape your laptop camera up.

Just like Mark Zuckerberg.

[Moritz] But back to Milena and Lenny.

Either one of the 12 million

socially inept Dota players

who also blackmails people

for their Bitcoins

happens to have fallen madly in love

with the only sexually frustrated,

terminally ill wheelchair user

with a massive Bitcoin wallet,

or Kira just wants our money.

You decide.

My assistant will provide you

with all the information,

and if this is the case,

we should get rolling soon.

- Great. Thanks, Dr. Jefferson.

- [doorbell rings]

[vehicle approaches]

[atmospheric music plays]

[buzzer sounds]

With this, I could live to be fifty, man.

Fifty!

I mean, the guy's

a f*cking legend in his field.

Here. Dr. James f*cking Jefferson.

That's the name of a f*cking genius!

Like Dr. Bruce f*cking Banner!

- Maybe that's not the best example.

- [Lenny] Not from 2012 Avengers.

Endgame Bruce Banner was great.

And people say I look like Mark Ruffalo.

- Who says that?

- Dan.

[Lenny] Anyway, it sounds great.

It costs just over a million,

but what else am I working for?

Fifty! What could be better?

I could easily wait a month for Kira.

Or even a year! f*ck it! [laughs]

I doubt I'd have thought of doing this

if it wasn't for Kira.

Anyway, it's cool

you came round to listen.

Are you not drinking it? Okay.

Was there anything else?

No.

[mid-tempo music plays]

[whooping]

[giggling]

[bicycle bells ring]

Maybe that careers b*tch

actually had a point.

I need to decide what is it that I want.

What do you want?

- To kick the sh*t out of Moritz.

- [girls laugh]

- I love ketamine-Lisa!

- [all laugh]

Let's go get that idiot! [laughs]

Mum shares it with her ex,

but there's only one key.

[both giggle]

I can't really tell where he's going.

[Fritzi] Whatever, let's go. Gerda?

[Fritzi and Lisa laugh]

[mellow electro music plays]

[suspenseful music plays]

What are you doing here?!

[gulps]

- Did Lenny send you?

- No.

I'm here to find out who you are

and what you want from Lenny.

You're not really interested in him.

I know you blackmail people.

- [Kira grunts]

- Browser histories and stuff.

You don't know sh*t! f*ck off!

Unfortunately, your password was in

the 2011 PlayStation Network data leak.

So he did send you!

No!

Lenny knows how to fish a password

out of a data leak. You don't.

That's not exactly true.

I know how that works.

But it's all pretty

Sweet, that you'd do

something like this for a friend.

Now that you're here,

I can give you something for him.

Code.

[mid-tempo music plays]

[Moritz gulps]

- [Moritz whimpers]

- [Kira] I know you're a germaphobe.

There you go.

Okay Lenny. Sorry I didn't

write all this on my forehead.

I dropped out of school

and I earn my money by blackmailing people

with their porn habits.

It's not exactly the best pick-up line.

So, congratulations!

You've solved the mystery.

This is my life!

Somebody had to take control of it

because my parents f*cking couldn't.

That's why I never want to see them again

and they can kiss my f*cking arse, Lenny!

Good.

Now I can't really trust you either.

Don't you get it?

The Kirameter was a test to see if you can

accept not knowing everything about me.

Congratulations, Lenny. You did not pass.

Send him that.

Kira, Lenny really likes you.

He's always talking about you.

And thanks to you,

he has hope for his illness again.

Lenny completely gets

that you're taking a break.

He has no idea I'm here. Really.

[vehicle approaches]

[Kira] Then why is he

over there watching us?

- Hm?

- Tell him it's over.

- Huh?

- Tell him it's over!

I can't do that.

[Moritz whimpers]

[tense music plays]

[Moritz yelps]

f*ck!

I don't believe this.

If it's a rebound thing, then fine,

but if he shagged her

when you were together,

then we have to k*ll him. Who's in?

- Lisa?

- Mm-hm.

That's the spirit.

What? Sorry. I wasn't listening.

She said we should k*ll Moritz. Okay?

Yeah. Count me in.

Nice.

[rock music plays]

I know exactly how Lisa's feeling.

Total crisis.

Hm.

That kind of thing hurts.

That's serious pain.

[spits]

Imagine when the fat one finds out.

[laughs]

[soft electro music plays]

Okay?

[breathing heavily]

[call disconnects]

[sighs]

[Kira] Now I can't really

trust you either.

Don't you get it?

The Kirameter was a test

[Lenny] Moritz? It's me.

Do you have a second?

- This is Moritz Zimmermann's voicemail.

- [Lenny] Seriously. It's important.

Something's up with Kira.

Huh?

She blocked me everywhere.

I don't know what to do!

Uh-huh.

sh*t! I don't even know what I did.

I don't know what to do now, I

f*ck!

Yeah, it It'll be okay.

