04x01 - Department of Dirty Tricks

[bunniefuu]

Go on, son. Have a bump.

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

- sh*t.
- [ANNIE] What the f*ck?

Homelander's gonna love this.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Homelander has agreed to donate
to the Starlight House, which is...

- No. No.
- I mean, giv... Come on, give it up.

- Give it up for this guy.
- No, no, no.

I'm not just like the rest of you,

I'm better.

Homelander is a f*cking psychopath.

Homelander is protecting them.

[GRUNTS]

You said you'd always looked
out for me. You promised!

- Well, maybe I don't want to look at you.
- I hate you.

- This little guy here is my son.
- [CHEERING]

f*ck you, fascist!

- [CHEERING]
- [LAUGHING]

You help me out with one small favor,

and I'll help you.

Do you have it or not?

Original recipe, all


- [SCREAMING]
- [NEUMAN] Just a pinch.

My name is Annie January,
and I f*cking quit.

I say you're one of the Boys.

You are like rabid little doggy,

but loyal to whoever holds this chain.

Your brain's leaking.

[ANNIE] Temp V is gonna k*ll you both.

- How long I got?
- [DOCTOR] Months. 12 on the outside.

Homelander needs to die.

That's it. Whatever it takes.

Soldier Boy's our weapon.
He's how we k*ll Homelander.

Did you know?

That Soldier Boy was my father?

- [GRUNTS]
- Get out of the building, now.

- Butcher, stop!
- [GRUNTS]

The thing you wanted, he's right
f*cking there, and now you blink?

I made a promise.

[MAEVE] You don't need me anymore.

I could jump.

You can f*cking fly.

- [YELLS]
- [GRUNTS]

[SEX PISTOLS: "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN"]

♪ God save the queen ♪

♪ The fascist regime ♪

♪ They made you a moron ♪

♪ A potential H-b*mb ♪

♪ God save the queen ♪

♪ She ain't no human being ♪

♪ And there's no future ♪

♪ God saves. ♪

[FEEDBACK SCREECHES]

- [APPLAUSE]
- Good evening!

Now, look, I know it's a late night,

so I just wanted to come out
and say thanks for your patience.

The bar remains open, and, uh...

Oh, yeah, Colorado and Nevada
just went to Robert Singer!

- [CHEERING]
- Whoo!

So, stay tuned.

I feel like we're gonna be back very
soon with some very good news.

Thank you, and God bless America!

[CHEERING]

[INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING]

[SNIFFS] m*therf*cking Gruyère puffs?

What am I supposed to do with these?

She says you've been working
too hard. You need to eat more.

We pull this off, I promise
I'll grub all these m*therf*ckers.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[HISSES]

Hughie, come on. I need eyes.

[HUGHIE OVER COMMS] Yeah, yeah,
just give me one... more second.

Sorry, sorry. There's, like,
a million connectors in here,

and I can't see sh*t.

[SIGHS] Are you helping,
or you just showing off?

Oh, for sure both.

[HUGHIE] Is that it?

All right, live and in living color.

Butcher, you copy?

[SCOFFS]

Where the f*ck is Butcher?

[VOMITING]

[SIGHS]

[SPITS]

Oh, don't you f*cking start. I'm fine.

[FRENCHIE] Charcuter.

Who are you talking to?

I ain't said a word.

[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]

[SIGHS] Geez.

All right. [SIGHS] Come on, then.

[DRAMATIC, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Evening, c**ts.

We're here to commit
a bit of high treason.

[DOOR OPENS]

- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- [AUTOMATED VOICE] Going up.

Hey, whoa, hey.

The plan is you wait here,
cover our exit, no?

Oh, come off it. Watch a f*cking door?

Kimiko, if Butcher steps one foot
in that elevator, break his arm.

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Please
remove obstruction from doors.

f*ck me.

[TENSE, DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[URINATING]

[URINATING STOPS]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[WHIMPERS]

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

[LIVELY CHATTER]

Okay, big man, let's do this.

There's a lot of people in there.

[SIGHS]

Come on, kiddo.

Would you be scared of a
bunch of c*ck? Huh?

Yeah.

[STAMMERS] Then baby chicks or whatever.

Look, the-the point is, you have
nothing to be nervous about.

Come on. We've talked about this.

They're only humans and... ?

[BOTH] Toys for our amusement.

- That's right.
- Yeah.

We got this.

- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- [CAMERAS CLICKING]

Hold up, hold up.

Okay, we got a problem.

W-Wait, what is... he doing here?

[MOTHER'S MILK OVER COMMS]
Homelander's in the building.

If you see him, do not engage. I repeat,

do not engage with Homelander.

That means you, Butcher, you copy?

My goodness, you look
beautiful this evening.

