01x04 - Phillin' In

[bunniefuu]

Come on, pokey.
Can't you keep up?

Looks like the end
of a long run

of a father whuppin'
his son--but wait!

Wait, what's this
in my pocket?

Oh...

Afterburner?
That's cheating!

I can't hear you!

Eat my vapor!

Whoo! Ha ha ha!

Cheater!

Who are you
callin' cheater?

[laughs]

So when do I get
to use the afterburner?

I'm afraid you're
not old enough

to handle this kind
of speed, son!

It takes nerve,
coordination,

and most of all,
maturity!

Last one home's
a doofus-head!

Whoo! Ha ha!

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from the 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now it's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ And so they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

What's goin' on?

I'm thinking about takin' one of those
old-fashioned road trips,

just me and your mom
headin' down the highway,

wind in our hair,
backseat full of snacks.

Oh, rewind.

That means you're leaving
me home w-w-with...

-That.
-Pim, what do you think you're doing?

-Just bustin' stuff.
-[thud]

What do you think
you're doing?

Mom and dad are going
away for the weekend.

Yes! Pim is home alone!

[brakes squeal]

I'll miss you.

No. You won't
be home alone.

You'll be with Phil.

[record needle scratches]

And he's in charge.

I'm sorry. My ears
are still ringing

from some jackhammerin'
I was doin' earlier.

-[jackhammer]
-You said what, now?

You heard me, Pim.
Phil's in charge.

He's older,
he's more responsible,

and he doesn't spend his weekends
bustin' up stuff.

-[clatter]
-[cat yowls]

But, Dad, I--

Pim, we're not gonna
talk about this anymore.

Uh, Dad, can--can--

can we talk about this
a little more?

-Sure.
-See,

I don't think that Pim
really needs a baby-sitter.

I think she needs
more a zookeeper.

-Son--
-No, no.

A whole team of zookeepers
with muzzles

and high-powered hoses
and tranquilizer g*ns.

Ok, ok. Here's the deal.

I know being in charge
is a lot of work,

but if you keep
a lid on things

and you watch
your sister

and you get
your chores done,

I'll make it
worth your while.

-No way.
-Yes way.

The afterburner.
It's yours.

What are you
standing around for?

Go! Scram! Get packin'.
Come on.

This weekend's
gonna be smooth.

Now, don't forget.

There's a list of emergency numbers
on the fridge,

and here's a list of chores
we'd like you to do.

Um, rake the leaves,
clean out the garage,

and do the recycling.

No problemo.

-[growls and snorts]
-[fly buzzing]

Oh, and don't forget
to give Curtis his b-a-t-h.

Huh?

Oh, you mean
his bath.

Heehh!

[muttering frantically]

No take a bath!

[jet engine screams]

-[crash]
-[glass breaks]

Ohh.

Aw, nutsicles.

That's why
you spelled it.

This is a disaster!

What's the matter?

I can't find
the car keys!

Everybody fan out!
Phil, Pim,

you gotta scour
the living room.

We gotta find
these keys. We gotta--

good work, everybody.

So, Barb, you psyched
about the road trip?

You know, I rented
a convertible.

"Psyched"
isn't the word.

"Nervous" is the word.

All right, kids.
I love you.

We'll see ya.

-Love you.
-I love you, baby.

-Be good. Be good.
-Bye, Mom.

Take care of her.

Honey, can you get
that big suitcase for me?

Hey, that--

I will call to check in
around 4:00.

Pim, mind your brother.

Ohh, Lloyd, this is yours!

Bye!

[Barbara] Bye, guys!
Behave yourself.

So...

So...

Hey, uh, about these chores,

there's not many of them,
so I'll just do 'em.

-We cool?
-We're cool...

[car horn honks]

But when I'm done with you
you'll be so cool

not even that precious
afterburner

will be able
to warm you up.

Teeyah makkah?

What?!

Teeyah makkah.

Curtis, you're
in America now.

Speak English.

"Beek Engrish."

First move I'm gonna
bust out with

when I get
that afterburner

is the vertical flapjack.

Whoosh, whoosh!

Then I'm gonna roll
into the hurricane bend.

Whoosh!

Jeez. Sounds scary.

Oh, it is! In that totally
"stomach in your throat,"

"I'm gonna hurl" kind of way.

-Oh, I love that feeling!
-Yeah!

All right.

Let's get these leaves
out of here, huh?

[Pim] Would this help?

No--Pim!

No-o-o-o...

Pim, look at
what you did!

Oh, crud!

I'm sorry!

Look, I'll make it
up to you.

How 'bout I go make
snacks for everybody?

Ooh! Celery
and cream cheese?

You got it, girlfriend.

That's so sweet of her
to make snacks.

Yeah, right.

I have to have Curtis
taste them first.

Yeah, this is livin'.

You, me and the open road.

Honey, check out
that rock formation out there.

What do you see?

Uh, rocking horse?

Rocking horse? Come on!

