01x07 - My Way

[bunniefuu]

Uh-heh.
What happened to you?

I thought
you went bowling.

We did. Except instead
of going to a bowling alley,

we went to a farm,

and instead of
knocking down pins,

we were wrestling goats.

Ooh! Smells like
you did pretty well.

I was this close
to a perfect game.

Anyway, I'm going
to go grab a shower.

No, no, no.

You are not muddying up
my clean house.

What do you
want me to do?

Come on. Hop up.

Ha ha. See you later.

Wash behind your ears, honey.

Thanks, Mom.

Cowabunga!

♪ Way down upon
The suwannee river ♪

♪ Far, far away ♪

♪ Way down upon
The suwannee river ♪

♪ That's where
The blue folks play ♪ hey!

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

Huh. Looks like Mr. Hackett

finally got some nibbles
on his minivan.

No. They're signing up
for the H.G. Wells

star of the future
competition.

Become the Prince or Princess
of Pickford Pop.

Hmm. I wonder what
the Prince of Pickford Pop

picks up in the way
of perks.

Money, parades,
parties, and a...

Porcupine.

No porcupine.
I was just out of Ps.

Here it is.

Reason number 3,005
why I hate

this stupid century
and everyone in it.

You hate flour.

I can see not liking
flour, but hating--

it's not flour.

It's my baby.

It's for my stupid
life skills class.

2 people have to pretend
this is a baby,

and take care of it
for a week.

And you won't believe
the dill weed I got for a partner.

Ah. There's the little woman.

Little? I wouldn't
be tossing around

the "L" word, if I were you,
Thumbelina.

I was thinking...

Let's name him
Bradley Benjamin Farmer Jr.

Oh, great. Then
his nickname will be

Doofus Thinkleman
Dorkface Part 2.

New mothers can be
so temperamental.

You gonna stand there
all day, teslow?

If I feel like it,
Schrader.

Competing in the star
of the future thing, Tara?

Excuse me?

It's ta-rah.

And I'm not competing.

I'm winning.

I can't help it, though.

I come from
a show biz family.

Show biz. Your father's
the weatherman on channel 36.

Yeah. Just because
you know

when it's going to be windy before
everyone else

don't make you the bizzom.

Keely, I noticed your name wasn't
on the sign-up sheet.

Good thing, though,
because if it were,

the forecast would call for
100% chance of choking.

Bluh!

Huh. I always thought
her name was Tara.

I can't stand her.

I wish a building
would fall on her.

I wish she'd get stung
by a 50-pound bee.

I wish a dog would mistake her
as a fire hydrant.

I wish the U.S. Women's Soccer Team
would use her as a ball.

Hey, what about running her over
with a steam roller, huh?

Phil, grow up.

I'm sorry.
Just trying to help.

Was is it with you 2, anyway?

I don't want to talk about it.

OK.

It was in third grade.

I had a bad experience
in our Thanksgiving pageant.

What happened?

I was playing
a pumpkin,

so I had to sing
a pumpkin song.

How exactly does
a pumpkin song go?

Ahem.

♪ We live in new england
And winters are cold ♪

♪ And conditions are
Quite hard for living ♪

-Great voice.
-I didn't--

♪ So you'll bring the gravy ♪

♪ And I'll bring the turkey ♪

♪ And we'll have
A happy Thanksgiving ♪

Awesome.

So, how'd it go
over at the pageant?

Uh, ehh...

Tara was Thanksgiving queen,

so I had to kneel
at her feet and do my song.

But I looked out,
saw all those people in the audience...

Opened my mouth
to sing...

Then I threw up
on Tara's slippers.

Woops.

Actually,
it's more like...

[gags]

Instead about hearing
about turkey and gravy,

the audience got
to see it.

And that was
the last time?

No. I threw up last summer at yodel's
ice cream parlor.

I meant that was
the last time you performed.

That's what Tara meant by choking?

Stage fright.

Which completely
stinks, because...

There goes my dream.

Dream?

I've never
told you this,

but I've always dreamed of some day
becoming a singer.

I thought you wanted
to become a cat psychologist.

That's my cover.

Keel, if your dream
is to be a singer,

then you should sign up for the star of
the future try-outs.

Phil, do you not get the point

of the whole
puking story?

Yeah. You got
to conquer your fears.

I'm afraid
of my fears.

That's why they're
called fears.

Well, that was
a long time ago.

You're older now.

I think you can do this.

Really?

I promise.

Just to be on the safe side,

before try-outs,

eat a light breakfast.

Hey, I thought you 2
were supposed to take care of the baby.