Especially you. Zoe, uh,
y-you remember my son, Ryan?

- Yeah. Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, Zo, you know what? I heard that

this hotel makes its own ice cream.

Why don't you take Ryan
and try and find some, huh?

What a great idea. Go for it, sport.

Just nobody come back pregnant.

[LAUGHS] Just kidding.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
They're too young. Although,

Ryan could spew goo if he wanted to.

What the f*ck are you doing here?

Oh, I've supported
every new administration

for the past... [SPUTTERS] 16 years.

[CHUCKLES] I don't want your support.

You're on trial for f*cking m*rder.

- Hi, Doug. [LAUGHS]
- One,

that's a formality, and two,

that's a clear-cut case of self-defense.

That thug threw a projectile at my son.

It was a plastic bottle.

Could've had anthrax in it.

Not that that would've hurt us,

but there was a principle at stake.

And, besides, when I took that
monster down, people applauded.

Your shareholders didn't.

[LAUGHS] Well, that's why you
and me are gonna prove to them

that even with a "soft on crime"
f*cking libtard

- for a president...
- Mm.

... it's gonna be business
as usual at Vought.

Any transaction you and I may or
may not have had is ancient history.

[LAUGHS]

Well, then let's make some new history.

Ladies and gentlemen, Victoria Neuman.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Let's give her a round.

- [CHEERING]
- Huh?

Girls get it done in the White House.

Hmm? God bless you.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[CHUCKLING]

Give us a minute here, would you, love?

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[TYPING ON PHONE]

Listen, Ryan, I've got a lot to say...

and f*ck all time to say it.

I got a lorry out back.
I can get you out of here.

What are you talking about?

I know you're angry at me,
and you've got every right to be.

But you know how
dangerous Homelander is.

- He's my dad.
- Right.

H-He m*rder*d some poor sod
right in front of your eyes.

- That guy was a pedophile.
- It ain't true.

He-He's lying to you.

Let me take you to Grace, all right?

A-And then you don't
got to see me no more.

Please, I'm... I'm begging you.

It's what your mom would want.

No means no, William.

This isn't the Neverland
Ranch. [CHUCKLES]

Don't worry. Nothing bad's
gonna happen, right?

Oh.

Seems it already has.

Look at that big black mass
curdling around your brain.

[CHUCKLES]

What do you got, six months?

Less?

That's too bad. W-We're not gonna
have that last dance together.

I'll miss us.

[CHUCKLES] Bloody hell.

You wank to your own voice, don't you?

[SCOFFS]

That's the spirit, champ.

[CHUCKLES] Son.

[TENSE, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Come on. I do not want
to miss Smash Mouth.

[SMASH MOUTH: "WALKIN' ON THE SUN"]

[BEEPS]

♪ It ain't no joke ♪

♪ I'd like to buy the world a toke ♪

♪ And teach the world to sing
in perfect harmony ♪

♪ And teach the world... ♪

So many pantsuits.

♪ And the liars, hey, I know ♪

♪ It's just a song, but it's spice ♪

♪ For the recipe,
this is a love attack ♪

♪ I know it went out, but it's back ♪

♪ It's just like any fad ♪

♪ It retracts before impact ♪

♪ And just like fashion,
it's a passion for the ♪

♪ With-it and hip, if
you got the goods ♪

♪ They'll come and buy it... ♪

Mom?

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- What are you doing in here?

[AGENT 1] Apologies, Miss Neuman,

we're with your mother's detail.

Is that Zoe?

We'll be done in just a minute.

Why don't you wait outside.

- [SHRIEKS]
- [SCREAMING]

- Frenchie, what's happening?
- [FRENCHIE] She's a f*cking Supe.

She's a f*cking Supe!

Yeah, I guess I'll just, uh...

- [VAN DOOR SLAMS]
- ... wait here.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

It's okay.

We see nothing.

Ça va? Non ça va?

[SHRIEKS]

We need an exit, now!

[EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING]

There's a window on the
south end of the hallway.

Uh... We're eight stories up.

[ANNIE] Frenchie, trust me.

[ZOE SHRIEKING]

[CROWD MURMURING]

- No!
- Frenchie!

m*therf*cker.

[SCREAMS]

[PANTING]

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

[PANTING]

Yes.

- Oh, sh*t.
- Oh, mon Dieu.

Oh, God.

Oh, gross.

Thank Christ. Can we go now? Jesus.

- Hey, you.
- Hey.

You got to teach Butcher the
meaning of the word "covert".

He just got made by a 12-year-old.

You mean Zoe, who just
m*rder*d two guys?

Vic, you-you shot your own daughter up

with V? How could you do that to her?

- I needed to keep her safe.
- Safe?

You turned her into a
f*cking monster. Like you.

