01x10 - Future Tutor

[bunniefuu]

[Lloyd] I'm just gonna use
these holograms to pick out

some school clothes for
the kids to wear tomorrow.

[buzzing]

That doesn't seem right.

Let's try this.

Lloyd, those aren't
school clothes

either, sweetheart.

[Pim] School?

Did I hear you say school?

Are you kidding?

We actually have
to mingle with these

21st century knuckle draggers?

Look, kids, I don't know
how to tell you this.

I'm not sure how long
it's gonna take me

to fix the time machine,

so your mother and I decided
to enroll you in school.

Phil, you're gonna be
in something called

the ninth grade.

And, Pim, you're gonna be
in something called

the seventh grade.

I want to be in ninth grade!

Honey, they go by age here.

All right, I'll start
in your seventh grade.

Then I'll begin
my slow but steady

rise to power.

In a month,
I'll be in 50th grade!

Dad, we need more information

about how school works
in this century

before we just jump in.

I'm doing the research.

By tomorrow morning,
you two will know everything necessary

to be just a couple
normal American kids.

Solid, yo.

Dad hosed us.

You think?

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from the 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way,
Way back in the day ♪

-♪ So now it's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

Are you sure this is
a ninth grade problem?

Heh.

I mean, this is, like,
professional algebra.

It was last night's homework.

Did you actually
do any of it?

Of course.

I mean, Keely and I
were going to, but--

we needed
to concentrate, so...

We went to get a smoothie,

but then we couldn't remember which
vitamin boost makes you smarter,

so we got all of 'em.

But then we drank them too fast,

and our faces froze up.

[all giggling]

[giggles mockingly]

You think it's funny?

Well, you're not leaving
that board

until you figure out
the problem.

[sighs]

And who are you?

Phil Diffy.

I'm new here.

New?

How come I never
get those memos?

"X" equals 9.

"X" equals 9?

Actually, that's
exactly what it is, Tia,

"X" equals 9. And you had all night
to figure it out.

And Mr. Phil Diffy here,
our new student,

he got it right away.

Well...

It's a pleasure to
have you in class, Phil.

It's great
to be here.

I love math.

Who loves math?

Yeah, and who'd
admit it?

Well, would you
like to try

our extra credit problem?

It's for math lovers only.

Well, I guess I could
give it a try.

That was fantastic!

Why don't you take a seat

behind Ms. Teslow?

Good, math dweeb
is sitting next to you.

[teacher] There's one guy
I won't have to worry about

for the test tomorrow.

As for the rest of you...

Keely and Tia...

Oy!

Ew.

Hi.

You must be new.

I'm Debbie Berwick.

What am I supposed to do with that?

Well, shake it, silly.

[jangling]

If you need any help
getting to your other classes,

I can show you around.

I'll even take you

to the only
cold drinking fountain.

It's a long walk,

but, gosh, it's tasty!

Look, I don't know
what your angle is,

but keep it
in your backpack.

-[banging]
-Ah!

[teacher] Ok, now...

We've been in school
for less than a month.

Already, I'm missing
9 pounds of chalk.

A whole lot of chalk, people,

and it's not
walking away on its own.

So, apparently,
from now on,

I need a chalk monitor.

Volunteers?

Kudos, Berwick.

You had
your hand up first.

[Debbie] Thank you, Mr. Hackett.

Wow, this is so unexpected!

Now, um, I want you to know

that during my reign as--

Sit down, Berwick.

You're chalk monitor,
not Miss Tennessee.

That's it?

That's how you're gonna decide

who gets to be chalk monitor?

Is that how George Washington got elected?

He stuck his hand up and went

"ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me"?

[students muttering]

[Mr. Hackett]
Ah, I see what this is.

This is one of those stalls
to get out of work.

And I'm in a good mood today--

heard from the wife.

So, what the heck.

Tomorrow we'll have
an election for chalk monitor,

and everybody can feel important.

Bernie, you're a dream
for going back for the peanut sauce.

Yeah, we're thinking
of going Italian tomorrow,

but when we decide,
we'll sh**t you a fax.

You think we'll ever
get in trouble for ordering off campus?

What are they gonna do?

I mean, arrest us for having better taste
than everyone else?

Hey, there.

I'm Phil.

From your algebra class.

Well, uh, first off,

I just want to say
I love your school

and look forward to getting to know
each of you as individuals.

And, secondly, if anyone
needs help with algebra,

I've got nothing
but free time.

Tell you what,

leave us your card,
and we'll let you know.

Yeah, we're fine.

Thanks.

Ok...

You, uh, mind
if I grab a seat?

I'd be honored
if you grabbed mine.

What's, uh, going on
with the people over at that table?

That's the popular table.

You were in
way over your head.

I was?

Don't tell me you didn't have cliques
at your old school.

My old school?

[woman] So Hannibal assembled
his army of elephants

and prepared to cross the Alps.

We'll be right back
with right after this.

Doesn't history
make you thirsty?

It does me.