It's Abe Lincoln
sneakin' under a bathroom stall.

See the way the Boulder
looks like his mole?

Aren't you in the road-trippin'
spirit, honey?

Oh, yeah. I'm trying.

-[honking]
-[Lloyd] Whoo-hoo-hoo!

We got us a big rig comin' up!

I read that it's customary for them
to honk their horns

at fun-lovin'
road-trippers like us.

-[truck horn honking]
-Ha ha ha!

Great, honey.

Again, again!

Ok...

Lloyd, that's enough.
Let the guy do his job.

Trucker, honking horn:
You dunk-head!

Not a fan of pepperoni,
but thanks!

[truck horn honks]

All righty.
Call him in.

Oh, Curtis...

Bath time!

[chuckles] Keely...

Watch and learn.

Curtis, who wants
walla berries?

Walla berries?!

[grunting and laughing]

Ohh!

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

He's wacky
for walla berries.

Uh, shampoo?

-[brakes squeal]
-Ooh. No! No poo.

-Oh, Curtis.
-[grunts]

Ok, poo.

[grunts]

Nice and clean
and smellin' good, huh?

Curtis pretty?

Yes. Curtis very pretty.
Wanna see?

[laughs]
Yeah-bah!

[grunts]

[gasps] Ohh.
Heh heh heh.

Ok, Curtis, you're
not that pretty.

Grr.

Hey, guys!

Phil, I made
your favorite.

Fried Bologna sandwich,

celery and cream cheese
for the lady,

and a cake for Curtis.

-Ohh.
-A delicious cake

smothered
in walla berries.

Walla berries?!

-No-o-o-o...
-[gasps]

[snorting and smacking]

You did that on purpose! You know Curtis
can't resist walla berries!

Oh, what's the matter,
Mr. Zookeeper?

Being in charge
not going so "smooth"?

Look, I tried
to be cool with you.

I said I'd do
all your chores.

You weren't trying
to be cool.

All you care about
is your stupid little afterburner.

That's it, fungus-head.
You're cleaning the garage!

Now!

Ha ha ha!

Eh?

[Lloyd]
♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo ♪

♪ Prom night's tonight ♪

♪ Yeah, it's prom night tonight ♪

Oh, honey, we just passed
the cutest bed and breakfast.

Come on, let's check in
and get massages.

-What do you think?
-♪ Feelin' all right ♪

♪ 'Cause it's prom night tonight ♪

Hey, Lloyd,

what's that flashing?

[Lloyd] Wow. Nice.

If I had lights like that,
I'd show 'em off.

[siren]

Whoo! Like
the sound system, too.

There you go, skayak.
Lookin' good.

Ah. You missed a spot.

Where?

[sighs] Phil!

[crashing and banging]

[Pim yelling and swearing]

Excuse her French. She interned on a
pirate ship for a summer.

[Pim, sing-song]
♪ All right, I'm finished! ♪

What the...

Pim, where are you?

[Pim] Wait a minute.

Let me move
this last box of stuff.

[laughing evilly]

Ha ha ha!

Gotcha, suckers!

[laughs]

She tricked us!

You think?

Pim! Open up!

[banging] Pim!

Oh, and, by the way,
Mr. Responsibility?

Mom will be calling
in about 5 minutes.

Too bad you're
locked in there,

and the phone's
out here.

Pim, you let us out
of here right now!

You can't see this,
but I'm putting my foot down!

He did it, Pim.
His foot's down.

Well, Pim Diffy,
you've ruined Phil's chances

of getting his afterburner.

What are you gonna do now?

I'm goin' on a joy ride!

[squeals]

Pim!

Pim, you get
back here right now!

Pim, get back here!

Pim!

All right, stand back.

I think I can break
this door down.

No way.
It's too thick.

No. The secret
is just not to hesitate.

I think
you hesitated.

Of course I hesitated!

Phil, I have an idea!

We're locked in here,

so we should
call a locksmith.

They have those
special unlocky tools.

They can get us out.

Keel, the phone's
out there, remember?

Exactly!
So when they get here,

they can hand it to us.

Ok, new plan.

Help!

-[banging] Help!
-Heh heh heh.

-Ah...
-[banging]

[knock knock]

[grunts]

-Heh heh heh.
-Curtis!

[banging]

Curtis.

-Ooh! Heh heh heh.
-Listen to me.

Go into the kitchen

and get the key.

Understand? The key.

Key.

Yeah, yeah! Ha ha ha!

Ah... heh heh heh.

No, not tea...

No.

-Key!
-Ohh! Ha ha ha!

[grunting and muttering]

Ah! Ha ha ha!

No. We do not
need a quiche.

No quiche.

We need a key!

Ohh! Ha ha ha!
Uhh!

Phil, who is that?

That's our water delivery guy
Keith.

Nice try, Curtis. No.

Ohh!

[thud]

I just had
another idea!

Great. Can't wait
to hear it.

[ring]

That's my mom
on the phone.

