01x18 - Double Trouble

[bunniefuu]

Hope you're hungry.

[Phil] Morning.

Morning, sweetie.

Mom, mom, who's that
blonde girl over there,

making her lunch for the first time ever?

It can't be Pim.

Stick it up your nose.

Oh! No! It is Pim.

Jerry? You're making a sandwich for Jerry?

Mom, Pim's got a boyfriend.

No, I don't!

This is huge.

So, have you guys set
a date for a wedding?

Huh? Little advice.

Do it quick before he comes to his senses.

Mom, permission to sucker-punch Phil.

Pim, permission denied.

Phil, respect your sister's privacy.

If she wants to make a sandwich for a boy,
it's her business.

Butt out.

So, who's this Jerry?

Look, it's no big deal.

I just promised a kid a stupid sandwich,

2 side dishes, and the newspaper.

Where is the paper?

Your father's getting it.

Here she is.

Hot off the presses.

Honey, how come you're using

the invisible spray?

Didn't want the neighbors
to see me in my undies.

Couldn't you have spared us?

I'm outta here.

Ew.

Hey,

I didn't even get to read the funnies.

Don't worry, dad. Just look in the mirror.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now it's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future
He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

You're kidding me! Pim's first crush?

That's so sweet.

Sweet? It's-- it's mind-boggling.

I can't even begin to understand

what kind of guy she'd go for.

And she's being so secretive about it.

Of course. A girl's first crush is major.

It's taken me years to admit that...

My first crush was on...

Gaston from the lost and the lonely.

All I know is his name is Jerry.

Well, there's about a ton
of Jerrys at this school.

Yeah.

What about... Jerry Palmer?

No. No. Pim hates golf.

There's Jerry Singh.

Mm. I think Pim would walk
all over that guy.

What about... Jerry Thrash?

Funny. I think Pim would
walk all over him, too.

I've gotta find out.

The last thing a girl wants

is her brother poking around

in her personal life.

Yeah. You're probably right.

Look, I know you're curious, Phil,

but just stay out of it.

Ok.

See you later.

[machine hums]

This invisispray
sure comes in handy.

Ok. So far, so good.

Where's Pim?

Oh. There she is.

Hey!

Here's your sandwich, Jerry.

Peanut butter and jelly,

just the way you like it.

I hope it makes you barf.

What did you just say?

I said "larf."

It's been a while since I've had
a good larf.

Ha ha! Ha! Ha...

Can it.

I'm gonna want something salty tomorrow.

Score me some pretzels.

[school bell rings]

What are you looking at?

Pim, why didn't you tell me?

'Cause it's none of your business.

Wait.

Hi, Mr. Diffy. I'm Mandy teslow--

Keely's mom.

Hello. I'm Lloyd. C-Come on in.

Have I caught you at a bad time?

No. I was just giving myself a haircut.

I'm having the darnedest time

trying to even out my bangs.

Oh. Well, I won't keep you.

I'm just informing all the neighbors

that my lawn ornaments were stolen

from my front yard last night.

2 deer, a flamingo,
and a couple of gnomes.

2 deer, a flamingo, and a couple of
gnomes. Got it.

So if you see any suspicious
behavior in the hood,

you'll let me know.

Well, rest... Assured

there's nothing suspicious
going on around here.

You might want to try
the Mortons down the street.

-Mrs. Morton, she's got shift eyes.
-Shifty eyes?

Oh yeah. One lazy, one goes all
over the place

go check it out,
check for yourself. Bye bye.

Curtis...

You in here?

Listen, you can't be walkin' around
the house like that.

All right? The neighbor almost saw you.

Egata!

Aah! Hey!

Uhh!

Come on! Stop it! I'll get ya!

Ha ha ha. Oy-ya!

Ooh-chaga.

You never get tired of that one, do you?

Heh heh heh.

Why is it so dark in here?

Ooh. Ahh.

Ha ha!

Oh, no. Curtis, what have you done?

Tookoo.

This is all wrong. You can't keep these.

Tookoo.

No. No tookoo. No.

Look, when you stowed away
in the time machine,

we said you could make
your home here in the garage.

We didn't mean this.

This is stealing.
Do you understand?

Steal-ing.

-Nee-nee.
-Good.

Ogayda.

-Right. It's st--
-Oochitaka.

No, no. We are not playing hockey.

Look, as soon as it gets dark,

we have to put all this back

in Mandy Teslow's lawn.

You got that?

You understand? Deer put back.

Deer... go bye-bye.

Ok? Deer...

Eeeh.

Go bye-bye.

-Hu-die-die.
-Right. Yes.

Deer go die-die.

Right. Deer go bye-bye.

Yeah. Deer go bye-bye.

Deer go bye-bye.

Ba-deer go die-die.

No. No.

No!

Sa-dah-ha?

We are not dancing.

Here's your grape jam, Jerry.

[cell phone ringing]

Pim, don't hang up.

[sighs] Phil, I don't want
to talk about it.

Go away.

I know we don't always get along,

but it bothers me
that someone's hurting you.

I want to help.

Great. You can make
Jerry's sandwich tomorrow.

She likes the crust cut off.