I'm sorry. That sounds like
the pot calling the kettle

a teleporting dude with his d*ck out.

Worst mistake I ever made.

Vic, you and me, we were...

We were like family. I mean...

was everything just... bullshit?

[SCOFFS]

I almost told you once.

That night of the blackout,
you remember?

You brought every bodega snack
you could carry for Zoe.

We played Uno with her for hours
until the lights came back on.

And I thought...

... you were one of my closest friends.

I mean, hell, you're dating a Supe.

If anyone would understand,
it'd be you, right?

Why didn't you tell me?

I was scared.

Scared you'd have to pop my head.

I was scared to lose you.

[SIGHS]

I always cared about you, Hughie.

That part was real.

Hey, Vicky.

- f*ck you!
- Oh!

Seriously? Ugh.

I have to be on TV in, like, ten
minutes, you f*cking as*h*le.

We're gonna out you.

We're gonna go to the press,
tell them you blew up Congress.

I still, I still got
the Red River files.

Okay, okay, okay. Have
you ever seen WarGames?

What am I saying, look at you, of course
you've seen f*cking WarGames.

- We're making jokes?
- Mutually assured destruction.

I hurt you, you out me. You out me,

I k*ll everyone you've ever loved.

The only thing that makes
sense is a truce.

Or plan B.

- [g*nsh*t]
- Jesus f*cking... [GASPING]

[NEUMAN GROANS]

How is it you guys are actually
getting worse at your jobs?

[PHONE CHIMES]

Mm. They just called Arizona.

Guess I better go change.

[PANTING]

[SIGHS]

[CHEERING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Nice of you to show up.
Where the hell you been?

The bog. Trying to wash off
the stench of failure

from your c*ck-up last night.

Shut the f*ck up, Butcher.

Grace.

- Not you.
- Oh, come off it.

I washed my bollocks and all.

- M?
- There are people who,

because of ignorance or maybe insanity,

still believe you have
something to contribute.

I'm not one of them.

I'll get the kid back, Grace.

I'll make it right.

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

Two agents from my detail are dead
at the hands of a 12-year-old.

We had to tell their
families they snorted

fentanyl-laced cocaine
at the after-party.

Sir, our intel told us the acid
would work on Neuman.

She's no idiot. She'll
know I was behind it.

g*dd*mn it! Everyone told me
to pick Buttigieg instead.

You didn't know, sir. Marvin,

I vouched for you.
The CIA is bankrolling you.

All due respect, ma'am,

you can always put Butcher back
in charge. He's right outside.

What about Starlight?

She goes by Annie now.

Can Annie burn out Neuman's
f*cking eyes, debilitate her?

If she can get close enough to her

without getting her head
popped off, who knows?

But we might have to accept
the possibility that Neuman's...

invulnerable.

Congress certifies
the election January 6.

After that, a Supe is one heartbeat
away from the presidency.

My f*cking heartbeat.

Now, I can only keep my distance
from her for so long.

Eliminating her is top priority.

So do your f*cking job.

Yes, ma'am.

♪ Never gonna give you up ♪

- f*ck.
- ♪ Never gonna let you down ♪

♪ Never gonna run ♪

Somewhere else you need to be?

No, sir.

[MUFFLED CHATTER CONTINUES]

[KESSLER] Billy Butcher.

Joe Kessler.

f*ck me. How long's it been?

Uh, I'd say 11 years,
but, officially speaking,

none of that sh*t show ever happened.

Then how come
I remember you high on opium,

rimming out the General's wife?

Well, f*ck you.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Hey, let me buy you a bad cup of coffee.

[KESSLER] Demoted from
your own f*cking team.

What's your shitty code name again?

The Boys.

Oof. Who came up with that sh*t?

Why you putting up with it? Walk away.

No, my son, I've got plans and schemes.

I'll be back at the head
of the table in no time.

[KESSLER] Well, you better.

You know, a lot of the guys
are thinking you got benched

at the worst possible time.

You know, Mallory's so focused
on k*lling the VP-Elect

'cause that's what Singer wants,
and half of g*dd*mn Langley's on it.

Well, you know Grace, she's always
been a bit of a political animal.

And what are you focused on?

Homelander.

He k*lled that poor c**t in broad
daylight, and they f*cking cheered.

I mean, what you think
that taught him, eh?

No.

We're whistling away
towards a f*cking apocalypse,

and Grace's eye ain't on the ball.

You had a clean shot at him, right?

With Soldier Boy? You didn't take it.

Was your eye on the ball?

Why do I get the feeling we
ain't just bumped into each other?

You remember the Panjshir Valley?

Yeah. Pretty hard to forget.

You dragged me out of there and
dropped how many bodies to do it,

without giving it
a second f*cking thought.

And yet you still didn't
name your son after me, eh?

