02x05 - Tia, Via, or Me... Uh

[bunniefuu]

No, Tia, you hang up first.

No, you.

Keely?

Oh. I'll be right with you.

No, you hang up first.

[speed dialing]

Hold on a second.
I have another call.

[beep]

Hello?

Hang up, woman!

[beep]

Ok, Tia, for real this time.



Tia?

[dial tone]

She actually hung up.

I can't believe Tia moved away.

You guys were like sisters.

Did a lot of stuff together.

Just practically everything.

Stuff that some of your other friends
might not like to do.

Tell me about it.

Stuff that your other friends might
even find embarrassing.

I know.

Lucky for me I have you.

Lucky me.

Oh.

Is this stuff supposed to burn?

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday Through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now he's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

Ever since Tia moved away,

Keely's been using me to do all the things
she used to do with her.

That's nice. You get
to spend more time together.

Honey, can you open this for me?

No, you don't get it.

I'm talking about
seeing chick flicks and buying makeup

and going shopping for clothing.

I now own at least 3 halter tops.

Well, you don't have to
buy them, Phil.

Well, when she buys one,
I get one half off.

I'd be crazy not to.

Nothin' wrong with a man gettin' in touch
with his feminine side.

Women like a man who's sensitive

and can appreciate
the things that they enjoy.

Yes, but don't forget,
a woman wants a man to be strong.

How you comin'
with that jar, honey?

It's almost there, sweetie.

A man should be tough
and rugged and masculine.

Honey?

It's no use.

The sucker's stuck shut.

Mmm, peaches.

I loosened it.

What you workin' on, big differ?

Nothin'.

Mm-hmm.

Hey! Give me that!

"Shop for shoes, have nails done,
get hair extensions"?

You got a big date or somethin'?

It's my list of things
I refuse to do ever again.

I'm giving it to Keely.

I mean, I understand
it's hard not having Tia around,

but a guy's gotta
draw the line somewhere.

Oh, absolutely. Mm-hmm.

Oh, and when
she bursts into tears

because you've crushed
her fragile Keely heart,

you just tell her the "o" dog
is available.

[English accent] Whoops.
This isn't the science lab.

Really?

'Cause I'm sensin'
a little chemistry.

I'm sensing some
toxic pickup lines.

Ignore him. This is
the broadcast lab.

Sorry. It's my first day.

You a transfer student?

Yeah. My dad's in the Royal Navy.

The English one?

Uh, anyway,
we move around a lot.

It's kind of hard
to make friends.

No, it isn't. You just made two.

I'm Phil.

Smooth-talker here is Owen.

As in, "o-wen did this guy
get so handsome?"

Or, "o-wen will this guy
give it a rest?"

Uh, well, I'm Via.

Olivia, actually,
but I like Via.

I like Via, too.

[bell rings]

Oops, gotta run. Don't want to miss
cheerleading practice.

He's a cheerleader?

No.

[Owen] Lookin' good, Keel!

Hey, Phil, don't forget we're going
shopping together after school.

Keely, look,

I think there are certain things

that you're better off
doing with another...

Via!

Via, have you met Keely?
Keely? Via.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I bet you two have a ton
in common together.

Really?

Oh, yeah. You guys
are gonna be good friends.

The kind of friends
that are gonna want to do

a lot of girl-based
things together.

Like what?

Like getting your hair done.

I cut mine myself.

Buying scented candles?

My dad doesn't allow them.

He's allergic to femininity.

Painting and glazing
ceramic bunnies?

Ew.

[sigh]

Oh, well.

Uh, don't forget... mall, later.

Yeah, can't wait
for that shoe sale.

Shoe sale?

Yeah.

Yes! Yes! Shoe sale!

Big shoe sale! Huge shoe sale!

What are you looking for?

Stackers pumps, black over pink,

round toe, quarter-inch.

Huh?

With a vintage-style mesh
and a silk Rose on the strap?

Yeah, and no rubber
on the heels...

[both] So they
click when you walk!

Oh!

I saw them on-line.
I almost died.

I did die.
I totally passed away.

My ghost had to dial 911.

Come on!

Yes!

I just tore up my history notes.

[beeping]

Hey, honey, what are you doing?

Since it doesn't look like we're
going to leave

this Podunk century any time soon,

I figure I might as well unpack and
find some furniture.

Well, it's only taken 10 months,

but that's wonderful.

Welcome to the family.

Hey, how cool is this?

[beeps, whirring]

Oh, honey, you can't have any
of this furniture.

It doesn't exist yet.

I know that, Mom.

They're made to order.

"Allow 6 to 8
business seconds for delivery."

Actually, Pim, allow 110 years.

These things won't exist
until next century.

I am so painfully
ahead of my time.

Saturday, Keely went
to the mall to buy new shoes.

Guess who went with her?

Hmm. Her bestest
girlfriend Phil?

