02x04 - And... Action

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Jonas LA...

Oh!

Nick!

What has gotten into you?

You just seem different this summer.
Good different.

Well, I talked to my director

about who should play
my love interest in Forever April,

and she wants a Joe from Jonas type.

There's a roomful of me's in there
and I'm freaking out right now.

-Action.
-I'm a ghost.

Ghosts can't love.

If we never try, then we'll
never know what could have been.

-And cut.
-I got the part!

-Here you go, man. I made you breakfast.
-Wow. Thanks, dude.

No problem.
Feeling good? Feeling loose?

Feeling awesome.
I'm going to be in a movie today.

Not just any movie!

From the best-selling novel,
Forever April,

comes the major motion picture event,
starring my brother, Joe.

Dude, no sausage.

In a world with no sausage,
one man--

Tells his brother
to stop talking like that.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Hey, let's practice your lines.

Kevin, we've been practicing all weekend.
I'm pretty solid.

OK, then you wouldn't care
if I did this...

Scene 36, interior, high school gymnasium,
your character, Dade, is alone.

The ghost April appears. She says,

"Dade, you're not safe here.

-you have to go."
-"I'm not going anywhere without you."

-Nailed it!
-See? Solid.

-Now do it backwards.
-You without anywhere going not I'm.

You are going to be a great actor.

And you are going to be a great director.
Director Kevin?

-Yes, actor Joe?
-What time is it?

-Seven-thirty.
-And what time do I have to be on set?

-Seven-thirty.
-So, we should probably...

-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

According to this, the set should be...

over there.
Or over there.

Dude, you're the director.
Which direction are we going?

Relax, OK? We're a little bit lost,
we're a little bit late...

Look at this place!
We are not in Jersey anymore.

Kevin, I was supposed to be
in makeup, like, yesterday.

You have to wear makeup.

There it is.
Come on.

Chill. We're in Hollywood,
nothing starts on time.

You're late. Who said you could be late
to a Mona Klein set?

-He did.
-Hi, Ms. Klein, I'm Kevin.

I'm Joe's brother.
Also a director!

-Well, aspiring. But I'm just a big fan.
-Zip it!

You, sit down while I decide
how I'm gonna punish you.

-It won't happen again.
-No kidding.

This movie is my big comeback.

After Soccer Squirrels 2:
Nuts in New York,

-they said I'd never work again.
-I loved that movie.

Well, the critics didn't.

But Forever April is going to
get me back to where I belong.

Unless you mess it up,
so be on time!

Mona, my yoga class ran over.
Sorry I'm late.

Oh, sweetie, what's a few minutes?
Take all the time that you need.

Oh... the face on that one.

Vanessa, how did you get away with that?

Mona totally chewed me out
for being late.

I have exited Vanessa.
I am now April.

-What?
-Dade, is that you?

Joe, this is a technique
some actors use to prepare.

They become the character
even when the cameras aren't rolling.

Dade, am I visible?

-Play along.
-Yes.

April, I can see you.

You're the only mortal
I can communicate with and I need...

-something.
-What is it, April?

A bagel, lightly toasted
with the middle scooped out.

I'll get it.

- All right, you strum.
- OK.

G-G-G-G, C-C...

-We're doing it.
-We are shredding "Twinkle, Twinkle."

I think guitar should always be
a two-person instrument.

Depends on the two people.

Maybe you should try it on your own.

Oh. Um...

OK.

Hey... Whoo!

how you doing?

Hey, DZ, we're kind of
in the middle of something.

Introducing DZ, AKA: Lady Candy,
as in candy for ladies,

not as in, you know,
I'm a lady named Candy.

I get it.
I don't want to get it, but I get it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I have a big date tonight.

And, oh, this is real velour,

so if you were to, uh, you know,
rate my look

on a scale of jamming to slamming?

-Um...
-You hate it.

Hug me.

Ow!
Uh, DZ, you're hair's really sharp.

Oh, sorry.
I must have over-gelled.

OK, DZ, back away from the Jonas.

Whatever is going on,
it can't be that bad.

The... the truth is,
I'm not the player you think I am.

And I've never been on a date before.
There, I said it.

-That is a huge shock.
- Yeah.