We need someone like you,
Billy. Right f*cking now.

Before the Supes start rounding us
up and dumping us off in camps.

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hey.

A tie? You going to prom?

[CHUCKLES]

- What's up?
- [SIGHS] Janine.

She got into a fight at school.

Principal didn't say why,
just that she KO'd a boy.

A boy?

Don't you dare be proud right now.

She's been slamming doors, Marvin.

She told me to "eat a d*ck".

Janine said that?

She's been having a hard time
since Todd moved out.

You mean, since you kicked him out?

Let's dial down the glee
in your voice, but, yes,

since I kicked him out.

But Janine still loves him.

- She's worried.
- Worried about what?

Todd got so deep into all
that weird Hometeamer sh*t.

He's not answering my calls.
I don't know where he is.

Okay, so... ?

And you're good at finding people.

Oh, come on. Monique...

For your daughter, Marvin.

[SIGHS]

Well, I get what you saw in that
guy. He was good to Janine.

'Cause it sure as sh*t
wasn't the D. [SCOFFS]

Right?

- [MADELYN] You have to be good.
- [VOGELBAUM] You're my greatest failure.

[OVERLAPPING VOICES]

- [GRUNTS]
- It's your destiny.

[OVERLAPPING VOICES]

[INTENSE, PULSING MUSIC PLAYING]

[HOMELANDER] It's because deep down

there's a part of you that is still...

human.

[GASPS]

[JUDGE ROEMHILDT]
Don't get brazen with me.

You're not to refer to the
deceased as the "victim".

It's a loaded term and
for the jury to decide.

[ASHLEY] Sir, so I'm afraid we are
behind on the Tower Reconstruction,

but I can 100% assure you
that it is not my fault.

[NNEKA OVER TV] But it wasn't
until Annie January stepped out

from Vought's shadow, and Homelander's,

that we saw the true
extent of her power.

Vought and Homelander
aren't above the law.

They can't just do whatever they want.

[HAILEY OVER TV] Deep, we got to talk
about the octopus in the room.

Your ex, Cassandra,
wrote a tell-all book...

I'm gonna have to stop you
right there, Hailey.

You know, there were no
relations with an octopus.

It's, uh, it's just a r*cist
rumor and a ridiculous lie

perpetuated by a jilted
and, uh... [SCOFFS]

emotionally unstable hysterical woman,

who, let's be clear, pooped in my bed.

Deep, please tell me
the f*cking octopus is gone.

Yes, Ashley. She's...

It is taken care of. Okay?

Hey, Noir.

[ASHLEY] Sir, after that
debacle at Godolkin...

thank you again for saving my life...

the board felt we should find new
candidates for The Seven, ASAP.

The selection committee has

narrowed it down to 25 choices.

Um, okay, great.

If we're going purely on socials,

I might suggest Talon out of Redlands.

[DEEP] Pass. She's a butterface.

- Her body's on point, but her face...
- [ASHLEY] Yeah, I get it.

Thank you so much for explaining.

[WHISPERS] Chauvinist prick.

Ugh, not that slutty c*m rag.

- Hold up, I thought he ate a dog.
- He ate out a dog.

It's a big difference.

- [ASHLEY SIGHS]
- [A-TRAIN] Sister Sage? Hell no.

She was with me in Teenage Kix
for, like, barely a year

- before they canned her a*s.
- What's her power?

[A-TRAIN] She's the world's
smartest person.

She's not smart enough to know
when to shut her mouth.

Wrangler. Isn't he a...

Texas nutjob.

The San Antonio office had to
cover up those migrant murders.

- I kind of like him.
- [ASHLEY] Of course,

he bumps us with suburban women
and white men over 50.

Amazing choice, sir.

Yeah, I totally agree. He's a mensch.

Did I use that word right? Mensch?

You just said he was crazy.

[ASHLEY] What I meant
was we would be crazy

to, you know, not bring him in.

[HOMELANDER GROANS]

I am surrounded by sycophants
and f*cking imbeciles.

It's just that you make
a lot of really great points, sir.

Deep, just...

Blow A-Train.

What?

[HOMELANDER] I'm not kidding.
Go over there, pull out

A-Train's c*ck and blow him.

[SCOFFS] Okay.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[HOMELANDER] Get up.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

[EXHALES]

[CHUCKLES] Sex is just
a spectrum, right, bro?

Get off your f*cking knees.

This is exactly

what I'm talking about. Not one of you

has the stomach
to challenge anything I say.

Oh, my God.

I have got to carry this entire
f*cking company on my shoulders.

You're... right?

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

I wasn't gonna do it.

Homelander faces his toughest opponent
yet, our corrupt legal system.

Smash that donate button,
get a free tote...

Roland Keating attacked
Homelander's son.

