01x17 - Neander-Phil

[bunniefuu]

And if you'd
just sign here.

Uncha Tonga!

[sniffs]

[growls]

Sir, could you
not chew on my pen?

Unaka!

-[grunting]
-Give me that.

There you go,
hotshot. Enjoy.

[Curtis] Unaka!

[slam]

[both grunting]

Crumbling gorgonzola!

Who let Curtis
answer the door?

Dad, Dad...

Here, do a brain exchange.

I can sort this out.

[beeps]

[zaps]

[humming]

Uh, heh heh.

Congratulations,
Mr. Ordell.

Uh, I work with
the main office,

and you just
passed the test.

Test? What test?

Well, you know,
all our employees

need to have a, um...

A strong back,

and a lot of Patience
to work with us.

And, uh,

by golly, you've got both.

So on behalf
of everyone at the...

Organization...

It gives me
great pleasure

to present you
with, um...

This.

What?

So congratulations again.

Have a nice day
and keep up the good work.

[exhales]

[Lloyd] Good work, Phil.

He's gone.

But now where am I?

Unchaga!

[grunting]

Chuga konga.

Dad, could you get me
down from there?

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now it's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday
Through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

Oh, Phil! Phil!

I got the best news.

What is it?

I got a job bussing tables

with Shelby fishbrine's mom's
catering business.

I'm gonna make
6 bucks an hour,

plus tippage.

Tippage?

Yeah, tips.

Anyway, I'm gonna be
rolling in dinero.

So make up
your wish list,

'cause I want to buy you
something really nice.

Well, Keely, you don't
have to do that,

but I have been thinking
about a new pair of high tops.

High tops.
All right. What kind?

Holy moly!

[inaudible]

[Keely] You got it--

one pair
of Holy Molys.

Wait, I've never heard
of Holy Molys.

Phil?

Who is that?

Alice DaLuca.
You know Alice DaLuca.

I don't know
Alice DaLuca.

Alice DaLuca--

she's in the French club,
the karate club,

oh, and she rides horses.

French karate horses-- got it.

Oh, and on top
of all that,

she's also
the mayor's daughter.

[squirting]

You got
enough cheese there?

[squirting]

[gasps] Eeh!

What?

Eeh!

Debbie, I'm in a good mood.

My English teacher's car

broke down on the highway.

♪ No second period ♪

Don't hose my buzz.

Aah! Aah!

Pim-a-lim-a-ding-dong!

It's our anniversary.

We've been best friends

for one whole semester!

I told you not
to hose my buzz.

This is
total buzz hosing!

Well, I've got
the cure for that--

One wiener dog

for miss Pim Diffy!

[squeaking]

I can't stand
that noise, Debbie!

[squeaking]

Stop!

Stop!

I swear by Thor's
mighty hammer,

if you don't stop,

I'm gonna lose it!

[groans]

OK, she makes
the weiner dog,

and I'm the one
who gets in trouble?

[Asian music playing]

I'll talk to you later.

Haven't seen you
in karate club before.

Are you new?

Well, it's--

I--ahem...

Do most of
my karate at home.

More of
a home chopper.

Oh, really?

What belt are you?

Uh, this--
this one's white,

but I have a suede one
back at home,

and it's reversible.

Heh. I'm Phil.

Alice.

Hi.

So you want
to warm me up?

Sure.

Sure, I'll warm you up. Yeah.

I meant spar.

Of course I knew
you meant spar.

[crash]

All right.

[exhales]

Hyah!

You ready for your tea,
Mr. Devereaux?

Alice, what is he talking about?

I don't know.

Phil!

Are you OK?

Yeah!

I'm--I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I needed
some practice

on those falls, anyway.

How'd I look?

Like it hurt.

I've had worse
falls before...

From my horse.

You ride horses?

Where do you ride?

Pretty much on his back.

Ha!

Wow.

Phil, we have a lot in common.

Vive la diference.

You speak French, too?

[speaking French]

Vive la diference.

Hee hee hee!

You want me to take yoga?

With the breathing and
the sitting on the floor

with people I don't like?

Yes, that yoga.

Honey, you ripped
your locker door off its hinges.

She did that?

That's a no-no.

A special delivery,
miss Pim Diffy.

Pim, it's not healthy
to carry so much anger.

I'm not carrying anger.

I have someone
who carries it for me.

A pack mule
named berwick.

Hold it, now.
Debbie's your best friend.

Best friend?

She's not
my best friend!

She's just
this annoying girl

that keeps popping up
everywhere.

Aah!

What's that?

Ha ha!

Debbie sent you a card!

Aw, I didn't know you'd been best friends
the whole semester.

Lloyd, they're for company.