Here's another thought:

Maybe tomorrow you don't make
her a sandwich.

You say to her, "I'd like to,

but I think it's time you learned
to make your own."

You don't know how it works

with bullies in this century, do you?

It's not like in 2121.

If you don't do what they say,

they sit on you.

The point is a lot of people talk tough,

but they don't always back it up.

Maybe you can reason with her.

Yeah, but what if she gets mad?

I'm your brother.

I got your back.

[growling]

Well?

Well, what?

Is that my sandwich?

"Is that my sandwich?"

I don't know what's goin' on
with you, Pim diffy,

but I'm really not sure that I like it.

Something wrong?

This isn't my sandwich.

And you're not getting one.

Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

Something the matter with that?

I--I guess not.

Didn't think so.

Now, run away before I lose it.

'Cause I can go off, Jerry.

Go off!

[barking]

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!

Ha ha ha ha!

Whoo! Gosh, that was satisfying.

Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, I think maybe the bark was
a little unnecessary.

So, uh, what's shakin' over here?

Oh. Hey.

Uh, Jerry was-- I hate to say it--

but bullying my little sister Pim,

so Pim told her that it was unacceptable.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Jerry's big brother, that's who.

And you know what?

I hate it when she cries.

Hate it.

See you later, bro.
Heh heh.

So, uh, what's your name, sport?

I, uh, I'm Phil Diffy.

"I'm, uh, Phil Diffy."

Ok, Phil, well, you know what?

You just made your way onto my organizer.

You know what? I feel like havin'

an egg salad sandwich for lunch tomorrow.

You're gonna make it for me.

[chuckles] You're kidding me, right, man?

Seriously, what's with
your family and sandwiches?

Tomorrow.

Lunch.

Phil, you gotta get out of here.

Myron's lookin' for you.

I'm right here.

See, Keely, I have a theory.

Bullies talk the talk,

but at the end of the day,
they got nothin'.

How do you know?

It worked with Jerry. She backed off Pim.

Oh. Hey, Myron.

How you doin'?

Oh. Diffy, Diffy, Diffy!

Here we are.

Let's see... One egg salad on wheat.

Hmm. Don't have it.

So, what's new? What's going on
in your life?

You have 3 seconds to cough up

that egg salad sandwich.

1... 2--

oh! I just remembered, Phil.

You gave me myron's sandwich to hold.

[quietly] I made you one just in case.

Ahem.

Phil added paprika.

Which I thought was a nice touch.

I love paprika. Mmm.

Huh.

Huh. Heh. Wow.
Did he just do that?

He did, didn't he? Let's see. Meet Diffy

in the downstairs rest room
tomorrow at 3:00.

You know, I'd schedule you in today,

but, uh, Harvey and I have a little
unfinished business.

Right, Harvey? Let's go, buddy.

Don't be late.

Heh. Yeah. See you later.

Phil! Wha--

Hmm?

Keely, stick with the theory.

These guys talk the talk,

but they never follow through.

[Myron] Hey, see ya!

Aah!

[crash]

Hang in there, Harvey.

There goes your theory.

[Harvey] I'm good. I'm ok.

Hello, Lloyd.

What brings you out at 10:30 at night?

Keely was at our house
studying last Thursday,

and she left this.

A pencil.

I think it's her pencil.

Won't you step under the porch light
and grab a better look?

Gee, this was worth hoppin' out of the tub

and slippin'
in the hallway for.

It's a number 2 pencil, and there are a
couple bite marks on there--

one here, and one over here.

You know, I don't know you very well,

Lloyd, so maybe you can tell me.

Is this normal behavior for you?

For me? Uh... No!

Yes. Yes, it is.

Look, I'm just concerned

the pencil get returned
to its rightful owner.

Kind of like your stolen ceramic deer,

which breaks very easily!

[bonk]

Oh, my! My lawn ornaments!

Surprise!

I found them in an unmarked dumpster
on the outskirts of town.

Lloyd, you sweet corn muffin.

Oh! Hee.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

You know, I don't remember having
a ceramic caveman.

Yeah. It's a gift...

For all that you've been through.

Oh, Lloyd, I so appreciate the gesture,

but I pride myself on my good taste,

and this is a little tacky.

Yeah. You're right.

I wanted the lumberjack,
but my wife said, "no!

Let's get the cheap, smelly caveman."

[sniffs]

Uhh! Was he in the dumpster, too?

Ok. Works for me.

Uhhh!

Unh! Unh!

Hah!

Wow. When'd you take up sculpting?

[muffled]

I have the most incredible urge

to unleash the abstract
expressionist within.

Well, the, uh...

Randomness infusion of... Shapes and...

Urgency is quite, uh...

Ahem... Overbearing.

Thank you, honey. [chuckles]

So. What's up?

Nothin'. It's just...

This guy at school I'm havin'
a problem with.

Myron?

Oh, uh, Pim... Told me.

Yeah. Myron. I don't know.

I guess we're havin' a little showdown

in the bathroom tomorrow. I don't
know what to do.

Well, have you tried talking to him?

Yeah. I did. It's j--

you can't reason with this guy.
He's inhuman.