♪ We shall... ♪

[ANNOUNCER] The magic of Vought on Ice,

coming December 7 at VoughtCoin Arena.

Things grew heated
between the Starlighter

and Hometeamer movements
outside the courthouse today.

This creep had photos of his
quote-unquote "niece"

naked in the bathtub.

He's an antifa pedo who
f*cked around and found out.

And "an eye for an eye" might be
in the Jew section of the Bible,

but it is still in the Bible.

[COUGHS]

Yes. Steady.

Good, good.

[GRUNTS]

- Yes.
- [GROANING]

Annie, that was awesome. Look, look.

It's a new record. 33 seconds.

Oh, amazing. I can fly 100 feet
away from all my cares.

And drain the power
grid at the same time.

What would Greta say?

[PHONE BUZZING, RINGING]

[CLATTERING]

[MUTTERS IN FRENCH]

Six months of work, c'est merde!

So the acid didn't work.

We'll think of something else.

Like what? Yeah.

Hey, look, I-I-I totally agree
with whatever you said.

No one wants Neuman gone more than me,

and no one knows how dangerous
she is for the country.

Yeah, we may never get another
shot like that ever again...

- I am really bad at pep talks.
- Oh, you think?

[MUTTERING]

All right, I'm out of here.

Recycling bin, m*therf*cker.

[SIGHS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

What? [SIGHS]

- He blew our cover with Neuman.
- Mm-hmm.

He almost got you k*lled again.

Uh-huh.

You're the only one that wants him here.

We should cut him loose.

We're not cutting him loose.

We're not cutting him loose.

Well, it's a fine time to f*cking
well bring that up, innit?

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

It's gonna be a lot harder to do
a m*rder with them c**ts around.

Them? Nah.

They're, uh, hand-picked, sort
of secret-secret service, so...

I'm surprised you called.

I'm full of surprises, ain't I?

What do you want?

Well, I was thinking that, uh,

you and I could scratch
each other's backs.

Like when you shot me in the head?

I need a hand to get Ryan
away from Homelander.

[CHUCKLES] Is that all?
Boy needs a father.

That c**t ain't no father.

And you are?

[CLEARS THROAT]

You're between a c*ck and a hard place.

I'm going to put you
into that posh VP slot,

and he's gonna make sure
you spend the next four years

grabbing your ankles while
he shoves it up your a*s.

I think I can handle myself.

Oh, you mean that nasty little virus
they cooked you up at Godolkin?

Yeah, I know about it,

and I know it ain't strong enough
to k*ll Homelander yet.

And then there's the hard place.

The full weight of the CIA and
my Boys working 24/7 to top you.

You need me.

If I was even gonna think about this...

I'd want a show of good faith.

The material Hughie has on me
from the Red River Group Home.

That don't stop him
from going to the press.

Mm. Stops them from printing it.

Just a wild conspiracy theory
from a disgruntled former staffer.

Those are my terms.

You know where to find me.

m*therf*cker. I just
logged in five minutes ago.

- What's happening?
- This sh*t.

Uh... Oh, okay, yeah, you got to hit

"Keep me logged in".

- [PHONE BUZZES]
- Sorry. Uh, yeah, "Keep me logged in".

But, uh, spoiler alert, that will not
keep you logged in. [CHUCKLES]

[MAN ON PHONE] This message
is for Hugh Campbell.

I'm calling again from New York
Central Hospital.

Your father was admitted...

f*ck. f*ck!

Kid?

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Sorry.

Dad? I'm...

The Starlight House,
a so-called "home for at-risk teens".

Sure. And Jeff Epstein k*lled himself.

No, the only thing these teens
are at risk of is being groomed

and thrown into Starlight's
LGBTerror-dungeon.

Child Lives Matter, folks...

It'd be a lot easier to get media
coverage if you were there.

Homelander's verdict will


and I'm not showing up
to even dignify that sh*t.

Annie, I'm happy to organize the protest
and-and make the speech,

but no one wants to hear it

'cause it's the Starlighter Movement
and I'm not Starlight.

- Well, neither am I.
- Then, tell that to her.

The whole reason I quit was
to get away from her.

Now, you're k*lling it
with the Starlighters.

You don't need me.

If... just if... you were Starlight,

then maybe we'd drum up
some real donations.

I want to help, of course,
but as Annie January.

No one's donating to the Annie House.

It sounds like we sell raisin cookies.

[QUIETLY] Hey.

Hey.

So, Colin is annoying as hell,

but he has saved my a*s
more than a few times

over the past few months,
so thank you for the rec.

- He's a champ.
- Oh, je t'en prie.

You know, I can tell this even
from our first group meeting.

Anonymous meetings.

Right there in the name.

[CHUCKLES]

- Excuse-moi.
- Mm-hmm.

