02x06 - Don't Be Evil.

[bunniefuu]

Yes, and here's the garage.

Yeah, I just cleared it out.

For my son and his friends.

They run a really cool start-up in here.

Moritz?

Susi

- What are you doing in here?

- Uh

I found Susi. Uh

In the forest. She

was just

lying there.

And her leg was bleeding.

I went to the vet, and he said that

That he had to amputate it.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Okay. I think we've seen

enough of the garage.

- Who are you?

- Windt. Estate agent.

I have the thankless job of

finding someone to move into this dump.

Of course, you can knock down

this garage and build a, a

Maybe build a

Maybe build a swimming pool.

Well, like I said, we'd really prefer it

if the buyer would let us stay here

for the time being.

Mr. Zimmermann, between you and me,

no one will buy this place

with you as a sitting tenant,

so either you move out voluntarily,

or we'll find another way.

Oh no, Mr. Windt,

I think you must have missed

a few sessions on tenancy law

during your re-training.

Good luck getting

an eviction for personal use,

with the occupant being a single father.

And a police officer.

You do know what that regulation is?

But don't worry.

Dad's so afraid of conflict,

he'll probably even help with the move.

You know I was always scared that

I'd end up being an arsehole like Mum.

Do you know what would be even worse?

Being a loser like you.

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

Normal people touch their screen

an average of 2,617 times a day.

That's normal people.

Now, look at all these hipsters.

Notice anything?

This would all make for

the perfect Instagram feed.

Vegan food, fixies

Super-meaningful tattoos

If I were an undercover police officer,

I'd be really suspicious.

It's so obvious!

- Hm?

- No one has their phone out, do they?

Where do you ever see that?

People here have

the coolest job in Holland,

and not one of us can talk about it,

or post anything about it.

And if anyone asks,

you have to say

that you work for a f*cking start-up

that sells fizzy drinks.

I just can't do it anymore.

You know, I have to be able to

tell my friends what I do for a living!

I mean, what else

are we supposed to discuss?

It's a good thing

that today is your last day.

You must be super good at it.

Hiding things

from your friends and family.

But when I lie,

everyone realizes straight away.

Last year, Christmas was mine. I won.

I had the best presents.

What did I buy them with?

Drug money.

Like some kind of criminal.

And then I prayed so loudly at church

that everyone looked at me.

It was really awkward. Even for the vicar.

The other day I accidentally

told my grandma everything.

You did what?!

She had a stroke,

she doesn't notice anything, thank God.

I shouldn't say "thank God",

but she doesn't understand.

There are studies that show they might

understand more than previously thought.

Okay, then we'll just have to

euthanise her, I guess.

Grandma Eni knows too much.

What about you?

Who did you have to lie to come here?

Can you keep a secret?

Go on, tell me.

My grandma will love this secret.

Good.

Okay.

So

Just between us,

I wasn't actually

planning on taking the offer.

But life doesn't play out like a film.

It's more like a computer game:

you have to make your own decisions,

because everyone's against you.

Am I still that student

who goes to school, sits his A-levels,

and then goes to university

in the nearest big town?

- Like everyone else?

- Mo, get your arse over here.

Take the f*cking exam

and don't throw your whole life away.

Or have I already decided

to do something completely different?

Okay. And then you came here.

No.

I took back control.

Don't look like that.

You wanted to hear the story.

Desperate times

call for desperate measures.

And now I'm here.

In my own office,

with a harbour view.

Welcome to the Good Times family.

Living the dream, huh?

Mm-hm.

Oh, come on!

That's part of being successful, isn't it?

Mark Zuckerberg stole Facebook

from these two guys at his university.

But everyone hates him.

Should I be quiet?

- Mm.

- I'll be quiet.

Just because you've moved on

doesn't mean those you left behind

no longer mean anything.

Windt, estate agent.

Luckily, it's the same

the other way around.

I still mean more to some people

than I thought.

Well, not that many people.

Technically, there's just one

I'm actually sure about.

Can I pop to the toilet?

If I change my mind,

there's a back door of sorts there.

In the end,

it was actually a pretty normal week.

Wow. It's good to see that

you've already settled in so well.

Don't get too attached to her.

So

Are you enjoying your last day?

Is this how you'd spend

your last day on Earth?

I'd have had

his trousers off by now.

Oh yeah?

What did she say?

Something along the lines of "carpe diem".

Just a bit more complicated.

And in Dutch.

And speaking of Come with me.

I want to show you something.

So they just accepted your resignation?

