01x21 - Team Diffy

[bunniefuu]

-Anything else for you, madame?
-No, thank you.

And for you, sir?

[grunts]

Come on, Curtis.

You can do it.

[Curtis grunts]

No...

Thank...

You.

Oh!

Very nice.

Phil, it's working!

Won't be long before we can take Curtis
to a restaurant!

Or the dumpster
behind a restaurant.

Yum, yum, yum, yum!

[Curtis grunts]

You got a little
something on your face.

Oh.

Thank you.

[grunting]

[burps]

No, thank you?

[buzzing]

I'm sorry. That's my bad.
I'm sorry.

No...

My bad.

Phil, what just happened?

I just got zapped by a wizard.

Pim! Pim, get out here
right now!

Pim! Pim!

Pim, where are you?

Pim, wh--

Andy Baxley?

What are you doing here?

Who cares what I'm
doing here, dill weed?

Is there anything to do
in this stupid town?

Phil, who is this guy,
and why's he got a wizard?

And why's he dissing our town?

Because this crummy town
is full of...

Pleasant architecture
and wide sidewalks.

How ya doin', Mr. Diffy?
Great to see you.

Andy Baxley!
Shiver me timbers!

Heh heh. Those are some great slacks, sir.
I gotta tell ya.

Well, thank you.

What a surprise!

Oh, my gosh.

That guy's a friend of yours
from the future?

He's from the future,

but he's no friend.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now it's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

Anyway, I was cruising back from the
1800s, and as I passed this century,

I ran a phase check,
and I noticed the signal

from your time machine's
sync generator.

We are so glad you stopped in,
aren't we, family?

Oh, glad isn't the word.
It's more like thrilled, isn't it, Lloyd?

Oh, we sure are.

So Andy, I noticed
you're driving the time flyer 2000.

That is one beautiful
time machine.

Graduation gift.

Top of my class.

Oh!

Congratulations.
It seats 4, doesn't it?

So what were you doing
in the 1800s anyway?

I was actually studying history
with Mr. Abraham Lincoln.

Heh heh. Nice guy,

but I try not
to stare at his mole.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I would so
stare at his mole.

I'm bad at that.

Uh, so why'd you folks decide to settle
down in this charming little century?

Well, I sort of--

[mumbles indistinctly]

Huh?

Andy, it's sort of a sore spot
with my husband,

but we're stuck here.

Why didn't I clean
the booster pump? Why?

I saw the flashing red light.
I thought we were out of wiper fluid.

I'm sorry! How many times do I
have to say I'm sorry?

[sighs]

Man, that's terrible.

Listen, nobody has the guts to say
what they're thinking,

so I'll say it.

We need a ride home.

Hey! It's no big deal.

I can give you guys a lift
back to the big 2-1-2-1.

Ha! Are you sure?

He's sure. He's sure.
He's taking us back to the future!

Thank you, Andy Baxley.
Thank you!

Um, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ha ha ha!

Sweetie, sweetie,
stop kissing his hand.

Sweetie!

Andy, on behalf
of my family, we thank you.

And while you're here,
we are at your service.

If there's anything
we can get you--

more food, leather goods--

oh, uh, is there anymore
cranberries left?

[both] Of course there is.

Ah, thank you! Ha ha!

Step on it, Phil.

Son, hop to it with
the crannies. Let's go.

Um, I'll help.

Hurry up! Chop chop!

Yeah, Phil, hop to!

Andy, keep this
on the down low,

but out of Phil's friends,

you've always been
one of my favorites.

You know what?
I sensed it.

You mean I can come
to the future, too?

Yeah, totally.

Time travel's fast.

We can visit each other after lunch,

during school...

It's not like
I'm moving.

It's just like we
have different classes.

You think I'll like it?

Absolutely. Heh.

You won't believe
how far mankind has progressed.

In sciences, medicines...

They have malls?

90 stories tall.

I can handle it.

[slurping]

I know you said Andy's
not a friend of yours,

but he seems
like a cool guy.

Keely, let me tell you
a little something about Andy Baxley.

See, Andy's got 2 sides to him.

[slurping]

One that's mean and nasty...

[growls]

And the other
that's nasty and mean.

[slurps]

Ew. You got another can?

No, and he wants
his Cranberries,

he's gonna get 'em.

Ew.

[bell ringing]

Hang on.

Let me save you
a trip back here.

"A," "B," whatever.

True, false, whatever.

Don't know, don't know,

greater than, less than,

don't know, don't care.

F.Y.I., I won't
be hanging around

this stupid school
after this weekend.

And before I leave,

I just wanted you to know

your lectures are boring.

And it wouldn't k*ll you
to do a few sit-ups.

So what's there to do in this
rinky-stink town, guys?

Pickford may be small,
but there's lots to do.

Yeah, lots.

Like mini-golf.

Yeah, though there's
only one hole now.

A dr*fter moved
into the windmill

and started
raising chinchillas.

Yeah,
but it's a great hole.

You go like this, like that, you go
down a thing, bam!

You have to bank it.

Would you guys
just clamp it?

OK? Your lameness
is k*lling my soul.