Pardon.

I should not have
brought up our meetings.

It's okay.

I love my boss knowing
I'm an ex-junkie. [CHUCKLES]

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[QUIET CHATTER]

[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[AUDIOBOOK PLAYING IN
FAST-FORWARD OVER EARBUDS]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

[CLICKS TONGUE]

sh*t.

[TODDLER CRYING NEARBY]

I am almost never surprised.

May I come in?

- Sister Sage.
- Just Sage.

Right.

Vought added the "Sister" part.

Can't have one of us
without a racial qualifier.

- Ha.
- Never seen you without the suit.

Why incognito?

You know, I would've thought
the smartest woman on Earth

would have a nicer place.

Smartest person,

and that person's too smart
to give a f*ck about Pottery Barn.

Okay. Preach, sister.

Well, um...

You're so smart.

Show me.

Show me.

Based on your public appearances,

your stylist is dying
your hair more often.

Used to be every month,
now it's every 2.4 weeks.

Did she tell you you're going gray,

- or is she hiding it?
- [SCOFFS]

So between that and
your enlarged prostate...

- My f*cking what?
- Look at your hands.

You've been washing them more often,

so likely you've been peeing
more often, which makes sense.

You got a lot of power, but you do age.

Plus, there's that small matter
your own father almost k*lled you.

[CHUCKLES] Wow.

Any mouth breather could see

you're going through
some existential midlife...

whatever.

Pretty ballsy for someone
whose power is a party trick.

You are welcome to laser me,

but I'm guessing you need me
and my party trick for something.

Hmm.

I need advice.

From someone on my level.

Of course, if you breathe
a word of this,

I'll pull you apart bit by bit.

Naturally.

God, I've spent my life
scaling to the peak of-of Vought.

It's all I ever wanted.
And-and... now that I have it...

You're still not happy?

[SIGHS]

I save people, they cheer.
I f*cking k*ll people, they cheer.

It's-it's meaningless.

Humans are nothing. They're,
they're less than nothing.

They're just toys for my amusement.

And yet they control everything.

It's unnatural.

What kind of legacy am-am
I gonna leave to my son?

[STAMMERS] A sh*thole country
in a sh*thole world?

Or something better?

Something... pure and cleansed.

Like... marble.

You do realize that probably
won't make you happy, either.

Still.

Tell me how you'd go about it.

Hypothetically.

[EXHALES]

Well... Greece,

all democracies, they fail
because people are f*cking stupid.

You don't need an army of Supermen
like n*zi bae wanted... so German.

If you crush the masses,
who builds your monuments?

Who tongues your taint?

No.

The people will tear
it apart themselves,

just got to nudge 'em a little.

Then you get to swoop in,
be the one saving it.

Like Caesar.

Statistically, it's inevitable.

- I'd like you to join the Seven.
- No f*cking way.

- Why not?
- Because I'm not wearing

some vaguely r*cist super suit

in front of a bunch of clapping seals.

Plus, I'm a Black woman

who is a thousand times
smarter than you.

Your ego can't handle it.

- I'm pretty smart myself.
- See what I mean?

Smart enough to listen.

I mean really listen to you.

[SIGHS] You can stay here,

reeking of Taco Bell and loneliness,

or we can put some of your theories
into practice on a global scale.

When's the last time
you got a chance like that?

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

Butcher, what are you doing here?

Couldn't sleep.

What about you?

Um, my dad, he, uh, he had a stroke.

Oh, f*ck.

I'm sorry to hear that, mate.

Just gonna grab a few things
before I get back to him.

- Is he, uh...
- I-I don't know.

He-he called me right
before it happened,

and, um... I didn't pick up.

Why didn't I pick up?

I mean, maybe I could've seen it coming.

- I could... I could've...
- No, no, no. Hughie.

Don't beat yourself up about it.
There's nothing you could've done.

All he ever wants is to chat about some

stupid f*cking James Patterson book

that he's reading, and I
couldn't even give him that.

And now they're saying
that even if he lives...

God.

Yeah, well, I know what I'd want.

Quick lights out. Better
than the alternative.

Sitting there, stewing
in your mistakes...

... as you wait out the inevitable.

[ZIPPER CLOSES]

I hope your old man pulls through.

Thank you. I... Oh.

- [ANNIE] Hughie?
- Hey.

[SIGHS] I'm so sorry.

I got here as soon as I could.

I'm sorry.

[SIGHS] I'm okay.

[NEWSCASTER SPEAKING OVER RADIO]

[FRENCHIE] Turn here.

- Right here?
- Yes.

So, what does the CIA think of you
wasting their vast resources,

all to hunt down the phone of Todd?

I didn't ask.

Just like I didn't ask you
to come, either.

- Mm. We are here for you always, mon ami.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

Colin?