I told them I still needed to

find out what's important to me in life.

And they said

Or, you can lead a horse to water,

but you can't

Make it drink.

So you actually do speak Dutch?

- No, I just heard that before.

- Hm.

Blue or red? Hm?

- Uh, actually, I'd rather not.

- Come on!

It's not dangerous at all. I promise.

And you'll never get it

this fresh anywhere else.

Hey, Elon Musk wouldn't sell cars

without actually knowing about them.

As a matter of fact,

that's the core problem with Tesla.

Apart from the fact that

the motor technology comes from Bosch.

Not to mention the clearance,

- compared to German car manufa

- So, if you choose the red pill,

you'll be enlightened

and finally understand what it is

you're selling to everyone.

Or

take the blue pill

and exactly the same thing will happen.

Up to the milligram.

So?

Feel anything yet?

- What?!

- It'll take about 20 minutes.

What do you want to do now?

Hm?

I think I'd like to go to the toilet.

Down that staircase.

If you're not back in five minutes,

I'm calling the police here!

Trust me,

I wish I had that thing from

Men In Black, you know?

You'd forget it all.

But yeah,

they only exist in movies, I'm afraid.

- Sorry.

- Huh?

sh*t.

Pay day.

Are you coming? It's getting late.

We don't want your father or that, uh

Lenin looking for you.

Hup.

Whoa!

Trust me, you'll get over it in time.

Your boys, I mean.

Beauty and the Wheelchair.

In six months, you'll have forgotten

that they ever existed. Honestly.

Huh?

Hey, Dad?

Dad?

Can we talk?

Dad!

Father wears his Sunday best ♪

Mother's tired, she needs a rest

The kids are playing up downstairs ♪

Sister's sighing in her sleep ♪

Ah, ah, ah ♪

Brother's got a date to keep ♪

He can't hang around ♪

Our house ♪

In the middle of our street ♪

Our house ♪

Moritz, we can stay here!

Some anonymous investor

wants to buy our house,

and we can stay here rent-free!

I have no idea why!

But sometimes,

even a loser like me can get lucky.

- Dad, I'm sorry, I

- No.

You're right.

Look at yourself, you're a doer!

Your life will never be

dictated by some moron!

Come on, Dad!

Hey Marie, this mystery buyer is letting

us live here for at least ten years!

Mr. Windt said that

it's some sort of tax dodge,

but I just think the guy's an idiot!

- Then again, it's not like we give a sh*t!

- Daddy!

Sorry, love.

- But I don't give a sh*t, seriously!

- Have you been drinking?

As if.

Ah, well A tiny bit.

Moritz!

Can we take a family hug selfie?

- It's the perfect moment!

- Okay.

- Yeah. A hug selfie.

- I think

I think that things here

are finally looking up again.

Our house, in the middle of our street ♪

We'll get that money together.

Yeah we will.

Without that stupid Moritz.

Our house, in the middle of our street ♪

Our house, in the middle of our ♪

Susi! Have one more!

You still have more legs than me,

you can handle it!

Our house, in the middle of our ♪

Our house, in the middle of our street ♪

He's coming round.

Have you broken up with Lenny, now?

Or did Dan steal him from you?

I think it's good that you came.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

let's hope there is

no pyromaniac around today.

You do realize that,

in a way, you're a criminal now too?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Attempted arson?

Community service at the very least.

And the fire brigade came out,

so there'll be a heavy fine too.

Thank you.

For giving you the privilege of

sitting your English mock exam?

No. For showing me that when

a friend is being really terrible,

that's when they need you most.

Complete silence. Quiet now please.

You can start. Best of luck.

Moritz, how much trouble are you in?

- Mo.

- Lisa? Please.

A reminder that

our annual waffle sale

will take place in the foyer at lunchtime.

- All proceeds go to

- Hm.

With plants, you should watch for

So make waffles, not w*r.

In India, everyone eats them like this.

And the internet says

all the vitamins are in the skin.

The internet says Lady Gaga has a p*nis.

Hm?

- We thought you were dead.

- We hoped.

No.

Didn't Kowinski say anything?

I had the flu.

Now you're doing a bit of sport?

Come on, let's go.

We need to talk.

- There's nothing to say.

- No, it's important.

You're in danger.

We're in danger.

I saw him.

Maarten.

You guys, they k*ll people!

Sure. And why should we believe you?

Because I'm not lying.

Maybe it slipped your mind, but last time

you said it was the truth, it was a lie.

It was the truth,

I just didn't know it at the time.

- Exactly, you lied.

- No!