Heh. I'm thinking
it's time for a little wizard action.

-Heh heh heh.
-Wait, what are you gonna do?

Relax, choirboy.

Ha ha ha ha!

Who's got the whitest teeth
in Pickford?

Why, you do,
Mayor DaLuca! You do!

Hey there, Mayor DaLuca.
What's shaking?

Hello, Phil, Keely,
and future voter.

I'm Johnny DaLuca,

the mayor who will
Luca out for you.

Oh, ha ha ha!

You get it? Luca out?

I'm on a roll.

Sir, you're
a double threat--

good looking and funny.

I like this guy.
Him I like.

I hope you're
staying around

for the big unveiling of
the Friar Fred statue.

Ooh, can I have
a sneak peak?

No, Keely, I'm afraid you're
gonna have to wait

just like
everybody else.

So who is Friar Fred,
your Honorable Mayorness?

Well, future voter,

friar Fred founded
the Pickford Mission.

Yeah, he was
one crazy guy...

For a friar.

Oh, gotta run.

I've gotta get
my tan sprayed on for tomorrow.

Ha ha ha ha!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah...

[buzzing]

Aw, chunks!

Look away, kids.
Look away!

Hee hee ha ha ha!

Andy, you just
pantsed our mayor!

So what? He handled it better
than Abraham Lincoln did.

You may want to
chill out, all right?

Chill out?

I'm just getting
warmed up.

In fact, I'm
thinking you and I

got big plans
for Friar Fred tomorrow.

Heh heh!

I don't think so.

All right?
You can count me out.

Phil, you know,
you're pretty sassy

for a guy whose family
is depending on me

for a ride home.

What are you saying?

What, if I don't do
your stupid prank,

you're not taking us
back to 2121?

Your friend's pretty smart.

Well, he has
an A-average.

[Keely] Heh. Yeah.

Look...

I'm firing up
the time flyer 2000,

and I'm leaving
this lame century.

You in or you out?

I'm out.

Hmm. Well...

Good luck
telling your folks.

I promised your dad
he could ride shotgun.

Ha ha ha!

[grunting]

Hey, good boy!

All right, gimme.

Let it go.
Let it go!

Ah, good boy.

Ha ha!
Now, this time,

I'm gonna throw it
really, really far.

-OK?
-[grunts]

All right.

All right...

Go get it, doofus!

[glass shatters]

[cat screeches]

You doofus.

Hey, Andy?

Oh, hey!

So how'd your parents take the news that
they're staying here?

Uh, I didn't tell 'em.

Look, whatever prank
you want me to pull tomorrow,

count me in.

Good.

You know, you're
just like your caveman.

I tell you
to do something,

and you behave.

Oops.

My bad.

Doofus.

[snickers]

And then,
in third grade...

[whack]

Andy put plutonium in
the teacher's desk drawer

and blamed me.

[whack]

The teacher
grew another head,

and I had to stay
after school for a week.

[whack]

Phil, you're
obviously upset.

You always crack nuts
when you're upset.

Keel, just give me
another walnut.

I'm not upset.

That is not a walnut!
That's a Brazil nut!

Come on, Keely, get
your head in the game!

I guess Andy is
getting to me.

Phil, relax.

You don't have to sabotage the statue
of Friar Fred.

He means a lot
to this town.

Keel, I don't
have a choice.

All right?

Either I go with the plan,

or muttonhead doesn't bring my family
back to the future.

I think you should talk to your parents
about this.

I can't.

They were so happy
about going back home.

I'm not gonna
ruin it for them.

-[sighs] But--
-No buts.

All right?

Now hand me a fistful of filberts.

I'm getting steamed again.

[whacking]

Ah! Eeh!

By the time
you see this video,

I will be far away--

100 years in the future.

Unfortunately, I--

Curtis!

Curtis, are you
playing with the zoom?

Zoom! Ha ha!

No zoom.

No zoom.

Unfortunately,
I ran out of time,

and I didn't get
to say good-bye to everybody,

so let's kick it
with one very special lady.

Debbie Berwick.

Debbie. Heh.

Debbie, Debbie,
Debbie, Debbie--

Curtis!

-Cool it.
-[mutters]

Debbie, the fact that
you think everything is rosy

makes me sick.

[mocking]
I'm Debbie Berwick,

and the world
is a happy place!

Another happy day!

Oh, look!

It is my happy moustache!

[grunts]

And a happy boil on my nose!

And my happy unibrow!

Ah...

Pretty.

Curtis!

[grunts]

And a happy hair
growing out of my ears!

Eh...

Figures the good city
of Pickford

would be founded
by a dork like him.

Yeah, yeah, OK.

Look, let's just get this over with,
all right?

What's the big plan?

You gonna
put a wig on him?

Let's try thinking outside of this
century, OK, Diffy?

[buzzes]

Ha ha ha ha ha!

That's--
that's hysterical.

Hey, I'm not done yet.

"To the good people of Pickford."

Nah, that's not good.

Let me change this up a little bit.

[buzzes]

[Phil] Picknose.

Ha ha ha.
They're picking.

Clever. Yeah.