Turns out a sack of
flour is pretty low maintenance.

Honey, the assignment is
to treat it like a baby.

You need to feed it.
Diaper it.

Take it for a walk.

Excuse me, Mrs. Diffy,

but I believe

that would be woman's work.

Right, Mr. Diffy?

And how.

How dare you say that.

Barb, give the kid
the speech you always give me.

Bradley, raising a child
is parents' work.

You 2 are a couple.
You need to work together.

Now.

Fine.

-Come on, Chuck.
-Oh, boy.

Chuck...

It's so working class.

How old are you again?

-Chuck!
-Chuck!

♪ I am beautiful ♪

♪ Hoo-oo-oo ♪

♪ Ooh-ooo-ooh... ♪

Uh, this may be a while.

You want to grab
a bite to eat?

♪ Ee-ee-ee-eee ♪

♪ Ee ooh ♪

Thank you so much.

Keely, what are you doing here?

What do you think
she's doing?

She's here to sing
and sing great.

Nothing's coming out of her mouth
but sweet music.

Yeah. What he said.

OK. But just
to be safe,

I'll put on my galoshes.

[gags]

Please.

Ha ha! Look at me,
I'm Tara. I'm hilarious.

My dad has
a fake tan.

[man] Next up for try-outs.

Keely Teslow.

All right.
Deep breaths.

Come on,
you can do this.

Now go get 'em.

OK.

Ahem. Scraps!

[light rock music playing]

Keely, come on.
Sing.

A-one, a-2,
a-one, 2, 3, go.

♪ You're always there for me ♪

♪ When I need you most ♪

♪ Day and night by my side ♪

OK. I'm going
to tell you something.

Come on, Keely.

Let's pump up
the volume.

♪ When I feel like crashing down ♪

♪ You seem to be around ♪

♪ There you are ♪

♪ You're not that far ♪

♪ 'Cause whenever ♪

♪ Wherever ♪

♪ Baby, you'll protect me ♪

♪ No matter what ♪

You're late.

Chuck's been fed
and burped.

He just needs
his bath.

About that...

Turns out, I have plans
this evening.

Some of the boys
are getting together

for crazy 8s and peach sherbet.

Listen, pal, I've been with this kid
all afternoon.

I got a life, too.

Pim, what can I say?

It's my night to...
Run with the dogs.

You can run wherever you want,

but you're taking
Chuck with you.

I had an inkling
there'd be a showdown.

Here...

Why don't you go out and buy yourself
something nice?

Phil, Phil, Phil!
Phil, Phil...

I made the finals.

Hey, congrats.

I never could've done it
without you.

About that.
Um...

See, I got to talk--

Yo, Schrader,
you hear?

I made the finals.

That's right.
I'm talking to you.

And I'm taking you down.

Keely, uh...

Phil, please.
I'm talking.

Everybody got that?

Keely Teslow is taking

Tara Schrader
to the woodshed.

Ta-dow.

No worries, Teslow.
You'll choke in the finals.

[gags]
Ha ha ha!

Old news. This girl don't choke.

She--[coughs]

Keely, you OK?

[coughs]

Are you kidding?

Ahem. I've never
been better.

Finally over
my stage fright.

Yeah. About that...
Remember at the try-outs

how you sorta had
a hard time getting started?

Yeah, but then
I really came on strong.

Ta-dow!

Yeah, see,
it's sorta complicated.

Uh, I used the voice
modulator on the wizard

to kinda ta-dow
your voice.

So, it wasn't
really me singing?

Not technically.

But it was just me
who guaranteed I'd beat Tara

right out in front
of the whole school.

Yeah. That was you.
There's no getting around that.

Great.

I'm toast.

All right.
The finals are on Friday,

so we're looking
at a few different options here.

Option one, we can
use the wizard again.

But that would
be cheating.

Option 2, you can just not
show up.

But then, that means
that Tara would win

and tease me
for the rest of my life.

Option 3, you can find
a new best friend with more options.

Phil, you give me
another option right now.

Uh, OK.

Well, there's
the obvious one.

Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Well, you and I
work together

to get over
your stage fright.

Mom, what are
you doing?

I'm making cakes.

With flour?

Of course.

Honey, where's Chuck?

He's with his father.

And I'm done

with that lame
old assignment anyway.

But I thought it was
supposed to be for a whole week.

It was,

but I couldn't be with that
Bradley Benjamin Farmer

for another minute,

so I quit.

Pim...

It's a school assignment.
You can't quit.

But, Mom--

no but Mom!

The assignment was
to bring up a baby together.