Well, it was actually the Dutch

who were lying. I told the truth.

They do k*ll anyone who wants to get out.

But I only found that out recently.

So, by definition, I didn't lie.

f*ck the definition. The fact is,

you deliberately lied to us, you moron.

I told you the truth without realizing!

It's different, you

Hm?

There's a big difference, okay?

I accidentally saved our lives.

Lenny, I saw Maarten

actually k*ll someone.

Someone wanting to get out,

and who knew too much!

I've absolutely no idea

what you're planning to do now,

but as long as you keep me in the loop,

you'll be safe.

I hope.

As soon as I have a plan,

I'll let you know.

We might need to leave the country.

What do you have in mind?

Bali?

Can we please just forget

our business issues for a moment?!

And concentrate on the fact that

we're friends!

Come on. You think this is

an argument between business partners?

I bet you've just realized now that

you can't get sh*t done on your own.

"Friends", come on. Be honest.

Would you have spent

so much time with Lenny

if he hadn't been writing all the f*cking

code for all your f*cking ideas?

Well, now you won't have anyone.

Mm!

And don't think you're alone

because you're a misunderstood genius.

Nah. You're alone

because you're a bad person.

There you go. As agreed.

Goodbye.

You heard him. Find those two boys.

Mate, you knew that, right?

Yeah, you eat that bit as well.

I'm heading off, Jule. See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

- Bye, Volker!

- Bye, James!

Hi, James.

- Why is everyone calling me James?

- You don't know who you are?

- Hm?

- You're James Dean!

- Hey?

- James Dean!

You must know who James Dean is!

Oh

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know.

- Hm.

So, I've been thinking.

We're Apple.

And Moritz is Microsoft.

Sooner rather than later, people are

going to start getting fed up of Microsoft

and want to buy from

the much cooler underdog brand instead.

- What are you talking about?

- Here.

I was bored, so I played around a bit.

- You programmed a new site?

- Mm-hm!

CandyBay!

It's a life insurance policy!

Well, for now it's just a mock-up.

- A mock-up life insurance policy.

- Amazing! It looks great.

I don't know.

You and your f*cking copycat problem.

"Code is art!

You couldn't just duplicate a Picasso!"

I think Lenny would rather put a b*llet

through his head than copy MyDrugs.

- How much money have we got left?

- 45,000.

45,000?! You started MyDrugs

with a lot less than that.

Guys. We have start-up capital,

a marketing department,

a better coder - no offense

Huh?

It's not the copycat problem.

You're still in love with Moritz.

What?

I can't just do that.

- Moritz is my

- Don't say the F-word!

- Friend isn't the F-word.

- I know, Dan!

But why?! After everything he did to you?

What he did to us? Lenny. Please.

If you don't want to do it because of him,

do it for my sake.

We'll get the money for your therapy,

even if it's dangerous.

Even if it takes a long time

before we can compete with MyDrugs.

We're your friends,

and we'll get through it together!

Maybe it doesn't have to take that long.

Hm You built a thermal exhaust port

into your Death Star, didn't you?

I knew it!

You're a genius!

Uh thermal exhaust port?

Just google it.

You and me

But

What if Moritz is telling the truth?

Lenny, if they wanted to k*ll us,

they would have done.

THE NETHERLANDS

Route calculated.

Destination: Holland.

Please fasten your seat belt.

Have a relaxing trip.

Yeah, you're right.

Ah yes, the thermal exhaust port.

The breaking point.

The ultimate symbol of distrust.

Once every minute,

Lenny's Pebble watch transmits a pulse

to the MyDrugs server system.

A so-called "keep alive signal".

The moment Lenny starts the application,

the signal is interrupted,

and a self-destruct script gets triggered

on the MyDrugs servers.

All traces of MyDrugs will be deleted.

All user data.

Every password.

Every last Bitcoin.

Hit the k*ll switch ♪

If a button could delete

everything we've done

Pebble time.

Would you press it?

It'd be fun to programme.

Hit the k*ll switch ♪

Hit the k*ll switch ♪

I wanna k*ll your sound

Make the right noise ♪

Hit the k*ll switch ♪

When you lose everything,

you realize what you want.

And what did you want?

Friendship?

Or business?

I think that my time's up, isn't it?

Yeah, in a bit.

Okay. Sorry, I have to go.

Everything will be okay in the end.

If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Do you know this one?

There are two rules for success.

First, never tell anyone

everything you know.

Okay. And the second?

Oh Thorsten, that is the joke.

Mo, come on. Let's go.