-But it's gonna be OK.
-It's not gonna be OK. All right?

I'm meeting Andrea tonight.
My threads are busted,

-and this bling is giving me a rash.
-OK, I can help you.

But you're gonna have
to do it my way, understand?

-Yeah, where do we start?
-Follow me. Let's go.

OK, Aunt Lisa, I'm ready.

Oh, thanks for letting me
practice on you, Stella-bell.

You know, I think massage
is my true calling.

I do.
I know I said that about acting.

And candle-making.

-And landscaping.
-Hey, it's a free massage. I'm in.

Oh, I am going to be charging
a pretty penny for this,

once I get into massage school, so...

-Get in?
-Mm-hmm.

I thought...
I thought you were already... you know?

-Oh, no. Let's begin.
-OK.

Who's a good girl?
Do you like that?

Hm?

-Hey, Lisa?
-Yeah?

Is there any chance that before me
you've only massaged, say, a cat?

Oh, yeah.
Oh, there's a chance.

OK, in this scene, Dade goes to the house
where April's spirit lives.

-Cool.
-Joe, I need you to play this

-scared, yet tough.
-Got it.

Confident, yet vulnerable.

-Really?
-I want big, big emotions

played in a very, very small way.

-OK, on that one how do I--
-Camera rolling!

-Wait!
-What?

-Aren't we gonna rehearse?
-Rehearse?

What is this, your high school play?

This is the big time.
You're a professional actor,

and every minute on this set costs money.

This conversation?
A million dollars.

Saying "a million dollars"?
$27,000.

Excuse me, guys, is everything OK?

-Who are you?
-I'm Joe's brother. We've actually met.

Family. No, thanks.

This is why I have birds. Shoo!

Cue effects.

Cue music.

-And action!

Why do you keep coming here?

Nothing good ever happens
in this terrible place.

-I just need to be close to you.
-No, you need to forget me.

Try, Dade.
Pretend I never existed.

But I can feel you all around.
In the silence I hear...

Line!

-The sound of!
-Cut!

-Do you not know your lines?
-I did not.

I mean, I did.
I'm just nervous.

I'm not paying for nervous.
Go again.

Cue effects.
Music!

-And action!

Why do you keep coming here?

Nothing good ever happens
in this terrible place.

-Uh...
-Cut!

What's the deal?
You know, everybody take five.

You get your act together
or you're gonna see my dark side. OK?

It gets darker?

- Ow!
- Quit squirming.

-Ow!
-What did you put in here, glue?

I don't know.
It was my grandfather's toupee cream.

I'm gonna need a bigger comb.

So, do we like?

-No.
-Oh, boy.

You're doing great, bro.

Stop saying that.
I'm a mess.

-Just try and relax.
-Maybe I just don't belong here.

What does this chair say?

-It says "Joe."
-Yes, exactly.

"Joe," not Lou, not Ed, but Joe.

They wouldn't give you a chair with your
name on it if you didn't belong here.

-Who's Ed?
-I'm trying to make a point.

You're fine saying the lines with just me.

Well, you don't have a dark side.
Mona freaks me out.

-What if she fires me?
-I won't let that happen.

We gotta go much tighter on Joe.
Throw a 75 on, OK?

- Gotcha.
-Hi, Mona.

You just pop up all over the place,
don't you?

Yeah. I think I figured out
what Joe's problem is.

-Oh, do tell.
-It's you.

I'm the problem?

Well, yeah, you have a way of
saying things that are scary and mean.

Joe, on the other hand,
likes things that are soft and nice.

-Oh, does he?
-If you could give him rewards,

maybe like treats or snacks,
that could really help him.

Fascinating. You know,
I have a different approach.

-Oh, what's that?
-Security!

-No, that's--
-Get him off my set.

No, I'm OK. Hey... We're fine.

Bye-bye.

-Wait, what happened?
-We talked. You're all good.

-What? No.

Come on, guys, I've gotta get back to set.
My brother needs me.

Guys, come on!

-Joe, talk to me.

Dude, why did Mona kick you off the set?

Things were said.
It's not important. So, how you doing?

I am freaking out.
You need to get back here.