Yeah, well, that's probably what everyone
at your school thinks.

But I bet if you dig a little deeper,

you'll find another side to myron,

a kinder side.

A kinder side.

Um... no.

[chuckles] I mean, look at your sister.

She's a little rough around the edges,
but she can be very sweet.

Well, I haven't seen that, but I'll take
your word for it.

Enjoy.

Mm-hmm.

[muttering unintelligibly]

Aah! Oh, I'm so sorry.

Tookoo.

Curtis, can we go now?

Tookoo.

Curtis, they're not even real.

For crying out loud.
You want some friends?

You gotta make some real ones.

Oh, my gosh. That's--

that's why you took
these things, isn't it?

'Cause you don't have any... Friends.

Curtis...

I will be your tookoo.

Hehh.

You like Mexican wrestling movies?

-Uhh!
-'Cause tomorrow,

you and I are gonna rent
about 6 of 'em.

Yahh!

[Mandy] Lloyd!

Get off my lawn,
and stop talkin' to yourself,

or I'll call the cops.

Right.

Take care. Got it.

Jerry. Jerry, you got a second?

Look, I quit picking on your kid sister.

All right? I even brought my own lunch.

No. It's not that.
I need you to settle a bet for me.

All right? I got a friend who says

that Myron's just plain mean and nasty.

I say he's got a sweet side.

Come on. Which one is it?

Is this because
he's gonna pound you today?

No. I just wanna know.

Has Myron ever been nice to anyone?

No.

And there's a sandwich in it for you.

Sold.

Myron was always nice to Cookie.

Cookie?

His pet rabbit. He loved him a lot.

Lived in the hutch with him for a while.

Hey, wait. There's more to the story!

Phil?

[gasps]

Hi.

What?

You're a little jumpy.

I know.

Phil, you don't have to do this.

I suppose I don't.

You think Myron's in there?

I don't know.

I guess I'm gonna find out.

[echoing] "Hey, Diffy,
can I have your locker?"

[boy] Say your prayers, Diffy!

Well, Myron, it's 3:01,

and you're not here.

My apologies, Diffy.

My, uh, 2:30 ran a little late.

Oh, hey, got a little toilet paper
stuck to your shoe.

Ha ha ha ha.

So, here we are.

Yep. Here we are.

You know, Diffy,
I don't usually do this,

but I'm gonna give you a second chance.

Got my egg salad?

No, Myron, I don't,

but I do have somethin' else for you.

Wh-why did you bring that?

I don't know.
I like rabbits.

I think they're
pretty cool.

Yeah.

Yeah. I had one once.

Really?

It ran away.

Why didn't you get another one?

I don't know. After it
ran away, I was mad,

and I-I don't know. I just stayed mad.

Well, you know, myron, you've become
something of a bully.

Yeah. My therapist says I'm acting out.

Whatever that means.

Well, uh... You want to take him home?

Yeah.

Yeah, if you--

yeah. Ohhh...

I think I'm gonna name him Cookie Jr.

Hey there, buddy.

He's a good little--

that didn't just happen.

No! This can't happen!

Diffy, this can't happen! Not again!

[girl screams]

There's cookie!

Here, let me give you a hand.

Get down, Phil!

Ooh, hey.

[Pim] Hang on!

[grunting] Cookie.

Hey, Myron, you mind
hurrying it up a bit?

It's gonna be ok.

[Pim] I hate bullies!

You fuzzy fox, I got ya.

Hold onto your socks, Myron.

Whoa!

Take that, bully boy.

Cookie, Cookie, are you ok?

Mwah. It's ok.

Daddy's here.

Time to cool you off, hothead.

Oh! Pim!

-Pim, let go of the hose.
-No way!

What the heck was that?

I feel like I just got hit

by an invisible linebacker.

I said let go of the hose!

Don't you--

attaboy, cookie. Mwah.

-Phil, let go.
-Diffy...

Are you gonna nail me with that?

No. No. I was... Wondering

maybe cookie wanted some water.

No. He's fine.

Aren't you, boy?

Hey, Phil, thanks.

Oh, no--no problem.

Well, see you later.

Yeah.

All right. Come on, where are you?

Come on, you don't have
to be embarrassed about this.

All right, so we
tease each other sometimes,

but I know... Deep down,

Pim Diffy has her brother's back.

Thanks, Pim.

Look, I just thought you might need
some muscle, ok?

Don't turn this into a soap opera.

Ok. Ok.

Hey, uh...

You're not gonna to spray me
with that, are you?

I'm thinkin' about it.

Well, don't.

Because--'cause then you'd ruin

a very nice brother/sister moment,

a moment that we would remember...

For the rest of our li--

Pim...

Huh. Why?

Because it's what I do.

[cackles]

Ha ha ha!

Well, Curtis, that was a real
barn-burner there.

I loved it when Pedro Con Queso

gave El Guapo the old
Kentucky crock pot.

Wow!

-Uhh!
-Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I gotta turn in.

Dah-dah-dah.

Hyuhh.

Curtis, please.

Bok, bok.

Ok, tookoo, let's cha-cha.

Aah!

[crashing]