So you'll just have
to find a way to work with Bradley.

Rat snacks!

Excuse me?

Rat snacks?

Too many people.

Come on. They're all your friends.
Your neighbors.

They want you to succeed.

Could we please
get this over with?

Heh. Well, most of them do.

Look, all you need
is a little confidence.

One good performance,

and you're off
to the races. Ready?

Ready.

OK.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Club Diffy is pleased to present

the pride of Pickford,
miss Keely Teslow.

[applause]

[soft rock music playing]

Too many people.

[music stops]

Um, ladies and gentlemen,

I just remembered
that the fire marshal

said we were a little
overcrowded tonight.

If we could have
some volunteers to, uh--

I'm out-ski!

Oh. Thanks for coming.

[music starts]

Too many people.

Uh, Mom, Dad...

Oh.

It's my house.

Come on, sweetheart.
This is for Keely.

Night.

OK.

♪ You'll protect me
No matter what ♪

♪ You hold me ti-ight ♪

♪ With all your mi-ight ♪

♪ And you'll never let ♪

♪ Let me go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

Oh, my gosh.

That felt awesome.

And I owe it
all to you, Phil.

Ah, well, Keely,
I'm the only one here.

I don't know
if you've actually

gotten over
your stage fright.

I just realized
something amazing.

I'm totally comfortable
singing to you.

Yeah, but the problem
is that at the finals

it's not going
to be only me.

But as long as I just
focus on you,

I'll be able
to bring home the trophy.

OK, Farmer, my mom says we have
to work together,

so here's the deal.

I'm the boss, and it's Chuck's
feeding time.

I'm not giving him
to you.

You're an unfit mother.

-No!
-He died!

It's OK, Pim.
We can scoop him up.

You're OK, Chuck.
You're OK.

Cheese-it!
It's Ms. Levy.

Ohh.

That your baby?

What do you think?
D minus?

Poor little guy.

Never had a chance.

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Aye-ya-woo ♪

Ha ha ha.

Thank you.
Thanks so much.

[man] Tara Schrader,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Children are the future.

Read books.

And now, our final
contestant of the evening,

Miss Keely Teslow.

Oh. Don't choke.

Bye!

[microphone screeches]

Phil, where are you?

[microphone screeches]

Keely,
I'm right here.

How's everybody tonight?

I hope you're ready
to kick it,

'cause I'm almost ready
to kick it.

I'm coming, Keely!

Litterbug.

I was going to dedicate
this song to my friend Phil,

if I could only see him.

Phil?

[microphone screeches]

Hey, Keely,
I'm down here.

Oy vey.

Sing to me, Keely.

I'm the only one here.

Hit it, Dennis.

[music starts]

♪ You're always there for me ♪

♪ Right when I need you most ♪

♪ Day and night ♪

♪ You're by my side ♪

♪ Protecting me ♪

Atta girl, Keely.
Keep it up.

♪ When I feel like crashing down ♪

♪ You seem to be around ♪

♪ There you are ♪

♪ You're not that far ♪

♪ 'Cause whenever ♪

♪ Wherever ♪

♪ Baby, you'll protect me ♪

♪ No matter what ♪

♪ You hold me ti-ight ♪

♪ With all your mi-ight ♪

♪ And you'll never let ♪

♪ Let me go ♪

♪ and when it's my turn ♪

♪ My turn ♪

♪ To help you out ♪

Keely, don't swing
the mic stand.

I had a big dinner.

♪ ...without a sound ♪

♪ 'Cause whenever ♪

-♪ Wherever ♪
-Aah!

♪ Baby, you'll protect me ♪

♪ No matter what ♪

♪ You hold me ti-ight ♪

♪ With all your mi-ight ♪

♪ And you'll never let ♪

♪ Let me go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

Protecting me.

Yay! Keely!

Amazing.
My first place trophy

could wear
your third place trophy

as a good luck charm.

Ha ha!
Sorry, loser.

Actually,
I think I won.

Um, no you didn't.
I did.

No. I think it was me.

OK. You're weird.

See, I'm not really
from around here,

but is third place
really winning?

No, but I finally sang
in front of people.

Which is what
I really wanted to do.

I think that counts
for something.

Hmm. You think
maybe next time,

you can do it without me being
the size of cat chow?

Yeah.

Next time I perform,

I don't think I'll need you
there at all.

All right. Well,

I'll try to remember
not to show up.

But I want you there...

Full size.

Uh...

[baby crying]

Love muffin, Maxine here
sprung a leak.

Not my job.

[babies crying]

Aah!

Aah!

Love muffin?