We don't know anybody.

Look, you people
don't have to go to school with her

8 hours a day,
3 days a week.

3 days a week?

I meant 5 days.

See? She's making me
talk crazy.

That's what
she does to you.

She gets
inside your head

until you can't
take anymore!

-Can't take it!
-[smash]

Pim, the wizard-- it's all...

Brokey!

[sighs]

Now what do you have to say for yourself,
young lady?

Heh.
What time's yoga?

Bye.

See you tomorrow then.

-OK.
-Bye.

So...

Since when are you into karate?

[scoffs] I've always been
into karate.

OK, I'm not,

but I am into getting a date
with Alice DaLuca.

Wait,

you've got a date
with Alice DaLuca?

Yep.

That's huge!

First she knocked me out,

then we talked
a little bit.

Now she wants me to escort her
to the mayor's ball.

The--the mayor's ball?

Tomorrow?

Down at the lodge?

That's the one.

Well, heh,

I guess
I'll see you there.

What, you're going, too?

Yeah, I'm bussing tables
for Ms. Fishbrine.

Heh! Then we'll all
be there together!

Yeah. Great.

Great!

Hyah! Yah!

Keely, a little help.

[Barbara] You're
gonna love this, Pim.

[Pim] Super.

Pim, relax.

This is Master D's class.

She's supposed to be

the most respected yoga teacher

in all of
Southeastern Pickford.

Oh, right.

Wake me
when it's over.

[girl] Take your places.

Take a breath.

Then take charge
of your life.

Berwick!

I told you, Mom!

She's everywhere!

I can't escape her!

[Debbie] By the end
of this class,

we'll all be
soft pretzels.

But no salt.

[gasps]

Oh, my gosh!

There's my
best friend Pimsy!

Everyone, let's give her
a welcoming om.

Om.

Om.

[all humming]

Om.

My...

Wow, Mr. Fancy.

So how do I look?

You're the handsomest
guy here, Phil.

Heh, thanks.

Manny, I'm not mingling.

He wanted to know
about the crab puffs.

Oh, Phil,

in case you don't like
this fancy stuff,

look what I scored ya.

Your favorite
spray cheese!

Yeah, I'll get back to you
on that spray cheese.

Oh, OK.
I'm outta here.

Bye.

Hey, Keely, wait up!

Oh, uh, hi.

I didn't know
you were working down here.

Yeah, for Ms. Fishbrine.

My mom and I baby-sit her cats.

She has super-veiny legs.

Anyway, uh, she's
big into catering,

so here I am. Ta-da!

Um, can you
take a picture of us?

Uh, sure.

How do we look?

Perfect.

One more turn.

[zaps]

Crummy bumpers!

[hisses]

Heh heh heh heh!

Ah!

[humming]

Oh, no.

I'm in Curtis's body?

Dad!

I want to bring
a pro team to Pickford.

Not to play,
just for lunch.

What should I say?

I've never met an official before.

Oh, don't worry.

Just say hi.

[humming]

-Daddy?
-Hi, sweetie.

This is the boy
I've been telling you all about--

Phil Diffy.

Pleased to meet you, son.

Unchunga kunga!

Ha ha!

Huh, hooh, hi, uh.

Ha ha ha!

Phil.

Phil? Um...

Where are you going?

[growls]

Unchunga kunga!

[whispers] Phil.

I have something
to admit to you.

You being here
with Alice is

kind of awkward for me.

Oh! I have a lamb kabob.

I have a chicken kabob.

And I have uncle Bob.

Heh.

I'm kidding.

Uh, enjoy.

Phil...

[sighs]

I'm talking about
the "J" word--

Jealous.

There, I said it.

I'm a little jealous.

Oh, go ahead.

So is this uncomfortable
for you, too?

Ah!

[scoffs] Guess you can't be seen

talking to
a lowly bus girl.

That's it,

big, deep, happy breaths.

In with the pink unicorns,

and out with the frowns
and explicit rap music.

[Pim] You call that a foul?

Pimula,

this is yoga,

and you really need
to concentrate.

Not now.

Only 2 seconds left.

Come on, Donaldson,

hit this, you bum!

I'm doing this because
you're my best friend.

OK, candy cane pose.

Arms back.

Feel that sugary goodness.

Look, Debbie,

you're not
my best friend.

You never were,

and you never will be.

Pim!

It's OK. It's fine.

If Pim doesn't want
to be best friends,

then I can handle it.

[sniffles] OK, class,

for this next exercise,

could everyone please
give me a big group hug?

[Barbara] Pim,

I think maybe
if you give Debbie a chance,

somehow, some way,

you might
grow to like her.

[all whimpering]

But Dad, this doesn't
make any sense.