[Lenny] That girl

means everything to me. sh*t!

What would you do if you were me?

[Lenny] I did everything she asked me to!

Man, Moritz,

how am I supposed to go on living?

[vomiting]

Nausea can occur when

ketamine is taken on a full stomach,

or if it's consumed with alcohol.

Maybe it's just a stomach bug.

Or the porridge was off.

Or you're lactose-intolerant?

[groans] The careers woman

wants us to do a group activity.

It's enough to make you throw up.

- [vomiting]

- [groans]

Sorry Lisa, but maybe this is all

because of that b*stard Moritz.

- I mean, emotional trauma

- Fritzi.

- Yeah?

- I love you, but please, f*ck off.

Okay. Sorry!

See you in a bit.

[Fritzi] If I see Moritz,

I'll punch him in the face!

[sighs]

How's it going?

TAKE TO THE STREETS

WITH FRIDAYS FOR THE FUTURE

The paper bridge?

Or the old spaghetti-marshmallow tower?

- I just saw her with spaghetti.

- Ah, I knew it!

And I spent all week preparing

for the f*cking bridge, like an idiot.

[scoffs] You just can't

get it right sometimes, eh?

I, um..

I'm sorry about Moritz.

I don't know the details of

what happened between you guys, but

You spend so much time together.

You know what he's been up to.

Hm?

Come on. How long has it been going on?

[tense music plays]

It's been going on a while, actually,

since you wanted to go on a break.

Did Lenny know, too?

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- Did he tell you, or

- I found out myself.

Oh.

You're real f*cking arseholes,

you realise that?

Hey

Well, actually just Moritz.

[sighs] I understand

why you didn't grass him up,

after all he did for you.

After he helped you with the drugs.

The fact that you're with MyTems now.

It's good you don't deal anymore.

He told me when I found

the ecstasy at his house.

m*therf*cker!

- Cheating is the worst thing for me.

- Wait, what were you talking about?

- I mean Moritz's f*cking affair!

- What?!

Girl with the short hair.

I saw them kissing.

Brown hair? With the earrings?

- Odd clothes?

- Yeah.

The manga b*tch.

- I don't believe it!

- Huh?

- [Lisa] Then what were you talking about?

- [bell rings]

- f*ck!

- Hello?!

Yeah, just run away!

I hope that your shitty spaghetti tower

just disintegrates!

[Mrs. Lembach] It's about teamwork,

your interaction within the group.

Really listen to each other.

In a bit, I'll be walking around

and taking some notes.

Right, whichever group builds

the highest tower

with marshmallows and spaghetti wins.

The height of the marshmallow

is important.

Questions, guys? No? Top.

Then you all have 20 minutes starting now.

Okay. I know this from Reddit.

It's one of those group tasks where

little kids are much better than CEOs.

Because they don't waste time planning,

they just start and experiment.

- [Moritz] I suggest we

- What did you tell Lisa about me?

[Moritz] What?

I really don't know what you mean.

Shut up, you liar.

[Moritz] Why am I a liar, suddenly?

- Something's going on with him and Kira.

- What?

Lenny How do you even know?

It isn't important.

I know about the f*cking kiss.

I thought we were friends, man!

Lenny, nothing happened, I just wanted

to see if she's a danger to MyDrugs.

Then you know

that I told her everything, right?

- You did what?!

- What?!

You are so stupid!

One girl shows interest in you,

and you risk everything I've built!

Are you f*cking with us?

Guys! Chill out! It's just spaghetti!

- You don't know anything!

- Shut up!

Boys! Build. Your. Tower.

I've never met

a bigger arsehole in my life.

Without you, none of this

would have ever happened!

- Wow.

- He's dancing again.

[boy] Whoa.

Come on. We all know that move by now.

[all exclaim, laugh]

[Mrs. Lembach] You guys should never

work together unless you're forced to.

[Marlene, in Dutch] They're quite cute.

[Beeke, in Dutch] If Dan were older,

he'd be just my type.

[ringing]

- Uh

- Uh

Yeah.

- Hi! Hello! [chuckles]

- Hey!

Thanks for your time.

We just wanted to briefly update you

about our new products.

What on earth happened

to your nose, Moritz?

Uh I had a little accident.

But everything's good.

Everything's going great.

[Marlene] And Dan,

how's the front business going?

- [Dan] Mm

- Uh, the garage is almost set up.

- Oh! Yeah. Great!

- Ah! Very good.

Yeah, I came up with this sophisticated,

lockable storage system.

- [Marlene] Ah, nice.

- Can you see it?

[Marlene] Oh yes, I can see it.

And great logo, too.

[Marlene] How are your sales?

- The Purple 100s are doing best.

- Mm-hm.

- They're

- [door opens]

- [Moritz gasps] Oh sh*t.

- Uh

[tense music plays]

- Moritz?

- They've gone.

[Lenny squeaks]

Knock knock.

[upbeat music plays]