Nope. Via.

And then on Sunday,
she went to the hairdresser

to experiment with highlights.

You know who went with her?

Via! Ha ha!

And then yesterday,
she spent 3 hours

searching for a new sweater.

Guess who went with her?

Via.

No. Her mom, then they met up with Via

to rent Lost Pony 2.

Wait, that pony got lost again?

I'm a genius.

That's for introducing me to Via.

I get a kiss every time I introduce
you to a girl.

What's your name?
Have you met Keely?

Hey, Jenna.

Well, hey, there, Jenna.

Where you goin'?
Owen's this way!

So I was thinking
today after school,

you come over, do a little
wertz-a-gaggling.

I know of a cool place.

Oh, I'd love to,
but I already have plans.

Guess who with?

Via?

Yeah, and tomorrow night,
guess who's sleeping over?

- Via.
- Yeah.

And on Saturday,
I'm going to a movie.

Let me guess... with Via.

No, my mom.

But then we're meeting Via.

Oh. Hey, Via! Wait up!

Ok! I know how important a bedroom
is to a young girl.

You want it to be cool,
hip, dare I say groovy?

So my gift to you,
my blossoming flower,

an exact replica of the bedroom
I had at your age.

Go.

And, just like
when I was your age,

I combined a light refractor

with a hologram originator,

set it on a timer, and...

Aah!

I have it set to "rainbow"
every 5 minutes.

You can make it
every 2 if you want.

This is bringing it all back.

If we're talking about lunch,

me, too.

[line rings]

Hey, this is Via.

Keely can't come
to the phone right now

'cause her toenails are drying.

Sorry! So leave
a message after the beep.

[beep]

I love your accent.

How would you say like "fault"?

Fault!

Oh!

My chips!

I'll give you mine!

Look.

[giggling]

Hello, Via?

Hello, Keely.

For some reason,
I think I'm gonna get another glass.

Ahem.

Yeah.

[rustling noise]

- Aah!
- Aah!

What are you doing?!

[Irish accent]
What do you think I'm doin'?

I'm lookin' for me pot o' gold.

Aren't you a little tall to be
a leprechaun?

I'm tall for my age,

and I don't need you
pointin' it out,

thanks very much.

Now where's me gold?

There's no gold in here!

There has to be.

You've got all the rainbows!

You've got all the rainbows!

Rainbows...

Rainbows...

Rainbows.

Oh. It was just a dream.

You nodded off
there for a moment.

Now snap to it!

I want me gold!

Aah!

[scream echoes]

Would you quit doin' that?!

You're scarin' the green
right out of me.

How many times
do I have to wake up

from this nightmare
before it's over?



Fine!

You know, I'm sorry I haven't been
spending time with you.

Oh, it's ok.

Because I really value
your friendship.

I value yours.

I mean, sure, at first,

just because you were the only one
I could talk to

about future stuff, but now,

I mean, you're the only one I really
want to talk to

about... About anything.

I mean, you're
like my best friend.

[Lloyd] I don't think
this is workin', Phil.

That kinda felt a little weird.

Yeah.

Back to work.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No! Put that down!

Turn the TV on. It's way better.

It's like a book that talks.

Yeah, but my book
isn't always trying to sell me things.

Hey, we live in
the 21st century, Phil.

Life can't be perfect.

Heh!

You still upset about Keely?

Well, she spends all her time
with the new girl Via,

and I'm the one
that hooked them up.

I bet you're blowin' this
way out of proportion.

I got an idea.

You know, the northern lights

are gonna be visible
over Greenland tonight.

Best view's from
the northeast corner.

I was thinking about
surprising your mom

and skyaking on over there,

but why don't you take Keely?

I... I don't know, Dad.

No. Trust me.
You'll have a great time.

You know, I remember,
that was the first time I...

I got your mom to kiss me.

Take mine. It's got leather.

[snickers]

Hey!

Hey.

I know you probably have plans
with Via later...

So there's probably no chance
that you're free...

But I thought maybe I'd ask you

if you wanted to do something
really cool after school.

I know its last minute
and everything.

Sure. Sounds great.
What are we doin'?

Really? Heh!

Um... It's a surprise.

Be at my house at 4:30?

Cool.

I love surprises.

Owen, my friend,
things are lookin' up.

Guess who I have plans with later?

Via.

No. No, Keely.

Keely and Via.

No. J-Just Keely.

Why? What happened to Via?

Nothing happened to Via.

It's just me and Keely,
Keely and me,

just the two of us.
Is that so hard to believe?

Hey, Phil.

Hey, Owen.

- Hey, Via.
- Hi.

Jammin' on the shoes.

Thank you.

Um, listen, I have to take a make-up
science test during lunch.

[sniffing] Will you tell Keely
to meet...

- To, uh, meet me at my house at 4:30?
- Why?