Sure, it does.

The last thing
programmed into the wizard

was a brain exchange
between you and Curtis.

It's gonna keep on happening
unless I can...

Would you back off?
You don't smell so good.

Hey, give me a break.

I haven't showered
in 50,000 years.

Wait, no, wait.
That was good.

I got a signal.

Put your foot
up on the coffee table.

No.

-[buzzing]
-Yes, there it is!

[growls]

Huh?

[grunts]

Uh?

Uh, huh, huh.

Unga Tonga.

Oh, h*.

Oh!

[grunts]

Ah!

[humming]

[Alice] Phil?

I told my dad that

when you ate his Rose,
it was a joke.

So are you OK now?

Yeah--yes.

Ahem.

Yes, I'm--
I'm fine.

I'm sorry, Alice.

I--I was
just nervous.

I don't normally
act like this.

And normally, you know,
I'm more, uh,

normal. Heh.

Good.

So why are you holding
the Pickford flag?

I was--heh...

Swept over by a wave
of patriotism.

Ah.

So I said to the governor,

"The only bonds I like
is Barry Bonds."

[all laugh]

Ha ha ha!

Barry Bonds!

Heh. Ahem.

You like some water, sir?

Why, thank you, Phil.

No, thank you.

Phil, don't overdo it.

So Phil, where
do you see yourself in the future?

Uh, truthfully,

100 years from now,

I'll probably still
be living at home!

Ha! At home. Heh.

Ahem. Roll, sir?

Very gentlemanly of you.

[humming]

Phil, I've got it.

Thank you.

Unga ka.

[grunts]

Phil? Normal?

Bunaka!

Bunaka?

Phil, as mayor, I hereby order you
to give me these rolls.

Ha ha!

You wanna play hardball
with the mayor?

Then bring it on!

Ooh! Ouch!

Young man, you will not

make a mockery
out of this ball.

[both grunting]

Aah!

Get him!

Keely.

[Lloyd] You're not
gonna fix that thing.

It's ruined.

Dad, you didn't check
the attenuation diode.

I checked the attenuation diode,

Mr. Cave genius.

What are you gonna do,
smack it with your club?

[humming]

Well, butter my beans,
you fixed it, Curtis!

[grunts]

[humming]

[rip]

Phil...

You haven't
been yourself lately.

It's nice
to be appreciated.

Beat it.

Hi, Pim.

Listen up, Berwick.

I've decided...

I'm going to be
your new best friend.

But I use the word best

very loosely.

Pim, I'm like a wounded dove
who doesn't heal quickly.

But keep going.
I'm listening.

I wrote up a contract

outlining the details

of our friendship.

Oh, my gosh!

I think I'm gonna
bust a tear duct.

Not so fast.

There are
some conditions--

actually,
117 conditions.

Number one--

on all gift-giving holidays,

you give me presents,
I give you squat.

Yay, I get to give you presents!

Yeah.

Number 2--

you're allowed to visit me
every other Sunday

between 2:00 and 2:15.

Yay, me!
Forget the rest.

Where do I sign?

Sign here.

Wait!

Condition number 63--

no stupid pens!

So?

Heh. Yeah,
I'm sorry, Alice.

Uh...

I'm not normally like this.

Yeah, I know.

That's what you keep
telling me.

[Phil] Yeah.

What I mean is,

I don't normally lie to people.

What are you
talking about?

[silverware crashes]

Heh, I'm not listening.

Just keep talking.

Look...

I don't know karate,

and I've never
ridden a horse before.

Oh! And you
don't speak French, either, Phil.

Heh. That's true, too.

But why would you lie to me?

Well, it's--

Heh, 'cause you're cute.
I mean...

Keel, I got this one.

Oh, sorry.

So you made up
all this stuff

just to meet me?

No, I mean,
you are tall,

and you have
pretty eyes.

Your teeth
are really...

[rips]

I probably
deserved that.

And I deserve better.

I...

Well, I guess I blew that one.

Well, at least you were
finally honest with her.

We. Heh.

We were honest
with her.

Oh! I made $42.

Uh, plus 10%, which is...

So that's gonna be 52...

Come on.

No!

I'm all gross.

And me?

OK.

Manny, beat it!

I'm taking a 5.

So Pim, do you want
to go to lunch together?

Sorry, condition number 73--

no public lunching.

Oh, right.

Darnsky.

Oh!
Condition number 21--

no adding "sky"
to the end of any word.

Right.

Well, do you think
there's anything in there

about making doily hats?

I'm sure--I'm sure
there's something.

Doily hats?

Doily hats?

Doily hats?

It's not in here!

Yay!

Break out the safety scissors!