Why do you ask?

You've been spending a lot of time...

... together in the bathroom...

Sorry, I should've said something.

But it's complicated.

To be clear

I love you.

Moi aussi.

But you and I...

Are not happening.

I know.

So if Colin makes you happy...

Go be happy.

Yo, white boy spotted.

[PULSING MUSIC PLAYING]

[TODD] How's it going, Nick?
Here for the meet-up?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[TODD] Cool.

[FRENCHIE] That's a good question.

- What's that?
- [FRENCHIE] She wonders, uh...

how a man such as this
win the love of a woman

like Monique, you know?

[MOTHER'S MILK] Oh, he's,
uh, he's nice to my daughter.

[FRENCHIE] Come on,
there is only one reason.

Todd must be packing some
serious heat between his legs.

Seriously, Frenchie,
you did not have to come.

[FRENCHIE] Okay, I'm only saying,

the man has some serious Pete
Davidson energy over there, no?

[CAMERA CLICKING]

- You recognize her?
- Not sure.

Hi, fellas. Thanks for making it
on such short notice.

He's here, right? Like,
in the building here?

This is the best day of my life.

Yeah.

[CAMERA CLICKING]

Well, you know, Dirk, I'm not actually
holding my breath underwater.

I'm technically breathing underwater.

So it's more impressive.

Mmm. A-Train, try these
buffalo ranch bacon blasters.

They're juicy.

Sage.

It's good to see you again.

[QUIETLY] What the f*ck
are you doing here?

Homelander's tired of being
surrounded by morons.

- Hello, everyone.
- [TODD] Homelander!

I just want to say, it's a huge
honor to be here with you.

Right. Now, I can't stay long,

but I heard that you are
some of my biggest fans,

supporting me when
others turned their backs.

I just wanted to personally say...

thank you for your devotion
and your sacrifice.

W... Well, really, it's you
who gives so much to...

You people are more than just fans.

You're martyrs to the
greatest cause on Earth.

- Open it.
- You got it.

Whoa. Bats.

Yeah.

I want you to take these bats

and beat these gentlemen to death.

[LAUGHING] You're funny.

[LAUGHS] Oh, it's like one of your
tests. You want us to say no.

No, Deep.

This is not a test.

I want you to beat these
gentlemen to death... now.

I think maybe we should go.

Oh, Jesus!

Mm-hmm.

Oh, sh*t.

Jesus!

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Stay here.

Wait for further instructions.

[DOOR OPENS]

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [SIGHS]

Yo, what the f*ck? That
was so f*cked-up, you guys.

[MOTHER'S MILK] What
the f*ck is he doing here?

[FRENCHIE] He should
be at his trial, no?

sh*t.

[CAMERON] This exclusive live footage

of Homelander arriving
at the courthouse just now.

The verdict will be read any moment.

So stay with us after
these important messages.

[ANNOUNCER] Are you
ready to stop reusing

your catheter and
start living your life?

[CROWD CHANTING, CLAMORING]

[OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]

[PHONES CHIMING]

[MAN] The verdict's coming.

Jurors are seated. Any second.

[SHOUTING QUIETS]

[PHONES CHIMING, BUZZING]

- Not guilty!
- [CROWD CHEERING]

f*ck you, fascist!

[CLAMORING]

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]

[GRUNTING]

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

[REPORTER] From outside the courthouse

- where the jury has returned a verdict.
- [GASPS]

- Homelander is not guilty of m*rder.
- Go.

The scene outside the
courthouse is chaotic.

- Homelander and Starlight supporters out en masse...
- You got this.

- Go. Go.
- Okay, okay.

... what was a peaceful demonstration
has turned violent.

We urge everyone: Stay home...

- [HORN BLASTING]
- [CLAMORING, SHOUTING]

[GRUNTING]

Colin...

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Colin!

- You all right?
- [PANTING]

[GRUNTING]

Colin. Colin. No, no! It's me.

It's me. Come on.

I'm-I'm okay. I'm okay.
[COUGHS] I'm okay.

No. Are you all right?

Sorry, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

[CHUCKLING]

[PHONE CHIMES]

[SIGHS]

[CLAMORING]

[CLAMORING GROWS LOUDER]

Everyone, remain calm.
We're all very special people.

Stop it. Stop.

[PANTING]

Everybody, please, please go home!

We can fight but not like this!

Annie! Annie!

- [GRUNTING]
- [MAN] b*tch!

- f*cking traitor!
- Hey! Get off of her.

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

Get off of her! Get off of her.

Kiara. Kiara?

Oh, God. Help! Help, someone help.

[PANTING] Help, please.

Kiara.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Excuse me, pardon me.

[MAN] I saw it myself.

It was the Starlighters, man.