Picture's up. Where's Joe?

-She coming.
-Joe? Joe!

I don't think so.

Listen, my brother really needs me.
He's back there on set.

And I need a three-hour foot massage,
followed by a four-hour foot massage.

I think we're both gonna be disappointed.

May I present the new
and majorly-improved DZ?

Wow, DZ, is that really you?

Holla!
Back up the cool bus.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Stop.

-Whoo.
-Yep, still you.

I forgot he still talks.
It really kills the look.

Wait, wait, you guys think
I need more than this?

Girls love a good dresser,
but the clothes are just the packaging.

There's so much more
that we like in a guy.

Uh-oh, Macy's about to
lay some knowledge on us, DZ.

Oh, well, DZ's all ears.

-Well, we like a guy with confidence.
-I reek of confidence.

That's my body spray,
Confidence by Stone Stevens.

Yeah, there's such a thing
as too much confidence.

-Uh, we like it when you listen to us.
-Oh, like I said, all ears.

-But still have your own opinions.
-Totally.

- About what?
-Oh, I know!

We like a guy who can make us laugh...

Well, I got this off the back
of a gum wrapper:

Why don't seagulls fly by the bay?

Because then they'd be called "bay-gulls."

-Stop it.
-But not with jokes. I really hate jokes.

Come on, flying baked goods?

DZ, just listen.

Care about your family and your friends.

And show the world
you have a beautiful spirit.

And always, always chew
with your mouth closed.

-Got it?
-Got it.

Anything else?

One more thing:
if you like a girl, you should tell her,

so she's not confused
by the messages you're sending.

Got it, processed.
Outskis. See ya.

-You deserve a medal.
-Thank you.

-So, anything I said surprise you at all?

Or...?

Jokes. I didn't know
they were a deal breaker.

Officer Evie, may I call you Evie?

There has to be someone
in here you want to talk to.

Matt Damon?

Usher?
Kesha?

I don't play like that.
You got Will Smith in there?

-No.
-Oh, well!

I guess we're stuck.

Oh, no, that boy didn't just do that.

I had to wear the big heels today.

Boy!

Why do you keep coming here?

Nothing good ever happens
in this terrible place.

-I just need to be close to you.
-No, you need to forget me.

Try, Dade.
Pretend I never existed.

Around all you feel can I but.

I just said it backwards.

Cut!

I can feel you all around.
I can feel you all around!

See, I can say it.

What about a treat? Let me see,
what have I got in my pocket here?

I've got some mints, a lipstick.

I've got the number of the guy
that I rear-ended this morning.

-I think I'm past treats.
-OK, so what can we do?

-Maybe you hired the wrong guy.
-I don't make mistakes.

I saw you onstage and you were electric!

I'm 25 and you made me feel like I'm 12.

-Twenty-five?
-Shh!

Joe, you've sang in front
of thousands of people

and made them feel
everything that you wanted to.

Bring that guy here, all right?

Find your inner rock star.
You can do it.

OK, I'll try.

Cue effects!
Music!

-And action!

Why do you keep coming here?

Nothing good ever happens
in this terrible place.

-I just need to be close to you.
-No, you have to forget me.

Try, Dade.
Pretend I never existed.

♪ I can feel you all around ♪

♪ In the silence I hear the sounds ♪

♪ Of your footsteps on the ground ♪

♪ And my heart slows down ♪

♪ So now I'm ♪

♪ I'm waiting for the moonlight ♪

♪ So I can find you
In this perfect dream ♪

♪ Don't think that you can ♪

♪ Hide there in the shadows ♪

♪ Girl, you're not invisible ♪

♪ You're all that I can see ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Something's changing deep inside ♪

♪ All my hopes start coming alive ♪

♪ As we're fading into the night ♪

♪ I can see your eyes ♪

♪ So I keep on ♪

♪ Waiting for the moonlight ♪

♪ So I can find you
In this perfect dream ♪

♪ Don't think that you can ♪

♪ Hide there in the shadows ♪

♪ Girl, you're not invisible ♪

♪ I'm waiting for the moonlight ♪

♪ So I can find you
In this perfect dream ♪

♪ Don't think that you can ♪

♪ Hide there in the shadows ♪

♪ Girl, you're not invisible ♪

♪ Girl, you're not invisible ♪

♪ You're all that I can see ♪

♪ And my heart slows down ♪

And cut!