That's why I reach for a nice,
refreshing Cheesiola,

sparkling soda combined with
the great taste of cheese!

You might say my old school
was way different.

Ok, then pay
close attention

to how it works here

at Herbert G. Welsh
Junior/Senior High.

Those...

Are the popular kids.

They're at the top
of the food chain.

After the popular kids,
there's the football team,

[player grunts]

Followed by the ski squad,

[swishing]

The student government kids,

the soccer studs,

[air horn blows]

The air guitar posse,

[rock music plays]

And then the guys like us,

who dig algebra.

[car crashes]

Wow. Say,
that's uh...

Awful.

Don't worry.

According to mother,

one day, you and I are
gonna own these people.

[cha-ching]

Cupcake, Glen?

Oh, thanks, Debbie.

Berwick.

Would you like a cupcake, Pim?

And if I take one,

I'd have to vote for you
for chalk monitor?

No!

I'm not trying
to bribe people.

These are leftovers,

and, twice a week,
I get up early,

and I take homemade cupcakes down
to the nursing home.

See?

"Hip replacements rock."

All right, Berwick,

you want to
throw around bribes?

You're on.

I'm on?
I'm on what?

You're on...

A wonderful path
of enlightenment.

Mm, thank you!

And that path
will lead you

right over a cliff.

Oh, dear,

that sounds dangerous.

Um, maybe we should choose

a different path.

Different, right!

One that leads to a field of flowers
and a big rainbow!

Yeah!

And in that field...

You'll be pushing up daisies.

I sure hope so.

I love daisies!

What does she have,
like, bat hearing?

Follow me!

What?

Don't turn around.

Am I being kidnapped?

Just walk.
Look straight ahead.

This is good.

I'd like to take you up
on your offer

to tutor me in algebra.

You would?

My mom will completely freak

if I pull a "d" in there.

I mean, I know I can get it,

but I have trouble focusing.

I can focus in English.

You know, Charles Dickens.

"It was the best of times,

it was the worst of times."

I mean, come on,

make a decision.
Which was it?

So, algebra?

Right. Can you help?

Great. Uh, meet you in the library?

No, no.
Library's too noisy.

How about...

Otto's Pink Pig.

-[bell rings]
-Excuse me?

It's a restaurant.

Corner of Second and Brustrom.

Meet me there at 6:00.

Bye!

[disco music playing]

[music dies]

I gotta boogie.

[Barbara] Pim, if you need brownies
to win this election,

I'm only too happy to help.

[inhales]

Wow!

Those brownies
smell so good.

Can't I just
check on them?

For the last time, Mom, no!

The box says to leave them in the oven
for 35 minutes.

[timer dings]

Ready!

[burbling]

[gasps] It doesn't look
like the picture on the box.

Maybe this oven's broken.

[sighs]

Sweetie, I know that you want to win over
your classmates,

but why don't I just...

Spray you some brownies?

[hissing]

[burbling]

♪ With a nice cherry on top ♪

-Bing.
-[ding]

You want to lick the nozzle?

Mom, these
have to be homemade.

People in this century
love homemade junk.

Apparently it's to die for.

All right.

[door opens]

Let's give it
another try.

Hey, have you seen Phil?

I need him to help me recalibrate

the time machine's
wave generator.

He is at a place
called Otto's pink pig,

hanging out with
a new kid he met at school.

Great.

Is he wearing
a sign that says,

I'm from the future,
capture me, put me in the zoo!

Oh, honey, relax!

I am not gonna relax until we're back
in our own century,

safe and sound. Anything that distracts
us, even for a minute--

Oh, brownies!

[hisses]

Mm. I'll be out
in the garage.

That's the guy in charge
of getting us home?

[accordion music playing]

[clapping]

[clapping]

All right, so, if 2x
are these 2 little radishes,

how do you solve for "y"?

Um...

Come on, you know this.

Hmm.

Remember, the olive is 1.5.

Multiply by the olive?

Yes!

So, 2 radish
times one olive equals...

3 celery sticks!

Yes!

3 celery sticks.

I've never had anyone
explain it like that.

It's so easy.

[snaps]

-Want a fraction?
-[laughs]

[Waiter, German accent]
Guten abend!

Welcome to Otto's Pink Pig!

Before you sample
mein schnitzel,

you must join me on
dancing floor, ja?

No, thank you,

but guten abend right
back at ya, anyway!

Come on, Keely,
he's talking schnitzel!

[polka music playing]

[all clapping to the music]

Whew.

Wow, that was amazing!

Where did you learn
German folk dancing?

I learned it just now, with you.

[door chimes]

Oh, no.

What?

Oh! Hey, look, it's your friends
from school.

Yeah, how about that!

Can I stay under the table
for a minute?

Table?

Why under the t--
ooh!

I'm sensing something's the matter.

Yeah, kinda.

I mean, you know
how it is with cliques.

Actually, I don't.

Why are they
such a big deal?

They just are.

And there are rules,
lots of them.

The most important one?