What's your plan?

First, step away
from the door.

[ring]

-Oh, Curtis...
-[ring]

Who wants
the walla berries?

[snorting and grunting]
Walla berries?!

Walla berries!

[ring]

Phew.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Mom,
how you doin'?

Oh, no,
everything's going fine.

Oh, Pim's been an angel.

Yep.

Oh--yeah. Well,
you know, I gotta go,

uh, 'cause Curtis
made a quiche,

and it's getting cold.

So...

Tell your mom I said hi.

Keith says hi.

Yeah. Love you, too.

All right.

Phew.

Hey! There's
a wedding! Cool!

Here's my gift!

[sing-song]
♪ Hope you like grapes ♪

[women gasp and scream]

[laughs]

[engine coughs and slows down]

I'm losing power!

Whoa. Hey, take it easy.

Well, looks like the monster's
finally landed.

All right, according
to the tracking device,

she's at 42 degrees latitude

and 112 longitude.

Got it.
She's in Indonesia.

What?

No. You got your latitude
and longitude mixed up.

[sighs] I do that,
like, 6 times a day.

Ah, she's close.

All right, somewhere
north of Kid Rock,

east of Ricki Lake.

Ok.

What are you
looking for?

[beep beep]

[groans] My dad
took the other skayak.

We're gonna have to
take our bikes.

That's all right. I know a shortcut
through Tiger Woods.

I know.

This is a weird town.

Whatever.

The sooner I get there,
the sooner I wring her neck.

[beep beep beep]

[out of breath] Ok. Ok.

2 legs, 2 arms, one head.

[exhales] I'm fine.

Where's the skayak?

Oh, no!

[hissing and steaming]

Ok, Pim.

You're fine.

People get stuck
up here all the time,

and they get rescued.

That's how it works, right?

Right.

Aah!

Aah!

Ok, Lloyd, he's been
following us for 23 miles.

I really think
you oughta pull over.

Well, my instincts
tell me otherwise, but ok.

You're in a lotta trouble.

Uh, me or her?

Have you been drinking?

Have I. I've been
doin' nothin' but.

-[slurp]
-Wait here!

Hands
on the wheel?

You disgust me.

I think he's really mad.

Hands on the wheel!

I'm scratching my--
do it!!

Here you go.

2 tickets!

Have a nice day,

road scum!

See? He's not mad at us.

Hey, these tickets
are $150 each.

These must be
unbelievable seats.

You had us goin' there,
road scum!

Whoo!

I wonder what show
we're gonna see.

Oh, you think
it'll be a musical.

Oh, no.

This is definitely not good.

Uh, positive thinking,
Phil.

Maybe it's
not her sayak.

Though it
probably is.

Pim!

Pim!

Where are you?

Up here!

I'm up here!

Oh, my gosh.

I can't get down!

I'm stuck!

Help!

Here...
Hold my watch...

My keys...

Gum.

Label maker.

Never know when
you'll need a label.

[Pim] Help!

No! Phil,
it's too dangerous.

You can't climb up there.

Help! I'm up here!

What are you talking about?
My sister's up there.

Here he comes, Skully.

Cover your ears 'cause
he's gonna blow his stack.

Pam.

Are you...

Hugging me?

Yeah. I just saw
the skayak down there.

It scared the crumbs
out of me.

It did?

Oh, yeah.

I thought my baby sister
was a goner.

What do you expect?

Well, that you'd be mad

because I ruined your chances

of getting that
precious afterburner.

You've got a lot
to learn about me.

Come on.
Let's get out of here.

I'll go down first.

I'll show you
the hand holds.

It's too far down.
I can't.

Sure you can.

Come on.

I got your back.

Hey, Phil.

Yeah?

Thanks.

Sure.

Hey, Pim?

Yeah?

You're kinda
on my head.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.

Hi, Phil.

Hey, welcome home.
How was your road trip?

It was great.
We were in a parade.

The grand marshal
gave us tickets to a play.

This is such
a friendly century.

I see the house
is still standing.

How was your weekend?

Oh, yeah.

Ok.

You know, uh, boring,
business as usual.

We got most
of the chores done.

Didn't get to the garage, though. Uh...

[crashing and banging]

[Pim yelling and swearing]

[Pim] Hey, hey, hey!

You better not be
tracking any mud in here.

Pim, you're cleaning.

I've been trying to
get you to do this for months.

Well, I guess she listens
to somebody around here.

Here you go, son.

You deserve it.

I can't believe my baby boy's
about to pull 9 Gs

with a gravity warp
afterburner.

Now, remember, you've got a lot of
extra power now.

-So you've gotta take it easy.
-Ok, Dad.

And don't forget to really lean
into those turns.

I know, Dad.

-And so--
-Dad!

I wont do anything
dangerous, ok?

Ok, good. I--

[whoosh]

The kid reminds me
a little of myself.

Yeah.

But he handles the turns
better than you do.

Does not.

Whoo-hoo!