Oh, it's the last day
of the street fair

in the Pickwick Discount District.

All clothes
are gonna be on sale.

She's gonna freak.

Yeah?

There goes my plans with Keely.

Well, it's a shame there aren't 2 Keelys

'cause then one could go with Via

and you could hang
with the other one.

Actually, it's a shame
there aren't 3 Keelys

'cause then I could get one.

That's it: 2 Keelys.

Except that would be impossible,

defying the current laws of physics,

not to mention,
the mysteries still unsolved

in cloning.

Yeah.

Whatever you say,
Dr. Frankendiffy.

Just be sure to watch out
for those angry villagers, hmm?

Heh! Villagers. Yeah, angry.

[beeping]

Hey, how's it going?

Are we still on at 4:30?

Uh, yeah. Actually,
I was just coming in

to see if you wanted to
change it to 4:35.

Yeah. Sure.

Well, I gotta get back to work.

It also outshines the flagpole
at Hanson Town High.

Bring it on, Hanson Town High!

What do you think of this shot?

Does it make my ears
look crooked?

No.

Perfectly symmetrical.

Awesome.

Well, see you at 4:35.

Right.

Nice.

Hello, Phil.
Hey, there. All right,

now what I need you to do

- is go to the street fair...
- I love the street fair.

- With Via.
- I love Via.

While I take Keely,
the real Keely, skyaking.

I love skyaking.

Yes, but you're going
to the street fair.

I love the street fair.

Ohh!

Pillows.

[ding-dong]

Hey, Keely. Come on. Let's go.

I'm really looking forward to
going to the street fair

and exchanging cash for clothing.

Ok! Before we go in,

I just want to warn you
I made a few changes.

Unlike you, I don't have pink frosting
running through my veins,

and, like you said,
the room should reflect who I am.

It needs to reflect
my dreams, my personality,

and now I think it does.

[shakes door handle]

[rattling]

[bleep]

Identity confirmed.

- [buzz]
- [click]

Pim!

This looks like the headquarters

for a malevolent dictator
eager to dominate the world!

I'm home!

Try again.

But, Mom!

[door slams]

Where we going?

To see a little bit
of specialness

I like to call...

The northern lights.

No way!

Is this leather?

Mm.

Hold on.

Aw.

I remember the first time we saw
the northern lights.

I believe that was
when we shared our first kiss.

I'm such a sucker
for meteorological phenomena.

Really? I didn't know.

I love this shirt.

Seriously?

I love this shirt.

Um, well, maybe
you should try it on.

Not here.

You're really tripping today, Keely.

Hello there.

This has gotta be the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.

Me, too.

[cell phone rings]

[ring]

It's Via.

- Oh, don't get that. Uh...
- [ring]

The roaming charges
will k*ll ya.

Hey, V.

Could you hold on a sec? Thanks.

Via wants to know where I went.

Apparently, she left me
by the changing area,

and I disappeared.

Oh h*. You are gonna think
this is so funny.

Ha ha. h* h*.

You're making this sound
so much worse than it is.

You replicated me!

Shh! Shh!

And without my permission!

It was the only way to get you to
spend time with me.

I think it's up to me
who I spend my time with.

Besides, you're the one
who introduced me to Via.

Yeah, only so I wouldn't
have to do things with you.

You introduced me to Via
so you wouldn't have to do things with me?

No, no, no, no, no, no.
Not like that. I...

Just the girl stuff.

Come on, I mean,
ever since Tia left,

you've been using me to do all the things
you used to do with her.

I don't wanna be
your girlfriend.

I wanna be your boyfriend.

I... I mean,

your friend that's a boy. A guy.

You know, a guy friend.

So why didn't you just say that?

I didn't know how to tell you.

Phil, you can tell me anything.

I'm your girlfriend.

I... I... I... I mean,
a girl who's a friend.

You know, a gal... a gal friend.

There you are.

I've been looking
for you everywhere.

Did you look over by
the wind chime lady?

Yes.

Uh, how about over
at the kettle corn?

Yes.

What about over
at the ceramic bunnies?

Uh, no.

That's where I was.

I love flowers. I love my hair.
I love my earrings.

I love my necklace.

I'll be right back.

I love the shirt.
I love the street fair.

Hi, Phil. It is so not true

that men are bad listeners.

He's a mannequin.

And I'm a replicate.
Can you imagine

how well-behaved our kids will be?

I mean, all day, just like this.

Hold that pose.

[beeping]

Whoa!

Oh. I was just...

Whoa, that's some shirt.

Apparently, I picked this out.

Her exact words...
"I love this shirt."

I love it, too.

Good. 'Cause guess
who's gonna pay for it?

[laughs] Now this is nice. I approve.

This is a wonderful
environment for sleeping

and doing your homework
and playing with friends. Mwah.

[door closes]

[buzz]

And ruling the world.

[computer beeping]

[sinister laugh]