You can only hang out
with people in your own clique,

period.

Well, why?
That seems stupid.

Phil, you ask a lot
of questions for a new kid.

Where did you say
you're from?

Uh, Montana.

Actually, Canada.

Spent some time in Mexico.

Things were a little
different there.

Well, here cliques are huge.

Oh. So I...

Guess it would be bad for you
to be seen with me.

Kinda.

All right.

See you around, then.

No!

Tia will see you.
Wait here.

I'll check to see
if the coast is clear.

Keely?

Uh, we're at this morgue 'cause
we have an interview

with a German dude about his culture
for social studies.

But, girl, what
are you doing here?

Uh, just studying for algebra.

All alone, just me.

So, can we slide in?

A--actually, I just
finished eating

and was taking off.

Und one uberplatter,

und side of curly fries.

Oh!

I, uh...

You know, I forgot,
I ordered dessert.

[Debbie] I care about
our nation's chalk.

Hi! Vote for me,

I care about our nation's chalk.

Look out!

Brownies coming through.

[laughs]

Wow, Pim, looks delish.

Um, I usually don't sample

my opponents treats,

but, uh, may I?

You may.

[grunting] I...

I'm sure it's not rock hard.

Um, my bony little fingers are probably
just too weak.

I got it!

Yeah...

Usually, these babies
have a sweet spot.

[clangs]

[Mr. Hackett] Ok, uh...

Aha!

Ah.

[crashing and clanging]

[sighs] Ok.

Everyone who wants Debbie
for chalk monitor

raise their hand.

Wait! Wait...

[sighs] What was I thinking?

You're right.

I can not bake as well as Debbie Berwick.

You got that right, sister.

And I'm a pathetic fool

for believing I could
win the election.

That I could finally have something
meaningful in my life.

Why should I miss
being chalk monitor?

I don't miss getting
presents at Christmas

or even one lousy card
at Valentine's day.

And, on my birthday--
[sobs]

I don't even mind
singing to myself.

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

[sobs]

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

[crying]

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

Ok, let's vote.

I had the naughtiest dream
last night

about an improper fraction.

And?

Oh!

Hey.

Oh, guess what?

I got a "b" on the algebra test.

I know it's not an "a,"
but it's not a "d."

My mom's so gonna want to put it up
on the fridge.

I'll probably let her.

Anyway, I just wanted
to say thanks.

And I just want
to say you're welcome.

Also that I'm sorry
about last night.

I was really rude.

Hey, don't worry about it.

I'm sure it's not easy
being popular.

Come one, Keely,
let's go to the table.

Briana's masseuse
is coming to do our feet.

Come on!

Well, I'll see you around.

Keely, come on.

Hey, you mind if I sit
with you and, uh...

Seth Wosmer.

Keely, why are you sitting there?

Because I'm having lunch
with Phil and, uh...

Seth Wosmer.

Really?

I mean, because people
are gonna talk.

You know, I can't have
people talking.

Tia, who cares?

Who made up these rules, anyway,
about who sits where?

[groans]

Promise me this is
a one-time deal.

Wow, this is a major breakthrough!

I mean, there's no reason

why people can't eat
outside their social groups.

Life is short.

What are we waiting for?

Hey, you, Mr. Football,

go sit with that band guy.

And you!

Aren't you from
the glee club?

Go scoot over there and sit
with the kids from metal shop.

[metal clanks]

And you, with the pom-poms,

have you met the girl
hiding behind her laptop?

[electronic beeps]

Uh, Phil?

[tires squealing]

It's not happening.

All right. Well, you can't
change the world all at once.

How about one table at a time?

Seth Wosmer.

Hi.

Nice to meet you, Seth.

Wosmer.

This is going right up
on my website.

Phil, I just got a note
from the office.

It's from dad.

He says it's time to go home.

Home?

All the way home.

We gotta go!

[Lloyd] Ok, everybody,
into the time machine.

Here we go.

Everyone buckled in?

Yep.

Anomaly sequencer, check.

Nitrogen boosters, check.

Cool driving gloves, check.

Ok, as soon as we're
time borne, I'll uncloak,

and our time machine won't look like
a goofy RV Anymore.

You know,
I've gotta say,

I'm gonna miss
this century.

Tell me about it.

I had those
weepy pea brains

eating out of
the palm of my hand.

I never got
to say good-bye.

Need to fire up
the view screen.

[humming]

There we go.

[loud rumbling]

Yee-hah, I did it!

We're zooming through
time at warp speed!

If we're flying
through time at warp speed,

why are all
my readouts black?

[mechanical whine]

Excuse me.

Watch out.

Look, oh!

Aw, no parking on Tuesdays!

I--I didn't see the sign.

Sorry, guys,

looks like we're gonna
be here a while.

[coughs]

Wow, Pim, you are doing such a great job
as chalk monitor.

Thanks!

Well, um,
I'll see you tomorrow!

This is not over, Berwick.

Of course it isn't, silly.

You still have a whole
'nother box to clap.

[coughs]