Rock star Joe, welcome to my movie.

That's awesome.

See that actor?
That's my brother.

-How was that?
-That was great.

That was amazing!
Now, do you think you can say your lines

as well as you sang them in that song?

-Definitely.
-All right, let's go again.

-Ow.
-Sorry.

-Ow.
-Honey, you're just so tense.

I mean... Oh, look,
you have a whole row

-of knots back here.
-That's my spine!

No, it's not! Here, let me just get
this one right here for you.

-Ooh, OK.

Ow, ow, I can't.
I just can't.

It hurts.
I can't feel my legs.

-It's over.
-I knew it.

Failed again.
I shouldn't even try.

-Aunt Lisa.
-No, it's true, OK?

Everything your mom said about me,
it's true.

You know what Mom says about you?

She says that...
that you're a sweet soul.

And that you're
the best sister in the world.

She trusted you to look out for me
while I'm in LA.

-And I'm so glad that you're here.
-Aww.

-Really?
-Yeah.

You're a great aunt.

-And you know what?
-Hmm?

I think you could totally be
a great massage therapist.

-Oh... I really think I could.
-There you go.

-You know, just research it a little bit.
-Yeah.

Maybe go online, and, uh,

just learn about what feels good,
you know, for humans.

Or I could become
a cat masseuse right now.

Dealer's choice.

You know, whatever you do,
I believe in you.

Ohh, thanks, Stella-bell.

Oh, sorry.

You know, I'm just...
I'm just gonna go.

Ready for another lesson?

No thanks.

How about some "Three Blind Mice"?

I hear it's a big hit
with the kids these days.

I'm good.

Is something wrong?

Nick, when I was telling DZ
all those things girls like in a guy,

I was really talking about
all the things I like in a guy.

You were?

And if I, let's say, found this guy
who had all of those qualities,

-I'd really hope that he'd like me, too.
-I'd hope so, too.

-Ow.
-Nick, it was you.

OK? I was describing you.

-Forget it.
-Macy, wait.

What?

What I'm trying to say is I like you.

And I've been wanting to tell you
ever since I saw you this summer.

Well, there it is.
What took you so long?

I guess I was just scared.

Mm, if anyone should be scared, it's me.

-Why?
-Because this is crazy.

You're a rock star and I'm your--

-Macy.
-I'm your Macy.

-I like the sound of that.
-Me, too.

This has been such a weird day.

It feels good to be home.

Do you guys think there's
such thing as a cat masseuse?

I mean, this is LA,
so there probably is.

There are like pet therapists
and pet psychics.

That's crazy stuff.
So, what are we doing?

Do you want to order in?
Like, I'm kind of hungry,

but I'm kind of not hungry.
You know?

Hey, Kev. Do you mind going over
tomorrow's lines with me?

Actually, man, you rocked it today.

I think when it comes to movies,
you're a solo act.

-Plus, you're banned from the set.
-Yeah, that too.

Holla!

Oh, best date ever!

-Only date ever.
-So, it went well?

Oh, yeah, Andrea was
definitely feeling me.

Aww, so you remembered all the stuff
I told you about how to act with a girl?

Yeah.

Kinda. I sort of blocked you out.

Well, I can't wait to meet her.

Yo, DZ, where you at?

Peeps, Andrea; Andrea, peeps.

What up, playas?

Yo, we gotta scoot.
I promised your moms

I'd have you back
to Casa DZ before curfew.

OK.
We can just jump in the cool bus.

Beep-beep-beep.

Come on...

What was that?

Next on Jonas LA...

I want you to tell me
everything there is to know

-about being a director.
-You survive the day as my assistant,

and I will tell you
everything you need to know.

-Sweet.
-Mona wants me to kiss Vanessa

today during the sh**t.

-How do you feel about that?
-Good.

-Do you have feelings for Joe?
-Yes.

Absolutely, yes.

So if he were to, say,
kiss you during the photo sh**t?

Ahh, Joe is gonna kiss me?!

Joe, do your thing.