[BYSTANDERS MURMURING]

[OFFICER] Please return to your homes.

Please exit the facility
in an orderly fashion.

Please exit the facility
in an orderly fashion.

Please return to your homes.

[CLAMORING, SHOUTING]

Justice prevailed today

as the jury in Homelander's m*rder trial

handed down a not-guilty verdict.

But that moment of national
healing was cut tragically short.

Violent attacks by Starlight supporters

left three innocent patriots dead.

Out of respect, we are gonna wait
until all families have been notified

before we release
the names of the victims.

But we know that each
of them gave their lives

exercising their constitutional right...

No, let her sleep.

I'll come by first thing in the
morning, we'll tell her together.

Yeah.

[CAMERON] ... that have
saved us over and over

and over, without asking
anything in return.

Folks...

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

Our only solace is that Homelander
will remain free to protect us all.

Now that this endless
miscarriage of justice is behind him,

Homelander can return his focus
to what really matters...

- standing up for the good guys.
- You gonna finish that?

- True Americans.
- Oh, come on, buddy.

We're supposed to be celebrating.

What's wrong?

No, it... it's nothing. [CHUCKLES]

Come on, now. We-we talked about this.

We have to share
everything with each other,

do everything together, until
we almost merge into one.

So, you tell me, son.
Whatever it is, it's-it's okay.

I don't want Butcher to die.

But even after he
abandoned you like that?

[SIGHS] That was brutal.

And all those things he said about you.

He said awful, awful things about you.

Just horrible.

My mom loved him.

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

But what about you?

[SCRUBBING]

[SIGHS] Noir was right,
that was so f*cked-up.

[WOMAN'S VOICE] You have
every right to be upset.

I'm upset for you.

What if we just left?

We could vanish under the waves forever.

Everyone there loves you for you.

As the sweet, sensitive,
really strong swimmer you are.

[SNIFFLES]

Look at me.

Baby, look at me.

We wouldn't have to
hide our love anymore.

We could just be Kevin and Ambrosius.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING]

[INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING]

[MACHINE BEEPING]

Mm.

[HUGH SR.] Hey, so, I just
finished reading Deadly Cross.

[CHUCKLES] I mean,
how does Patterson do it?

I liked it even more than
Criss Cross, Cross Justice,

Double Cross, Triple Cross,

Cross Fire, Cross Country, Cross
the Line, even Cross My Heart.

You know, so, anyway,
lots to talk about.

Uh, give me a call. I love you, son.

You get better, okay?

You get better, and I will talk to you
for hours about Deadly Cross.

You can read the whole
f*cking book to me if you want.

Deal?

I really hope you can hear me.

[WOMAN] For what it's
worth, I think he can.

Mom?

[BECCA] Billy.

You promised me you
would take care of Ryan.

Bloody hell, what'd you think
I'm trying to do here?

I think you're about to
f*ck over Hughie, again.

And it's going to blow up
in your face, again.

I saved the kid, at the Tower, didn't I?

I had a clean shot at Homelander,
game, set and f*cking match,

but I chose to save him.

And look where it got us.

You promised me.

If Ryan becomes like Homelander,
that's the end of the world.

Don't you think I know that?

You have to find a better way.

What the hell do you
want from me, Becca?

Be the man that I married.

That man died a long time ago.

It's too late.

I'm out of time...

[SNIFFLES]

[PHONE CHIMES]

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

Well, I hope you're happy now.

[SEX PISTOLS: "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN"]

♪ God save the queen ♪

♪ The fascist regime ♪

♪ It made you a moron ♪

♪ Potential H-b*mb ♪

♪ God save the queen ♪

♪ She ain't no human being ♪

♪ There is no future ♪

♪ In England's dreaming ♪

♪ Don't be told what
you want to want to ♪

♪ And don't be told
what you want to need ♪

♪ There's no future, no future ♪

♪ No future for you ♪

♪ God save the queen ♪

♪ We mean it, man ♪

♪ We love our queen ♪

♪ God saves ♪

♪ God save the queen ♪

♪ 'Cause tourists are money ♪

♪ And our figurehead ♪

♪ Is not what she seems ♪

♪ Oh, God save history ♪

♪ God save your mad parade ♪

♪ Oh, Lord, God have mercy ♪

♪ All crimes are paid ♪

♪ When there's no future,
how can there be sin? ♪

♪ We're the flowers in the dustbin ♪

♪ We're the poison in
your human machine ♪

♪ We're the future, your future ♪

♪ God save the queen ♪

♪ We mean it, man ♪

♪ We love our queen ♪

♪ God saves ♪

♪ No future ♪

♪ No future ♪

♪ No future for me ♪

♪ No future ♪

♪ No future ♪

♪ No future for you ♪

♪ No future ♪