Funny guy.

Yeah, so I'm thinking
your boy Friar Fred

might look good in some
high heeled shoes.

No, I--heh.
I don't think so.

[buzzes]

What are you doing,
Diffy?

We finally got a chance to make fun of
these mouth-breathing yahoos.

Hey! I am one of these
mouth-br--breathe--

whatever, all right?
Look, I live here, too,

and this guy's
important to us.

Well, that's just
too bad, isn't it?

[buzzes]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[buzzes]

What?

[buzzes]

[buzzes]

[buzzes]

[buzzes]

[buzzes]

[buzzes]

[buzzes]

Run!

You're gonna pay
for this, Diffy!

[echoing] No!

[buzzes]

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Hold that thought.

Make sure this tape
gets to the school,

and tell them it's for the Monday
morning announcements.

And here.
Get yourself a haircut.

You look like
a dang hippie.

Uh, I really don't know whether I should
come to you with this.

I'll leave.

I'm sorry to bother you.

No, I'm here.

I'll say what's on my mind.

Ahem.

Heh. No--

Come on. Spit it out.

It's about Andy.

He's mean.

He's not mean.

What do you mean he's mean?

Keely, honey, we've known Andy's
parents for years.

He's a nice kid.

Well, that nice kid
is making Phil do some prank

on the Friar Fred statue!

Wait, wait, wait
just a doggone minute.

I refuse to believe
that Andy would do anything unsavory

to the father of
our town, Friar Fred.

[crash]

[panting]

Honey, Fred needs
a glass of water.

My fellow Pickfordians--

or is it Pickfordites?

We can never seem
to agree on what it is.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Anyway, thanks
to the generosity

of Cornelius Bowdry--

Corn...

It gives me great pleasure

to unveil the statue of
our illustrious forebearer,

pathfinder, teacher,

leader of men...

Phil Diffy.

Sheesh!

That's not a friar.

[gasps]

I--hey, Mrs. Diffy!

Great to see you.
I love this knitting.

Put a sock in it,
you weasel.

My son's been statuefied.

Ow. [gasps]

Phil, hang in there, buddy.

We're gonna get you
out of here

as soon as
everyone leaves.

Son, why didn't you come
talk to us about this?

Now, I know you're
a statue right now,

but can you
tell me something

to let me know
you're getting all this?

Oh, the silent
treatment, huh?

Fine, 2 can play
at that game.

Oh, you are
your mother's son.

I am so sorry,
Mr. and Mrs. Diffy.

I guess I went a little overboard
with that last stunt.

Andy, don't
beat yourself up about it.

Oh, no, Mr. Diffy.
I mean it.

I mean, you guys fed me

and put me up
for a couple of days,

and I repay you
by freezing Phil.

What's that about?

My leg's still numb.

Anyway, it'll
never happen again.

I promise.

Andy, you realize we're gonna have
to tell your parents

about this when we
get back to 2121.

Oh, yes.

In fact, I insist on it.

[sighs]

If it's OK with you,
Mr. and Mrs. Diffy,

I'd like to
give myself a time out.

You're a stand-up guy, Andy.

Time out?

I don't trust that guy.

[Lloyd]
Phil, don't go there.

I think I may have been
the first person

to actually
get through to Andy.

I guess
it's a gift I have.

Sweetie, I'm glad
we got through all of this.

We're Diffys.
We stick together.

[humming]

What's that?

Sounds like
a time machine.

No, that was just Curtis
blow drying his hair.

If it was
a time machine,

there'd be a bright,
flashing orange light.

[louder humming]

Then a Sonic shimmy.

Andy left.

[whoosh]

Phil, way to go.

This is all your fault.

Yeah.

Yeah, it probably is.

Look, we all wanted
to get back home,

but we have each other,

and that's all
we really need.

[Barbara chuckles]

I think we also really need to get this
guy back to the park.

[Pim] Let's go, Freddie.

Snap it up! Snap it up!

Andale! Andale!

Go on! Hyah!

[bell ringing]

[Intercom] And finally,
we've just received

a video message
from one of our students.

Oh, no. Stop the tape!

Don't play that tape!

[TV] Hi, I'm
Debbie Berwick,

and the world
is a happy place.

Look, another happy day!

Uh, hello!

I see you've met
that evil twin of mine.

What is she up to now?

[TV] Happy boil on my nose!

And my happy unibrow!

Hey, uh, you guys
wouldn't really be upset--

Oh, ah!

[bell rings]

Ah...

That's old school.

So what's there to do in this
rinky-stink century?

My bad. I'm sorry.

Sir, you're a double threat.

Good looking--

Wow.

[bell rings]

[woman] And Mark.

Oh, you are your
mother's son, aren't ya?

Come on, something!

[chuckling]

[Lloyd]
You are your...

Mother's son.

You are the son of your...

You are...

♪ That saved ♪

♪ A wretch ♪

♪ Like me ♪

-Heh.
-[bell rings]

[Andy] And I'm leaving
this lame century.

You in or you out?

I'm out.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Anything else for you?

That is not a Brazil nut!

That's a-- [grunts]